What's your favorite headcanon? 3: The mods must be crazy

[runeghost]

In Lord of the Rings, my favorite headcano has to do with the origins of the Rings of Power. First, the actual canon:

The whole ring-rhyme isn't really an accurate depiction of the creation of the Rings of Power, but of how Sauron tried to use them. They were made by Sauron, then posing as Annatar, Lord of Gifts, and the elvish (Noldorin) Guild of Jewelsmiths led by Celebrimbor. Together they made 16 Rings of Power, and then secretly Sauron made his One, the Master Ring, while Celebrimbor secretly made his Three.

Sauron puts on his Master Ring and goes to control the elves, they... take off their rings. Oops. Furious, Sauron drops his friendly guise and goes to war with the Elves. When Sauron sacks the elvish city of Ost-in-Edhil, he captures nine rings, and then tortures Celebrimbor into giving up seven more, but the elvish master-craftsman dies rather than revealing the hiding places of the Three he made. After the War, Sauron hands out the Nine and the Seven to Men and Dwarves (possibly after having subjected the Rings to additional corruption for better control by the One). He is eventually defeated, the One Ring is lost, and the Elves dare to use the Three.

This is all canon, or at least the story as Tolkien envisioned it and wrote it down. (Lord of the Rings canon gets a little fuzzy, because Tolkien was always revising and not publishing.)

My Headcanon
Now, there's a couple bits to my headcanon. First, I presume there were seven members of the Guild of Jewelsmiths, in addition to Celebrimbor and Sauron, because even at this stage in Tolkien's writing they were treated separately - the Nine Sauron could find and seize, but the Seven he had to torture Celebrimbor to find. My thought is that the Nine were made together, sort of a group project where all the Jewelsmiths, Celebrimbor, and Annatar each made one as the capstone for their Ring-making degrees. But then they all moved onto round two - as sort of thesis or Ring master-work. The seven craftsman each made their own, Celebrimbor holes up to make his Three, and Annatar goes "on vacation" to forge his Master Ring in Mount Doom.

But all that is pretty minor, the big piece of headcanon has to do with the Three. Now, Celebrimbor comes from a long line of selfish, egotistical elvish jerks. He's probably a better person than his father or grandfather, but they were pretty awful in comparison with folks like Galadriel and Elrond. And we know he had at least some of the same temper, because he had a spat with Galadriel (who was very much his friend and whom he admired) that drove her out of Ost-in_Edhil, and because he wouldn't listen to other Elves (Galadriel, Elrond, Gil-galad) about Annatar.

So who is this proud elf making three rings for? He's going to make one for himself. That's a given. He's not humble. He wants one of these for himself, that's why he's spent so long on this Ring project in the first place! But who else? It's suggested in various places that he intended one for Gil-galad, but I doubt that was the case. The Elves of the Second Age were never enemies, but neither were Celebrimbor and Gil-Galad best buddies. One is quite obviously for Galadriel. She's his friend, he's made something similar (but not as nifty) for her already, she's the eldest Noldor in Middle-Earth and he has something of a breach he'd like to mend. So that's two - Nenya, clearly Galadriel's Ring from the beginning, and Vilya, decribed as "Chief of the Three", which we can presume Celebrimbor intended for his own.

That leaves us with Narya, the Ring of Fire. So, who does Celbrimbor know, who he respects and values, who has helped inspire Celebrimbor and his fellow Jewelsmiths? He made Narya for Annatar. And, because this is very much how Fate works in Tolkien's world, the Ring intended for one inspiring Maiar ended up on the hand of another, who, thousands of years later, helped use its affinity for both flame and for inspiration to defeat Sauron once and for all.


(And as a complete aside, while I'm not holding my breath, if the Amazon Lord of the Rings series decides to delve into the complex and troubled friendship triangle between Galadriel, Celebrimbor, and Annatar/Sauron, I will be happy as a clam if they do it at all decently.)

