Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 13: This Is A Banned List Not A Drinking Game

[Rockphed]

*** May not reply with "No its Sprigatito you-" followed by a hour of sailor level cursing and insults for no reason
**** May not extend an olive branch to Fuecoco lovers by saying at least neither of us like the duck, that one just looks silly
***** May not follow this up with two hours of denying that anyone could actually like the duck

Normally I ignore anything about the pokie-mans, but memory tells me that there were at least 2 duck things in the first generation. Referring nebulously to "the duck" has too many possible antecedents for clarity.

* Ridiculously overwrought names do not make you less villainous.
** If I cannot say my entire name without taking a breath I need to provide a shorter version for everyday use.
***Names that summon elder evils are right out.

[PhoenixPhyre]

* Ridiculously overwrought names do not make you less villainous.
** If I cannot say my entire name without taking a breath I need to provide a shorter version for everyday use.

*** am not allowed to name a villain "Llanfairpwll'gwyngyllgogerychwyrndrob'wllllantysi liogogogoch"[1]. Especially if I can't even begin to pronounce it myself.

[1] fantasy apostrophes added for effect.

[Lord Raziere]

Normally I ignore anything about the pokie-mans, but memory tells me that there were at least 2 duck things in the first generation. Referring nebulously to "the duck" has too many possible antecedents for clarity.
.

I couldn't remember Quaxley's name and didn't bother to look it up so to reiterate:

***** May not follow this up with two hours of denying that anyone could actually like Quaxley
****** May not forget the name of Quaxley and thus confuse someone who is so non-pokemon fan they use the memey "pokie-mans" pronunciation
******* even if its a new pokemon that isn't even out yet, and isn't one I particularly like.

[Rater202]

Spider-Powers are not for cheating in dance competitions.

[TeChameleon]

Spider-Powers are not for cheating in dance competitions.

Of course not, they're for cheating at wrestling!

...

*looks up new starters*

...

It's a duck in a hat! WANT.

Vaguely on-topic-

* My Aarakocra Monk cannot try to look cute and harmless (feathery, mostly brilliant red, barely five feet and built like a skinny 10-year-old human with wings?) immediately after beating an enormous golem to death with his bare hands.
** Not allowed to accuse the DM of railroading and then do something (with no objections on his part and no attempts to stop us) that he has no plans for, never anticipated us doing, and is still kind of baffled by (he was anticipating us either exploring a tower dungeon further in one of two directions, using the teleporter that was all-but-labelled 'plot this way', or ducking out into an enemy-held town to find more info, not just sort of ****ing off into the desert...)

[KorvinStarmast]

*** am not allowed to name a villain "Llanfairpwll'gwyngyllgogerychwyrndrob'wllllantysi liogogogoch"[1]. Especially if I can't even begin to pronounce it myself.

[1] fantasy apostrophes added for effect.

Isn't that a town in Wales? Played with a fellow playgrounder a few weeks back who linked me to a recording of someone saying it. This makes me wonder: are (Tolkien) Ents Welsh, an should I role play treants that way?

* As DM, I may no longer stack glyphs of warding. (I stacked blindness (DC 16) and major image - the image was of an adult amethyst dragon).

** May not respond to a player asking "Why would you stack blindness on top of an illusion?" by saying "Alien minds don't think as you do; you might consider them mad if you could read their minds, or you might simply go mad yourself"

[Telok]

** May not respond to a player asking "Why would you stack blindness on top of an illusion?" by saying "Alien minds don't think as you do; you might consider them mad if you could read their minds, or you might simply go mad yourself"

That reminds me, some day I should get around to finishing the orange/blue morality & laws mad-libs thing I started.

[PhoenixPhyre]

Isn't that a town in Wales? Played with a fellow playgrounder a few weeks back who linked me to a recording of someone saying it. This makes me wonder: are (Tolkien) Ents Welsh, an should I role play treants that way?

Yes. And that playgrounder was me, because I used it as an example of what a storybook evil elven[1] wizard villain (it made some sort of sense in context) would be named. Overly-long, pompous, unpronounceable (unless you're Welsh), with a bunch of fantasy apostrophes.

[1] my high elf language is based on Welsh, just like the wood elf language is based on Finnish.

[KorvinStarmast]

Yes. And that playgrounder was me, because I used it as an example of what a storybook evil elven[1] wizard villain (it made some sort of sense in context) would be named.

Well soak my beans and call me Frijole - my brain had mixed that up with a recent session with Dork_Forge (also on Discorde) due to the Wales connection in a previous communication I had with him.

Sorry.

[1] my high elf language is based on Welsh, just like the wood elf language is based on Finnish.

Similar to but different from Prof T, I suppose.
Hmm, maybe someday there will be an elf/dwarf/gnome language based on Hungarian ...

[PhoenixPhyre]

Well soak my beans and call me Frijole - my brain had mixed that up with a recent session with Dork_Forge (also on Discorde) due to the Wales connection in a previous communication I had with him.

Sorry.

Similar to but different from Prof T, I suppose.
Hmm, maybe someday there will be an elf/dwarf/gnome language based on Hungarian ...

Not a problem. But yes, it was pointed out to me much later the connection to Tolkien. I haven't actually conlanged them, just use sounds and (hacked-together) words translated into those languages.

[Reltzik]

* No longer allowed to invest enough ranks, feats, and magical bonuses in my Bluff skill that I need roll only a 2 or higher to convince the captain and officers of a Royal Navy anti-piracy schooner that this mess was a "perfectly legal proactive salvage operation".

... I'll leave it to your imaginations what "this mess" was.

[KorvinStarmast]

I may no longer cross talk (with the mic still on) when telling my wife "Yes, I am going to eat that."

