Playing Races, Genders, Sexual Orientations, and Sexual Identities with Respect

[inexorabletruth]

Spoiler: Original post, for transparency

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TL;DR: How do you get into the character of someone who is different from your race/gender identity/sexual orientation without making it a caricature?

I like roleplaying games, because I like to play a role. I want to really get into a character and feel what they feel, think what they think, and experience life through their unique lens.

But things get weird the further out from my IRL biological framework, and I'm always nervous that I'm doing a disservice to the group I'm representing when I'm playing. With fantasy races, it's a little easier to play out, because racially charged fluff is built into the template, giving them an easy-to-follow guideline. i.e. Dwarves are gruff, but loyal, and love beer. Elves are pretty and graceful, but a little arrogant. Gnomes are mischievous and playful, but generally good-hearted and creative.

But things get more difficult to play something hits closer to home. Let's say, I wanted to play an Hispanic trans-female pansexual? Or a black male heterosexual? Or, the hardest of all for me, a Native American, literally any gender or orientation?

In the cases of real world inspired culture groups, I don't want to play caricatures of them. That already happens enough with Asians in D&D. I want to play something that is honest and respectful... not just superimpose my personality over a racial template, or play strictly to the stereotypes of the represented culture, because I feel both of these:
1) insult the culture being represented
2) cheapen the experience of roleplay
3) are lazy ways to play the game in general

So, often times, I will hit up google. I study cultural statistics, history, religion, and census. I rarely attempt to play it from my personal experience, because that is viewing the culture from a "tinted lens" so to speak. I look at languages spoken from the culture and listen to accents derived from that when they speak English (which is my defacto for Common). I research paintings and drawings of people from the cultural era being loosely represented in the campaign I'm in, and I also look for common figures of speech and important cultural milestones from the era. For instance, was that culture group free or slaves? Theocratic? Tribal? Civilized? Were they equals in their culture groups or were the elites? Second class citizens? Were they even represented at all? If so how would they clash/mesh with the cultural zeitgeist? It sometimes takes more work than I have time for, so I often cut corners in my research and hope the final version feels true enough. But I still often worry that what I'm doing is somehow... inappropriate.

Spoiler:
This is not the conversation point... this is just an example:

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I imagine cosplayers, especially crossplayers, have a similar dilemma. As a white male, passably straight, let's say I wanted to cosplay as, say... Sailor Moon. There are many conventions where I live that won't allow this, even if I make an effort to cover all the "private bits". The problem gets more severe if I want to cosplay as a dark elf. Even though the race doesn't technically exist in this world, it's hard to imagine a scenario where this would be a culturally acceptable cosplay. It's hard to tell where the line crosses from heartfelt roleplay of a character or concept you love, to some form of accidental "ism."

And so, I thought this would be a nice place to discuss what we do to get into character and really play true to the nature of the culture we are trying to emulate. Also, if anyone wishes to share their questions/concerns/frustrations with roleplay outside of your specific cultural purview, they are welcome to do so here. How do you handle the RP? What are some challenges you've faced playing your character and were you able to overcome it? If so, how? If not, maybe the collective minds on the forum can help.

What methods and techniques do you use to get into character and overcome the obstacles of accidentally superimposing yourself onto the character you are playing without playing a two dimensional caricature of your character?

I'm talking about method acting, or other techniques, as a role playing technique for developing the subtler aspects of your character (i.e. the nuances of a personality that is sculpted, or influenced by, the cultural and societal aspects and ramifications of race, gender identity, and sexual orientation) with respect to the archetype being represented and with a heightened level of verisimilitude. This is all assuming the game being played allows for, and encourages, this kind of roleplay.

This not an attempt to discourage this kind of RP, defend it, or feel better/worse about it. This is an effort to promote discussion about it in the hopes that those of us who enjoy this type of in depth roleplay can hone their skills by sharing with and learning from techniques and practices being used, and how those techniques and practices worked out.

Obviously communication is not my best skill, so I apologize if I've been unclear. It's one of the reasons I enjoy role play as much as I do. It feels like a safe playing field for practicing how to interact with people. Therefore, I'm hoping this post rewrite clarifies my original intent.

[Max_Killjoy]

Start with the person.

Forget that they're _____, or ______, or _______. Put it completely out of your head.

Figure out who the person is that you're playing. Concentrate on the things that make that individual who they are. What do they care about? What kind of family are they from? Are they from a little farming village or a forest town or the big city? What kind of education do they have?

Look at all the discussions here --we're all gamers, but that doesn't define any one of us in some universal way. There's a tremendous amount of diversity inside that box. Same with anything else. Any two ________ people will be as different as any two non-_________ people.

Individual people are not defined by being _____, or ______, or _______ -- those things are just pieces of their experience and identity, not the single defining element.

Respect each character as a character (and as a "person") first and foremost, and the rest will follow.

...

I'm not saying that it's utterly unimportant, or that culture or personal experience or shared challenges for _______ people don't have an effect, and won't show. But if you start out worrying about ________ instead of the individual person, you're going to end up with the cliche or stereotype that you were hoping to avoid in the first place.

