Things not to do when Fighting Drow.

[Conners]

The third addition to the "things not to do when Fighting [monster]" series. Gnolls and Kobolds are what have been done so far.
These threads were based off the, "Things I'm not allowed to do when Gaming" thread.
Links: http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showt...hings+fighting
http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showt...hings+fighting
http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showt...allowed+gaming

1. Don't insult male drow by calling them girls, they'll take it as a complement.
2. Do not scream and stamp on spiders when in the temple of Lolth, especially if you're trying to be inconspicuous.
3. The elven bard is no longer allowed to call drow "cousin"!
4. Remember that in 3.5ed people inside a darkness globe can see everything outside of it. How this is done is left to the magic 3.5ed pixies that reinforce the rules.
4a. Also not that you can see through the darkness globe and its inhabitants to the other side, but not the people inside it themselves.
5. I don't care if your a drow priestess, spiders are not cute!
6. How tiny the handcrossbow is does not change the fact that you rolled a 1 against poison.

[detrevnisisiht]

7 don't be a half-drow half elf they will kill you and your parents (though not necessarily in that order)

[Ralfarius]

8. Don't be a regiment of dwarves charging on boar-back... Oh wait, that actually worked fairly well.

[Belteshazzar]

9: Lolth's drow want your soul, Vhaeraun's want your cash, Eilistraee's want a good time, and Ghaunadaur's just want to be remembered... oh and food.

[Kaelaroth]

10. Don't bring them cookies and milk. They will just be insulted.

11. Don't comment on their current look as emo/goths. The arrows which then permeate your body will prove how they look pretty damn cool as they are.

[Hadrian_Emrys]

12. Forget to prepare lots of Protection from Arrows, Wind Wall, and Remove Poison.

13: Forget to target the women and children first.

[SurlySeraph]

14. Being in a Drow priestess's harem may sound like a pretty sweet life. That's because you don't know how high Drow women's standards are. Or what they do to inadequate males. Or how every single one of them has some kind of torture fetish. Or how you'll be tortured and/or fed to spiders if they get bored with you. Or...

15. Don't mention Drizzt. It never helps.

16. Not even to make fun of him. Don't. Mention. Drizzt.

17. If you're a Drow renegade returning to the hellish homeland that you had hoped to leave behind forever, and you don't have a lot of ranks in Bluff and Disguise, you're pretty much screwed.

18. If you're a surface elf, you're pretty much screwed.

19. The advantage to being a surface elf is that the Drow will probably try to take you alive instead of killing you outright. The disadvantage is that they're trying to take you alive so they can torture you to death in public later.

20. Being of an obscure elven subrace won't help. Drow don't care if you're a snow elf, a star elf, or whatever. You're still surface-looking to them.

21. If you're a half-elf, you're probably pretty much screwed. If there's a full elf in the party, hand him over and they might assume that you're corrupted and spare you.

22. Being an aasimar or a half-celestial is possibly the only way to be even more screwed than the surface elf.

23. If you are a member of an "inferior" race, you're screwed.

24. "Inferior race" is defined as "not a Drow or a fiend."

25. You could make some sort of arrangement with the first female you see so that they won't harm you, but then the Mother Matron will kill that female for making decisions without her approval, and then kill you for having an agreement with her.

26. You could make some kind of deal with the Mother Matron, but then she'll be overthrown and you'll be killed for being too closely connected to her. Or she'll betray you. Or both.

27. Their weapons are all poisoned, even when they're not.

28. Everything is poisoned. Even your own clothing. Even things they couldn't possibly have touched. Especially things they couldn't possibly have touched.

29. If you fall asleep and the Drow didn't transfer you to a dungeon or slit your throats in your sleep, it's a trap. They probably put contact poison in your boots while you were sleeping.

30. If you sleep, you will be captured, poisoned, or both.

31. If you don't sleep, it indicates that you're an elf, in which case you will captured, poisoned *and* tortured.

32. After being enslaved, trying to start a labor union is a really bad idea.

33. The priestess does not care that you are getting carpal tunnel syndrome, or are exhausted, or are bleeding to death. She is not going to waste a healing spell on a slave like you just to keep you alive.

34. No matter what the Drow do to you, there's always one ray of hope: at least they aren't cannibals. They might feed your corpse to spiders, but at least they won't eat you themselves.

35. Don't be smart. They will see you as a threat and immediately kill you.

36. Don't be stupid. They will think you are insufficiently useful as a slave and immediately kill you.

[Hell Puppi]

35. Do not attempt to hug the Drow.

[lord_khaine]

36. fighting drow? 11 levels of monk have newer looked this good before...

