Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 13: This Is A Banned List Not A Drinking Game

[TeChameleon]

I cannot use a solution of spice melange in Urkel's transformation chamber to permenantly unlock my prescience at full power.

* Furthermore, this is not to be referred to as 'getting a detached retina on my third eye'

* I am no longer allowed to ignore the DM's carefully-crafted 'possible TPK' trap with one class feature.
** well, okay, I am allowed, given RAW, just shouldn't gloat about it.

[Bohandas]

I have joined the ranks of the FFRPeople Here is my character.

**spambots are not "exactly the sort of thing that led the empire to outlaw thinking machines"

[danielxcutter]

**spambots are not "exactly the sort of thing that led the empire to outlaw thinking machines"

***I may not put a Spamton G. Spamton expy into the game as an ancient monstrosity or whatever.

[Lord Raziere]

**spambots are not "exactly the sort of thing that led the empire to outlaw thinking machines"

*** Or The Imperium of Mankind to declare it heresy
**** Mostly because humanity outlawed it before the Imperium was formed.
***** Though it unsurprising that the Adeptus Mechanicus would declare spambots heresy anyways.

* The Imperium may not resurrect console gaming from an STC
** The console may not be the Commodore 64
*** Yet somehow the only games on it may not be Call of Duty: Imperial Guard edition, FIFA M41, Adepta Sororitas Dating Sim, and Skyrim
**** all these games may not somehow a competitive online scene with Imperial, Chaos AND Ork players somehow.
***** This console may not somehow use Wii motion controls for everything.

[Personification]

**spambots are not "exactly the sort of thing that led the empire to outlaw thinking machines"

Did my (VERY outdated) signature accidentally trap a spambot? That's hilarious!

*I may not defeat robots using the Witchfinder Private Newton Pulsifer Existence Technique

[DCraw]

No matter what my necromancer, Birdshot C'Henny, may say, there are not "Known Gnomes" and "Known UnGnomes"

[Tohron]

No matter what my necromancer, Birdshot C'Henny, may say, there are not "Known Gnomes" and "Known UnGnomes"

**Gnome Ann is not a Known Gnome

[KorvinStarmast]

I think the book described it as vaguely similar to cinnamon.

* I may not refer to Paul Atriedes' younger sister as A Cinnamon Girl Yes, a Neil Young ref
** I may not refer to Danny DiVito (the actor) as a Roman Gnome-Man. Say that three times fast!
*** I may not remind @Tohron that Gnome Ann is an island.

[Rockphed]

No matter what my necromancer, Birdshot C'Henny, may say, there are not "Known Gnomes" and "Known UnGnomes"

** Ungnome unknowns is right out.

And "Known UnGnomes" are things like lich alchemists, right?

[Personification]

Gnome Ann is definitely a Gnome Unknown.

[Bohandas]

Obi-Wan's famous line at the climax of Revenge of the Sith was "I have the high ground" not "I'm so high"

[dspeyer]

* I may not play Gnome Ann
** Gnome Ann does not have time stop at will
*** Gnome Ann does not have frightful presence
**** Gnome Ann cannot overrule gods acting in their portfolios
***** Gnome Ann does not start the game with a +4 bonus to wis
****** Gnome Ann does not have unlimited-range teleportation
******* Gnome Ann cannot permanently destroy liches purely by injuring their bodies
******** Gnome Ann cannot catch bullets
********* Wounds dealt by Gnome Ann are not immune to mortal healing

[Rater202]

*"I was hoping his blood would cure my diabetes" does not adequately explain why I felt the need to kidnap Captain America.
**"I miss my raisin bran god damn it" is not a defense that will hold up in court.

[DCraw]

* Setting up our Yakuza Mr Johnson to take the fall for our screw up is fair game
** Calling him "Stumpy" on subsequent jobs is pushing it
*** I should not be surprised when Stumpy puts out a hit on our team
**** Mailing Stumpy the relevant missing digits from each of the formerly contracted runners is just adding insult to injury

Shadowrun can get DARK if you let it get out of hand...

[Bohandas]

*Being attacked with a cosh is not the most common danger in the non-euclidean city of r'lyeh
**nobody is a big enough math nerd to get that joke

[dspeyer]

*** No need to get hyperbolic about it

[Socksy]

**** Not allowed to derail the session into a discussion on catenaries.

* I am not a modern major general, nor am I anything else with the same syllable pattern to it.