[Fyraltari]

In Lord of the Rings, my favorite headcano has to do with the origins of the Rings of Power. First, the actual canon:

The whole ring-rhyme isn't really an accurate depiction of the creation of the Rings of Power, but of how Sauron tried to use them. They were made by Sauron, then posing as Annatar, Lord of Gifts, and the elvish (Noldorin) Guild of Jewelsmiths led by Celebrimbor. Together they made 16 Rings of Power, and then secretly Sauron made his One, the Master Ring, while Celebrimbor secretly made his Three.

Sauron puts on his Master Ring and goes to control the elves, they... take off their rings. Oops. Furious, Sauron drops his friendly guise and goes to war with the Elves. When Sauron sacks the elvish city of Ost-in-Edhil, he captures nine rings, and then tortures Celebrimbor into giving up seven more, but the elvish master-craftsman dies rather than revealing the hiding places of the Three he made. After the War, Sauron hands out the Nine and the Seven to Men and Dwarves (possibly after having subjected the Rings to additional corruption for better control by the One). He is eventually defeated, the One Ring is lost, and the Elves dare to use the Three.

This is all canon, or at least the story as Tolkien envisioned it and wrote it down. (Lord of the Rings canon gets a little fuzzy, because Tolkien was always revising and not publishing.)

My Headcanon
Now, there's a couple bits to my headcanon. First, I presume there were seven members of the Guild of Jewelsmiths, in addition to Celebrimbor and Sauron, because even at this stage in Tolkien's writing they were treated separately - the Nine Sauron could find and seize, but the Seven he had to torture Celebrimbor to find. My thought is that the Nine were made together, sort of a group project where all the Jewelsmiths, Celebrimbor, and Annatar each made one as the capstone for their Ring-making degrees. But then they all moved onto round two - as sort of thesis or Ring master-work. The seven craftsman each made their own, Celebrimbor holes up to make his Three, and Annatar goes "on vacation" to forge his Master Ring in Mount Doom.

But all that is pretty minor, the big piece of headcanon has to do with the Three. Now, Celebrimbor comes from a long line of selfish, egotistical elvish jerks. He's probably a better person than his father or grandfather, but they were pretty awful in comparison with folks like Galadriel and Elrond. And we know he had at least some of the same temper, because he had a spat with Galadriel (who was very much his friend and whom he admired) that drove her out of Ost-in_Edhil, and because he wouldn't listen to other Elves (Galadriel, Elrond, Gil-galad) about Annatar.

So who is this proud elf making three rings for? He's going to make one for himself. That's a given. He's not humble. He wants one of these for himself, that's why he's spent so long on this Ring project in the first place! But who else? It's suggested in various places that he intended one for Gil-galad, but I doubt that was the case. The Elves of the Second Age were never enemies, but neither were Celebrimbor and Gil-Galad best buddies. One is quite obviously for Galadriel. She's his friend, he's made something similar (but not as nifty) for her already, she's the eldest Noldor in Middle-Earth and he has something of a breach he'd like to mend. So that's two - Nenya, clearly Galadriel's Ring from the beginning, and Vilya, decribed as "Chief of the Three", which we can presume Celebrimbor intended for his own.

That leaves us with Narya, the Ring of Fire. So, who does Celbrimbor know, who he respects and values, who has helped inspire Celebrimbor and his fellow Jewelsmiths? He made Narya for Annatar. And, because this is very much how Fate works in Tolkien's world, the Ring intended for one inspiring Maiar ended up on the hand of another, who, thousands of years later, helped use its affinity for both flame and for inspiration to defeat Sauron once and for all.


(And as a complete aside, while I'm not holding my breath, if the Amazon Lord of the Rings series decides to delve into the complex and troubled friendship triangle between Galadriel, Celebrimbor, and Annatar/Sauron, I will be happy as a clam if they do it at all decently.)

That's... quite nifty, actually. I like it!

[Precure]

I always thought that the seven were made for seven dwarf tribes and the three made as a replacement for three silmarils.

