Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 13: This Is A Banned List Not A Drinking Game

[MornShine]

* when D&D Night turns into Board Game Night three weeks in a row, you don't have a D&D group
** what you do have is a board game group

[Telok]

* No longer allowed to be so damn cheerful about a character with 5 charisma when the point buy doesn't go below 8.

** Not allowed to draw character portraits while playing a character named "Snozar the Defiler of Eyeballs".

*** Not allowed to use logic about charisma being only partially appearance based to scare the new guy.

**** Absolutely not allowed image editing software while playing a character named "Snozar the Defiler of Eyeballs".

***** No longer allowed to buy the DM expensive fancy vodka to get more house rules.

****** Having a negative charisma will not cause an overflow error that wraps it around to 63, 127, 255, or any other number that is one less than a power of 2.

******* Not allowed internet links in the character description of a character named "Snozar the Defiler of Eyeballs".

Coming soon to the folder of "<blam!> Next character please.": any character named "<something> the Defiler of Eyeballs".

[Bohandas]

*A camel's toe is not an appropriate ingredient for a witches' brew

[KorvinStarmast]

***** No longer allowed to buy the DM expensive fancy vodka to get more house rules.

There's always pizza.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Even if the rulebook doesn't expressly forbid Jaeger Sparks the GM does.
* Jaegers might not believe in buying hats, but that doesn't believe that I get to refund the cost of one at character creation.

[Rockphed]

* Even if the rulebook doesn't expressly forbid Jaeger Sparks the GM does.
* Jaegers might not believe in buying hats, but that doesn't believe that I get to refund the cost of one at character creation.

They may not "buy" hats, but they spend resources acquiring them nonetheless.

[Telok]

They may not "buy" hats, but they spend resources acquiring them nonetheless.

* Other people's blood and suffering is technically a resource being expended if they have a hat I want.

[Anonymouswizard]

They may not "buy" hats, but they spend resources acquiring them nonetheless.

I mean, with DR3 and the Fast Healing advantage, not many hard to obtain resources

[Rater202]

I cannot base the Big Bad on Lois from Malcolm in the Middle

[Bohandas]

The term is "player character" not "playa character"

[Lord Raziere]

* I cannot have a shotel that damages through shields and ACs
** my knife cannot inflict bleed to take out a chunk of the enemies health when I score enough hits
*** May not try to parry/crit stab the enemy when this isn't Dark Souls
**** my weapons may inflict lightning damage, but they do not stun enemies
***** I may not dodge roll to avoid all damage unless I'm a rogue.
****** I may however, Praise the Sun

* Characters Goals may not be: ...learn all jutsu and become immortal with no idea what to do after
**...kidnap a distant relative and hold them for ransom to help fund the military I work in
***...make friends with the heiress of ancient enemy rival clan to start my megalomaniacal quest for power and also tick off my dad.
****...do jobs for the mafia to get MTF trans surgery
*****...make the puppet I do a ventriloquist act with and pretend is real, become a sapient robot so she can be my friend.
******...learn medical jutsu so I can find a way to resurrect the village I come from because they died in a flood
*******...go to space when the world hasn't even invented rockets yet
********...find a friend who accepts me for who I am: a naturally born energy and memory draining vampire who wishes to drown in other identities to escape her own.
*********...collect a bunch of cool weapons and wield them to prove I'm more than just a water dispenser.
**********...kill and absorb ninjas into my blood so I can create clones of them to wield all jutsu and become the ultimate ninja for my village
***********...use mushrooms to get revenge for a long dead clan of people I don't know, upon a clan I know just as little of, so I can be famous for doing so.

