What was the funiest things that have happened while adventuring

[skullyfrost]

One of the funniest things that have happened to me while I was on an adventure was....................................

[Manave_E_Sulanul]

The time my Wizard/Loremaster shot our minotaur barbarian out of a cannon in a resilient sphere at a dragon, where he proceeded to beat it to a pulp with some cover from the rest of us on the ground.

[Brauron]

This is the story of...the Spoon of Doom.

Our adventuring party arrived in town, and immediately went to the inn, named "The Greasy Spoon."

On the bar was a bowl, filled with silver pieces. I, the Barbarian, asked about this. The bartender/owner explained to me that he'd been cooking dinner with the same unwashed spoon every night for the past nine years, and had a running bet -- Put a silver piece in the bowl, and you could lick the spoon. If you could lick the spoon without passing out, you got all the money that had been put in the bowl since the last time someone succeeded.

So the Barbarian licks the spoon. And passes out.

When he revives, undaunted, he licks the spoon again. And passes out.

When he revives, undaunted, he licks the spoon for the third time. And passes out again. At this point the owner rules that the Barbarian is done for the night, as he doesn't want to have to deal with someone dying on the premises.

Next night. Barbarian licks the spoon. Passes out.

Barbarian licks the spoon again. Passes out.

The rest of the players starts singing "Eye of the Tiger" as I roll my Fortitude Check to see if I resist passing out, and I roll a natural 20. I stagger slightly, but don't pass out.

The bartender hands me the bowl, and then pulls four buckets, each one filled with silver pieces, with the occasional gold and copper pieces thrown in, out from under the bar. Total haul was close to 2000 silver pieces.

[Jack_Simth]

The time my Wizard/Loremaster shot our minotaur barbarian out of a cannon in a resilient sphere at a dragon, where he proceeded to beat it to a pulp with some cover from the rest of us on the ground.

That is not legal per 3.5:

Resilient Sphere

Evocation [Force]
Level: Sor/Wiz 4
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
Effect: 1-ft.-diameter/level sphere, centered around a creature
Duration: 1 min./level (D)
Saving Throw: Reflex negates
Spell Resistance: Yes

A globe of shimmering force encloses a creature, provided the creature is small enough to fit within the diameter of the sphere. The sphere contains its subject for the spell’s duration. The sphere is not subject to damage of any sort except from a rod of cancellation, a rod of negation, a disintegrate spell, or a targeted dispel magic spell. These effects destroy the sphere without harm to the subject. Nothing can pass through the sphere, inside or out, though the subject can breathe normally.

The subject may struggle, but the sphere cannot be physically moved either by people outside it or by the struggles of those within.

Material Component: A hemispherical piece of clear crystal and a matching hemispherical piece of gum arabic.

(Emphasis added)

The cannon will go boom, and go backwards around the sphere.

Funny, though.

[Nahal]

Ah, but launching a cannon at a dragon using a resilient sphere is so funny I'll have to have a wizard do it.

[Lavin]

One of the funniest things...

In an old campaign I was in, we had a (new-ish) player who had some...warped ideas about how polymorphing should work. Several times, the DM humored her and allowed her to polymorph into some high-level creature. The battles were usually balanced, with a correspondingly high EL, the DM anticipating her antics. One day, we got into a skirmish with an ill-tempered guard, resulting in this response from our morph-happy friend:

Alinae: I Polymorph into a Black Dragon.

That's right, our fourth-level spell caster was insane. Completely insane. One guard, and she wants to be a Black Dragon. The DM had been more than willing to bend the rules for her, and allow her some home-brewed rules regarding the art of shape shifting, but this was the last straw. The following scene unfolded something like this:

DM: Roll.

Alinae: [She rolls a 16 and looks at the DM expectantly] Well?

DM: [He smirks slightly] The instant you cast the spell, you feel something is wrong. You feel yourself shrinking instead of growing, and your body shape is far different than that of any dragon. You have turned into...a gecko.

Alinae: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!

[The battle stops and everyone turns and looks at the gecko. Ven (me) suddenly bursts out in a fit of uncontrollable laughter, and falls to the ground. Even the depressed party Necromacer, Robin allows himself to smile.]

Ven: [Still laughing, picks up the gecko and puts it in his traveling pouch and zips it shut]

The conclusion: The guard let us go. Alinae remained in gecko form for a little under a week, but she never polymorphed again. The rest of the party, including myself, rarely took her seriously after that.