[Segev]

Just going to back Max Killjoy up, here. Make the character. This character may happen to be gay, transgendered, orcish, Moorish, Aryan, Hindu, Wiccan, North Korean, or New England Old Money. But they happen to be those things.

By all means, research cultural and subcultural traits that would shape their behavior and outlook, but don't focus on them. Just let them inform behavior and outlook. Unless the character is placing this aspect of themselves at the center of their lives, they should be, at most, noteworthy. Not defining.

And, as long as you're playing a PERSON, if that PERSON believes certain things about their own subculture, who is anybody to tell them they're wrong or insulting? I mean, they're entitled to their opinions, but...

Now, that said, if you do find you're offending another player at your table, discuss it with them OOC.

If you're not, and you're having fun, don't worry about offending a nebulous Platonic Ideal of a subculture. They shouldn't be poking their noses in your private elfgame pretendy fun times. This goes for whether you're portraying a homosexual cannibal or a Trump-supporting Nazi (both of which, I'm sure, offend people who identify with one aspect of those descriptions but are offended by others). As long as you're not making somebody at your table uncomfortable with the linkage, who has any right to care that they'd be offended if they broke into the house in which you're gaming and stood at your table, uninvited, and eavesdropped?

[Telonius]

Every person (and every character) has a bunch of different qualities that make up that person. Nobody's just one thing, and each person might have a slightly different idea of how important those parts are to the whole. A bisexual female Tiefling who's dedicated her life to making society accept her as a Tiefling, a woman, and a bisexual is probably going to assign a different level of importance to those components than a gender-fluid Changeling who doesn't care that much and just wants to "pass."

An individual component is not the most important aspect of the person, unless the person and the society decide that it is. So, do talk with the DM to work out exactly how much emphasis the society in question is going to put on any of that.

It does get a bit trickier when you start getting away from Tieflings and into Humans. If you're thinking of cross-playing a race, gender, ethnicity, or any other thing, I'd suggest politely asking someone of that group for advice. You aren't entitled to get the advice, and one person can't speak for their whole group; but asking is always good and respectful. Some groups are more protective of their customs and sensitive to cultural representations than others, and it can be tricky to know if you don't ask. I don't know what your own heritage is, but it seems you're already aware that whitewashing is an issue and care about addressing it. Most people will realize that you're trying to fix the problem and meet you on that level.

[Faily]

I've played a few characters that were either bi, gay, a different gender than I, asexual, pansexual, and such...

... And it all comes down to treating the character like a person, imo.

[JNAProductions]

Speaking as a cis white straight male here (so, you know, grain of salt) I'll echo what the others have said. Just make a character, and if they happen to be bi or gay or black or a potato farmer or an Olympic gold medal winner, see how that would affect the base personality and character.

Now, obviously the character will be different if they're gay instead of straight in a world where homosexuality is persecuted, but in a world where equality is the name of the land? I don't see much, if any, difference between a straight character and a gay one who have the same base personality. Actions will be slightly different (the gay one won't hit on the cute barmaid, and instead probably hit on the busboy) but personality won't be.

[inexorabletruth]

Alright! Let's dig in, then.

Spoiler: Example

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More often than not, I'm the DM. As such, I let the dice decide much of the basics of gender identity, race, names, personality traits, and etc just to keep it random. I mean... if the geographic location is Asian themed (comes up a lot in D&D), then I'm going to roll from a chart of top 100 Asian names, so it's not painfully random. But still, you get the gist.

Before I get into my particular quandary, let me sum up the world and the game flow in a spoiler, in case you want to skip over that.

Spoiler

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The game I'm running is high adventure mixed with certain steampunk themes and an anachronistic vibe of cultural progression and conveniences for the sake of relatability. So, matters of sexual identity and orientation are generally relegated to the role of personal choice and of no major social consequence. I suppose the defacto orientation would be panromantic in the sense that whether the adventurer chooses to fall in love with the local tavern wench or busboy, either way, they've got a shot, as long as the steamier aspects of love, romance, and seduction is left "off camera". Racism and discrimination still exists in the world though, because I struggle to imagine a D&D setting where it wouldn't be. Dwarves and Elves kind of don't like each other. Half-Orcs don't fit in well with Orcs or Humans. Half-Elves are kind of liked everywhere, but don't really fit it anywhere. It's already in the official fluff. And the racial traits, bonuses, and favored classes found in older D&D systems help indoctrinate a certain degree of racialism anyway.

So, using all this as a mechanic, my adventure group walked into a bardic tavern, which is essentially a gogo club with a half-orc bouncer. It's close to closing so the night has turned from gogo to pole dancing, to rake in those last few coppers. A dark, brooding band plays some sultry music on center stage while an oil-slicked half-orc male dances on one pole to the left and a tattooed elf female performs a suspended spin from a pole on the right of the band. A couple of off-duty guards are flicking coins at the half-orc while nursing the last of their drink. A male gnome tends bar.

