Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permission

[Lvl 2 Expert]

*Neither is acid.

**I don't care how many substances can be turned into solutions using acid, it does not work for problems.

[Rater202]

*Lightning, earthquakes, and blizzards also cannot be used to solve problems.

[Telok]

*Lightning, earthquakes, and blizzards also cannot be used to solve problems.

Unless said problem is an intact and populated city.

* I may no longer assume that my players will understand that having a giant gold spaceship makes them news and attracts media attention.
** I may no longer assume that the players will understand that there might be some reaction, from someone, somewhere, when the illithid embassy issues a "Thanks for the WMDs" press release to the Sigil Daily News with the PCs names on it.
*** I may not assume that the players noticed the illithed paid them with majority shares in an interstellar grocery store chain, chairs on the board of a space bulk goods trasport co-op, ownership of a mid-sized pharma company, and rulership over a hemisphere of an agriculture world.
**** I may not assume that the players even remember that their payment was referred to as "assets that just became superfluous" after five minutes have passed.

[Rockphed]

I'm no longer allowed to reason

1. The underdark is a very dangerous place and everything there is trying to kill you.
2. So is Australia.
3. Drow live in the underdark.
Therefore, drow, when they speak common, have thick Aussie accents.

There was a thread on these forums that devolved completely into Underdark Outback discussion. For the life of me I cannot remember which one.

[P. G. Macer]

*May not call the red-furred, green-eyed Tabaxi Firestar.

[Rater202]

*May not call the red-furred, green-eyed Tabaxi Firestar.

Of course, not: Firestar is a redheaded Homo s. superior with the power to start and control fires by generating and manipulating microwave radiation.

*May not deliberately confuse characters with the same name.

[Taevyr]

*There are a limited number of situations where reciting Twisted Sister lyrics is appropriate for a medieval bard.

Now I'm imagining a benefactor trying to pawn a cursed sword off to the heroes of the land as a "reward", and all of you immediately going "WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT"

*I can't describe a pit trap filled with acid as an "acid dropping"
**I can't muse that a base containing a sizable acid-filled trap should, linguistically, combine into a neutral solution

[Rater202]

I may not seduce every single rival we come across.

[Rockphed]

Now I'm imagining a benefactor trying to pawn a cursed sword off to the heroes of the land as a "reward", and all of you immediately going "WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT"

*I can't describe a pit trap filled with acid as an "acid dropping"
**I can't muse that a base containing a sizable acid-filled trap should, linguistically, combine into a neutral solution

But if we throw enough acid onto the enemy base it will be neutralized, right?

[Rater202]

*I can't build a device that focuses all of the heat, kinetic force, radiation, and fallout of a nuclear weapon detonation into a beam with a three-foot diameter if I plan to power it with anything bigger than a Davey crocket.
**there's no conceivable way that I could set up mass production of Tsar Bombas for the sake of having ammo for this gun.
***especially not the hypothetical hundred megaton version.
****Not even the stupidest of morons would believe me if I said that the Frack-Up-Everything-In-That-General-Direction-Inator was created for peaceful purposes.

[Taevyr]

But if we throw enough acid onto the enemy base it will be neutralized, right?

Honestly kind of sad I didn't think of that one.

And now I need to figure out some arguments in favour of base-neutral-acid as a 3rd alignment axis.

[Anonymouswizard]

* May not reverse engineer Waystones without permission.
** Especially not in a place where the rivers might be watching.
*** I should not be openly discussing my plans to crack the system and use it to ground Chaos with them.
**** When I overload the Waystone network and the world is overrun by gribbly daemon things I will get the blame.
***** Especially when the reason I successfully got the engineer's Waystone-powered flamethrower vetoed was 'gribbly demon things'.