[Belteshazzar]

One of the funniest things...

In an old campaign I was in, we had a (new-ish) player who had some...warped ideas about how polymorphing should work. Several times, the DM humored her and allowed her to polymorph into some high-level creature. The battles were usually balanced, with a correspondingly high EL, the DM anticipating her antics. One day, we got into a skirmish with an ill-tempered guard, resulting in this response from our morph-happy friend:

Alinae: I Polymorph into a Black Dragon.

That's right, our fourth-level spell caster was insane. Completely insane. One guard, and she wants to be a Black Dragon. The DM had been more than willing to bend the rules for her, and allow her some home-brewed rules regarding the art of shape shifting, but this was the last straw. The following scene unfolded something like this:

DM: Roll.

Alinae: [She rolls a 16 and looks at the DM expectantly] Well?

DM: [He smirks slightly] The instant you cast the spell, you feel something is wrong. You feel yourself shrinking instead of growing, and your body shape is far different than that of any dragon. You have turned into...a gecko.

Alinae: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!

[The battle stops and everyone turns and looks at the gecko. Ven (me) suddenly bursts out in a fit of uncontrollable laughter, and falls to the ground. Even the depressed party Necromacer, Robin allows himself to smile.]

Ven: [Still laughing, picks up the gecko and puts it in his traveling pouch and zips it shut]

The conclusion: The guard let us go. Alinae remained in gecko form for a little under a week, but she never polymorphed again. The rest of the party, including myself, rarely took her seriously after that.

And That is why I use use and love spell failure/critical mechanics.

[averagejoe]

It was pretty hilarious when I had the party meet themselves from a paralell universe. The paralell universe version of our party ninja was a peppy blonde girl who liked unicorns and rainbows. The alternate universe version of the half orc psion (this was back in 3.0, so you could have a really stupid psion) was essentially a British gentlemen. The two sang "The Rain in Spain" in duet. The double of our party bard was pretty much the same person. They ended up getting married.

[Skjaldbakka]

During my last campaign, there was a dwarven Warmain (Arcana Evolved Fighter Class, doesn't suck). They were fighting the big spider-demon thing that destroys armor. His suit of armor was destroyed during the battle. Afterward, he reaches into his bag of holding and pulls out a spare suit of armor. Trust a dwarf to keep a spare suit of armor (he never sold his previous armor after finding better- I think he also had endurance, so this suit of chainmail served both as spare armor and as his 'sleeping armor').

Ah, dwarves.

[InfiniteMiller]

Earlier tonight in fact.

The important thing to realize is that most of the items (and even the currency system) in our current campaign are homebrewed. The side effects are items that seem balanced when originally created, but with a little creative thinking become remarkably broken. Recently I was given a golden hammer that functioned very poorly as a weapon, but when struck on a solid surface as a standard action, gave me the chance to redirect the targeted action of another creature near me. I had been using it to cause bugbears to attack each other instead of me, etc.

Anyway a large part of our campaign involves these holy stones that each provide special abilities when used by paladins. Being the paladin in our group, I got a lead on the first stone to show up and immediately tried to investigate. Seems a group of mercenaries had been hired by an evil druid woman we had encountered earlier to find this stone and deliver it to her. Naturally, it was my goal to avoid such an evil woman gaining control over this artifact, so we temporarily joined this band of mercenaries in order to liberate the stone for ourselves.

Eventually, while exploring an underground tunnel, we came face-to-face with the evil druid, and at this point we still had not found the stone and I assumed that perhaps she had found it herself. The higher leveled wizard in our group took this opportunity to calmly walk up to the druid, holding the stone which he apparently had all along and had hidden from us in hopes of getting the reward for himself.

This was my moment of genius. I noticed this wizard holding the stone out towards the druid, and smashed the golden hammer on the rock tunnel wall and retargeted the wizard.

He handed the holy stone to me, a paladin, the one character present nearby capable of using its powers, with a smug look on his face. Replaced almost INSTANTLY with a a look of pure horror as he realized what he'd done.

Needless to say the druid was not very pleased with this supposed treachery.

While the two were fighting amongst themselves, I used the powers of the stone to get myself and my true allies to safety.

