Monk beats up Wizard

[Vva70]

Okay, so here's a new challenge:

A level 20 wizard, caught having cast all his spells for the day while drunk, is stripped naked, hog-tied, and thrown into a 60ft cubic empty room. A sorceror casts Mordenkainen's Disjunction on him, then casts Energy Drain and/or Enervation until the wizard has 19 negative levels, and then leaves. Next, a level 20 monk is hired to go in and beat up the wizard. The monk has WBL, all the buffs 3 clerics, 2 druids, 5 bards and an awakened beaver paladin can think up, and is polymorphed into whatever he wants to be. Who wins?

Personally, I think it's a toss up.

Warning: Do not try to take this seriously or my hamburger will take over the world.

[Karsh]

The Wizard. It's actually a Simulacrum and the real Wizard is hiding in the shadows with Superior Invisibility waiting for the Monk.

And all of the Monk's buffers are simulacra also. They all actually cast a wide variety of Geases on him.

[GoC]

Well the wizard isn't in an antimagic field so he uses his silent stilled greater teleport Archmage SLA to get out of there to one of his secret bases with an appropriate scroll selection.
He then Planeshifts to his private plane were time passes 10000x as fast as on the material plane to recover spells in one round and get the negative levels removed, then planeshift+teleports back into the cell with a readied Mordenkainen's Disjunction to beat the monk up.

btw: How did the wizard ever manage to get drunk in the first place? Even the strongest dwarven ale is only a 18 DC fort save and the wizard is immune to poison.

[deadseashoals]

OMG THE WIZARD EVERY1 KNWS MONKS R LOSE! THE BATMAN HE CASTS LIKE EXTENDED SUPER SUPERIOR PERSISTENT SPELL MASTERY FORE SIGHT AND SUDDEN MAXAMIZE TIME STOP CELERETEE AND DIMENSION LOCK FORCE CAGE AND CLOUD KILL AND THE MONK CANT DO ANYTHING AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!1111onetyeleventyoneFORCEVAPO RTRAP!!!!!

Seriously, uh, what?

[MCerberus]

Hmmm... *looks at title*


In Soviet Russia!

edit - pretty sure the catgirls would fight with the monk because if the wizard ever dies it means people stop killing them.

[WitchSlayer]

The CW Samurai, obviously.

[Vva70]

btw: How did the wizard ever manage to get drunk in the first place? Even the strongest dwarven ale is only a 18 DC fort save and the wizard is immune to poison.

Well obviously the wizard got into a drinking contest with an orc. An epic orc optimized for fortitude saves. And the tavern they were in had a built-in antimagic field. Because, you know, all taverns are antimagic.

[Azerian Kelimon]

Nay. The Commoner!

[GoC]

Well obviously the wizard got into a drinking contest with an orc. An epic orc optimized for fortitude saves. And the tavern they were in had a built-in antimagic field. Because, you know, all taverns are antimagic.

Isn't there a feat somewhere that makes you immune to antimagic fields...?

[Karsh]

Initiate of Mystra. If you make a caster level check and you can ignore it (but only to cast a spell).

'course, you have to have 3 levels of Cleric, so unless you're going to be a Mystic Theurge...

[daggaz]

Neither of them win, its a trick question.

The answer? The awakened beaver paladin wins. The whole thing was a trap!! Dun dun dun!!!

[RoboticSheeple]

this may be the best thread ever.

Also, the wizard wins, because he is omgzors teh broken!!!eleventyone!!11!!

[MCerberus]

I'm pretty sure the Catgirls blow up the Damn Crab with a colossal antimatter dart at some point too.

[Aquillion]

The wizard. Before the whole thing started, he cast Gate and negotiated a longer service from a creature twice his HD. Just as the monk finishes buffing, an epic-level creature bursts in, completely slaughters everyone but the wizard, and takes the wizard someplace where his power can be restored.

Note that the longer service was something like 'protect me for X days and ensure that any reasonable damage or loss I incur during that period is restored to me.' So the wizard doesn't have to pay immediately, only when the days are up (after being restored, so he's now able to pay.)

[Khanderas]

Well obviously the wizard got into a drinking contest with an orc. An epic orc optimized for fortitude saves. And the tavern they were in had a built-in antimagic field. Because, you know, all taverns are antimagic.

They have to be, with all the fireballing, charming and greaterOMGXPLOSIONS going on.

I'm pretty sure the Catgirls blow up the Damn Crab with a colossal antimatter dart at some point too.

I wonder how catgirls can hold an antimatter dart *Zapppp* . Oh... Sorry bout that.