[TeChameleon]

The term is "player character" not "playa character"

** Unless it's a bard.

* My Aarakocra Monk is not allowed to 'forget' to get dressed just because he has no use for armour
** An open robe doesn't count as 'getting dressed'
*** Even if he doesn't have anything the other PCs would recognize as genitalia
**** Not even if even that is completely concealed by feathers
***** "Eschew Clothing" still isn't a valid feat

* Not allowed to convince the DM that the 5e monk is ridiculously OP due to a combination of lucky rolls, reckless playing that paid off remarkably well, and a first dungeon that happened to be basically tailor-made for monk abilities.

* Doesn't matter if the fluff says that the Aarakocra often spend months airborne on their home plane; you still have to come down occasionally

* Not allowed to shrug and pass over more than 10,000 Gp in coinage just because Aarakocra have very limited understanding of personal property, and one who was brought up cloistered has even less knowledge of/use for gold, and also because while shiny, they were all the same and thus not very interesting (the other players were very glad that one of the other PCs was close enough to hear the 'clink'! )
** My Aarakocra monk may not take the Vow of Poverty when he barely understands material possessions as a concept

* Not allowed to respond to other PCs being horrified at zombified children with "They were only six? So... a year older than me, then?"
** Not allowed to go around crushing the skulls of the downed zombie children in complete calm after being upset that the other PCs were going to steal dragon eggs
*** Not allowed to be absolutely traumatized once the whole age differential thing is explained and vow vengeance on the necromancer responsible

* Not allowed to forget that the other PCs can't fly

Playing a non-human that differs significantly in biology, mobility, age of maturity, and culture is fun
... and while he may not understand personal possessions very well, he understands personal space just fine, so the whole 'Kender problem' doesn't come up.

* If told to prep a character for an 'anime style game', it is expected that I'll turn up with the usual superhuman martial artist, magic user, giant-robot-pilot, magical girl, or something along those lines, not an expy of Yotsuba.
** If for whatever reason the previous rule is ignored, it shouldn't derail the plot so violently that the BBEG somehow ends up as a primary school principal and the game winds up focussing around the everyday, slice-of-life adventures of a cheerful, slightly odd small child learning about the world.

* If told to prep specifically for a 'traditional' magical girls game, the first hint of a Nanoha expy, rocks fall, everyone dies.
** Not allowed to get around the previous rule by making a character that's just straight-up Nanoha.
*** I am to forget that I've ever heard the phrase 'Starlight Breaker' for the duration of the game

[Bohandas]

*Innsmouth and Y'ha-Nthlei are not suburbs of Bikini Bottom
**Or vice-versa

[Telok]

* Even if the DM thinks its funny & true I am not allowed to troll the people playing fighters & barbarians by using thier combat damage done & taken to calculate the "horse power" of how many horses it would take to replace them.

** That the horses would have better social & wilderness skills does not allow me to assign a negative value to the fighters' & barbarians' contributions to exploration & social encounters.

*** Even though the DM agrees that we wouldn't be hunted outlaws if they'd just kept thier mouths shut and thier hands off the princess.

**** Not allowed to trade them for a pair of trained hippos. Even though it would boost the party dpr.

***** No longer allowed to agitate for using the AD&D reincarnation spell by pointing out that having them come back as bears would boost both thier combat & noncombat abilities.

[Lord Raziere]

* While probably a fun vs thread concept, "Dark souls protagonist vs. all of DnD" as a campaign would probably get real repetitive and old quick.

* May not evade being seen by the authorities though just standing in the middle of a crowd of people and acting casual.
** or standing just to the side of them watching as they run past too focused on whats in front of them to look to the sides.
*** May not evade detection by standing on top of a billboard or sign watching as people walk below me
**** May not repeatedly demonstrate the folly of human perception by choosing seemingly bad hiding spots yet successfully evade being detected because of them.

[KorvinStarmast]

* No longer allowed to cast wall of light (which is opaque) between me and the enemy. (The other players got upset that they could not see the enemy and had to go around it)

** No longer allowed to cast speak with dead directly after we have a tavern brawl that turned deadly - no, I didn't start it, that {censored} gnome rogue (our party) did) - since it freaks out the normal customers. (I guess they handle the occasional knifing with aplomb: and we thought it was a high class tavern!)