Of course, the idea of this seems very silly from a middle earth, high adventure, point of view, but I thought I'd throw in a little bit of lighthearted fun into a game that has had a lot of downers in it. But that doesn't mean I don't want to play it right. The half-orc and elf dancers have personalities... interests, hobbies, problems and well back stories.

Spoiler Alert: If you are in my campaign, back away slowly! The rest of this gives away stuff that might effect the plot depending on how you play it.

The half-orc dances for the love of the art, and happens to enjoy the attention. He's a fun loving acrobatic Commoner who has shed the predetermined confines of his race and now earns a modest wage dancing for the local bards who come in after a long day of rehearsal for the upcoming performance. He lives a bohemian lifestyle and loves as freely as his somewhat intimidating physique allows.

The elf is a low level sorcerer illusionist in a world where arcane users are shunned, and sometimes openly (and legally) hunted for their bounty. Knowing this, she has decided to shed her former lifestyle and start new. It took a lot of money, time, and personal sacrifice to build a new identity, and the fastest way she could think of to rebuild her wealth without drawing attention to her abilities was to use that fine CHA score of hers to shake it out on the dance floor. She's been thinking about joining the bard's troupe for a while, and some of her regulars have been trying to give her that emotional push. But she's lost so much already and lacks the confidence to enter a stage where the audience looks above the neckline.

I want them to be flirty... they're entertainers and flirting makes good tips, but I want to play it right. I struggle with sexier themes like this because that doesn't really fit into my personality. I'm really into my spouse, and that's about it. I don't go to exotic clubs nor do I enjoy gogo clubs or pole dancing clubs, and you would have to drag me kicking and screaming to a strip club because I truly dislike them. No judgement there, it's just not my thing. Anyway, it's in the campaign, and I want to do it right. Therefore, I don't want the Half-Orc to talk in a breathy lisp and say generic lines like "Hey big-boy," or "Girl, you fierce." And I don't want the elf female to jiggle all the time and offer cheesy porn line tropes. I'd like there to be enough of a hint of character depth that the PCs would be intrigued if they bother to interact.

So, any advice? Also, I understand this is a tricky question to ask on the Playground. I ask we keep it as clean and respectable as possible. I'm looking for subtle hints. Body language, phrases that suggest flirtation, not whang you over the forehead with it. I'm looking for something clever.

[Nullstellensatz]

Our similarities far outweigh our differences. I play my standard base character, and swap the pronouns/physical characteristics. If there are setting-specific political and/or cultural elements to be considered, they're left by the wayside until I'm confronted by them.

I'm not going to hit on every male bartender if I'm playing a gay character, because I wouldn't hit on every female bartender as a straight character. If a female NPC is trying to seduce me to some end, I'd just make a comment like "Sorry, but I'm a confirmed bachelor."

[Jormengand]

To an extent, you can take the advice of the multiple cis straight white men who've insisted "Make the character first, then add the details", but you have to take into account something: minorities grow up in a world that isn't designed for them and that influences who they are as a person. A lot of LGBT people - particularly on the T end of things - are going to have potentially grown up never knowing that people like them existed. They might easily - again, particularly trans people - be nervous or insecure about sexual situations. In the modern, real world, being trans is almost a guarantee of having been physically and/or sexually assaulted for it. If you're trans, your childhood is almost certainly going to be something that you're inclined to forget. If you're a woman, you've quite probably grown up in a world determined to suppress your ambitions and ignore your desires.

I'm so close to white that I won't try to pretend I can talk about the experiences of people of colour, but I will talk about fantasy speciesism because there are no orcs to suffer for it if I screw up. I want you to imagine that a human, a half-orc and a gnome walk into a bar in Dwarven territory.

The half-orc walks in, sits down, and has a beer. The bartender gives him a funny look. Someone tsks. He overhears someone asking their friend if they think his tusk's real. The beer isn't the one he ordered - he doesn't think it was a deliberate mistake, but he keeps quiet because he knows that if he complains, he'll just be a typical boorish half-orc. If he snaps about the people being quietly bigoted, he'll just be a typical savage greenskin. He doesn't want to play into stereotypes. So he downs his beer, and walks out, angry but unable to do much about it.

The halfling walks in and... ack, there's nowhere to sit. All the seats are either dwarf-sized, because this is a dwarven bar, or human-sized, because everyone makes reasonable adjustment for humans. He may be told that he's too young to drink, because everyone's assumption is that he's a human until shown otherwise.

The human walks in, has a drink, and walks out, wondering what all the fuss is about.

Being a member of a minority can affect everything that you do, in ways you might not even think of. For example, I'll admit that I never realised that having a mandatory "First name" and "Surname" field on a form can cause issues for people with mononymous names, particularly Javanese names, until this was pointed out to me. In general, things tend to be designed for majorities, or sometimes for majorities and prevalent minorities (it's depressingly rare to get an "Other: please specify" field on questions about sexuality or gender, because people haven't realised that not everyone is a straight, gay or bi man or woman).

