Things your character would say if he was in an RTS

[Iamdead7]

Not sure if this is the best place to put this but whatever.

In most of it's RTS's, Blizzard makes units say funny things when you click on them a lot, so what are some of the things your characters would say?

I'll come up with some in a bit

[Skjaldbakka]

Not my character, but from an RPG I like to play:

"Go for the eyes Buu, go for the eyes!"

"Like a shadow I am"
-I will sometimes mutter this when I roll a nat 20 on a hide check.

[Nerd-o-rama]

Daveon Salieri, student paladin:

Creation:
"For King, Country, and Credit!"

Selected:
"Yes?"
"So, what's the plan?"

Move:
"On my way."
"Waypoint, ho!"
"Hmm. I see."

Attack:
"Dol Arrah, light my path."
"Sorry about this."
"SMITE EVIL!"

Annoyed:
"Yes, dad."
"Listen, I know Crusader's a better class. Just shut up about it already."
"I swear, I thought that thing with Roxy was part of the admissions process! Roxy and Anissa. And Amizath may have been involved at some point. I was drunk, dammit!"

Optionally, break that last one up into one soundbite per sentence.

[Raolin_Fenix]

Wizard Rensen, currently fourth-level gestalt Wizard//Warlock. Ridiculous old (well, middle-aged) man, has no idea about his warlock heritage, and is way too excited about being a wizard, even from first level. Sort of Hiro-esque. Highest skill is Intimidate, at +20, but somehow manages to fumble every time he attempts, while his targets roll high.

Created:
"I'm a Wizard!"

Selected:
"What can I do for you?"
"Yes?"
"Wizard at your service."

Annoyed:
"Right, deep breaths."
"He can't keep this up forever."
"He can't even keep this up for the next six seconds."
"Because that's how long it takes me to cast--"
"MAXIMIZED DISINTEGRATE!"
"... Okay, maybe I didn't prepare it."
"Okay, maybe it's outside my power entirely."

Alternate Annoyed:
"I say."
"Do you know what's very funny?"
"A man dressed in women's clothing."
(*sounds of wind blowing and crickets chirping*)
"...."
"Tasha's Hideous Laughter!"
"See, he got it."
"What?"

Commanded (Move):
"Arright."
"Sure thing."
"You got it."
"Ha! Too simple a task for a Wizard of my calibur!"

Commanded (Attack):
"Hey, watch this. This is going to be great."
"What could go wrong?"
"*incomprehensible babbling, preferably in brutally mangled Greco-Latin*"
"You tangle with the wrong Wizard!"
"Fortano! Fordidyamar!"*
"Welp, I've got another date with unconsciousness. Back in a few hours."

Death:
"Who's surprised? Hurk...."
"Ugh! Not agaaaaiiiiin...."

*Joke at the expense of Neverwinter Nights, in which that was pretty much the only thing anyone ever said when spellcasting.

[Ralfarius]

I've actually completed this exercise on the WoW forums ages ago. Let's see if I can recall... Think in terms of Warcraft, a no-nonsense orc hunter with a worg companion. Most phrases would be followed by some growling, snarling, or howling on the part of the worg companion unit.

Creation:
I've come to serve the Warchief.

Select:
Yes.
I am here.
Where am I needed?

Movement:
Understood.
Let's move.
I am able.

Attack:
The hunt is on.
Move in!
Ravage, kill! - This is referring to the worg companion unit

Annoyed:
What do you want?
Don't waste my time.
Our time could be put to better use.
I'd mind your hands around that worg.

Why not take it a step further? If this unit were a hero unit from WCIII/Frozen Throne expansion, he would be an agi-based unit, focused on regular-unit killing, with a ranged bow attack and three abilities to improve with level. I'm thinking an arrow volley, targeted AoE for damage over a short time. Perhaps a placeable trap, similar to a witchdoctor's totem, activated by hostile units and slowing all hostile units in a given area. Lastly an activated ability similar to a mountain king's avatar or demon hunter's metamorphosis, increasing damage of himself and the worg companion for a duration.

Wowee, talk about a tangent. Hopefully didn't make myself look too much the fool, there.

[Solo]

All the lines from Monty Python's Black Knight.

[ForzaFiori]

mine would be a hero in Warcraft.
a Troll Spearthrower (just like the ones in Warcraft II)

(all of these would be with the accent of the trolls (essintially Jamaican), something i cannot for the life of me write in)

Creation:
The shaman sent me

Selected:
Yea man?
What you want me kill? (a throwback to warcraft II)
What needs doing?

