Amusing Magical Items

[Green Bean]

Cloak of Flames

On its own, this item takes the form of a bright red traveller's cloak. When donned however, the cloak immediately bursts into flames. These flames deal 6 points of fire damage per turn. The fire is magical in nature, and thus does not harm anyone other the wearer, nor does it set objects alight. The wearer gains Resistance to Fire 6.

[Balkash]

Vorpal Helmet

This beautifully-crafted helmet changes size to adapt to the current holder. This helmet adds +10 to AC and grants a +5 bonus to Wisdom and Charisma modifiers. Upon donning the helmet, the wearer is decapitated.

This item is considered cursed. Obviously.

Actually this would be amazing for my demilich...

[BRC]

Cloak Of Billowing: this animated cloak billows dramatically behind it's wearer no matter the level.
Sunglasses of Dramatic Removal: these sunglasses grant a +5 on checks to remove them to punctuate a dramatic point.
+X Longsword
A fighter is charging an ogre at speed X, the ogre is (X+3)/6 feet away, and the fighter will reach him in 2 turns, find X than Add it as an enhancement bonus to the wielders attack.
Blade of Booya: this otherwise normal longsword is capable of speech, however all it does is say "BOOYA", "WHAT NOW PUNK", "OWNED" or a similar phrase whenever it downs an enemy.
Pacafist's Axe: this otherwise unmagical battle axe becomes a +12 double keen (threat range quadrupled) Vorpal Battle axe on the round it is activated. activating the axe is a full-round action.

[tyckspoon]

Dead Mans Axe: this otherwise unmagical battle axe becomes a +12 double keen (threat range quadrupled) Vorpal Battle axe if the wielder is below -10 hit points.

Because Frenzied Berserkers weren't killy enough yet.

[BRC]

Because Frenzied Berserkers weren't killy enough yet.

frenzied bezerkers can fight past -10?

[Lord Tataraus]

frenzied bezerkers can fight past -10?

A Frenzied Berserker cannot die due to hit point damage while frenzied. Afterwards, however, is a different story...

[tyckspoon]

frenzied bezerkers can fight past -10?

*nod* Deathless Frenzy. They can go as negative as they want while they're in Frenzy. One of the few situations where the drowning recovery loophole has a practical game application, since the Berserker could rack up negatives in the hundreds and wind up beyond the reach of Heal.

[BRC]

I see, Changed it.

[The Glyphstone]

Not just FB, but anyone if the cleric knows Delay Death....

the Pacifist's Axe is better - until it gets into the hands of a Warmage or other gish who casts Whirling Blade while holding it...since casting a spell is none of the conditions listed to stop it from activating, and axes do slashing damage.

[Shraik]

Hawaiin Shirt of Hawaii


Prerequsite: Be at least 20 pounds over weight
This shirt provides +5 AC to the wearer for the sheer fact that the shirt looks so nice. This shirt provides immunity to water and an over-abundance of fat jokes. Everytime you enter water(even putting your finger ina glass of water), their is 50% chance that you will be attacked by a shark(it thinks the shirt is THAT cool). The Wearer is also immune to the effects of overheating(Becuase the shirt IS that cool). Provides no protection against the colorblind.

[Prometheus]

Staff of Universal Balance
0 charge: Casts Open and Close simultaneously on the same target
1 charge: Casts Daylight and Darkness simultaneously on the same target
2 charges: Casts Haste and Slow simultaneously on the same target
3 charges: Casts Consecrate and Desecrate simultaneously on the same target.
4 charges: Casts two Dispel Magic spells simultaneously targeting each other.
10 charges: Casts two Wish spells, the first being your choice and the second retroactively undoing the first.
Unlimited Wand of Dominate Summons
Cast Dominate Monster, with the exception that it can only target summons you control.
Hammer of Time
An intelligent (debatably) item that right before it is swung, casts Time Stop on its own behalf. As a free action is shouts "Stop! Hammertime!" before proceeding to play U Can't Touch This until the spell's duration expires.