It was funny as hell. The DM was very impressed but kind of befuddled, he did not intend for me to get the stone so early in the game.

[Totally Guy]

I tried DMing a game with my little brothers yesterday which is the first time we've ever played and I got a few rules wrong but that wasn't really a problem.

The funniest thing that happened was whn the party could see a treasure chest on the other side of a pit, as jump was a class skill for the half orc barbarian (Grimsteed the Young) with points invested in it he was ordered to (by party leader the halflng Sorcerer Incognito) to jump it.

He jumps the pit and finds a halfplate armour (which I rolled from the mundane item list). Pleased with his find he equips the armour and then tries to jump back.

With the armour check penalty he fails the jump check and the halflings had to pull him out.

[Skjaldbakka]

With the armour check penalty he fails the jump check and the halflings had to pull him out.

Funny thing is that if he had justed carried the armor and jumped across, he probably would have made it. Despite a fact that anyone who has ever worn armor knows: It is easier to wear armor than to carry it.

[Serpentine]

First, the important background.
Our party includes a gnome cleric/sorcerer/mystic theurge with blonde hair and shiny blue skin (yes, we have a smurf), a lever-puller rogue who is a very bad influence, and a Rod of Wonder. The gnome (Ellywick) also has a Mantle of Second Chances. The party had been on a ship in the middle of the ocean for some weeks.
Now, the event:
Bored, the rogue and Ellywick were playing with the Rod. Ellywick gives it a wave... and promptly finds herself where she was a day ago. Which is 30 feet above empty ocean. She activates the Mantle, rerolls the Rod effect... and gets the exact same thing. So reality reweaves itself into the exact same event. Aside from a wasted use of the Mantle and a faint feeling of deja vu, nothing changes. So, she uses the Rod again, this time on the sea... turning a 10ft cube of it ethereal, and effectively lengthening her fall by 10 feet. Once in the water, she tries again, and produces... grass. Well, seaweed. Again, and there is a very confused fish where previously there was a turtle. Again, and there's a gate to the Beastlands. She sits in the opening of the gate while she tries again, and summons a djinn. Finally, something useful! The djinn uses its windwalk (or whatever it's called) on her, and she finally makes it to the next port before the ship does.

Quite a debacle.

[Extra_Crispy]

There are alot of storys of funny things in games I have played, but the three that come to mind where 2 were when I was GM, one as a player

One of my best friends tends to play dwarfs alot. For some wierd reason he always bought a 10lb block of butter. (AD&D) We were always asking why he got the butter and he just said basically why not it could be useful. Two times it was.

One was they were at an underground lake and just killed a giant crab. You can see where that is going. They feasted like kings for a while.

The other was when they were at a small town that was about to be over run by a horde of Kobolds. Everyone else decided to hole up in the inn with the villiagers. They cast wall spells of around the inn so that the kobolds could not get in and sat up top with arrows and area affect spells trying to reduce the numbers so they had a chance. The dwarf not having spells and not having a ranged weapon decided he was going to be outside the inn facing the horde. Well of course he got swarmed by them and was about to be carried off by dozens of of the kolbolds when the spell caster saw his situation. He cast Fireball on the dwarf. He knew that the dwarf had fire resistance and the kobolds would die. We the butter in the dwarfs backpack melted instantly and covered him in and the area in melted butter. Lucky because now the kobolds could not swarm him now as he was very very slick, unlucky because the dwarf was basically out of the fight as he could bearly stand and not hold his weapon at all let alone swing it.

I was playing in a Shadowrun game as the "heavy". I was a large cybered male troll. Our mission was to capture a male elf and get some information from him. We found out he was at a dance club/bar and decided to get him there. Little background, in shadowrun elfs and trolls dont like each other. Usually not a hate but a general overall dislike. So we get into the club, the mage in the group casts control actions. This allowed him to clench the elfs mouth shut and walk him over to the bar, to me. Unfortunatly a women who he was dancing with walked over also, saying "where you going baby?" and stuff like that. Trying to think of a way to get rid of her without causing too much a scene or a fight I threw my arm around the elf, held out my left hand to her face and said in a very femine voice "hes mine go away" Every one at the table stopped cold and looked at me saying "you do what". So I decided to act it out with the only homophobic member of our game group. Everyone at moved their chairs away from me as I finished my act. We all started to laugh so hard just at the thought of a huge troll that could take assult cannon fire throwing his arm around a small "pretty boy" elf and acting like we were lovers. The DM decided between bouts of laughter that the girl wondered off confused. There was no problem walking him out of the bar after that and we got the information we needed, but the poor elf could never go back to that bar as everyone now thought he was the gay lover of a troll.