Also, people tend to treat trans people like they're their personal info source or like them being trans is this massive deal in a way that they don't seem to with people of colour or LGB people, probably because they already grok what PoC and LGB people are. I've had a lot of job interviews recently, and they almost always bring up the fact that I'm trans for no good reason.

Oh, and of course, a lot of members of minorities can get harassed for it daily, which you have to keep in mind when determining their attitudes and reactions to prejudice. I've had people shout abuse at me or even physically attack me multiple times in the same day before, and after a while you just stop caring too much about it. Don't expect a realistically-played trans character to get into a shouting match every time someone calls them something untoward.

I wrote all of this before actually reading your specific situation, but... well, I guess I hope it helps in general and in specific.

[inexorabletruth]

I wrote all of this before actually reading your specific situation, but... well, I guess I hope it helps in general and in specific.

No, actually, this is really good, Jormengand! And it's exactly the kind of discussion and advice I'm hoping to get. I'm not looking specifically for help for my campaigns and characters. I'm hoping this will make a good general advice thread for people attempting to RP outside of their Race/Gender paradigm.

[Max_Killjoy]

Jormengand's advice isn't bad, or wrong.

The point for me is that there's a fundamental difference between "I'm going to play a person who is among other things ______" versus "I'm going to play a ______". The latter just sounds like a straight and quick path to cliches.

[Pleh]

I have one character I have built this way. Yes, for the most part, it doesn't affect build choices or mechanical properties. I chose identity first, then let it speak to the Class, then built the class to be functional, and rounded it back out to tie the loose ends back into the basic concept.

It does affect motivation and certain life choices. I picked Warlock as a way of describing how my character wasn't someone who would be willingly trained in more "honorable" professions by a society that rejected her; she was turning to the powers that didn't discriminate (not a little bit out of spite of the more socially acceptable paths that had rejected her). Not that she's a fool, either; she knows dealing with demons tends to end badly, but without the power they can give in return, there wasn't much of a path to any meaningful power anyway so her fate was already sealed without it. And she needed power because she needed to feel vindicated (not because every person in her situation does, but because SHE does), and if only the demons will help her do it, why the heck not?

She's Evil alignment, not because of orientation or anything like that, but because she maybe enjoys getting her revenge on the bigots just a little too much, indulging in torture when finding people who remind her of the evil people in her own life and making them feel the physical pain she has endured emotionally. She finally has the power of self-determination, the power to defend her identity, and has no regrets about using that power, despite the cost to her soul.

In essence, I aimed to use the identity of my character to help form her life choices, much as how I typically use Class or Race to describe the fundamental starting points to any character's story. I suppose it's a bit like a 5e Background with Flaws, Bonds, and Ideals (even though I made the character for 3.5). Flaws: willing to do unspeakable things to maintain self-determination. Bonds: never allowing oneself to be belittled ever again. Ideals: freedom.

[RazorChain]

As a GM running a historical game in late 12th century Kingdom of Sicily which was multicultural (Jews, Greeks, Sicilians, Arabs, Berbers, Gypsies) of both genders

I don't sweat about it because all my NPC's are persons. I just focus on their personality the rest is just flavour. If they are greedy, brave or pious then ethnicity, gender or sexual orientation doesnt count that much.

[inexorabletruth]

As a GM running a historical game in late 12th century Kingdom of Sicily which was multicultural (Jews, Greeks, Sicilians, Arabs, Berbers, Gypsies) of both genders

I don't sweat about it because all my NPC's are persons. I just focus on their personality the rest is just flavour. If they are greedy, brave or pious then ethnicity, gender or sexual orientation doesnt count that much.

But a personality can be cultured by its society. Someone who grows up loved, supported, protected, or accepted by a society is likely to have a different outlook, level of education, life span, overall health, and attitude that someone who grows up hated, neglected, abused, or rejected by society.

People who grow up "normal" for their society are also going to have a different perspective paradigm than someone who grows up "different."

As a white male, my experiences in life have been different than those of a black female. Also, as a white male who has spent most of his life in the lower class, my experiences with society have been different than white males who grew up in the upper or middle class. As a younger GenXer, my experiences in society, and therefore my perspectives on society are way different from those of Baby Boomers, and a little different from those of Millennials. Even my sexual orientation complicates the nature of my relationship with those of other sexual orientations... not always in a bad way, but sometimes. I've lost a job before because the boss found out I wasn't hetero. And I've been sexually harassed at a job by a boss because I'm not straight. I've gotten jobs before because the boss thought I was gay, only to find out I'm not actually gay either.

The fact that I'm married has changed the way I behave in the world. The fact that I have a son dramatically changed the way I see the world. And all these things are affected by Race, Gender, Sexual Identity, and Sexual Orientation. They aren't the only things that develop a persons unique character signature, but it plays a huge part, and I think it's worth exploring.

[LordCdrMilitant]

I might have some insight on this:

It isn't my only character trait, it probably shouldn't exclusively define your character.