The actual system I'm trying to design in-game isn't actually so grand, it's using Jade Wizardry to try to reverse engineer Wood Elf Waystones and come up with some quick-setup ones to reduce the magic level of a region to levels where daemons can't be summoned (and ideally can't maintain their forms, but I'm legitimately worried about overloading the network). The end goal is to make smaller Waystones that can be set up in a combat round as an anti-magic field, and delivered to greater daemons via cannonball. As it is we'll theoretically get the setup time down considerably by next session.

This all started when I decided my Jade Wizard was more of a scientist than a druid, and now I'm wondering if we can stop daemons from manifesting if we add enough Waystones to make the global network form the symbol of Malal, Chaos God of Atheism (and a few other things, such as opposition IIRC).

On that note:
* Cannot talk about Malal as though they're still an official part of the lore.

[danielxcutter]

* May not reverse engineer Waystones without permission.
** Especially not in a place where the rivers might be watching.
*** I should not be openly discussing my plans to crack the system and use it to ground Chaos with them.
**** When I overload the Waystone network and the world is overrun by gribbly daemon things I will get the blame.
***** Especially when the reason I successfully got the engineer's Waystone-powered flamethrower vetoed was 'gribbly demon things'.

The actual system I'm trying to design in-game isn't actually so grand, it's using Jade Wizardry to try to reverse engineer Wood Elf Waystones and come up with some quick-setup ones to reduce the magic level of a region to levels where daemons can't be summoned (and ideally can't maintain their forms, but I'm legitimately worried about overloading the network). The end goal is to make smaller Waystones that can be set up in a combat round as an anti-magic field, and delivered to greater daemons via cannonball. As it is we'll theoretically get the setup time down considerably by next session.

This all started when I decided my Jade Wizard was more of a scientist than a druid, and now I'm wondering if we can stop daemons from manifesting if we add enough Waystones to make the global network form the symbol of Malal, Chaos God of Atheism (and a few other things, such as opposition IIRC).

On that note:
* Cannot talk about Malal as though they're still an official part of the lore.

A relevant line from If the Emperor of Mankind Had A Text-to-Speech Device:

If there has been an existence as utterly unnecessary as the Dark Eldar's, it probably never existed to begin with.

[Rater202]

I Can't bend reality to retroactively make the Dark Eldar 100% necessary.

[Socksy]

* If playing an Assamite, must remember that the Daughter of Cacophony is allergic to the Quietus discipline.

[danielxcutter]

* If playing an Assamite, must remember that the Daughter of Cacophony is allergic to the Quietus discipline.

Uh... which game is this?

[Anonymouswizard]

Uh... which game is this?

Vampire the Masquerade. The Assamites are a Clan of vampires from the middle east, originally portrayed as assassins. This was eventually retconed to most kindred only thinking of the warrior caste, with the viziers being scholars and the sorcerers being wizards. Their signature discipline Quietus focuses on making kindred vitae/blood into poison.

Although in the latest edition their official Clan name has become Banu Haqim (which was always what they called themselves), Quietus has been changed into a style of Blood Sorcery, and the sorcerers have been absorbedinto the viziers. Metaplot elements revived from before Revised got cancelled means that a significant portion of the Clan, including Elders, are now in the Camarilla, enough for the Cam to count them as a member Clan (although there's still more members in the Ashirra).

Daughters of Cacophany are vampires with magical siging powers. And might be unable to embrace men.

* Cabbt insist that it's actually pronounced 'Bru-zhah'.
** Even if the books agree with me.

[danielxcutter]

Vampire the Masquerade. The Assamites are a Clan of vampires from the middle east, originally portrayed as assassins. This was eventually retconed to most kindred only thinking of the warrior caste, with the viziers being scholars and the sorcerers being wizards. Their signature discipline Quietus focuses on making kindred vitae/blood into poison.

Although in the latest edition their official Clan name has become Banu Haqim (which was always what they called themselves), Quietus has been changed into a style of Blood Sorcery, and the sorcerers have been absorbedinto the viziers. Metaplot elements revived from before Revised got cancelled means that a significant portion of the Clan, including Elders, are now in the Camarilla, enough for the Cam to count them as a member Clan (although there's still more members in the Ashirra).