[tyckspoon]

Hammer of Time
An intelligent (debatably) item that right before it is swung, casts Time Stop on its own behalf. As a free action is shouts "Stop! Hammertime!" before proceeding to play U Can't Touch This until the spell's duration expires.

For the duration of the Time Stop effect, the Hammer's wielder dances as if affected by Irresistible Dance.

[Shiny, Bearer of the Pokystick]

Tome of Fulfilled Expectations
[Major Artifact]

This fantastically ornate book, projecting an aura of major Divination, is bound in purest silver and dragonhide; its pages are thin, sturdy plates of electrum.

The book's text appears to be in a language which, out of the immediately present persons, only its chosen bearer can read. If no such language exist, the book is written in Abyssal.

Any creature who reads the book, a process taking a total of forty-eight hours over a minimum of six days, gains a +4 inherent bonus to wisdom and the ability to use detect lies as a spell-like ability five times per day.

However, they are also unable to discard the Tome thereafter and enact its true power; the text is actually written in truespeech, and is designed to probe the mind of its bearer and revise reality accordingly.

If the bearer of a Tome of Fulfilled Expectations ever voices or even thinks a suspicion regarding a conspiracy, episode of subterfuge, or deception, that circumstance is instantaneously made real, retroactively.

Generally speaking, the tome has the following effects for a typical adventurer:

• 100% of grand viziers, trusted advisers, majordomos, prime ministers, heirs to the throne, and seconds-in-command treacherous.
• 100% of old women secretly hags.
• 90% of young women secretly Succubi. 10% Brachinae.
• 100% of all children met in the street, at night, or under other circumstances than with their parents present shape-shifting abberations.
• 100% of wise and impartial councils made up of illithilids.
• 90% of all heads of state of apparently good nations evil. 10% vampires.
• 75% of invitations to dinner, state functions, dances, or soirees traps. 15% of all such invitations actually human sacrifices. 10% of all such invitations attempts to destroy the universe.
• 100% of all graveyards, sepulchres, and funerary plains contain undead.
• 90% of all animals actually spellcasters. 10% of all animals secretly ancient forest deities.
• 100% of ancient forest deities inimical to human interference/presence.
• 100% of mysterious ancient ruins inhabited by monsters.

The tome may have other effects, but these are considered the most common.

[martyboy74]

For the duration of the Time Stop effect, the Hammer's wielder dances as if affected by Irresistible Dance.

You do realize that said time is 'none', don't you?

[Collin152]

Rather, infintessimally small; You aren't really stopping time, your just slowing it waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ay down.

[tyckspoon]

You do realize that said time is 'none', don't you?

If the Hammer is only casting Time Stop on itself, yes. But then the only apparent thing it does is shout 'Stop! Hammertime!'; the music-playing effect happens only in the Hammer's apparent time, which nobody else can participate in or experience. I figured if you wanted to properly annoy the player who was carrying this, you would need the Time Stop to include the wielder so he could hear the music... but then you basically have an unlimited, use-activated Time Stop, which is really useful. Therefore the dancing.

[Azerian Kelimon]

That one WINS! Someone should make a hammer to do "la super mario bros".

[vanyell]

+2 puddingbane Spoon

A spoon that gives a +2 to deliciousness when fighting puddings

[Collin152]

A Portable Hole
This shovel...

Portable H-
No. That "L" needs a job.

Portable Hose?

Portable Mole?

[Lord Tataraus]

Portable Mole
This seemingly ordinary mole, while not malignant, is magical. Once worn, it attaches to its wearer until death and grants a +1 circumstance bonus to all diplomacy checks. However, due to its magical nature, the mole is never at the same place on the wearer's face twice. Every time some one is not looking, even if blinking, the mole moves at least 1/4 the way across the wearer's face. This unnerving movement causes a -1 penalty on diplomacy checks with the viewer.

Cookie for the reference.

[Iudex Fatarum]

I just made an item for a campaign i'm in, its a sweet item, any time touched it activates, casting prestidigitation on the person touching. Its funny cause I tried to get other people in the party to use it but they don't trust me. oh its a small grey cube no markings, nothing.