[Fyraltari]

I always thought that the seven were made for seven dwarf tribes and the three made as a replacement for three silmarils.

Forging the Rings was supposed to be an accomplishment to rival the Silmarils but there's no connection to the dwarves (except that the Longbeards claim Celebrimbor, not Sauron gave them their Ring, but it's implied they're fooling themselves). The purpose of the Rings of Power was to alter the flow of time as to delay the fading of the elves, that's no concern of the dwarves.

[Rater202]

Archer is about living with autism.

Let's get the obvious out of the way: I one episode, Lana flat out says that she thinks that Sterling is autistic and explains why, and by the end of the episode Sterling admits that she might be right after examining his own behavior...

But that's sort of presented as a joke, so let's take a deeper look.

Let's look at Sterling Archer: It would be easy to dismiss him as a moron... If not for the sheer genius he demonstrates whenever he is properly motivated or in his element. Archer has extreme difficulty functioning in society and is very bad at picking up social cues or engaging in acceptable social behavior, but when he knows what's going on or when its' something he's good at...Like for example, being able to easily keep track of how many bullets everyone has fired in the middle of a hectic gunfight. Or inflicting violence on people.

Archer can switch between rational adult and gleeful child at the drop of a hat, particularly if something of interest to him comes up. Like guns. Or animals. (See, his reaction to finding out that Cheryl has an ocelot.)

When he decides to be helpful, he tends to overdo it... When he found out that Lana was pregnant, for example, he began researching everything that could possibly go wrong with a pregnancy and got certified as a midwife just in case, which is above and beyond, and proposed to her so that the kid would have a father.

He doesn't form bonds easily, but when he does... See his relationship with Pam, which quickly goes from him not caring if she lives or dies to her being easily his best friend over the course of a few years.

Archer often has a very strange logic... But not an invalid logic. For example, when questioned about why he didn't realize that his chemotherapy drugs were fake when he realized that the pills were chewable, Archer states that he assumed that they were chewable because small children get cancer and if they need that medication they might not be able to swallow full-sized pills, which Krieger accepts as a valid point.

So like, between all of that and his episodes of savant behavior, I'm not a psychologist but there's probably enough to diagnosis him: Sterling Archer is autistic.

Now, moving away from the hard evidence to more thematic points: Everyone in I.S.I.S., Fergil Investigations, or whatever the group is going by that season can be argued to either be someone just as dysfunctional as Sterling, or else can be read as a normal person being seen through the eyes of someone who doesn't "get it." Some are both.

As an adult, Sterling is literally being taken care of: He has a live-in domestic servant who does all of his day-to-day work for him and his mother pays for his living arrangements, which is a common thing with people with disabilities and disorders of all kinds.

As a child, Archer had a mother figure who facilitated between apathy to his needs and active abuse to try and control him and a father figure who cared but couldn't give him what he needed. Both are distressingly common among autistic children and both can result in an autistic individual being less than functional... And several episodes basically spell out that his mother's alternating neglect and abuse are responsible for most of how Sterling is as an adult.

In the final season, everyone else uses Archer's presence as an excuse to be their worst selves, and it's not uncommon for people who have social disabilities or who are just socially awkward in general to be used as scapegoats in that exact manner.

While Archer does have a degree of character development, particularly after becoming a father, there are numerous points in the series where he tries to better himself only to backslide or run into roadblocks due to being in a toxic environment which is another thing that's distressingly common not only among autistic individuals but among people trying to become better at being people in general.

A.J., when seen in the last season, has a lot of Archer's behaviors and mannerisms despite having effectively never met him, as he went into a coma when she would have been too young to remember him beyond maybe vague details. She doesn't even know that Sterling is her father. Autism is believed to be caused by genetic factors, and it's not uncommon for certain behaviors to run in families.

[Dr. G. Ravenpie]

DragonBall Z Abridged is canon, and DragonBall Z is some kind of expanded fan-created alternative version (made by some undoubtedly talented guys, but but with little refrain in the filler and bloating department).