A few things to observe:
Transgender people generally identify as "male" or "female", and like to be referred to as such.
It's not conducive to being accepted by society as fe/male if one goes around telling the world they had the opposite parts at birth. Only those close to you need to know what you were born with.
Homosexual or bisexual people aren't any more sex-crazed than heterosexual members of their gender. As straight people don't hit on every wo/man s/he sees, neither do gay or bi people.
Just because a person is okay with making jokes about themselves, that doesn't mean it's okay for you to do so. Please just don't.

Also, I will definitely take you bringing an LGBT+ character to my game at more than face value.

Jormengand's advice isn't bad, or wrong.

The point for me is that there's a fundamental difference between "I'm going to play a person who is among other things ______" versus "I'm going to play a ______". The latter just sounds like a straight and quick path to cliches.

That would be the ideal that we strive for, though it's a very cisgendered white male point of view to say it doesn't matter. It colors a lot of our social interactions, though we wish it didn't.

However, you're on to something: I would personally rather be identified as a tabletop miniature wargamer, a roleplay gamer, an aerospace engineer, a recreational archer, and an enthusiast of medieval hand-to-hand techniques and military strategy and tactics before other identities.

Some people like it if your character explores these themes. Personally, I'd appreciate if you don't at my table. I can't convey to you how it feels through your character, and I don't really consider trying helpful. Acknowledge the challenges people face in real life, and accept me[and others] as I[we] want to be accepted.

[Rhedyn]

The correct answer depends on your friend group, everyone's comfort levels, and the dynamic of the group.

As far as advice to being authentic? Imagine yourself looking "out from" rather than "in on" the character. How much does skin tone really mean in a fantasy setting where no one ever made a big deal of it? How differently is gender perceive in a world where physical ability is not generally different between the two?
Keep in mind that real world situations need not always apply and your role-playing thought process should try to divorce your own biases/political opinions from the character.

[RazorChain]

But a personality can be cultured by its society. Someone who grows up loved, supported, protected, or accepted by a society is likely to have a different outlook, level of education, life span, overall health, and attitude that someone who grows up hated, neglected, abused, or rejected by society.

People who grow up "normal" for their society are also going to have a different perspective paradigm than someone who grows up "different."

As a white male, my experiences in life have been different than those of a black female. Also, as a white male who has spent most of his life in the lower class, my experiences with society have been different than white males who grew up in the upper or middle class. As a younger GenXer, my experiences in society, and therefore my perspectives on society are way different from those of Baby Boomers, and a little different from those of Millennials. Even my sexual orientation complicates the nature of my relationship with those of other sexual orientations... not always in a bad way, but sometimes. I've lost a job before because the boss found out I wasn't hetero. And I've been sexually harassed at a job by a boss because I'm not straight. I've gotten jobs before because the boss thought I was gay, only to find out I'm not actually gay either.

The fact that I'm married has changed the way I behave in the world. The fact that I have a son dramatically changed the way I see the world. And all these things are affected by Race, Gender, Sexual Identity, and Sexual Orientation. They aren't the only things that develop a persons unique character signature, but it plays a huge part, and I think it's worth exploring.

Yes but that's it. I'm a white male but our experiences are wastly different. I'm autistic and a father of three autistic children. And as labels go if you know one autist then you know ONE autist.

We are all sum of our experiences and if you try to portray a white autistic man then even I cant say you got it right because I don't know all autistic white men.

So don't sweat it

[Jay R]

I offer one piece of advice.

We don't role-play everything that happens in life. [If we did, role-playing one day would take a day of play time.] We don't role-play eating, cleaning, bathing, or many other activities that are real but unimportant to the story or game.

It will be much easier to role-play the adventure part of the life than the private or intimate aspects of somebody's life. And the most embarrassing mistakes will happen role-playing the private and intimate moments. So just don't role-play them.

[inexorabletruth]

I offer one piece of advice.

We don't role-play everything that happens in life. [If we did, role-playing one day would take a day of play time.] We don't role-play eating, cleaning, bathing, or many other activities that are real but unimportant to the story or game.

It will be much easier to role-play the adventure part of the life than the private or intimate aspects of somebody's life. And the most embarrassing mistakes will happen role-playing the private and intimate moments. So just don't role-play them.

I was more interested in advice, experience-share, and brainstorming rather than gate-keeping. If roleplaying the subtler or more intricate parts of a character's personality isn't your bag, then there's nothing wrong with that. But then, this thread isn't really for you.

I'm looking for struggles and successes with getting into the character mindset, and how to play races, gender identities, and sexual orientations with respect to the core concept of the subject. And I would prefer not to be told that I can't do that, because I like playing that way; I play with others who like playing that way. And I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Actors and actresses literally do this for a living, yet we're not trying to shut down Hollywood or the theater.

