How to tell if Evil?

[2D8HP]

With all the "Alignment" and "Is [whatever] Evil? threads, I feel I must ask:

How do you tell if a character is Evil?

Some guesses:

1)

..has a mustache...

2)

..Or any person playing a violin...

3)

Spoiler: Is carrying a cat

Show

4)

Spoiler: Wears a monocle

Show

5)

Spoiler: Wears a horned helmet

Show

6)

Spoiler: Wears Spiked armor

Show

7)
When you enter a room they're sitting in a high backed chair that faces away from you, that they then swing around and say, "Welcome to my humble abode".

Happy Halloween!

[Vitruviansquid]

Put a puppy in their way as they are walking down the street. If they kick the puppy, they are evil.

Unfortunately, this test also requires an evil person to do the administering, as exposing a puppy to such danger is also evil.

[dascarletm]

How someone laughs is a dead giveaway. If it could be described as maniacal, they are probably evil.

[Cernor]

If their go-to insult is calling people fools (in the Disney villain sense rather than Mr. T sense).

If they have no sense of proportional retribution: calling them a doofus is a crime punishable by death.

"I'm not evil, I'm chaotic neutral!"

[JAL_1138]

Are they standing between the party and sufficient loot to be worth the trouble? Are they refusing to cooperate with our demands requests for information? Are they worth enough XP to be worth the trouble? If yes to any of the above, can we get away with killing them without getting in more trouble than it's worth? Then they must be evil, and in the interest of justice and the cause of goodness and righteousness (and loot and XP), we must now kill them and take their stuff.

[FreddyNoNose]

Characters are not much the evil radar blip compared to extra planar evil.

[Green Elf]

Is the princess you saved very compliant with rescue? It's a succubus.

He has a goatee
Wears long, dark robes
Is a royal advisor
Laughs hysterically
Has a mask
Is disfigured
Spends much time on a throne
And has extensive monologues

[Deophaun]

Asks for their fillet "well done."
Puts ketchup on a hotdog.
Pronounces the "e" at the end of cache, steppe, or forte.
Roots for the Yankees.
Takes the last of the toilet paper and doesn't replace it.
Greets people with "hot out today, isn't it?" when it's really, really hot out.
Drives in the center lane going five miles under the speed limit.
Takes their baby to a theater.

[Kane0]

Rule of thumb: If it looks ugly, it’s probably evil.

[Tanarii]

I second that if it's between you and the loot, it's clearly Evil.

I like my bad guys cartoonishly evil:
Always wear stylish black.
Say they want to punch kittens whenever they get mad.
Pause the fight to ask the PCs to come over to his side.
Threaten to go after the PCs families, just as soon as he beats them in this final showdown.


Otoh, the one thing I've always wanted to use from the evil overlord list: If a captured PC says "I'd rather die first", kill them without another word.

Puts ketchup on a hotdog.

Hey now, we're talking about Evil here.

Not those that have mastered the diabolical arts and left mere Evil in their wake.

[DataNinja]

How do you tell if a character is Evil?

Detect Evil.

[Bogwoppit]

Considers any of the PC races to be inferior
Seeks peace through total war
Defends vile actions as being "for the greater good"

[Anonymouswizard]

Is it a PC? Then it's probably evil.

If it takes the last biscuit without offering.
If it consumes marmite. Chaotic evil if it dips Twiglits in marmite.

[Hopeless]

Throw them with what looks like child off the side of a bridge obviously the child has a rope tied around their waist, if the person deliberately let's go rather than risk the child's life they're clearly not evil and should be rescued if they ignore the child's plight to escape themselves they're clearly evil!
Please note if they climb up the rope you must allow the chance to pull the rope up in case they're not evil but in case you haven't noticed that child is actually a halfling paladin with a ring of water walking...

Well just because you're good doesn't mean you're dumb!

[Calthropstu]

Asks for their fillet "well done."
Puts ketchup on a hotdog.
Pronounces the "e" at the end of cache, steppe, or forte.
Roots for the Yankees.
Takes the last of the toilet paper and doesn't replace it.
Greets people with "hot out today, isn't it?" when it's really, really hot out.
Drives in the center lane going five miles under the speed limit.
Takes their baby to a theater.

How could you not put ketchup on hot dogs? And the Yankees are awesome... you're just jealous that your team has less than half the WS wins they do.
Cache and steppe the e is in fact silent, but you are supposed to pronounce it in forte. And it's not my job to replace tp, that's done by the cleaning crew. And it really is kind of hot out isn't it?
Sorry about the baby, couldn't find a sitter and my radiator has been acting up so I don't wanna go too fast, and I use the center lane because I'm afraid of heights and when I cross bridges I don't wanna see over the side.

[OfTheLinKuei]

If I kill them and they had loot on their persons, they were evil. If they didn't, then they weren't evil yet but could possibly turn evil in the future, so in this case the heroism was preemptive. So either way it's fine.

[Segev]

Are they trustworthy enough that I don't find them likely to backstab me? Then I care little whether they're evil or not. I am, after all, a necromancer.

I am more concerned with determining if they're good, and if so, how pragmatic they are about it.

[Red Fel]

If I'm doing my job right, you don't have to tell. Because by the time I'm finished, there's only one right answer.

Everyone.

[Keltest]

If I'm doing my job right, you don't have to tell. Because by the time I'm finished, there's only one right answer.

Everyone.

In that there is only one person left?

[Stelio Kontos]

Set up a classic trolley problem. If they ask how soon the next train will be along, they're probably evil.

[Segev]

If I'm doing my job right, you don't have to tell. Because by the time I'm finished, there's only one right answer.

Everyone.

Here's where we differ, my friend. Given a choice, I'd love a world filled with good aligned people with a pragmatic or lawful bent. Being the only evil person around puts surprisingly few limits on one's behavior if one understands the rules the good live by, and makes your life a lot easier when you don't have to worry about the backstabbing evil folks turning on you.

[NRSASD]

If it bleeds, it's probably evil. If it doesn't bleed, you know it's EVIL.

[Guizonde]

evil, huh? if whatever i say provokes an alignment change, probably evil.

if it provokes an alignment change in someone else, definitely evil.

if it can be solved by a crowbar, not an evil act, but a pragmatic one.

if it can't be solved by gratuitous application of violence, chances are it's a riddle. so, not evil.

if it's teflon-coated plot armored, it's a dmpc. judicious application of high-velocity bricks should solve the problem of the evil dm.

if it makes me giggle for too long, it's probably psychotic. jury's out on if that's evil or not. dead babies? consequence of evil. necrophagist cannibal undead babies? evil. try solving it with a crowbar. usually works.

[Spookykid]

if it looks like a gnome or talks like a gnome or smells like a gnome, its evil and should be killed

[Mastikator]

I can't tell if someone is evil, I can only think that someone is evil. Nothing is either good or evil, only thinking makes it so.

[legomaster00156]

Don't forget goatees. Goatees are evil.

[Red Fel]

Don't forget goatees. Goatees are evil.

Goatees are stylish.

[Spore]

If it takes the last biscuit without offering.

*stroking his goatee* And I'd do it again in a heart beat!

[Deophaun]

Don't forget goatees. Goatees are evil.

Just because they're enslaved by evil masterminds and forced to sit on their chins does not make goatees evil.

[Joe the Rat]

Goatees are stylish.

Damn straight!
/em strokes goatee while contemplating

How someone laughs is a dead giveaway. If it could be described as maniacal, they are probably evil.

Whelp, now I know what sorts of careers I should direct my daughter towards. Girl has a cackle like Baba Yaga on nitrous.