[MountainKing]

Mine was from a few weeks back at a session where I was still playing my bard (Robilard, you will be missed!). My party at the time consisted of Robilard, a gnome wizard who later on had his alignment declared as changed from Chaotic Evil to Chaotic Naughty, and an elven ranger who was named Griff on the spur of the moment.

We were riding to a gnome/dwarven/human capitol city, and we were passing through an area called the "Savage Plains". Suddenly, we heard a noise, so we all stopped. Robilard, having the best Move Silent and Hide checks, casts Expeditious Retreat and volunteers to go check it out.

When he manages to sneak up to the source of the disturbance, it turned out to be a trio of half orc barbarians, and Robilard, not knowing that the gnome was actually a wizard, decided that it would be tactically best if the party fled the scene. He comes racing back to the party, scoring a nat 20 on his Hide/Move Silent checks.

Here's the part that kicks me every time.

The bard, effectively the second weakest combatant in the party (which wouldn't be determined for fact until later), comes flying out of the tall grass moving at an alarming speed of 240 ft/round. He leaps onto his horse and spurs it into a gallop, crying "Run away, run away!" The party members (a wizard with 21 Int and a battle hardened ranger), rather than joining Robilard in fleeing the scene, STAY THERE, look at each other, and say "What was that about?"

They both had higher Wis scores than Robilard too, but he had to come back and get them so they could avoid getting murdered.

[manda_babylon]

We play a D20 Modern that's set in a city (called Crossroads) that is the point where all quantum realities intersect; our party is made up of people from different worlds who have ended up here and are trying to get home. We found ourselves in with a corporation called SENO that trying to overthrow the company that rules the city, the Nexus Corporation. SENO paid our bills in exchange for us using our motley crew of skills to perform terrorist acts/espionage on Nexus. In our game, we homebrew a lot of spells and some abilities, and we play by the Natural 1=Epic Failure, Natural 20=Epic Success rule. This is important.

Our party at this time consisted of:
-Lisbon: a French (homebrew) vampire from the eighteenth century - a non-combat character.
-Kora: a bioreplica Battle Mind from 300,000 years in the future, who is unbalanced and bizarre.
-Daric: a Californian Ravanos (WoD, but sort of homebrewed) illusionist and petty thief.
-Eric: a pre-med student from a WoD-inspired world, also a lust demon (Tiefling).
-Tristan: a gunbunny, literally, from a place called Willworld - a rabbit-person, with ears, tail, etc.
-Joe: a normal guy - a daredevil and professional stuntman who is obsessed with pop culture.

On what was supposed to be a simple information retrieval mission, Kora's player botches a roll to hack into the main computer in the security office, and is not only bugged by the system, but also sets off alarms everywhere. Our attempt to make the building look like it was on fire so we could escape in the evacuation actually caught the building on fire [this is the incident referred to in my sig].

Being fugitives, we hide out in a hotel, on that's hosting a Sci-Fi/Fantasy convention, which helps us hide. Unfortunately, Kora is still bugged, and Nexus manages to trace us to the hotel. They set on us a werecat/vampire named Malachi (based on the WoD Gangrels), who manages to corner Lisbon (can't fight worth crap) and Tristan ( is afraid of cats - on his world, the prey peoples are enslaved and farmed by the predator peoples, and cats are the top of the food chain, - also, unarmed). Eventually, the two are saved by the rest of the party.

Earlier in the evening, Joe had 1. bought a Jedi costume and one of those plastic lightsabres that swish out, where the little cones stack, 2. gotten piss drunk, and 3. started informing everyone he met that he was, in fact, a Jedi.

Everyone rolls initiative, and attacks Malachi. Tristan and Lisbon manage to escape from the threatened squares, although Lisbon gets the crap clawed out of him in the process. As Joe's turn approaches, we start talking out of character about the fact that Malachi is based on WoD and has the same defects. I said, "Wouldn't it be funny if Candance crits and Joe hits Malachi with his lightsabre in the heart (paralyzing him)?" Everyone laughs, because that would be funny.