The wizard. Before the whole thing started, he cast Gate and negotiated a longer service from a creature twice his HD. Just as the monk finishes buffing, an epic-level creature bursts in, completely slaughters everyone but the wizard, and takes the wizard someplace where his power can be restored.

Note that the longer service was something like 'protect me for X days and ensure that any reasonable damage or loss I incur during that period is restored to me.' So the wizard doesn't have to pay immediately, only when the days are up (after being restored, so he's now able to pay.)

Yup. this sounds like the überparanoïd wizard that live on the forums here. We should really give him a name. Scary part is, this is problebly legal. Schrödeinger-style. Oh yeah he has a name.

[Aquillion]

Yup. this sounds like the überparanoïd wizard that live on the forums here. We should really give him a name. Scary part is, this is problebly legal. Schrödeinger-style. Oh yeah he has a name.

Well, technically you can negotitate Gate services of indefinite duration, although the cost is likely to be high. So a wizard could even have a service like: "The next time I need your aid, come to assist me, defeat my immediate enemies, bring me to safety, and ensure that any losses I have incurred are restored to me, within the reasonable limits of your power." This would be a reasonable service; the price could be high, but the 'losses restored' clause ensures that the wizard will be able to pay (at least, if they were able to pay initially.) And it's decent enough insurance, with a relatively cheap one-time cost of 1000 xp, given the protection gained, plus a much higher cost that you'll only end up paying if you ever really need it (in which case it's probably better than what you were facing.) A wizard doesn't have to be totally paranoid to do this, just mildly paranoid, and they don't have to be able to predict the future (beyond a general 'I may need help someday', which is hardly Schrödeinger-style.)

[tyckspoon]

Well, technically you can negotitate Gate services of indefinite duration, although the cost is likely to be high. So a wizard could even have a service like: "The next time I need your aid, come to assist me, defeat my immediate enemies, bring me to safety, and ensure that any losses I have incurred are restored to me, within the reasonable limits of your power." This would be a reasonable service; the price could be high, but the 'losses restored' clause ensures that the wizard will be able to pay (at least, if they were able to pay initially.) And it's decent enough insurance, with a relatively cheap one-time cost of 1000 xp, given the protection gained, plus a much higher cost that you'll only end up paying if you ever really need it (in which case it's probably better than what you were facing.) A wizard doesn't have to be totally paranoid to do this, just mildly paranoid, and they don't have to be able to predict the future (beyond a general 'I may need help someday', which is hardly Schrödeinger-style.)

Assuming, of course, that the contracted outsider can either reliably monitor the wizard to know that the wizard is in a dire enough situation to need help, or that the wizard can reliably contact the outsider to call in the service. Taking a safety precaution of always being under mindblank can negate the first, and continous cross-planar communication that is resilient enough to satisfy the second could be hard to come by.

[Kurald Galain]

Obviously, the clerics start beating up the druids, for the honor of taking the title of Most Powerful Class from the wizard, while four of the bards pull up a catfight to see who may write a legendary song about it, and the fifth bard writes an epic song about the catfight. That leaves the beaver, who easily defeats the monk with one claw tied to his back.

[Aquillion]

Assuming, of course, that the contracted outsider can either reliably monitor the wizard to know that the wizard is in a dire enough situation to need help, or that the wizard can reliably contact the outsider to call in the service. Taking a safety precaution of always being under mindblank can negate the first, and continuous cross-planar communication that is resilient enough to satisfy the second could be hard to come by.

Not really. We're talking something equivalent to a level 40 epic character, here. Even if it doesn't have the ability to monitor the wizard 24/7, so what? The wizard can just get killed. There are very few things that a monk can do to him that his contracted demon or whatever can't just reverse in a jiffy. He'll have to pay, sure, but he won't have to stay dead.

[tyckspoon]

Not really. We're talking something equivalent to a level 40 epic character, here. Even if it doesn't have the ability to monitor the wizard 24/7, so what? The wizard can just get killed. There are very few things that a monk can do to him that his contracted demon or whatever can't just reverse in a jiffy. He'll have to pay, sure, but he won't have to stay dead.

Simple death is not a particularly bad state in D&D. If this wizard is part of a typical party, the rest of his group can find him, punt the monk out of the way, and get him raised anyway. I would agree that death is a reasonable trigger condition- and if the outsider is trying to scry once a day or so, he'll be able to once the last day's mindblank expires and is not recast, so that works- but it's also a condition that can happen quite often and be fixed without the intervention of the outsider. You don't want to pay 1000 xp and whatever the price for this indefinitely-delayed service is going to be just to get something a mortal friend of yours could also do.

