Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 13: This Is A Banned List Not A Drinking Game

[Telok]

* The warlock may no longer declare "mimic check" and abuse eldrich blast's inability to target objects every time we see statues, armor, chests, odd furniture, corpses, unusual lights, or random atmospheric effects.

** The warlock may not use eldrich blast's new found ability to target objects to repelling blast doors, stone columns, book shelves, statues, windows, etc. Even though they are smaller than, and weigh less than, the 20-headed giant hydra that got blasted off a cliff yesterday.

*** The warlock may not self target with resilient sphere and repelling blast to play "purple worm pinball" from inside said purple worm.

**** Not allowed to play warlocks any more.

[danielxcutter]

* The warlock may no longer declare "mimic check" and abuse eldrich blast's inability to target objects every time we see statues, armor, chests, odd furniture, corpses, unusual lights, or random atmospheric effects.

** The warlock may not use eldrich blast's new found ability to target objects to repelling blast doors, stone columns, book shelves, statues, windows, etc. Even though they are smaller than, and weigh less than, the 20-headed giant hydra that got blasted off a cliff yesterday.

*** The warlock may not self target with resilient sphere and repelling blast to play "purple worm pinball" from inside said purple worm.

**** Not allowed to play warlocks any more.

You know it’s weird that spells are like that in 5e. 3.5e Eldritch Blast at least did half damage.

[PhoenixPhyre]

* May no longer say that banishment takes you to a small padded cell where, playing over the crackly loudspeakers, are two songs on infinite repeat while you are forced to listen until the spell ends:
** The Barney theme song (I love you, you love me...)
** and Baby Shark.

[BisectedBrioche]

* While the DM expected you to join in some of the games of chance NPCs are partaking in, he did NOT expect you to do so in the middle of combat.

[Rockphed]

* May no longer say that banishment takes you to a small padded cell where, playing over the crackly loudspeakers, are two songs on infinite repeat while you are forced to listen until the spell ends:
** The Barney theme song (I love you, you love me...)
** and Baby Shark.

*** Cthulthu shark doo-doooo-do-do-do-da-doo

[Corey]

*My familiar's combat Help actions may not make use of its intestines.

[Telok]

*My familiar's combat Help actions may not make use of its intestines.

** Pre-banning the flying half-demon sea cucumber.

[Mandark]

* May no longer say that banishment takes you to a small padded cell where, playing over the crackly loudspeakers, are two songs on infinite repeat while you are forced to listen until the spell ends:
** The Barney theme song (I love you, you love me...)
** and Baby Shark.

***May not correct nerds Argue with strangers on the internet that the "I love you song" from Barney (sung to the tune of "This Old Man"), is not the Theme song ( "Barney is a Dinosaur", whose tune is based on "Yankee Doodle")
****Even if it is the more annoying and catchy of the two.
*****I don't need to quote Wikipedia to know I'm right.
******But it can help. Occasionally.

[ideasmith]

You know it’s weird that spells are like that in 5e. 3.5e Eldritch Blast at least did half damage.

So all 5e spell damage acts like 3.5 magic missile, and never damages inanimate objects? If so, that is weird. Damaging inanimate objects is something D&D magic should be capable of. Any edition. (Not that all spells should be able to do so, nor even all damaging spells. I have no problem with magic missile and M's sword being creatures-only.)

[PhoenixPhyre]

***May not correct nerds Argue with strangers on the internet that the "I love you song" from Barney (sung to the tune of "This Old Man"), is not the Theme song ( "Barney is a Dinosaur", whose tune is based on "Yankee Doodle")
****Even if it is the more annoying and catchy of the two.
*****I don't need to quote Wikipedia to know I'm right.
******But it can help. Occasionally.

Yeah. In game I just said it was the "I love you" song. But got lazy here.

So all 5e spell damage acts like 3.5 magic missile, and never damages inanimate objects? If so, that is weird. Damaging inanimate objects is something D&D magic should be capable of. Any edition. (Not that all spells should be able to do so, nor even all damaging spells. I have no problem with magic missile and M's sword being creatures-only.)

Spell damage damages objects if and only if it says it does. So firebolt can damage objects just fine (targets an object or creature). EB (in the fluff) attacks the soul, so it does nothing against objects. Other spells are mixed.

[danielxcutter]

5e is weird.

[Rodimal]

I am never, ever, ever, EVER allowed to play a Kender.

[PhoenixPhyre]

I am never, ever, ever, EVER allowed to play a Kender.

** neither is anyone else. In fact, kender don't exist and never have. They were just an extended April Fool's joke.

[Anonymouswizard]

I am never, ever, ever, EVER allowed to play a Kender.

** I am not allowed to argue for the existence of Kender Paladins

[thorr-kan]

** I am not allowed to argue for the existence of Kender Paladins

* I, however, encourage the existence of Kender Wild Mages
** Canonically, Kender may become Bards and Priests in 2E (Tales of the Lance boxed set); I would allow it.
*** Therefore, Spelljammer ships run by spellcasting Kender are possible; I would encourage it.
**** WHEE!

* Kender may become Sha'irs, the genie-summoning Wizards from 2E Al-Qadim. They can cast Wish at 1st level.
** WHEE!

(Joking aside, Hakim Star'trekher, my kender sha'ir was So. Much. Fun. to play in Assassins' Mountain.)

