LGBTAI+ Questions and Discussion thread IV 2b or not 2b?

[Jormengand]

A couple of questions:

Is there somewhere I can go to find out some rough numbers on how common trans people are in the tabletop community? I'd use a search engine, but it seems like too vague a question to get any decent results, and this thread seems to have some decently-informed people in it.

Googling it does seem to suggest there's a correlation between being trans and playing TTRPGs, but I can't find any real numbers.

I doubt it's okay on this site, but are there sites I could visit to ask more... explicit questions regarding physical intimacy involving trans people? I don't want to smut up the thread or anything, but I doubt porn is a good place to start looking.

And don't, like, jump me for my ignorance or something and give me some condescending reply like "They do it the same way you do" or whatever. I'm looking for either information or a person who can point me toward information, not "Why don't you already know everything about this"-type dismissal.

If you want to ask me questions on Skype I can give you my username, or we can set up an IRC chat to talk about it.

[The Extinguisher]

A couple of questions:

Is there somewhere I can go to find out some rough numbers on how common trans people are in the tabletop community? I'd use a search engine, but it seems like too vague a question to get any decent results, and this thread seems to have some decently-informed people in it.

I doubt it's okay on this site, but are there sites I could visit to ask more... explicit questions regarding physical intimacy involving trans people? I don't want to smut up the thread or anything, but I doubt porn is a good place to start looking.

And don't, like, jump me for my ignorance or something and give me some condescending reply like "They do it the same way you do" or whatever. I'm looking for either information or a person who can point me toward information, not "Why don't you already know everything about this"-type dismissal.

Kay but i dont think theres any place where you can get a generalized answer on that. Trans people are a wide variety of people who all enjoy physical intimacy in different ways, same as cis people. We quite literally "do it the same way you do"
I dunno I guess if you had a specific question I could answer in a PM but I can really only speak for myself there.

Not trying to be dismissive or anything just saying that youre not going to get a universal answer

[Icewraith]

A couple of questions:

Is there somewhere I can go to find out some rough numbers on how common trans people are in the tabletop community? I'd use a search engine, but it seems like too vague a question to get any decent results, and this thread seems to have some decently-informed people in it.

I doubt it's okay on this site, but are there sites I could visit to ask more... explicit questions regarding physical intimacy involving trans people? I don't want to smut up the thread or anything, but I doubt porn is a good place to start looking.

And don't, like, jump me for my ignorance or something and give me some condescending reply like "They do it the same way you do" or whatever. I'm looking for either information or a person who can point me toward information, not "Why don't you already know everything about this"-type dismissal.

Google your question or what you think a blog post or webpage article that answers your question would be titled. If you get a bunch of porn use filters, but I'll be shocked if you don't find more or less what you're looking for within the first three pages. If you have a question, usually someone else on the internet has already asked it.

[AmberVael]

Is there somewhere I can go to find out some rough numbers on how common trans people are in the tabletop community? I'd use a search engine, but it seems like too vague a question to get any decent results, and this thread seems to have some decently-informed people in it.

Even numbers on general trans demographics are shaky. It's possible you could find some information out there, but I doubt anyone has done any kind of rigorous study, so I'd treat any statistics with skepticism. That said, I'd definitely place a bet on the tabletop community having a higher percentage of trans individuals than the general population; there's a lot of reasons for trans people to find it appealing.
Right now the generally used number puts us at about 0.6% of the general population. The estimate before that was 0.3% of the general population. So... yeah. Treat any number with skepticism. If you just want a ballpark figure, 1 in 100 probably won't steer you too far wrong, and it'll be easy to keep in the head.

I doubt it's okay on this site, but are there sites I could visit to ask more... explicit questions regarding physical intimacy involving trans people? I don't want to smut up the thread or anything, but I doubt porn is a good place to start looking.

And don't, like, jump me for my ignorance or something and give me some condescending reply like "They do it the same way you do" or whatever. I'm looking for either information or a person who can point me toward information, not "Why don't you already know everything about this"-type dismissal.

I can't help so much on sites, but the first thing I'd highlight with super shiny marker is that individuals pursue their sexuality in very, very different ways. Internet probably makes that clear enough. Different trans people are going to have different desires and ways of realizing those desires, and so you'll get far more useful information from asking individuals for their preferences given just how much variation there is out there. That said, I'd note that the relatively common occurrence of dysphoria can definitely make things weird. After all, discomfort with your own body can incur certain limits or taboos based on that discomfort. Simple analogy - if you're bruised, you may not want people poking your bruise. The severity or even existence of these limits can differ from person to person, but it is absolutely something to be conscious of.