[Max_Killjoy]

My own experience is that I'm so mentally / emotionally different from what we're constantly told about humans, with most of the commentary on the human mind and such that I come across in psychology books, TED Talks, Radiolab, whatever, sounding just utterly alien to me, and my internal priorities and reactions so clearly different from most people around me, that I'm playing the role of "normal person" every day with most of the humans I interact with.

So in some ways when I get to play a non-human in an RPG, I'm having to do less work.

[Cluedrew]

I'm going to give a variant rule of the "play a person". Don't have a single defining character trait. Have... three at least. So a bisexual character is not great, a studious bisexual who does archery for fun is a better start. And all three of these might come up in a variety of ways, sure they might pick up a bow if they need an improvised weapon, but the people they know people through the archery club may come up.

[Max_Killjoy]

I'm going to give a variant rule of the "play a person". Don't have a single defining character trait. Have... three at least. So a bisexual character is not great, a studious bisexual who does archery for fun is a better start. And all three of these might come up in a variety of ways, sure they might pick up a bow if they need an improvised weapon, but the people they know people through the archery club may come up.

That's a great approach.

There's a big difference between "I'm going to play a ______", and "I'm going to play someone who is an archer, is an avid reader, wishes they could have a pet goat, and is ________".

[Segev]

Looking at your two specific examples, the half-orc seems comfortable in his own skin, so his performance is less of a façade. Obviously, there is a bit of one there, but he genuinely is close to the exaggerated stage presence he uses.

"Flirty" for him can be normal for a straight guy who just happens to know he looks sexy and that people want him. He also can respond "in kind," if he's acting a character-role, so if somebody is sending him signals with THEIR flirting, he can react as if he were the kind of person that that flirting would work on. I would generally play him as friendly and a bit eager, but given that he's a half-orc male, those who're throwing money at him probably want a man, not an effeminate pretty-boy. He can be a pretty, even gentle man, but he shouldn't be "girly." In-character, in-setting (i.e. the strip club), he knows people want him. (All the dancers know the audience wants them; that's why the audience is THERE.) He can play off of that in his come-ons.

Out of character (in this case, I mean performing persona, not "OOC" in the gaming sense), he can potentially be a little more shy, or a little less overtly flirtatious, because he's not making money off of his confidence and manly come-ons. But he should come off as happy (in the content, if not the bubbly) sense. Friendly, too; he's not going to be as much at risk of handsy patrons forcing themselves on him, simply due to his size and physical power. Though he might have to fend off girls who think that the usual seductive clinginess of the cliché will work, when...let's be honest...as a guy who makes his money "being sexy," he probably gets all he wants from his pick of the litter. So if he's jaded, it's probably in the same way a rock star is jaded over his swooning fangirl groupies.

The negative side would be that, as a half-orc, if the world is "typical" for D&D, he's going to be viewed as potential trouble. If he has built a trustworthy reputation in town, he still had to work to build it. He would be proud of that reputation, and would capitalize on it not by exploiting it, but by living up to it as much as possible and being quick to make sure people know "it wasn't me" if something happens that could be incriminating. If he hasn't built that reputation, he might have some anxieties over that lack and be working towards it. In this case, he might seem meeker than "normal" because of the need not to give people an excuse. And thus he might be nervous around well-armed adventurers and thugs.


The elf, on the other hand, sounds like she's less comfortable with the job. She's got enough Cha to make it work, and her persona is probably more exaggerated. She likely wants to avoid interacting with the "audience" when out of character, because she knows she can't use her magic to defend herself without a lot of risk, and she may not be comfortable with how they see her. Or, maybe she is, or has gotten that way. Regardless, she's likely a very different kind of proud in and out of stage-character. On stage, she's working that charisma and her looks to command attention, to make men want her and women want to be her. She's Jessica Rabbit in her intro scene. Off stage, she would probably not normally have "stooped" to this kind of work, and a mix of her wounded dignity and her understanding that it was her own choice still means she's going to act shy even while telling herself that she's "not like this," not "really." She's a powerful sorceress in a disguise. That's all.

Which she then might, in some moments, berate herself for since thinking like that can make her break "character." She's not comfortable in her own skin. If the party gets to know her, they should eventually notice that she's skittish. Worried.

She might try a little too hard to be seductive. She also, since she didn't choose to go into prostitution, might take a particular umbrage at the suggestion that she sells her body for sex. Whether she has an active sex life that is not work-related will depend on how she looks at it. Is it a normal activity she enjoys on her own terms? Is it a weakness she indulges occasionally, exacerbated by the sexual nature of her work? Does she avoid or pursue it in a way deliberately different from her stage persona?

When not "in character," it should be noticeable how she's not exactly comfortable in her own skin. When "in character," her discomfort should be harder to spot, but still be there for those who can get past her sky high bluff/perform/diplomacy.

[MeimuHakurei]

While I generally agree with the basic idea phrased here, I think it should be phrased as "who are they, other than their race/gender/orientation/etc.?" since that's what you're trying to say. Still, that thinking alone is not enough since it's likely your perception of that identity is colored by your own experiences. You could still end up doing Guys Smash, Girls Shoot or put a gay person into a stereotypically "glamorous" role like a bard class. So just thinking of other traits might not be enough.