[Rater202]

Captain Jack Sparrow sees a younger, more idealistic version of himself in Sora(from Kingdom Hearts), prompting feelings somewhat akin to that of a father for the young man.

It's noted in the Kingdom Hearts series that Sora and Jack have a bit in common, and in Kingdom Hearts III Jack will let Sora pilot the Black Pearl which is... Kind of a big deal.

[Bohandas]

In Danny Phantom, the villain Ember probably killed herself.

[Rynjin]

In Danny Phantom, the villain Ember probably killed herself.

The implication in the show seems to be the exact opposite, as I recall. Somebody set her house on fire while she was asleep. I always figured it was some stalker superfan who was mad she already had a boyfriend or something.

[Rater202]

The implication in the show seems to be the exact opposite, as I recall. Somebody set her house on fire while she was asleep. I always figured it was some stalker superfan who was mad she already had a boyfriend or something.

No, the full lyrics of her song seem to indicate that she got her hopes up with a boy and he either stood her up or he hit it and quit it. Her broken heart left her depressed but also made her vindictive.

Her house burning down while she was asleep is a common fanon but isn't stated in the show.

Considering that her entire power set is about manipulating people and getting attention, the idea that she was herself manipulated and ignored is most probable.

[Bohandas]

The implication in the show seems to be the exact opposite, as I recall. Somebody set her house on fire while she was asleep. I always figured it was some stalker superfan who was mad she already had a boyfriend or something.

TBH I only saw the first episode she was in, so I don't know her whole backstory

[No brains]

Isn't Danny Phantom the show where the (non-head) canon is that the ghosts aren't actually the spirits of dead people? IIRC, they're beings from another dimension that copied dead people's appearances and personalities. If I'm remembering that right, then Ember wasn't really killed by herself or anyone else.

It's splitting hairs, but I brought that up because it's a non-head canon that seems weirder than most of the headcanon I see on here. I guess it was a rules patch to keep death out of the show and make it a little more friendly.

[Rynjin]

I don't know, but even if that is true, in my book by the point where something has taken on the appearance, personality, and entire collection of memories from a dead person, it's really splitting hairs if you want to say they're not actually just the same person.

[Fyraltari]

Yeah, that's just the swampman problem.

[Rater202]

There wasn't anything said against ghosts imitating people per see, just that Ghosts were monsters from another dimension who were never real people.

Which is contradicted both in the show, with Sidney Poindexter is explicitly the ghost of a teenaged boy who was bullied and the implication is that he died after being shoved in his locker and not being pulled out in time, Ember is implied to be the same, not to mention that the Ghost Animals that Vlad sends after Danny in Maternal Instinct are eventually established to be the ghosts of animals that Vlad hunted and had taxidermized.

When they see the trophies and bearskin rug in his cabin they actively turn on him.

Then there's Cujo. They never actually say it, but he ceases being aggressive when a squeaky toy fond on the premises of a megacorp he keeps attacking is given to him, and earlier in the episode, it's established that all of the dogs from the discontinued guard dog program have been... Disposed of, strongly implying that the company that was training dogs(Cujo is literally a puppy when not in attack mode, an adorable and well behaved one at that) and then had perfectly healthy dogs euthanized for... Reasons.

While not in the show proper, Desirae is actually explicitly said in WoG to have been a Harem girl who fell in love with her Sultan only to be banished by the Sultan's jealous wife, ultimately dying of a broken heart after a life of hardship.

On Topic: Half-Ghosts can't die unless they're destroyed due to the ectoplasm infused into their molecular structures.

[Bohandas]

Yeah, that's just the swampman problem.