Annoyed:
Dont make me use this spear.
I can stick it somewhere NO ONE wants it.
You think i'm kidding, dont you?
Thats it, I'm leaving.

Movement:
Whatever you say boss.
Lets go!
we move!

Attack:
Kill them!
For the Tribe!
For the Chieftain!

[Thanatos 51-50]

Jakob Nightbreeze: NG Human Rogue/Cleric

Creation:
"I heard you needed a subtle touch"

Selected:
"Wheres the fire?"
"Locked and Cocked."
"Whats the mission?"

Annoyed:
1)("Yes, yes, I have maxed my Listen skill, you know."
2)("Thats right, I just broke the Fourth Wall."
3)("What are you gunna do about it?"
4)("Clicking on me? Thats mature."
5)("You're a bigger jerk than that Dwarf."
6)("You know, I've also maxed my Hide and Move Silently."
7)("And have the Stealthy feat."
8)([Sound effect which sounds like a crossbow firing]

Move:
"Proceeding with all due caution."
"Its probably a trap."
"[singsong]They'll never seeee me...[/singsong]"

Attack:
"I love soft cover."
"Jugular, Carotid, Brachail, Femoral..."

[Special Attack: Only when attacking Zombie Kobolds]
"Another Zombold?"

<Assuming Skills/Spells are in place are in place>
[Special Command: Heal Other]
"Bumbling fool."
"Roger."

[Special Command: Heal Self]
"Okay, I messed up."
"Ding! All better!"

[Special Command: Hide]
"Already on it."

[Special Attack: Dropping Hide and attacking]
"You're not observant enough to live"
<Any regular attack command>

Death:
"I have 5,000 GP worth of diamonds!"
[Gutteral, possibly cliche Death sound]

[RoboticSheeple]

Favorite Character: 'Zeke Shortbranch (Rogue, assassin)

Creation: Time to kill.

Selected:
Poisons readied.
It wasn't me.
Trust no one.

Move:
Running away, now!
I walk away, quickly
Where's my damned horse gone to? (he did have a skeleton horse he rode)

Attack:
I only need one shot.
Making it count.
delivering a killing blow.

Attacking a non-sneak attackable creature:
No good.
Team, this is why I've let you live.
running away in 6 seconds.

Annoyed:
I don't carry antidote
The contract doesn't say you need to live
innocents are covered as collateral damage
I killed you 3 rounds ago

[Dervag]

Favorite Character: Dervag (barbarian, never got to do much with him because the players drifted apart).

Creation:
"My search continues!"

Selected:
"Yes, captain?"
"Renown awaits!"
"Have we found a worthy foe?"

Attack:
"YAAAGH!"
"Charge!"
"It is a good day for someone else to die!"

Annoyed:
"I am Dervag!"
"Son of Brago Bladebreaker!"
"Son of... never mind, I can tell you aren't listening."
"I left my village on a great quest!"
"The spirits commanded me to seek that which has always been hidden!"
"Was it too much to ask that they warn me it was fated to remain hidden?"
"Your other warriors, they move like crippled yaks!"
"Lucky for you you have a real warrior! Strong! Resourceful! Bold!"
[bleating sound in background]"AAAAH! GOAT! RUUUN!"*

*Dervag's tribe holds that goats are spiritually unclean animals and avoids them even more energetically than Jews avoid pigs.

Death:
"Hey, y'all! Watch this! AARGHAARGHaargh..."


For the record, Dervag is a serious character, but the style is on the humorous side because of the campaign flavor he was created in. So while he takes himself seriously, you don't have to.

[Nero24200]

For my current character Rissi (Halfling Rogue, Common isn't his first language)
Creation:
"Rissi heres"

Selected:
"Yippers?"
"Yous need Rissi?"

Attack:
"SNEAK ATTACK!"
"Aieeee!"

Annoyed:
"Eeps"
"Er...Rissi lets you live if you leaves now..*gulps*"
"Quick, whats that! No reallys, somthing behind yous! Turn attention away from Rissi"

Death:
"Oh f-"

For my one of my previous characters, Orrick "Dragon"slayer (Dwarf Fighter, The Dragon part of his name was origonally Goblin, it upgraded every time he got a bigger kill)
Creation:
"A'm 'ere!"

Selected:
"About bloody time, point me tawards the enemy!"
"Got somthing on me beard?"

Attack:
"Yer mine!"
"Just lie doon now, it'll make this quicker"

Annoyed:
"Ye want this hammer up yer arse? Keep going"
"Wheres one o' them pansy healing human clerics when ye need one?"