And then Candance, Joe's player, rolls a natural 20.

GM: "You hit him, square in the chest. In your drunken state, you hit him harder than you've ever hit anything before. The little plastic links of the lightsabre are pushed in, and actually break because they hit him so hard. The lightsabre pierces his chest, into his heart, and he falls over, staked and unable to move."
Joe: "..."
Everyone: "......"
Joe: "I'M A JEDI!"

...And that was not only the end of the night (because no one could stop laughing) but it was declared the best funny thing that had ever happened in our role playing group.


Although my favorite thing that ever happened to me personally was while playing Urban Arcana and our team was supposed to hide in this man's house and kidnap him. He came home early, and everyone had to hide quickly. Of course, I botched my Hide check, and was left standing in the middle of the room with a lampshade on my head.

The man walks into the room. He stops, and slowly turns to look at me. Thinking fast, I rolled a 32 on a Bluff check, and said, "I'm a lamp!"

Everyone laughs, but the GM rolls his opposing check, and only rolled a 9. While the man stood there, gaping at me, trying to figure out what was going on, everyone lunged out and grappled him.

[Prometheus]

The party members read in the Monster Manual that sometimes a Copper Dragon will let adventurers go if they entertain them. So the parties buy ale and a chicken, so they can get the chicken drunk if they ever need to - a sure-fire way to entertain everyone and walk free. In the meantime they named it.

Long before ever meeting a Copper Dragon, they meet a Boggle (a creature covered in slime that gives it Escape Artist bonuses, has dimenson door, and loves to steal). Needless to say that slimely little thief gets his hops in and tries to steal something. Reaching in the Bag of Holding, the first thing he grabs is the chicken. It slips out of their grip and hops out before they can stop him. They are WAY bummed.

About two encounters later I roll on my random table again and it comes up as a Boggle. This time they manage to stun it with a spell while the Barbarian pulverizes it. I regret to inform them that while this was the Boggle that stole their chicken it has now been battered and fried. The party wants to bury it and give it a proper funeral, but the Barbarian is hungry and chows down on it before they take it from him. I report that the Boggle grease that it is slathered in tastes like mucus

[ThorFluff]

We play DnB (Dungeons and Björn), it uses the DnD world but a diffrent set of rules, not at all lvl or classbased.

our greedy gnome tries to get away with all the gold while we try to defeat the menacing minstril (a bard who has conned an entire town with sedating music).
Me: (Yelling) How are you going to carry all that yourself!?
Fnix Fattigan(the gnome): It's just gold, it can't be that heavy, And if it is; I'M RICH!

[EagleWiz]

Ok the funnyest (Long) thing that happned when I was DM (This is D&D 3.5) is:

The mages guild wanted the PC's to go to another planet, see what it is like etc. etc. A mage offeres to greater teleport them
Players discuss this
Players: No thanks, Well build a spaceship.
Mage: Sure you dont want teleported? Its a lot easyer.
Players: No we want a spaceship
Me: Look this is set in Midevil times!
Player: Thats ok.

Players build a cube out of adamantene with one side glass, they also buy a bottle of air.
They launch the cube into space with a spell.
And teleport it to neer the planet.

They find a strange metal disk (Like a donught)
around the sun and invstigate it.

They find a Clay Golem just inside and use move earth on it 3 times.
So it ends up INSIDE the spaceship which starts moving into space.
The players fail to catch it and investigate the world some more.

Afterwords they keep scrying on the box, eventualy it lands on an astroid

Space Goblin 1:Look we found adamantene!
Space Goblin 2: CLAY!
Space Goblin 1: No adamantene!
Space Goblin 2: NO LOOK ITS A BIG MAN MADE OUT OF...(Space Goblin 2 gets killed)

And the players debate teleporting after the "Spaceship" but they noteice. clay golem chasing space goblins.
The Goblins hide in spaceship, golem finds them, Golem jumps into box, box falls into space.