[Bohandas]

*Qui-Gon Jinn did not have a brother named Qui-Gon Tonic
**The name Qui-Gon is not latin for "a shape with an unknown number of sides"

[Personification]

* I may not play Gnome Ann
** Gnome Ann does not have time stop at will
*** Gnome Ann does not have frightful presence
**** Gnome Ann cannot overrule gods acting in their portfolios
***** Gnome Ann does not start the game with a +4 bonus to wis
****** Gnome Ann does not have unlimited-range teleportation
******* Gnome Ann cannot permanently destroy liches purely by injuring their bodies
******** Gnome Ann cannot catch bullets
********* Wounds dealt by Gnome Ann are not immune to mortal healing

Addendum to point 1: Gnome Ann also does not have control water at will

[Bohandas]

*Drawing illustrations on a Cards Against Humanity game set does not make it a tarot deck
**A Little Boy Who Won't Shut Up About Dinosaurs does not symbolize reflection and contemplation
***It doesn't matter whether it's upright or reversed

[Rockphed]

*Drawing illustrations on a Cards Against Humanity game set does not make it a tarot deck
**A Little Boy Who Won't Shut Up About Dinosaurs does not symbolize reflection and contemplation
***It doesn't matter whether it's upright or reversed

**** No matter my divination score, I cannot foretell the future with a half complete phase 10 deck, only the green sorry pieces, and half a watermelon.
***** Replacing the watermelon with a pizza for the GM does not help.

[KorvinStarmast]

* When someone tells this about their adventure
"There was a Mindflayer sex dungeon"
I must avoid jokes about a lady chicken with formal neckwear.

[danielxcutter]

* When someone tells this about their adventure
"There was a Mindflayer sex dungeon"
I must avoid jokes about a lady chicken with formal neckwear.

It took me a couple seconds to put this together, and then the pun dealt me massive psychic damage :v

[Personification]

**** No matter my divination score, I cannot foretell the future with a half complete phase 10 deck, only the green sorry pieces, and half a watermelon.

*****These are not the Holy Articles of the Oracles of the Green Goddess, she of the Dressing

Also, I know this is all jokes but I genuinely love the concept of this as the modern equivalent of runestones, bones, and a small animal sacrifice. Tarot cards genuinely were used as playing cards before they were used for divination, and I think a system built around tracing classic superstitious or fantastical objects to their root place and origin in society, and then replacing them with modern equivalents could be fun.

*I may not begin my campaign with "You all meet in an AirBnB"

[Telok]

Also, I know this is all jokes but...

A number of things I've posted in thes threads aren't jokes.

Hmm... so what's the modern version of vampires (pick your fave myth version) and their garlic/wooden stake counter?

[Telwar]

*I may not begin my campaign with "You all meet in an AirBnB"

**And I'm not allowed to have my party start at the Fyre Festival, announce that BP has drilled too greedily and too deep, woken something up, and now it's time to roll initiative.
*** Again.

[Rockphed]

**And I'm not allowed to have my party start at the Fyre Festival, announce that BP has drilled too greedily and too deep, woken something up, and now it's time to roll initiative.
*** Again.

**** Burning man is also banned as a starting location.
***** Gencon and Comic-Con are also banned.
****** Friend computer does not recruit at South-by-southwest (or south-abyss-out-hardy as auto correct tried to render it).
******* Starting call of cthulhu at an X-Files con is acceptable.

[DCraw]

**And I'm not allowed to have my party start at the Fyre Festival, announce that BP has drilled too greedily and too deep, woken something up, and now it's time to roll initiative.
*** Again.

**** Starting them as engineers on Deepwater Horizon doing said Greedy and Deep drilling is right out.
***** May not also have them be in charge of the coverup.
****** Especially if the system is typically mundane only and does not deal with supernatural/occult/Lovecraftian Horror.

Now to pick a system...

[Personification]

Hmm... so what's the modern version of vampires (pick your fave myth version) and their garlic/wooden stake counter?

Vampires work too well both transposed unaltered into modernity and as a raw metaphor to cleanly shift, at least in my mind. The modern vampire metaphors are so well drawn that to actually strip it of the vampireness just makes it the thing, and to make the thing a vampire just feels already done. I feel like I can't be more specific on certain points without getting political, so I'll leave it at that.

**And I'm not allowed to have my party start at the Fyre Festival, announce that BP has drilled too greedily and too deep, woken something up, and now it's time to roll initiative.
*** Again.

[Emphasis mine.] This is incredible, I need to use it somewhere.

*I really have to stop calling my university wizards' school
**I can stop citing Clarke's Third Law, they get it, it just isn't funny anymoreever.

*In discussing venues for my [relative]'s wedding, I have to stop responding to literally every instance of the word gazebo by gasping and saying "the Dread Gazebo!"
**Responding to discussion of a pavilion by asking "how many is a pavilion?", while certainly a more mainstream joke, is still not allowed

[Notafish]

* I may not suggest that dwarves have larval stages
** I may not suggest that dwarves lay eggs
*** I may not suggest that dwarves must perform a "mating dance" as part of the courtship process.
***I may no longer speculate on any part of dwarf* biology

*or elf or gnome or halfling