Death:
"*gasp* Me beard! *kills himself, much to the style the samurai in Return to Arms kill themselves when you reduce their HP to 0*

For my one of my previous characters, Kaddaz Kabal (Human Paladin, was a bit of a womanizer, even called his sword "Lady Integra"
Creation:
"I have arrived"

Selected:
"What do you need?"
"Hmmm?"

Attack:
"I'll introduce them to Lady Integra here"
"May the gods sway my hand"

Annoyed:
"Damm, I'll need to get another paladin to lay hands on me now...sure hope it's a female one"

Death:
*Generic death cry*

[Pauwel]

Irios Ignatiem, anarchist illusionist/rogue.


Creation:
A powerful and mighty wizard at your command! Oh, how delightful.

Select:
Ahem?
Prepared to unleash imaginary hell, sire.
What shall I utterly destroy?

Movement:
Why, certainly.
I shall arrive there shortly.
No doubt my task will be of the utmost importance.

Attack:
They will never truly comprehend the nature of their demise.
*grins*
Your minds shall be ravished, your bodies shall become empty shells!
Their fear shall become their doom.

Annoyed:
You are only approaching unescapable torment.
Please stop that.
I said, please stop that. *sound of cackling energy*
If I were you I'd worry about your head spontaneously exploding; you never know.

[Waspinator]

If I'm playing my wizard who dabbles in Necromancy:
"I am not dead yet!
I can dance and I can sing.
I am not dead yet!
I can do the Highland Fling.
I am not dead yet!
No need to go to bed.
No need to call the doctor
Cause I'm not yet dead!"

If my Druid:
"Transform and roll out!"

[Ranis]

"Fight, fight, fight the evil monsters!"

(Good lord is playing a bard boring in combat...)

[axraelshelm]

Orc cleric/barbarian with the hunger and destruction domain.

Have you got anything to eat round here?
Grab and go
Ill tenderise them
food for fault
It clobbering time
I hunger for food

[The Glyphstone]

Viktor Frykenstein - Transmuter/Fleshwarper, graft expert, all-round nutjob, and my favorite character I ever made...

Creation:
"At last, a finished product..."

Select:
"Yeeeeeesss?"
"What can Viktor do for you today?"
"Need a doctor?"

Move:
"Well, Viktor could use the exercise."
"Time to go make a house call."

Attack:
"Let's do some body work!"
"Spare parts, coming right up!"
"Come, come dance with Viktor....DANCE!"

Annoyed:
"Stop poking Viktor already..."
"Surgery is a very delicate task and should not be interrupted..."
"Viktor can't concentrate on his work if you keep doing that..."
"You're making Viktor angry...you won't like Viktor when Viktor is angry..."
"Howbout if Viktor grafts that mouse right up your [Family Friendly Website] - will that be enough?"

[Dervag]

"Fight, fight, fight the evil monsters!"

(Good lord is playing a bard boring in combat...)

Well, it is if you try to compose song lyrics on the fly and you aren't well versed in the epic poetry of the medieval and ancient era (as a bard would be, since that's pretty much their job description).

[Dihan]

Master Nathaniel Ramkin, Human Binder

Creation:
"I am bound to your service"

Selected:
"What are my commands, what what?"
"Absolutely spiffing!"

Move:
"A man of esteem - like myself - shouldn't be walking!"
"Tally ho!"

Attack:
"Ha ha! You seem to be bleeding quite profusely!"
"I say..."
"Where's my bodyguard when I need him?"

Annoyed:
"You dare incur the wrath of pact beings?"
"*mumbles incoherently* Sorry? I was just making a pact with a powerful creature... So don't anger me!"
"How would you like to be subjected to the incessant nagging of beings long dead? I thought not..."
"You see these horns? Yes, soon they'll be in your gut"

[Anxe]

Anxe, the Elven Thief

Creation: Lets get moving
Selected: How'd you find me?
Just a second.
Yeeesss?
Move: I'm a go over there now.
Scout time.
Where's my horse?
Attack: Oh yeah! It's on!
SNEAK ATTACK!
I'll just shave that one shall I?
Annoyed: Would ya quit it?
It wasn't me.
Stop touching me.
I'll call the police!
*Dials* I'd like to report a child molester. Lives at the address of (This is where if they'd registered the game online it would take that address and put it mechanically in here)
Death: Stupid Necklace. (This is an inside joke for my group if they see this.)