And thats about when the sesion ended

[Rodimal]

This happened in last nights game session: Our male half-drow rogue/ranger/shadowkeeper (homebrewed PRC) and our female halfling monk were trying to retrieve the body of an assassin she had taken down earlier. Well, they don't find the body but they do find the thieves and the guys boss. Anyway, the female Runelord (another homebrew PRC) figures out that our people are there watching. So they take off like a shot. Unfortunately, the half-drow gets found and then Charmed. He rolled a 1 on his will save. A few rounds later, he gets another chance. Another one. This goes on for probably twenty minutes OOC and about an hour in character has the rest of us get organized for a rescue. The DM keeps giving him chances for various reasons to break the charm, every time "I rolled a 1." By this time we are all about on floor we're laughing so hard. The kicker of the whole thing. The Runelord charmed him not as much for what he saw, but because she wanted a new playtoy. When our parties Cleric finally found him, he was very exhausted and very naked. Let's just say the next time she tried to Charm him, he made his will save.

[continuumc]

Hmm, our character's were all level 1's. Basic sort of campaign, none of us overpowered. Our spellcaster had only 1 area spell left (burning hands) and was low in HP. It was towards the end of the dungeon (we were really just cleaning up) and we were all pretty much worn down hp-wise. We had a monk that was very low in hp, and our rogue had been complaining the entire time about how she was terrified of spiders. Well, We came upon a wooden door that we had not explored yet. We opened it, and in the hallway we saw a spider swarm.

The character that had opened the door took one look in there, won initiative and..with his first action said "I take a five foot step back...I shut the door."


We had to stop the game for like ten minutes to compose ourselves, as we were laughing so hard.

[Yeril]

The party were in a small keep at the time, they were being attacked by kobolds and on fairly low HP so they split up, the sorc and rogue headed one way and the fighter, barb and ranger head into the dining room, it had a huge table but no other exists and kobolds were breaking the door down.

Ranger: Okay I upturn the table on its side and we hide behind it, when the kobolds come through we can push it at them and then run out the door.

Me: You begin hiding behind the table then, and the kobolds come through the door looking for you, you hear them giving lizard like yips to eachother.

Ranger: NOW!
Barbarian: Raargh! (raging)

Me: Strength checks everyone.

and then it happened, all 3 players rolled the dice at once, and they stopped..

Ranger = Natural 20+2
Barbarian = Natural 20+5
Fighter = Natural 20+3

Me: Wow.. okay, you begin pushing the table and it grinds along the floor, you keep pushing hard until you hit the wall, you hear alot of yipping and then a big crunch, and suddenly from between the wall and the table blood begins to pool. You see one remaining kobold standing in the doorway, mortified, he drops his weapon and runs.

[Guy_Whozevl]

We were in a Faerun campaign and just beginning to explore some underground passageway under Waterdeep (Skullport to be precise).

My character (wizard/archivist/mystic theruge): *rolls knowledge (history)* Guys, I believe we are in the Undermountain. It was created by Halister Blackcloak.

Everyone else, except for one guy, rolls a DC 10 knowledge (local) check and recall he is an epic wizard who they have no chance of defeating.

The one guy (crusader): *rolls a natural 1 and confirms a critical failure*
DM: Crusader, you recall that Halister is a popular clothing manufacturer in Waterdeep.
Crusader: Sweet!
Everyone else: Let's not tell him the truth...

[Renrik]

Paladin was so stupid he actually broke an 8-year-old girl's legs, stole her family heirloom, gave it to an evil villain who used it to enslave a legion of gold dragons (it was a certain orb), and then was actually pissed off when he got kicked out of his order. Claimed he was acting on orders.

Rabbi in D20 Modern whips out a shotgun, says "Mazeltov, motherf*****r", and blasts a thug's head off.


Paladin mentioned earlier gets seduced by succubus and proceeds to lose many, many levels.

Dwarf walks into grove of druids to meet resistance leader against tyrant. Turns out all 20 druids are doppelgangers. Quotes:
"Crap. I'm facing twenty doppelgangers."
"Run"
"I'm a dwarf in full plate."
"Hide"
".... I'm a dwarf... IN FULL PLATE!"

[machngunklly]

Dunno how funny...but we'll see.

Ok, so my first adventure...three of us walking through the marsh. The ranger first then wizard second (me) then the dwarven cleric. Gotta protect the squishy we thought, after all, those guys can take more damage then me. So we're walking along when...ALLIGATOR!!! Leaps out of the marsh and at the cleric. Crits and he's out first round.