[Telok]

I have no problem wi pc kender... If they provide me with an actual backstory that shows they understand they aren't playing an ******* klepto halfling knock-off, but a species that's insane by most human standards from a lack of fear and the inability to understand non-personal object ownership.

That said, just to have something on topic:
* Even though its been 30+ years, different groups, and they have zero expectation to ever even see the books much less play a game of it... I am still not allowed to play a rogue scientist in Rifts with access to smart missiles.

[Anonymouswizard]

I have no problem wi pc kender... If they provide me with an actual backstory that shows they understand they aren't playing an ******* klepto halfling knock-off, but a species that's insane by most human standards from a lack of fear and the inability to understand non-personal object ownership.

Well there goes my Chaotic Neutral Kender who 'borrowed' some powers from a passing knight.

[Telok]

Well there goes my Chaotic Neutral Kender who 'borrowed' some powers from a passing knight.

Weel, do you mean "years of training in using a sword" type game mechanic "powers" or more "oh the chaos knight isn't using this tentacle right now and I'm having trouble reaching the top of the table, so..." type powers? Because a sufficiently entertaining backstory can include a multitude of sins.

[Lord Raziere]

* May not call out to enemy minions while intentionally stating a fact wrong then kill the minion who tries to correct me when they say "well, actually..." or "well technically..." on the logic that I've tricked the smartest one into revealing themselves so that they die first.
** When no minions correct me, may not declare "ok they're all dumb, no threat here."
*** May not then claim that any actual intelligent person then underestimates me because I got a fact "wrong" and therefore dismisses me as a threat because I'm not smart to them.

[Anonymouswizard]

Weel, do you mean "years of training in using a sword" type game mechanic "powers" or more "oh the chaos knight isn't using this tentacle right now and I'm having trouble reaching the top of the table, so..." type powers? Because a sufficiently entertaining backstory can include a multitude of sins.

More along the latter lines, haven't developed a backstory because the character kind of requires a GM who knows what Kender are. I've just never had one.

[Rockphed]

More along the latter lines, haven't developed a backstory because the character kind of requires a GM who knows what Kender are. I've just never had one.

I believe you mean "knows what Kender are and doesn't ban them preemptively". Lots of people know enough about Kender to want to ban them without knowing enough to know that their memetic representation is not the only way to play them.

[Corey]

Does Prestidigitation have a maximum Scoville rating? Does the answer depend on whether it's cast with Subtle metamagic?

[KorvinStarmast]

* May no longer say that banishment takes you to a small padded cell where, playing over the crackly loudspeakers, are two songs on infinite repeat while you are forced to listen until the spell ends:
** The Barney theme song (I love you, you love me...)
** and Baby Shark.

*My no longer send emails to the people in Geneva about a DM doing that ... (Was player in that game and we all cringed)
*** May no longer make fun of the purple worm that also got banished to a similar padded room in that same fight (since he's dead)
*** May no longer (since I already did) point out that a purple dinosaur nonsense love song being sung to a purple worm in that padded cell was almost perfect purple irony
**** May never again perform a song called Purple Worm that is a direct ripoff of Purple Rain by Prince.

Spoiler: No kidding, I did this

Show

(I wrote the parody lyrics (no, I don't have weird Al Jankovic's talent for parody, but I do my best) and my bard performed it on stage to thunderous applause (didn't hurt that the paladin held up a purple worm tooth as the first chorus was being sung ...

** neither is anyone else. In fact, kender don't exist and never have. They were just an extended April Fool's joke.

True.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Ratlings are not secretly Kender, and I have to give my party members their stuff back.

[Telok]

* Ratlings are not secretly Kender, and I have to give my party members their stuff back.

** Tibbets are not supposed to be secretly kender in fur onesies, and I am probably going to be banned from playing them if I wear my "team grumpy cat" t-shirt when I show my character sheet.

[TrashTrash]

* Not allowed to roll "unintended consequences" for the Wish spell.
** even if it's because I needed a plot hook

* No more raccoons on random encounter tables

* Sticking to the scientific fact that spiderwebs are flammable must take a backseat when the artificer starts casting Firebolt like it's going out of style
** especially when the party walks into the middle of a giant spider den
*** especially not in a forest previously described as "overgrown... the brush and debris is almost impossible to walk through"

[Silly Name]

** Tibbets are not supposed to be secretly kender in fur onesies, and I am probably going to be banned from playing them if I wear my "team grumpy cat" t-shirt when I show my character sheet.

*** I cannot argue that every Small race is actually kenders in disguise

[Anonymouswizard]

**** Cannot point out that this all began because Warhammer 40,000 Ratlings are space halflings with additional kleptomania and hedonism, playing one as a stereotypical Kender is in character (although without the 'are good and innocent' bit).


* I cannot execute other party members for Heresy.
** No, not even if I was a Commissar.
*** Being able to do so to the Space Marine is suspect.

[BisectedBrioche]

** Tibbets are not supposed to be secretly kender in fur onesies, and I am probably going to be banned from playing them if I wear my "team grumpy cat" t-shirt when I show my character sheet.

** Tieflings are not "the new kender"

[Rater202]

I cannot do a Zelda-based Roleplay that consists of Zora, Twili, and Gorons trying to figure out why humans wear clothes.