Daughters of Cacophany are vampires with magical siging powers. And might be unable to embrace men.

* Cabbt insist that it's actually pronounced 'Bru-zhah'.
** Even if the books agree with me.

I uh, I understood less than half of that I think.

[Rockphed]

I uh, I understood less than half of that I think.

They are magical vampire assassins who turn vampire blood into poisons and medicine. Daughters of Cacaphony are noisy vampires who hate men. Using the magical vampire blood poison around the singing feminist is bad.

[danielxcutter]

They are magical vampire assassins who turn vampire blood into poisons and medicine. Daughters of Cacaphony are noisy vampires who hate men. Using the magical vampire blood poison around the singing feminist is bad.

Okay, that makes a bit more sense. Was the "vampire blood poison around singing feminist" part a joke or are they really allergic to it?

[Rockphed]

Okay, that makes a bit more sense. Was the "vampire blood poison around singing feminist" part a joke or are they really allergic to it?

At this point I am as lost as you are.

*The "Incomprehensible" drawback is not cause to only speak French bad swedish clobberdeutsch at the table.
** I cannot add my "Gunslinger" bonus to cooking checks.
*** I cannot take drawbacks with the bonus feat provided by other drawbacks.
**** A negative bonus to cooking does not mean I heal things I try to cook. It means the food I prepare is poisonous.
***** The bard is not "dead weight anyway". Nor will he be in a better place after we eat him.

[Rater202]

*I cannot and must not under any circumstances interpret "cause a distraction" with "ride buck-naked through the town square on the back of a dire boar while singing Hotel California at the top of my lungs."
**Especially if I'm off-key.
***Especially if it was on purpose.

[Lord Raziere]

Okay, that makes a bit more sense. Was the "vampire blood poison around singing feminist" part a joke or are they really allergic to it?

The Daughters of Cacophony have a discipline based around singing which obviously doesn't pair well with a discipline based on being silent. they do have a clan weakness based on constantly hearing music no one else does but after examination its not really relevant. so technically no they don't have an allergy, but the two don't play well together.

* My True Brujah's name may not be "Dio Brando"
** Temporis doesn't give me the right to shout "ZA WARUDO!" every time I do something time related

[Rater202]

*"Ah, that's the next best thing to eating *other pc mentioned by name*" is not a phrase that should ever leave my mouth, mealtime or not.
**Especially if I've admitted to practicing cannibalism.

[Telok]

* I may not take a mispronunciation of "Hammurabi's code" and start working out an adventure titled "Hammer Rabbi's Code". A mashup of The Davinci Code, random MC Hammer songs, and an old book of Yiddish jokes.

** I may not advertise myself as a "A.L. introductory adventure DM" because most people won't ask what that means.

*** I may not use"A.L." in a D&D context when I mean "Awesome Lunatic".

**** And "introductory adventure" doesn't stand for "introduce you to my Paranoia-in-D&D-clothing adventure".

(But the "DM = delusional maniac" thing is still OK.)

[Rater202]

*Taking Friend Computer Down with me when I'm slatted for termination is either doing it wrong or doing it right, we can't tell which.

[danielxcutter]

*Taking Friend Computer Down with me when I'm slatted for termination is either doing it wrong or doing it right, we can't tell which.

From what I know about Paranoia, screwing over the game is the way you're supposed to play it I think.

[Rater202]

*I can't be the king and queen of a country.
*I can't be the kind of one country and the queen of another.

[danielxcutter]

*I can't be the king and queen of a country.
*I can't be the kind of one country and the queen of another.

Wasn't there an I. M. Weasel episode like that or something?

[Taevyr]

*I can't be the king and queen of a country.
*I can't be the kind of one country and the queen of another.

**I also cannot arrange a royal marriage with myself to create a personal union between said countries, no matter how strategically beneficial it may be.