Little while later we interrogate a pirate which leads to us being followed by six pirates and a big boss guy as we run back to town with our hostage. The ranger splits off, drawing the attention of the big guy and when the others catch up to us its just the cleric and me. We're getting hit badly (cleric kept missing, and I got a natural 1 and lost my quarterstaff) but the guys finally start to die. Get down to the last four, I crit with a ray of frost killing one and the cleric brains another with his morningstar. At that point, one of the remaining pirates says "Hmm...looks like I dont need to hold back anymore", at which point he pulls out two flaming simitars, accompanied by our unison "oh sh*t". Its my turn and I'm down to my last level one spell, lesser orb of cold. I'm wishing I'd prepped another magic missile, but its all I have, so I fire it off. Criticals him, get the max damage out of rolls dealing 16 damage. Freezes solid and shatters (along with his weapons...). At this point, the last pirate drops his weapon and runs. I pull out my crossbow, fire, and hit for max damage again, killing him in one shot.

Happy day that was!

[Wobbus]

One day whilst traversing a dungeon (as usual) one of our party members spots what looks like a twinkle of gold in a nearby murky pool, and we all wander over to investigate. From what we are able to tell the pool in question is both deep and a rather unhealthy looking shade of greeny-brown.

One of the bulkier members of our party has a bright idea, he picks up one of our party (a gnome) ties him to a 10ft pole and plunges him in head first. Needless to say the gnome was not particularly happy, least of all because the water turned out to be poisonous. We only got a gold helmet for our trouble aswell.

[Chineselegolas]

Our party hadn't formed yet, and we had been hired by two different factions, and half the party was protecting an artefact (Jade Golem Warlock and Winged Kobold Cleric), the other half was trying to steal it (Human Ninja, Human Sorcerer and my character).
I was a dark whisper gnome rogue/ranger. (ECL 6, +25 to hide, hide in plain sight)

The people trying to steal it sneak through the building upto the room where the artefact was sat, and notice that there is a dispelling field around the door which will stop the silence effect I had activated, and also stop the invisibility the sorcerer with us had cast.
So I make the exectutive decision to walk on into the room and rely on hide in plain sight and the fact they only had +3 as their best spot modifier. Warlock rolls a nat. 20 for his spot and the DM rules he catches a glimpse of me as the invisibility drops and my natural abilities pick up... (Much to my annoyance, but he is the DM). Blasts at me and misses.
Then de-activates spiderwalk and drops from the ceiling to stand next to the artefact and pick it up so I can't take it.
So you guess what I do next.
I walk over unseen by him, slight of hand the artefact out of his hand, and walk half way out of the room before he notices that it is suddenly gone from his hand.

And some fluff to finish the story
At which point the cleric casts locate object and figures out where I am, then casts hold person on me (Though he can't see me... Only the location of the object... Slightly annoyed with the DM, but what can you do). Warlock unleashes two mortal baned eldritch blasts on me and drops me to -7... Then all hell breaks loose and demons break in forcing the two groups to work together. First task, the other players convincing the kobold to heal me before I die so I can help take on the horde of demons. And what does he cast, but cure light wounds...

I'm so going to sneak attack for petty revenge him next session when we finish this fight and then say it wasn't me. Well its not like he can spot me...

[Dubie]

I've got a few...

There was one campain, ages ago, our party intended to sneak into an Orc camp in the forest and rescue an NPC. We found a Mage to accompany us, who pollymorphed us all into Orcs. Well, it started off well, but then somehow things went sour (I think it was due to the fact no one in the party could speak Orc. Oversight in planning...). In the battle that followed, we somehow light the forest on fire, killed 2 of 4 party members, and the Mage that pollymorphed us, and myself (the fighter) and the party Thief were escaping the chaos in a row boat with three dead bodies. I don't remember the particulars, as it was eons ago, but somehow we couldn't "Un-Orc" until we resurected the Mage. Then hilarious antics ensued as the two of us were running around the sword coast, looking like orcs and getting linched out of every city, town and farm village we came across trying to find a priest to work his godly magic...

Another time, we were playing a Planescape campain. I was a Necromancer, and one of the party members was part of that Factol of death. The other party member in question kept going on and on about how she wanted to become an undead, how it was the purest of all forms, yada, yada. So, one particularly nasty encounter wound up in her demise. After regrouping from the battle, my Necromancer proceded to turn the corps of our recently fallen comrad into a Zombie to satisfy her greatest wish (rather then finding a resurection or some such, effectivly retiring that particular character). After I do this, she looks at me OOCly and cries out "My character wanted to be a Litch, not a Zombie!". My reply "Well, you should have told my character this. All you ever said was 'Undead'."