[WarKitty]

I might take a look at some of the sex education forums for the latter question. Scarleteen tends to be a good place.

[Coidzor]

Is there somewhere I can go to find out some rough numbers on how common trans people are in the tabletop community? I'd use a search engine, but it seems like too vague a question to get any decent results, and this thread seems to have some decently-informed people in it.

No one has actually studied this AFAIK, so you'd have to be involved with setting up a methodology to try to get a representative sample of players in order to survey them if you really wanted to get any kind of idea beyond what we know of the proportion of the general population, which is kinda shaky as has been pointed out..

I doubt it's okay on this site, but are there sites I could visit to ask more... explicit questions regarding physical intimacy involving trans people? I don't want to smut up the thread or anything, but I doubt porn is a good place to start looking.

I'm sure that at least one of the transgender related subreddits over on reddit deal with NSFW subject matter. r/asktransgender, r/lgbt, r/transgender would be places to start looking for them in the FAQs/sidebars/sister subreddits lists.

I recall that it came up in the sister LGBTAI+ thread within the past 48 hours that there are different concerns when it comes to fitting a bra for a trans woman vs. a cis woman.

[Delicious Taffy]

That'll teach me to ask after information that doesn't exist.

[Sobol]

Would you guys date someone in the closet if you are out?

And the person is not going to get out of it anytime soon.

Yes. Wouldn't mind keeping secret my relationship with a girl, too, if she asked.

That

If there is talking about gay in public I'm going to say some homophobic things.

is too much, though.

[Luz]

Yes. Wouldn't mind keeping secret my relationship with a girl, too, if she asked.

That

is too much, though.

I guess it's too much to ask. Oh well back to loneliness I guess.

[Coidzor]

I guess it's too much to ask. Oh well back to loneliness I guess.

I mean, you could wean yourself off of this need to be actively and rabidly as homophobic and hurtful as humanly possible when there's not even anyone putting you on the spot to act in such a way.

It would be better for you in the long run, regardless of your relationship status.

[Recherché]

I guess it's too much to ask. Oh well back to loneliness I guess.

You could also take your mom and run to somewhere less toxic. Get out of the environment that's actively driving you towards suicide and is making long term relationships all but impossible.

[Luz]

I mean, you could wean yourself off of this need to be actively and rabidly as homophobic and hurtful as humanly possible when there's not even anyone putting you on the spot to act in such a way.

It would be better for you in the long run, regardless of your relationship status.

I guess that's true, it's just so hard, I can't help but think everyone suspects of me. And it's not as bad as I made it sound, I just say things like "Yeah it's a sin" or "I don't care about what they do I just don't want them near me" or "I don't think they should adopt children since, poor kid right?" Not "Gays should be put to death." "They are abominations" "Disgusting" or that sort of thing.

Most of time is not even me who says the stuff, I just nod and agree.

You could also take your mom and run to somewhere less toxic. Get out of the environment that's actively driving you towards suicide and is making long term relationships all but impossible.

She doesn't want to leave, she was the one who build the house they are living in, and it was mostly her money.

And about my "Ex" I don't think he will tell anyone anymore, turns out he is bi, and is already going out with another professor from another campus. :X

Guess I really was just a little distraction, it sucks that I let my guard down. I will try to not let that happen again.

But still he may do it just for the kicks. I hate my life.

[Merellis]

I actually don't blame the guy for getting tired of that and wanting to break up.

I could live with those rules if, AND ONLY IF, there was a deadline to when these rules would fall away.

Otherwise it's not healthy for either person within that relationship.

[golentan]

I actually don't blame the guy for getting tired of that and wanting to break up.

I could live with those rules if, AND ONLY IF, there was a deadline to when these rules would fall away.

Otherwise it's not healthy for either person within that relationship.

I'm a bisexual man, and the reason I mostly only refer to my first boyfriend is because of what happened to the second.

I invited him up to my room after a date which I thought had gone well hiking around the woods. He said that sounded great, but what about my roommates? I said they wouldn't mind, got my own bedroom, and they're cool people who I KNOW are LGBT friendly. He got alarmed, not only that my friends might know he was gay, but that they knew I was bi, and started talking about ways that we could backpedal that to keep our relationship an absolute secret. It got into some really insulting stuff that I can't repeat on this board even if I wanted to.

So I told him not to worry about it, there wasn't a relationship for him to have to hide anymore.