Spoiler: why I said that

Show

(She was gesturing to a second serving of saffron rice from the local Lebanese bistro)

when the cleric happens to pick up the recently deceased piercer and asks "What are we going to do with this?"
(Game on discord, text/chat)

[BisectedBrioche]

* Yes, I said there's an opportunity to change up your subclass coming up, no you can't make it that homebrew Magical Girl rogue subclass!

[DeTess]

* Yes, I said there's an opportunity to change up your subclass coming up, no you can't make it that homebrew Magical Girl rogue subclass!

**I should not mention a magical girl rogue subclass without some link for others to peruse
***pretty please?

[RedMage125]

* Yes, I said there's an opportunity to change up your subclass coming up, no you can't make it that homebrew Magical Girl rogue subclass!

OBJECTION! "Magical Girl" is clearly a subclass of Warlock.

*I may not use my Criminal Contact background feature to bypass taxes and utterly de-stabilize the local economy with my fae-recipe Moonwine (actual thing that happened).

[Rater202]

*I cannot play a skimpily dressed bard/monk specilizing in dance who takes offense at being called a stripper becuase there's noting sexual about her state of ress or the way she dances in her native culture.

[Socksy]

...Overly-long, pompous, unpronounceable (unless you're Welsh), with a bunch of fantasy apostrophes.

We call it Llanfairpwll locally. Nobody refers to it by its silly overly long name, although it's pretty cool.

[danielxcutter]

OBJECTION! "Magical Girl" is clearly a subclass of Warlock.

*I may not use my Criminal Contact background feature to bypass taxes and utterly de-stabilize the local economy with my fae-recipe Moonwine (actual thing that happened).

…Well Warlock patrons aren’t always asswipes.

[Anonymouswizard]

*I cannot play a skimpily dressed bard/monk specilizing in dance who takes offense at being called a stripper becuase there's noting sexual about her state of ress or the way she dances in her native culture.

I see nothing wrong with any of this.

[Lord Raziere]

* May not play a Moogle Blue Mage Mime who just wants to be a hero
** their efforts may not consist of imitating her favorite heroes from the stories she heard
*** may not deep down feel like she is nothing but a fake who imitates others trying to be more than she is.
**** Said heroes may not include anime martial artists, gun-toting eighties heroes, acting like Cloud or Squall, or any protagonist from a Tales Of game

[Rater202]

My character can't be a floating box with a lid and every time I make an action and a different person climbs halfway out to preform the action before immediately bing pulled back in by someone else

[Rockphed]

Proclamations of my not-evil bonafides with very specific denials are unlikely to get the heroes on my side.
* the more energy I put into claiming to be evil, the less they will believe me.
** The more energy I put into claiming to be evil, the more the heroes will believe me.

[Lord Raziere]

* my character concept may not be "bandit who observed that the adventuring business is more profitable and socially acceptable yet oddly not that different from banditry"
** may not speak in a cockney accent constantly going "mate"
*** I am not the pirate of the land, and I do not wield a crossbow in one hand and a scimitar in the other.
**** May not look down on murderhobos because they're amateurs, insist that I'm a professional and criticize them on their murdering and robbering.
***** may not have score cards for muggings.
****** May not have lost most of the cards so that the only scores I can give are "2", "4" or "7"

[Bohandas]

** may not speak in a cockney accent constantly going "mate"

But wasn't that the main premise of Planescape?

[Lord Raziere]

But wasn't that the main premise of Planescape?

* mate I never played planescape, mate.
** may not point out that, like mate this is a very common accent in fantasy mate, particularly in the british kind of fantasy y'know?
*** like mate, its just given to any low class mate you see, mate.
**** may not tell those who insist its planescape "off ye in the cobber, I don't see Siggles brand on me voice".

[Rater202]

At no point is the phrase "okay, I think I can get us into the castle, but I'm gonna thirty feet of copper wire, twelve heads of iceberg lettuce, and a gender-neutral komodo dragon fursuit" to pass my lips.

[Eldan]

Normally I ignore anything about the pokie-mans, but memory tells me that there were at least 2 duck things in the first generation. Referring nebulously to "the duck" has too many possible antecedents for clarity.

* Ridiculously overwrought names do not make you less villainous.
** If I cannot say my entire name without taking a breath I need to provide a shorter version for everyday use.
***Names that summon elder evils are right out.

How did you know about my bard, Sir Candle Jack Hastur Hastur Hastur Sluagh Hades Pazuzu Pazuzu Pazuzu Slaanesh Asmodeus I Didn't Expect The Spanish Inquisition the Third?

[Rockphed]

How did you know about my bard, Sir Candle Jack Hastur Hastur Hastur Sluagh Hades Pazuzu Pazuzu Pazuzu Slaanesh Asmodeus I Didn't Expect The Spanish Inquisition the Third?

I was referencing Secret.

[Lord Raziere]

I was referencing Secret.

KoC reference! nice, you have taste.

* My Eclipse Caste may not just be a salesman who finds random junk then gives the greatest sales pitch for it you ever heard.
** May not literally sell sand to a southerner in a desert.
*** Or seawater to a westerner, snow to a northerner or leaves to an easterner
**** I may in fact just be a scammer and exactly what the Immaculate Order warned people about.
***** may not use fix this by using sorcery to make a bag of sand actually be a lucky charm, or a random bone actually ward off fae.
****** May not save the other solars by convincing the Wyld Hunt I knew where the anathema went and will tell them in exchange for buying one of my fine wares, then point them in the wrong way.

[danielxcutter]

I considered reading that comic until I learned it was discontinued because of the author's health. Sad.