With the exception that the swampman problem manipulatively introduces a causal disconnect to confuse the issue

[Bohandas]

Have I mentioned my Warhammer 40000 crack ship of Slannesh and the Tyranid hivemind. I think they'd go well together. They're both collective consciousnesses made up of trillions of beings, and they're both obsessed with sex (if I recall my college BioSci correctly, all biological forms of gene-transfer between organisms are technically considered sexual interaction, and this would include genestealing)

EDIT:
Also, unrelated headcanon, in Journey to the West the monkey king's "cloud" is a contrail

[Rater202]

The stupidity, insanity, and sheer jackassery of the people in and around South Park Colorado has something to do with the fact that Shub Niggurath is sleeping underneath the town and every cop in town except for Barbrady is one of her cultists.

[Eldan]

The stupidity, insanity, and sheer jackassery of the people in and around South Park Colorado has something to do with the fact that Shub Niggurath is sleeping underneath the town and every cop in town except for Barbrady is one of her cultists.

Seems about right, given that Cthulhu showed up in person and Satan hangs out at the local school.

[Wookieetank]

Seems about right, given that Cthulhu showed up in person and Satan hangs out at the local school.

Its been a few years since I've seen it, but doesn't a hellmouth even open up in The Movie?

[Rater202]

Its been a few years since I've seen it, but doesn't a hellmouth even open up in The Movie?

Yeh, but that was in Canada.

An for the record, I wasn't speculating on the presence of Shub Niggurrath.

It's confirmed that she sleep below South Park. Most of the cops are cultists.

You fight her as a boss in one of the video games.

I'm just headcannoning that her presence is the reason or the evil and insanity in the town.

[Bohandas]

Immediately after the end of Lawnmower Man, Jobe inquires about Larry's auto warranty and asks to speak to "Kevin"

[EggKookoo]

My new one after showing Spider-Man: Far From Home to my kid. MCU Peter is MCU Tony's illegitimate kid, like he and Mary Parker had an affair. Their relationship is just way too emotional.

[Rater202]

Niftu Cal, the V"biotic-god" from that one mission in Mass Effect 2, actually as as powerful as he claimed to be, at least while the Biotic boosting drugs were in his system.

However, he lacked the implants needed to properly use Biotic powers.

[Bohandas]

The guy in that "i'm at a payphone" song is drunk at a museum or antique store

[Precure]

"One More Day" happened because Kingpin somehow asked Mephisto's help, so Peter wouldn't kill him and his humiliation wouldn't be remembered.

[Rater202]

Coach Oleander from Psychonauts is almost certainly a vegetarian.

He has issues stemming from watching his butcher father slaughter rabbits that led to his entire mental landscape being dominated with crapy mat structures and, compounded with being rejected from the army, the navy, the airforce, and culinary school for being too short and probable psitanium poisoning, led him to try and take over the world with an army of psychic death tanks.

I just don't see him being able to sit back and enjoy a steak, ya know?

[Precure]

Also, Peter and MJ accepted Mephisto's deal because they were past of despair event horizon due to being on the run from their allies, being criminals, losing their jobs and money. May's deteriorated state was simply the last straw.

[Rater202]

Maggie Simpson is a superhero in the making, while Bart Simpson, not younger sister Lisa, is the genius of the family.

Let's start with Maggie: She has, on multiple occasions, saved Homer from certain death. Once by jumping to deflect a beer bottle that was hurtling towards his head at a hockey game. Once by shooting the Springfield Mafia with a rifle that she keeps in her crib. Once by developing superhuman strength just in time to rescue Homer from drowning, and once by dropping a rock on the head of the EPA.

In the episode Flande's Ladder, we get a montage of how all the characters die and they explicitly note that Maggie never does.

The episode Puffless establishes that Maggie can talk to animals. What starts out whimsically ultimately concludes with Maggie leading a literal army of squirrels, mice, assorted birds, spiders, beavers, and flees to rescue a possum she befriended from being the Spuckler family's dinner. While riding Spider-Pig.