[Quietus]

Isn't there a feat somewhere that makes you immune to antimagic fields...?

I think in Forgotten Realms, users of the Shadow Weave can ignore antimagic fields, can't they?

::Edit:: Might just be dead magic zones, come to think of it...

[Kurald Galain]

Simple death is not a particularly bad state in D&D. If this wizard is part of a typical party, the rest of his group can find him, punt the monk out of the way, and get him raised anyway.

Precisely. Plus, while he's dead, he gets to train with the ultimate dead master, beat small puppies over the head with a mallet, and INCAEARSE HIS PWOER LVEL!!!!111!!!

[SpikeFightwicky]

Precisely. Plus, while he's dead, he gets to train with the ultimate dead master, beat small puppies over the head with a mallet, and INCAEARSE HIS PWOER LVEL!!!!111!!!

Hey monk, what's the wizard's power level?

IT'S OVER 9000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Seriously, though, where did all these new 'Wizard VS. Monk' scenarios suddenly pop-up from? As if the whole debate wasn't enough, there are about 4-5 'Monk VS. Wizard' - 'Wizard VS. Monk' scenario threads on the first 2 pages...

[Riffington]

Have we done the Ultimate Showdown yet?
http://www.ultimateshowdown.org/

[Emperor Demonking]

Hey monk, what's the wizard's power level?

IT'S OVER 9000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Seriously, though, where did all these new 'Wizard VS. Monk' scenarios suddenly pop-up from? As if the whole debate wasn't enough, there are about 4-5 'Monk VS. Wizard' - 'Wizard VS. Monk' scenario threads on the first 2 pages...

Me, I take credit. All mine.

Yeah, the wizard will probably win.

[Telonius]

Wizard. He had a Contingent Spell set up for just such an occasion.

The scary thing is, he didn't even use any Divination spells to set it up. Just had the thing running. Just in case, you know?

[Wraithy]

chuck norris breaks through the wall, is killed by a furby, which is in turn rejected from the universe by one of the many errors produced by the apple mac which controlls the universe. then sod's law makes the monk trip up, the floor collapse underneath him into a pit filled with epic wizards, druids, and clerics, the cleric metal armours touch the druids so they lose their powers, the druid animal companions kill the wizards in the confusion during a surprise round, their spellbooks fly up through the hole in the floor and land in front of the first wizard, an orc thunders into the room before dieing of a heart condition caused by the fatty chicken wings he stole off pun pun, his belt (containing multiple overpowered homebrew potions, items, and scrolls) falls on the ground next to the wizard, the orc himself then falls down the hole and crushes several clerics in the process, a planar shephard witnesses the madness, summons kung fu action buzz lightyear (complete with seizure causing LED's) to bludgeon to death everything below the floor, Pun Pun, enraged at the loss of his chicken wings (just like mamma Kurtulmak used to make), tears apart everything between himself and the corpse of the high colesterol orc (including kung fu action buzz lightyear and he who summoned him), Pun Pun is then attacked by the furby who is able to regenerate because, afterall, he is a furby, and thus reserected by marketing to hook another generation on the evils of furby, after several years of tense battle between Pun Pun and the reserecting Furby, the Furby finally wins by making that bloody annoying wistle-scream which pisses off Pun Pun to the point of suicide, the furby then runs out of battery, many rejoice, the wizard has finally managed to regain all of that which was lost to him, then Nelson Mandela, in his infinite awesomeness, drawn by the sound of his arch nemesis the furby, observes the wrongful imprisonment of the wizard by the monk, the 3 clerics, 2 druids, 5 bards and the awakened beaver paladin, unleashes his freedom aura for OVER 9000!!!!D6 damage to all within a 10 mile radius, then realising that he accidentally killed the wizard he was freeing, proceeds to put newspaper on it, and slooowly walk away.

[MCerberus]

I can't decide if I'm more disturbed by the whole thread in general or just Wraithy's post.

[PlatinumJester]

I have a (bad) joke.

A monk attacks a Wizard...and die .

[Indon]

Obviously, the clerics start beating up the druids, for the honor of taking the title of Most Powerful Class from the wizard, while four of the bards pull up a catfight to see who may write a legendary song about it, and the fifth bard writes an epic song about the catfight. That leaves the beaver, who easily defeats the monk with one claw tied to his back.

Nah.

The first Bard to take a turn enslaves them all with Quickened Diplomancy. He then enters the room himself to do the same to both the Wizard and his epic-level Gate buddy.