[Shamash]

Can anyone here recommend a good lgbt movie that has no drama? No suffering, just normal gay people being normal gay people in a normal gay life.

[Honest Tiefling]

I wish I could, but I can't for two reasons:

1-My family is a very "family family" like we do everything together, if I stop spending time with them they will go after me, even if it’s something gradual like I tried to do. They see me as this little innocent boy that needs to be protected, especially now that I’m living in “the big city” if I miss a Sunday family meeting I will be flooded with messages and unsolicited visits in my refuge sanctuary apartment.

Stand up to your family. Build HEALTHY boundaries to show that you care, but that they need to respect your wishes not attempt to destroy your phone's voicemail. Is this some sort of cultural thing, or is your family just weird?

2- I can’t leave my mom behind, she is married with a terrible, brutal despicable man that is my father and don’t plan to leave any time soon, she suffers from a severe case of depression, suicidal tendencies and may or may not have schizophrenia (The things she say she sees are all spiritual so no one can outright say that it’s a mental problem). This environment is just as toxic for someone delicate like her as it’s for me, maybe even worse, I at least can pretend I’m one of them, she is constantly mocked and mistreated both by her family and my father’s family.

She is probably the only reason I haven't killed myself yet.

I cannot give legal advice. But I would seriously consider looking into the laws of your region about what you can do. See if you cannot convince her to go to a therapist.

This is going to sound brutal, but these people cost you one relationship. Don't let them run your life into the ground. If you are international (to the US/UK at least) look into some living aboard programs.

Can anyone here recommend a good lgbt movie that has no drama? No suffering, just normal gay people being normal gay people in a normal gay life.

It's not quite what you wanted, but D.E.B.S is pretty light-hearted and silly.

[Sobol]

Can anyone here recommend a good lgbt movie that has no drama? No suffering, just normal gay people being normal gay people in a normal gay life.

Argentine "Plan B":
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1408972/
There's a love triangle, but not much "suffering." It's a romantic comedy.
I somehow found the characters much more relatable than in the USA LGBT movies I've seen.

[Serpentine]

Can anyone here recommend a good lgbt movie that has no drama? No suffering, just normal gay people being normal gay people in a normal gay life.

Priscilla, Queen of the Desert? It does have a few intense moments, but overall it's fun.
Or 3, a German movie. It is a drama, but for the most part the drama isn't because of "gayness".
Or uh... a friend of mine was recently in a low-budget exploitation film that I gather was initiated and headed by LGBT people. It's called [Short for a bundle of sticks] in the Fast Lane, and it's meant to be incredibly ridiculous. Haven't seen it yet, myself, though.

[Shamash]

It's not quite what you wanted, but D.E.B.S is pretty light-hearted and silly.

Nope.

Argentine "Plan B":
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1408972/
There's a love triangle, but not much "suffering." It's a romantic comedy.
I somehow found the characters much more relatable than in the USA LGBT movies I've seen.

Watched "plan b" today, really liked it.

Priscilla, Queen of the Desert? It does have a few intense moments, but overall it's fun.
Or 3, a German movie. It is a drama, but for the most part the drama isn't because of "gayness".
Or uh... a friend of mine was recently in a low-budget exploitation film that I gather was initiated and headed by LGBT people. It's called [Short for a bundle of sticks] in the Fast Lane, and it's meant to be incredibly ridiculous. Haven't seen it yet, myself, though.

I had already watched priscilla, The herman movies sounds too dramatic.

**** in fast lane? Nope! I did say normal didn't I?

[thirsting]

Not a movie, but the series "Looking" looked pretty real lifey to me. As in, I could easily relate to pretty much every character, and imagine living their lives and making their choises. It's good.

[Shamash]

Not a movie, but the series "Looking" looked pretty real lifey to me. As in, I could easily relate to pretty much every character, and imagine living their lives and making their choises. It's good.

That's really Looking good, it's looking very promising ;)

No really now, seriously just watched the trailer and that's exactly what I was looking for. Thanks. :D

[Luz]

I actually don't blame the guy for getting tired of that and wanting to break up.

I could live with those rules if, AND ONLY IF, there was a deadline to when these rules would fall away.

Otherwise it's not healthy for either person within that relationship.

:(

I guess I can slow down of the blatant homophobia.

I'm a bisexual man, and the reason I mostly only refer to my first boyfriend is because of what happened to the second.