What should you do, then? Hear out what the minority has to say. You probably won't need to directly consult a marginalized person just to roleplay their identity properly, but you could read up on the experienced of people of that race/gender/orientation/etc. to have a better picture (doesn't have to be struggles with discrimination, it could be casual everyday stuff even). Another thing I like is better representing said identity in the campaign world - if there's a number of PoCs and queer people in the setting, chances are they'll be different from one another and not all act in a certain way.

In any case, chances are you're still going to get things wrong some of the time - it's important that you admit you made a mistake and that you should learn from it.

[inexorabletruth]

Looking at your two specific examples, the half-orc seems comfortable in his own skin, so his performance is less of a façade. Obviously, there is a bit of one there, but he genuinely is close to the exaggerated stage presence he uses.

Spoiler: Half Orc: Spoilered for Space

Show

"Flirty" for him can be normal for a straight guy who just happens to know he looks sexy and that people want him. He also can respond "in kind," if he's acting a character-role, so if somebody is sending him signals with THEIR flirting, he can react as if he were the kind of person that that flirting would work on. I would generally play him as friendly and a bit eager, but given that he's a half-orc male, those who're throwing money at him probably want a man, not an effeminate pretty-boy. He can be a pretty, even gentle man, but he shouldn't be "girly." In-character, in-setting (i.e. the strip club), he knows people want him. (All the dancers know the audience wants them; that's why the audience is THERE.) He can play off of that in his come-ons.

Out of character (in this case, I mean performing persona, not "OOC" in the gaming sense), he can potentially be a little more shy, or a little less overtly flirtatious, because he's not making money off of his confidence and manly come-ons. But he should come off as happy (in the content, if not the bubbly) sense. Friendly, too; he's not going to be as much at risk of handsy patrons forcing themselves on him, simply due to his size and physical power. Though he might have to fend off girls who think that the usual seductive clinginess of the cliché will work, when...let's be honest...as a guy who makes his money "being sexy," he probably gets all he wants from his pick of the litter. So if he's jaded, it's probably in the same way a rock star is jaded over his swooning fangirl groupies.

The negative side would be that, as a half-orc, if the world is "typical" for D&D, he's going to be viewed as potential trouble. If he has built a trustworthy reputation in town, he still had to work to build it. He would be proud of that reputation, and would capitalize on it not by exploiting it, but by living up to it as much as possible and being quick to make sure people know "it wasn't me" if something happens that could be incriminating. If he hasn't built that reputation, he might have some anxieties over that lack and be working towards it. In this case, he might seem meeker than "normal" because of the need not to give people an excuse. And thus he might be nervous around well-armed adventurers and thugs.

Spoiler: The Elf: Spoilered for Space

Show

The elf, on the other hand, sounds like she's less comfortable with the job. She's got enough Cha to make it work, and her persona is probably more exaggerated. She likely wants to avoid interacting with the "audience" when out of character, because she knows she can't use her magic to defend herself without a lot of risk, and she may not be comfortable with how they see her. Or, maybe she is, or has gotten that way. Regardless, she's likely a very different kind of proud in and out of stage-character. On stage, she's working that charisma and her looks to command attention, to make men want her and women want to be her. She's Jessica Rabbit in her intro scene. Off stage, she would probably not normally have "stooped" to this kind of work, and a mix of her wounded dignity and her understanding that it was her own choice still means she's going to act shy even while telling herself that she's "not like this," not "really." She's a powerful sorceress in a disguise. That's all.

Which she then might, in some moments, berate herself for since thinking like that can make her break "character." She's not comfortable in her own skin. If the party gets to know her, they should eventually notice that she's skittish. Worried.

She might try a little too hard to be seductive. She also, since she didn't choose to go into prostitution, might take a particular umbrage at the suggestion that she sells her body for sex. Whether she has an active sex life that is not work-related will depend on how she looks at it. Is it a normal activity she enjoys on her own terms? Is it a weakness she indulges occasionally, exacerbated by the sexual nature of her work? Does she avoid or pursue it in a way deliberately different from her stage persona?

When not "in character," it should be noticeable how she's not exactly comfortable in her own skin. When "in character," her discomfort should be harder to spot, but still be there for those who can get past her sky high bluff/perform/diplomacy.

I think I've got you. The Half-Orc would take a Freddie Mercury approach: bold on stage, shy off stage. He's got racial biases to overcome, so he keeps his head down and nose clean when he's off the clock. So maybe, on the pole is the only time he can truly be himself. So he feels powerful and acts more aggressively?

I like the concept of the elf being uncomfortable in her own skin. I hadn't actually thought of that, but I'm not sure how to play that in a description. According to this link, she would rub her face, neck, and legs a lot, try to lean away from people addressing her, or put physical obstacles between her and those she is being addressed by. She would avoid eye contact, and point her body slightly away from people she is talking to... as if to have an easy escape from the conversation.