[Orzel]

Juan Wan Ortizz, Human fighter/rogue/fireballer

Creation:
"Flaming sword is here."

Selected:
"What does ju want?"
"Ju called?"

Move:
"Is this where the elf women are?"
"Where ju want!"

Attack:
"Toma!"
"Yo no hablo ingles. YO HABLO BURNINATION Y FIERY APOCALYPSE FROM THE SKY. BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
"Burn them I well"

Annoyed:
"Leave me 'lone"
"Shhh. I'm busy."
"Just because I know only 1 spell doesn't mean I'm not busy."
"How about I poke ju with mi flaming sword."

Death
"I not dead. I sleep"
"So cold. I HATE COLD!"
"(Whatever is Ignan for certain M word)"

[Lord_Gareth]

Endeca Spellweaver, Archmagus of Chaos (Wizard 20/Wild Mage 10/Chaos Mage 10/Archmage 5)

Creation
*Explosion* "That was on purpose, I swear."

Move
"Oooooh, -that- way."
"Wait, I think I've been there already..."
"Huh? Oh, right."

Attack
"Neither of us has any idea what I'm doing!"
"Kittens, ATTACK!"
"Meow."
"C'mon, smile, it's only life and death!"

Annoyed
"I'm telling you, it was an -accident-."
"Do you -want- me using this Rod of Wonder?"
*Disturbing magical sound* "Uh, should that portal have tentacles reaching through it?"
"I'm getting irritated - hey, a squirrel!"
"If you're going to keep poking me there, we may as well find a bedroom. Hey, you're kinda cute..."

[Thanatos 51-50]

Jakob Brain DeBardouche - AKA Falcon - Half-Elf Scout

Creation:
"Jandia Calls, and I answer!"

Selected:
"Orders, sir?"
"My Bow for Jandia!"
"My Hatchet for Jandia!"

Move:
"Not a problem."
"With speed and stealth."
"Falcon en route."

Attack:
"Good! Not an ally!"
"Sighted."
"Arrows away"

[Special attack: Attacking a team-mate only]
"Oh, no, not again!"

Annoy:
"What?"
"I'm only here becuase Jandia demands it!"
"My father is a Drill Sargent, you know!"
"I'm NOT incompentant."
"Nevermind me shooting the cleric."
"Or the Field Commander"
"Or the Mages."
"You know, if I shoot you, everybody will think its another accident?"

Death:
"Why did I shoot the Cleric?"
"Cleric!"

<Note, this charecter tedns to accidently/almost accidently shoot his allies. Its funny.>

[Eldritch_Ent]

Ahh, characters characters characters. Which to choose. Which would be funniest. Which would... Ahh yes.

[Chu'Atha, Gestalt Telepath/Wizard NN Mind Flayer]

Notes: Is obsessed with magical research. Pursues material wealth only inasmuch as it pertains to spellcasting. Always speaks telepathically.

Summoned- Ugh, Field Research again?

Selected-
Yes?
Out with it...
Come on, hurry up...

Moving-
I should have prepared Expeditious Retreat today...
What, no Mount
Wouldn't you rather I just Teleport there...?

Attacking-
What a juicy looking target...
Alright, but I'm charging extra...
Sometimes the direct approach is best.

Under attack- Who's interrupting my studies?

Death- You'll get my Simalacrum bill later...

Annoyed-
(Loud sucking noises) Don't bother me. I'm eating.
(Muffled curses in Undercommon)
Could you stop that?
You have no idea how many spells I have going right now...
Why, If I fail even one Concentration check...
(Loud Explosion) See?
If only I could get past your Spell Resistance...

[Querzis]

Olaf Svenson, Human barbarian/ranger (I just took levels in Ranger when I got level 20 in barbarian, we didnt want to do epic characters).

Creation: «I'm the number one!»

Selected: «Yeah, whats up?»

«My axes are ready.»

«It seems you really cant do anything without the mighty Olaf Svenson.»

Move: «Go left? Could you tell me go North, East, West or South instead? I know those ones.»

«I'll be there before any of you!»

«Bah, stupid wizard with teleport.»

Attack: «Why are we attacking them? Have they done anything evil?»

«Oh yeah that...well then, I'll RIP THEM APART!»

«Well since you dont want to surrender I got another question for you guys. You want me to use my bloody greataxe or my merciful greataxe?»

«POWER ATTACK! GREAT CLEAVE! IMPROVED GRAB!» «Olaf they are dead already» «Look I'm really pissed off right now so I want to hit something and better them then you» «Yeah...and why did you grab that elf woman?» «I was lonely.»