I invited him up to my room after a date which I thought had gone well hiking around the woods. He said that sounded great, but what about my roommates? I said they wouldn't mind, got my own bedroom, and they're cool people who I KNOW are LGBT friendly. He got alarmed, not only that my friends might know he was gay, but that they knew I was bi, and started talking about ways that we could backpedal that to keep our relationship an absolute secret. It got into some really insulting stuff that I can't repeat on this board even if I wanted to.

So I told him not to worry about it, there wasn't a relationship for him to have to hide anymore.

:<

But we had a lot of fun besides that, when we were alone, he said the experiences we had were unique and very deep.

Stand up to your family. Build HEALTHY boundaries to show that you care, but that they need to respect your wishes not attempt to destroy your phone's voicemail. Is this some sort of cultural thing, or is your family just weird?



I cannot give legal advice. But I would seriously consider looking into the laws of your region about what you can do. See if you cannot convince her to go to a therapist.

This is going to sound brutal, but these people cost you one relationship. Don't let them run your life into the ground. If you are international (to the US/UK at least) look into some living aboard programs.

Both, around here we are a lot more family centric than the USA but my family takes it up to eleven.

I tried she won't go; she had a bad experiences with a therapist and was even institutionalized in 1996.

Living aboard is not a possibility since I can't leave my mom, and she won't leave her house. Besides is not like the place we live is the problem, my family is the problem and I can't just fix that, running away won't solve the problem.

[Recherché]

@Luz

So you don't think running will help and don't want to try that, you don't think you believe that you can't come out without putting yourself into serious physical danger and you're unwilling to try and change opinions in your community in other ways. So what is your plan? Because the center cannot hold.

Your situation right now seems like it's surviving but not really living and it does not sound like it's sustainable in the long term. Not unless you want to arrange a marriage to a nice young women who you'll probably be betraying.

I'm not going to say that you should follow in the footsteps of a trans friend of mine who in one day, finished her name change that she'd been working on covertly for months, moved to a new apartment and changed her cell phone number as a way to escape the people in her past. But it is possible with enough planning.

[Luz]

@Luz

So you don't think running will help and don't want to try that, you don't think you believe that you can't come out without putting yourself into serious physical danger and you're unwilling to try and change opinions in your community in other ways. So what is your plan? Because the center cannot hold.

Your situation right now seems like it's surviving but not really living and it does not sound like it's sustainable in the long term. Not unless you want to arrange a marriage to a nice young women who you'll probably be betraying.

I'm not going to say that you should follow in the footsteps of a trans friend of mine who in one day, finished her name change that she'd been working on covertly for months, moved to a new apartment and changed her cell phone number as a way to escape the people in her past. But it is possible with enough planning.

Well, I would never have a beard if that's what you are asking. I wouldn't lie to a innocent girl who has nothing to do with my sh1tty family, I’m not that huge of a jerk.

My plan is go on pretending I'm not gay until either my mom dies and I can go on with my life far far FAR away, or I die and well that's the end of that.

Is it a good plan? No. Is it a fun plan? Nope. But it's what I can do.

But that's the plan B, the plan A was go on living my "gay life" in the shadows, but that's too much work and too much stress.

[WarKitty]

Luz, is there some equivalent of adult protective services where you are?

[Luz]

Luz, is there some equivalent of adult protective services where you are?

I'm usure, probably.

[ImperiousLeader]

Can anyone here recommend a good lgbt movie that has no drama? No suffering, just normal gay people being normal gay people in a normal gay life.

I just made the mistake of watching Closet Monster and 1:54, two very good films that I heartily recommend (but they are intense and dark), and I also want some gay fluff to watch.

Pride isn't quite what you want, but it's still very uplifting. It's about gay groups raising money to support the miners strike in Thatcher era England, so there's definitely suffering, but I found the movie very charming. And it's got that light touch that I always appreciate in British productions, it's why no American made coming out movie has quite topped Beautiful Thing for me.

If you like Looking, may I suggest the series Eastsiders? It's still a drama, about a couple dealing with infidelity, but it's less political and just more about relationships. Plus, some really cute guys.

[Serpentine]

Oh, you could maybe try the Australian TV series, Please Like Me? I haven't seen any of it, really - it's not my style of humour - but it's a comedy about (at the start, anyway) an awkward guy realising he might be a bit not straight.

[solidork]

The Gay and Wondrous Life of Caleb Gallow has been blowing up on Tumblr. I haven't watched all of it, but its pretty funny.

Its a free web series on You Tube.

[ImperiousLeader]

This little animated short has been making the social media rounds, and yes, it's totally adorable. 4 minutes, will melt your heart.