But how do you suppose this would this effect her ability to engage with people she has an interest in? Would she be equally awkward and shy, or would to the exact opposite, and attempt to touch the target of her affection (punching, slapping, or plausibly deniable accidental contact mybe?) while leaning in almost uncomfortably close? Where would her obstacles go? Lets say, for ease of context, the obstacle is her make up kit which she will use on her stage performances and also on the streets in order to change her look enough to not be instantly recognizable. So conceivably, she would have it around a lot. It would be large and bulky enough to serve as an obstacle, yet lightweight enough to not be a burden for her to carry it everywhere. Would she put the make up kit down? Leave it in front of her because even though she wants to engage, she is still wrestling with her own insecurities, or would it be at her side? Ready to put back up as a shield if her affections are spurned or scorned?

[Segev]

For this specific elf, with her ex-sorceress backstory (well, really still a sorceress, just hiding it), for those she's interested in, she might let more of her real personality slip through. She was used to commanding respect via her beauty and force of personality, and presumably she wants those she's interested in to see her has more than the eye candy on stage. Which might contribute to her discomfort in her own skin becoming more pronounced when she catches herself doing that, and tries to shift to a false persona to "hide." She may well be worried people will see through her.

While obstacles and rubbing the face and stuff are good general cues, the discomfort I was picturing was more along the lines of trying too hard to act the role she thinks she's filling. She's still high charisma, so I'd play her "straight" on the surface, and just have little things, like having anything unexpected cause her to initially act like her real/old self. Then, as soon as she notices this, she tries to shift back into "character," and the shift should be a little jarring.

Think of comedy acts where a character is presenting a happy and obsequious façade, and looks disgusted the moment the mark's back is turned, only to shift immediately back to the smiling and helpful expression. Only instead of hiding her disgust (unless she is), she's hiding her discomfort at being over one of her old self's lines that her "slutty" new self would have no problem with, or she's hiding a sudden burst of high-handedness behind her façade of bubbly good nature, or...

Well, you'll have to come up with what her pre-hiding personality was, and what her persona both on-stage and off are supposed to be now. She might shift more into her on-stage persona when she realizes she's acting more like her old self, because that act is more conscious.

[LordCdrMilitant]

I was more interested in advice, experience-share, and brainstorming rather than gate-keeping. If roleplaying the subtler or more intricate parts of a character's personality isn't your bag, then there's nothing wrong with that. But then, this thread isn't really for you.

I'm looking for struggles and successes with getting into the character mindset, and how to play races, gender identities, and sexual orientations with respect to the core concept of the subject. And I would prefer not to be told that I can't do that, because I like playing that way; I play with others who like playing that way. And I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Actors and actresses literally do this for a living, yet we're not trying to shut down Hollywood or the theater.

It's not gate-keeping. And I'm now this close to being offended.

You asked how you can play a character who is while being respectful to real people who are. And my 2c is: I am not an exhibit in a zoo, a lecture in a university psych class, or an abomination against God and nature. I am a lot of things and have several interests, and I believe it would be respectful to me and to people like me to represent that in your characters. Treat your characters normally: being transgendered or homo/bi/asexual doesn't make them special or magical or strange. Acknowledge that in real life we have a variety of obstacles before us and behind us, and accept us as we want to be accepted in real life.

If someone wants to experience how I feel, a roleplay game is not the vehicle for it. Talk to me directly if you're really curious. You're also not going to curry any favor trying to empathize with me through your character.
If you want to explore your own identity, I would recommend letting the character develop naturally from yourself and your desires.

That's my 2c.

[inexorabletruth]

Ok! Thanks ^_^

I'm going to flesh this out more in my NPC dossier. I hope I get to actually play this out. She's already more interesting to RP than when I first started, but it's up to the PCs to decide whether or not she's worth getting to know.

[Pex]

In an old Pathfinder game my gay Paladin took a philosophical approach. Where does the custom of shaking hands in greeting come from? Showing an open palm means you don't have a weapon in it, being a friend. Similarly, the salute comes from men in armor lifting their head visor to be recognized as a friendly. As a Paladin my character is trained to fight and kill. He wears full plate and wields a great sword. He has the feats Power Attack and Furious Focus (no Power Attack penalty on the first attack in a round). He hits hard before smiting. While there are female warriors and monsters, generally speaking when he fights he'll be fighting another male whether human, orc, or troll.

It's his job to enter danger. Old retired paladins are very rare. They are meant to die. He will suffer great physical pain. He's allowed a respite of physical pleasure. If he is to be clad in plate mail and all geared up for battle protected by gear and blessings ready to kill another man, then there's no better opposite than to be unarmed, unarmored, completely vulnerable with another man to embrace each other instead of trying to kill each other.

He was not a virgin during the game.

[Segev]

I am not an exhibit in a zoo, a lecture in a university psych class, or an abomination against God and nature.

Now you're just discriminating against liches. Harumph. Implying that being an abomination against God and nature is a bad thing. *grumble grumble*