Annoyed: «You have nothing better to do?»

«Its kinda sad really.»

«Even after drinking ten beers you are still as annoying as ever»

«I think I'll use the bloody axe for you.»

«You are still there? I must have failed my intimidation.»

Death: «Well that was close, I only got a few hit point left. Dang my rage went off...ARGH!» (its really the only time I died with him).

P.S. The bloody greataxe is a custom magical weapon.

[Prophaniti]

Mine would be Nerak, a Kobold sorcerer/dragonheart mage. I love running this little bastard just for the fact that he's probably the most powerful mortal kobold (without divine assistance) in the world. And he dreams of becoming a Lich...

Creation:
The Power of the Dragon lives within me.

Selecting:
Yeeesssssss? *ends in a hiss that turns into a growl*
What do you want?

Moving:
Very well.
I'll do as you ask... for now.
Perhaps it will be worthwile.

Attacking:
They will burn.
Death approaches.
There will not be enough left in the ashes to tell what I killed.
Unleash the Fury of the Wyrm!

Annoyed:
You cannot understand the power you toy with.
You plan on keeping that hand?
Darastrixethe Petisse Vorastrix svent gak Terunt*can be replace by any rant in draconic or something that can be passed off as draconic*

Death:
The *cough* soul of *cough* the Dragon *hack* cannot... die!! *dies*


As a Lich only a few things would change.

Creation:
I am reborn in the glory of the Dragon.

Death:
Fool! You think you've won?! I AM ETERNAL!!!*voice fades away*

He was a really serious and single minded little kobold, only cared about getting more power. I should add more funny lines for the undead version, but I cant think of any... and I should be working anyway I'm pretty sure the reason Kobolds dont rule the world is that they haven't read RotD.

[Moff Chumley]

Well, I DM, so my brother's (late) monk:

Creation: Monk! Woot!
Move: [mumble] stoopit railroad plots... [/mumble]
Attack: FEAR MY 1d8 UNARMED ATTACK!
Annoyed: Monks are not underpowered!
Death: I still think monks are awsome.

[Moff Chumley]

Well, I DM, so my brother's (late) monk:

Creation: Monk! Woot!
Move: [mumble] stoopit railroad plots... [/mumble]
Attack: FEAR MY 1d8 UNARMED ATTACK!
Annoyed: Monks are not underpowered!
Death: I still think monks are awsome.

[ufo]

My Gnome Wizard, currently level 5:

Creation:
Ready to blast.

Move:
Are the enemy over there?
Yes, yes, I'm on my way.
Why all this walking?!
This will cost you extra.

Attack:
Finally!
Hah!
See you down there!
I bet this will get me extra pay.

Annoyed:
Quit it already!
I hope the paycheck is good, this is more than I can take.
Stop it, or I'll blow you to smithereens!
I'm serious!
...Please, stop!

Death:
Oh [censored].

[Quietus]

Rojoro Fuego, a three-quarter dragon barbarian(Mechanically half-dragon, mix of red/gold)

Creation:
"Where's the fire?"

Selecting:
"What now."
"Hrm?" (Sounds more like an inquisitive growl)

Moving:
*Snorts*
"Better than doing nothing..."
"Try and keep up."

Attacking:
"NOW we're talking!"
*Bestial roar*
"About bloody time!"

Annoyed:
"Keep your hands off of me."
"I'm warning you..."
*Low, feral growl*
"That's it!" *Pouncing roar*
*Sound of crunching bones* "Tastes like chicken."

[Proven_Paradox]

Cyrick Bladebreaker, a sword-and-board crusader:

Creation:
"My blade is justice, my shield is honor."

Move:
"It shall be done."
"Send me where my shield is needed."
"Heironeous guide my path."

Attack:
"For justice!"
"Repent, or thy life is forfeit!"
"Thy blades shall shatter in the sight of my light!"

Annoyed:
"Yes, I know. Tell me what needs doing."
"Seriously, I'm listening. Why do you keep poking me?"
"I wonder if the Shield Ward feat would help me keep you from poking me like that..."
"That's enough! Keep poking me like that and I'll be forced to unleash an Elder Mountain Hammer on you!"
"What? YES, I know I'm using a sword! NO, it's not a hammer! That's just how it works!"
"Rrrrrrrrrrrrgh..."
"FURIOUS COUNTERSTRIKE!" *Sound of clashing steel*

Death:
As his shield breaks in half, "No... NOOOOO!"