*** No longer allowed to use my (warlock, celestial) invisibility cloak to impersonate a guardian angel (I healed a local guard who had been dropped by our barbarian), got him up, and then walked him home (invisibly) all the while whispering into his ear that he needs to become a disciple of {my deity} as a result of me, the angel, saving him from death). When we got him to his home I briefly reappeared - to give him 'the angel's kiss' - his wife, who heard him open the door and saw me doing that - was NOT amused.

[Bohandas]

*May not refer to the Book of Exalted Deeds and Book of Vile Darkness as the "Book of E.D." and the "Book of V.D."

[danielxcutter]

...Okay, what's the joke here?

[Bohandas]

they're both also types of embarrassing medical conditions

[danielxcutter]

...Ah. I get it.

[Telok]

...Okay, what's the joke here?

Translates roughly to "Book of needs Viagra" and "Book of needs antibiotics for embarassing reasons".

It gets pretty funny in threads where people start dropping the "book of" part and just use the initials.

[Socksy]

* Chickens and Velociraptors generally don't share the same statblock.

[Anonymouswizard]

*May not refer to the Book of Exalted Deeds and Book of Vile Darkness as the "Book of E.D." and the "Book of V.D."

I thought the latter was the BoEF.

[Rater202]

The following are not an appropriate use of a Wish

A lifetime supply of hetap.
A lifetime supply of twinkies.
An episode of Family Guy where Meg tarts getting treated better that isn't ignored in all later episodes.
For the writers of The Simpsons to start doing more episodes like the more poignant ones from the first two seasons, such as Old Money
For a Shenmue/Yakuza style open-world game based on King of The Hill
For an infinitely replenishing bottle of Szechuan sauce.

[Rockphed]

For an infinitely replenishing bottle of Szechuan sauce.

Ben Fleuter is way ahead of you on that one.

* The undead abomination being right is not a good reason to turn evil.
* Just because there is a statue on top of a building does not mean it is an avatar of a god.
** Nor an aspect of a demon.
*** Nor a stone being that has been watching the city for a thousand years waiting to take its revenge.

* Taking a castle apart and rebuilding it atop a skyscraper will not bring all the gargoyles on it to life.

* If I have an unidentified magical item I am not to give it to my girlfriend in the hopes of turning her into a werewolf.

[Telok]

Things not to try becuse I already knoe they won't fly:

* clay golem minis sculpted from limburger.

** dragon diapers

*** divination spells higher then first level on d&d warlocks.

**** same thing goes for permanent illusion, creation, summoning... just make it a general "nope" anything permanent for d&d warlocks.

Edit: update.

***** So... "because the online tool lets you buy them as gear and put them in a spell component pouch" is apparently insufficient reason for a mid level d&d character with a pile of money to cast 'wall of meat' by using a free item interaction to whip out elephants.

[KorvinStarmast]

***** "because the online tool lets you buy them as gear and put them in a spell component pouch" is apparently insufficient reason for a mid level d&d character with a pile of money to cast 'wall of meat' by using a free item interaction to whip out elephants.

This is one of the reasons to play D&D, right?

[Telok]

This is one of the reasons to play D&D, right?

Well I do a lot of work with web apps in my job, so sometthng like dndbeyond or roll20 makes me start thinking. Especially if I'm looking for some function and trying to guess where it got put or if it exists. And that leads to thinking about checking the html to see if they properly hide backend data, or wanting to fire up wireshark and look at some packets.

I've mostly resisted so far.

[Rockphed]

Wait, is "wall of meat" a real spell, or are you casting it by plopping an elephant or five down between you and your enemy? I'm pretty sure it is the latter, but having a spell that makes a wall of size proportional to the corpse you use as material component would be a very necromancer thing.

[danielxcutter]

Well, there was a spell in 3.5e that did something similar with the target's blood vessels...