( note to 4. darkness dont work that way anymore, you can see whats inside of the globe now)

[Dean Fellithor]

(37) make sure your Items are Masterwork and Poison proof, this will ensure an extra 5% of survival.

[CaptainSam]

38. In the Underdark, be vewwy vewwy quiet. Easy if you're a rogue, not so if you're a bard.

39. Singing bawdy songs about high priestesses is a bad idea in the Underdark.

40. Male bards have one job in Menzoberranzan. And it's not singing. Or dancing. Or playing instruments. You know where this is going.

[Mysticaloctopus]

41: Do not attempt to recreate that scene from 300. It's never a good idea.

42: Nor is saying you'll "Fight in the Shade". The Drow arrows are the kind of shade that causes stats to drop.

[Zincorium]

43. Make a high con character without steadfast determination. Natural ones happen. Laughing and saying you've still made the save when you roll one validates the expenditure of two feats, easy.

[Dean Fellithor]

41: Do not attempt to recreate that scene from 300. It's never a good idea.

My character did that to a wharg last night.
"THIS IS LAUGHTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!! "

[Hadrian_Emrys]

44. Forget that a Drow drive-by can come from any angle.

[Paragon Badger]

45. Firing wildly into every crevice will only be a giant beacon to your location.

"In Underdark, Darkness attack YOU!"

46. Drow females may be sexy, but it will not be worth it when right before sex, she says, "Hey... Do you want to do something different?"

46B. ...Pretending to be a yochlol may or may not be involved.

[Sornjss Lichdom]

46) Matron Mothers don't like it when you make fun of there holy symbol.

47) No matter what the Priestesses say, driders aren't "cuddly and cute"

48) If you've seen the drow, they've seen you, if you haven't seen the drow then you maybe only seconds away from death.

49) Right when your about to escape from the chapel that has begun to fall apart, and crumble, don't turn around to get the last words in with the High Priestess.

50) Keep alot of daylight pellets handy. Alot.

51) When you see the heads of the snake whip on the priestess's hip flipping, turning and spitting, dont say. "Ah.. they want to play." They dont play nice.

52) When your group's bard goes around the corner and you hear a soft ..Click.. drop what your doing and run in the opposite direction. Fast.

53) Trying to write your name by peeing on the wall of the First House's chapel is not a good Idea, exspecially with the elf bard giggling behind you, and the group pladin saying "Shhhh".

54) Keep your head down, because there's a good chance that there bite is just as bad as there bark.

[Starsinger]

55. Don't forget that these are Drow and not those other elves... prancing in forests hugging trees and kissing unicorns won't save you here.

[Fax Celestis]

56. If you're going to fight the drow, remember: you're probably going to die a horrible, painful death after years of slavery and everyone on the surface has forgotten about you.

[AslanCross]

57. Don't ask them where they got their hair bleach. Don't ask them where they got their tan, either.
58. Don't ask them why they aren't dual-wielding scimitars (see Drizzt)
59. Don't rely on Diplomacy or Bluff to seduce the females. You WILL get more than you bargain for.
60. Never ever call them "ganguro."
61. That is not elegant black cloth. That's chainmail.

[Edea]

62. Never mention their level adjustment to them. EVER.

[SurlySeraph]

63. Don't drink water. The spiders will find you less appetizing if you are dehydrated.

64. Besides, the drow probably put poison in all of your waterskins anyway.

65. Selling an elf paladin to the drow will get you many benefits, including high-quality magical equipment, protection wherever you go in the Underdark, and the affection of numerous beautiful drow of the opposite gender. It still doesn't mean they won't betray you.

66. If you make a deal with the drow, they will break it. If you don't make a deal with them, they will likely enslave and/or kill you. Strike a balance.

67. Remember that treason is like saying "Hello" in the Underdark.

[Belial_the_Leveler]

68 Don't use magic missiles when fighting drow-this is no time for half measures. Use Balefire and Meteor Swarms right away and worry about friendly fire later.

[Studoku]

69. Don't pretend to cast 'Detect chaotic good' on them.

[Assasinater]

70. Unlike what most of the people have said, remember that not all hope is lost in the Underdark. At least, you can choose how you'll die. Considering you are very lucky, of course.

[Starsinger]

68 Don't use magic missiles when fighting drow-this is no time for half measures. Use Balefire and Meteor Swarms right away and worry about friendly fire later.

Drow? Oh.. I just do that in general..

71. Don't try and impress the drow by claiming that the elves in the party are your slaves. If the drow don't kill you and take the elves, the elves will kill you.

[Xyk]

71. No Yo Momma Jokes