In a current 3.5 campain, I'm playing an Elven Ranger, high dex archery/Two Weapon Fighter, wielding longbows and a pair of rapiers with all the grace one would expect from a 20+ (after Items) dex character...Well, almost. This campain I'm rolling realy good over and over, or horibly bad. 20's and 1's seem to be the numbers of choice for this particular characters dice. We were sailing on a ship we accuired, along a cliff faced coast, when 4 gargoyles swooped down to attack us. I break out rapid shot, and get a full round of shooting in before they come anywhere close to the ship. Shot one, 20, confimed, roll on the critical chart, maxed dammage, first gargoyle drops into the water like a dead duck. Repeat for other three. Over before they got out of my second range incrament. Later that day, some slime thing was crawling up the side of the boat (big critter, point blank shot). I go first again. I bravely dash to the side of the boat, take aim, and let loose (dice a 1, crittical miss chart). I manage to shoot myself hard enough to pin me to the ships planks, do some massive damage, and render myself unconscious.

Another time, I'm forced to draw Rapiers, and gracefuly dance around the Monster's chieftian. Stab, Stab Stab, Crit crit crit. I managed to 1 round the toughest monster in the encounter with all the grace and skill expected out of weapon finess Two weapon fighting dual-wielding Elven dualist. Next turn I square of against a weaker opponent, who I'm flanking due to the party cleric mixing it up. Stab, roll 1, chart gets consulted, roll to hit cleric, crit, confirmed, chart 2 gets consulted, stabbed cleric in the eye, blinding him and putting him to -2...

Then there is the time I gracefuly flung my Keen Rapier 30' into the ocean while moving in to duel with a pirate captian who was trying to board the ship. Thank the gods for the cloak of the manta ray...

And the time I used all cool archery skills to get the party scout of of a tight spot, only to end up nearly killing the party scout with not one, but four arrows doing an extra 2d6 electrical damage, and the last shot being a critical hit (the flaw with trying to be an archer and two weapon fighter at the same time. Jack of both styles, master of neither. But hey, I like the character.)...

Like I said, when I roll good, I roll good. But I rarly just miss with this character. He goes from spending an entire session dancing his way through the foes, dicing them up with his rapiers and dropping them with arrows like they arn't even there. Next day he'll stumble through the session, luckey if he can even walk without failing a reflex save and falling on his face. Makes for some great entertainment value.

The cleric in this party is a big fan of Summon Monster. One particular encounter, we are up against a flying wizardly type monster. Our wizard casts fly, me and the party scout are sticking arrows into the flying enemy, Cleric summons Celestial Hippogrif. Hippogriph appears, charges at enemy caster, rolls a 1. Chart consulted, rolls to hit friendly wizard. Crit, confirm, chart consulted again. Summoned beasty screams past the enemy caster at full spead, misses, does a crittical charge attack against our wizard instead, knocking the both of them out of the air, and the wizard into the negitives. My character to the cleric "You should realy stick to badgers" (a little inside joke. Every time the cleric summons badgers, they roll crits, get enraged, and clean the floor with enemies way out of thier league).


I'm sure I've got a pile more, but I've gone on long enough...

[PlatinumJester]

During a level 10 campaign we had just defeated an enemy who had dropped his broken sword hilt. The Wizard picked it up and felt something go up his arm. He tried to drop it but couldn't and he exploded .

Then I, in my infinite wisdom decided to do the same but to pick it up with a piece of cloth over my hand. Soon as I pick it up I feel the same thing going up my left arm so the paladin chps my arm off, resulting in me having to re do my character so that he could use a stump knife.

Another time our kobold scout killed an NPC gnome for no reason except he hated them. The dwarven totemist or binder (dunno which), sundered his masterwork in retaliation. When the kobold complained that he the dwarf owned him 400gp, the dwarf just walked up to him and lopped hs head off. The same dwarf had also killed my Wizard who had cast web on him for destroying a scroll (even though he surrendered afterwards).

[Duke of URL]

... my half-giant barbarian smashed a town's sundial as he thought it was "broken" because it didn't work at night.