Maggie's response to danger tends to involve a "bring it" attitude and several episodes establish that she possesses intelligence and aptitude far beyond what a one-year-old should possess. One episode even established that she's capable of speaking complete sentences(albeit with some obvious grammar issues) and doesn't becuase she revealed the ability during a family argument and since no one listened to her what's the point.

Now Bart: Let's start with the obvious, in one episode, he was diagnosed with ADHD and prescribed the experimental drug Focusin. At first, this drug seemed to benefit him greatly, helping him stay focused and apply his intellect without changing his personality or turning him into a drooling zombie only for him to eventually become paranoid that Major League Baseball was spying on him, which leads to him stealing a tank and shooting down a satellite after the company admits that paranoia is a possible side effect and makes plans to switch art onto other medications.

...Except it turns out that Bart wasn't paranoid. Major League Baseball was spying on him. So Bart was not, in fact, suffering any side effects from the drug and the drug was working as advertised, helping him focus and apply himself, and in doing so he proved a conspiracy.

Now let's go to the early episode, Bart Gets an F. Bart realizes that if he fails the next big test, he's going to be held back. He works his ass off, forces himself to study, and... Fails. Heartbroken, he cites an incident of historical failure and connects it to his own feelings and Ms. Krabbable double checks and realizes he's exactly right, prompting her to give him just enough extra credit to pass.

This episode establishes that he's not stupid, he's just a bad test-taker.

Other episodes make it clear that his mischief requires a great deal of intellect and planning and that if he applied that to academics he'd be getting straight As... Which holds up in a recent episode where, after acquiring Ms. Krabbable's diary and reading entries that lead him to believe that she thought he had great potential, he applied himself and started doing very well in school.

As well as an episode from a few seasons beforehand where Superintendant Chalmers starts personally teaching Bart after Skinner has enough and asks if he can do better. Chalmers manages to get Bart's attention and... Bart does well.

And the episode where art gets expelled and enrolls in catholic School, where he does very well once one of the Priests connects to him emotionally and gives him a little bit of encouragement.

And an even earlier episode, where Bart is trying to breed the class frog with the class hamster for some reason, only to hide in the closet when Skinner and Krabbable come in... And then when they start having sex in the classroom he forces himself to study the facts about the planets on a poster in the closet to keep himself from panicking and... Des well on a test about the solar system.

And all the way back in WHacking Day, where Bart gets expelled, gets Homeschooled by Marge, and... Once she gets a foot in the door with book that catches his interest he does very well and basically completely disproves and invalidates a controversial holiday with historical facts.

He doesn't apply himself... Mostly because Springfield Elementary is a really ****ty school. In particular, the flashback episode about how Lisa first got her saxophone establishes that Bart was eager to learn—"school will be fun" he happily says on his first day of Kindergarten—only for his Kindergarten Teacher to maliciously break his spirit... And then his family just kind of ignored his crippling depression becuase Lisa displayed some talent and they put everything into nurturing her at Bart's expense.

The episode Barthood, showing several incidents from Bart's past followed by several snapshots into a potential future, follows up on this showing that the family never really encourages Bart and often puts Lisa before him.

So yes, Bart is a Genius and he only seems unintelligent due to a combination of untreated ADHD and apathy born from a lack of support from school or family.

Moving away from Academics, Bart is shown to be an excellent artist, athlete, and a prodigy with both languages—he is fluent in French, Japanese, Spanish, Latin, and Cantonese—and music, having even been a professional Jazz musician(much to Lisa's chagrin) until an injury damaged his ability to drum(and likewise when an angry Lisa threw her saxophone at him in one episode, he caught it and then on a whim gave it blow... And then launched into an improvisational Jazz Solo that blows anything Lisa's done out of the water.)

[Bohandas]

Gandalf had already been killed at least once prior to the fight with the balrog.

1.) Since he's secretly one of the ainur
2.) Silmarillion states that all of the ainur have the ability to shapeshift
3.) This power seems to be severely curtailed if an aimur has previously been killed
4.) Gandalf never seems to use this power even in situations where it could have both proved useful and not blown his cover