One-armed, one-legged, one-eyed monk caught in a bear trap vs. a were-hamster

**Mr. Friendly** · 2007-11-15, 10:36 AM (ISO 8601)

Seriously, what's with all the "Some class in an unrealistic situation" vs. "Some other class in an equally unrealistic situation" threads? Not picking any specific threads; I am sure they are relevant in their own specific situations, I just feel like I will log on tomorrow and find a thread like "Cleric of Blibdoolpoolp armed with a Pincer Staff vs. Wizard wearing an eyepatch with a parrot familiar".

So I suppose, to make this a relevant thread, whats a completely unrealistic situation you want to debate? How about some incredibly unlikely and murky bit of rules trivia?

Also:

Who will win? The parrot and eyepatch wielding wizard or the Pincer Staff armed Kuo-Toa priest? What about the one-eyed, one-armed, one-legged, one-horned (we will say he's a Minotaur) monk vs. the were-hamster? Are there even stats for hamsters? What about Giant Space Hamsters?

**Azerian Kelimon** · 2007-11-15, 10:38 AM (ISO 8601)

"Go for the eyes, Boo, go for the eyes!"

**VerdugoExplode** · 2007-11-15, 10:43 AM (ISO 8601)

I think a regular hamster would be more than enough to kill a regular monk, unless he's level 17 in which case they would obviously sing a song together.

**Freelance Henchman** · 2007-11-15, 10:46 AM (ISO 8601)

Hamster Wins. Fatality!

**mostlyharmful** · 2007-11-15, 10:56 AM (ISO 8601)

Drunken Half-Orc Bard vs an animated Armoire down a well

**brian c** · 2007-11-15, 11:21 AM (ISO 8601)

Originally Posted by mostlyharmful

Drunken Half-Orc Bard vs an animated Armoire down a well

If I was a Half-Orc Bard I'd be drunk too.

**Winterwind** · 2007-11-15, 11:22 AM (ISO 8601)

Originally Posted by mostlyharmful

Drunken Half-Orc Bard vs an animated Armoire down a well

Depends on the Bard's belief in cartoon physics (or the material of the armoire).

**Keld Denar** · 2007-11-15, 11:24 AM (ISO 8601)

Originally Posted by Mr. Friendly

Who will win? The parrot and eyepatch wielding wizard or the Pincer Staff armed Kuo-Toa priest?

I'd put money on the Cleric...Blibdoolpoolp is THE most baddass god in the entire pantheon. He should have had the Watery Death domain, not That Darn Crab of Fax Celestis origin. Or maybe That Darn Crab IS the avatar of Blibdoolpoolp, in which case the Cleric would most definitely win, cause he would just cast Miricle and call for his diety to send That Darn Crab to grapple the wizard into oblivion.

Hmmm, I smell an epic story coming into being....

**Larrin** · 2007-11-15, 12:21 PM (ISO 8601)

The CW samurai vs another CW samurai....

theres just no way either could win, but no way they could even cause double KO, and they aren't even evenly matched enough to call a stalemate. its like....madness....

**mostlyharmful** · 2007-11-15, 12:29 PM (ISO 8601)

Originally Posted by Larrin

The CW samurai vs another CW samurai....

theres just no way either could win, but no way they could even cause double KO, and they aren't even evenly matched enough to call a stalemate. its like....madness....

Yaaay!! Sissy Slap Fight!

**Azerian Kelimon** · 2007-11-15, 12:36 PM (ISO 8601)

Even better! Healer vs. Healer! Tied up, beaten, broken sissies engaed en battle!

**Wraithy** · 2007-11-15, 01:21 PM (ISO 8601)

Originally Posted by mostlyharmful

Drunken Half-Orc Bard vs an animated Armoire down a well

believe it or not, this nearly happened once in my group.
though you'll just have to settle with a hulking hurler animated armoire vs. a huge t-rex. though in all fairness the armoire had a huge advantage in numbers (about half a furniture shop). but the t-rex deserved it, it stole a woman's pie (yes, our DM DID set this up, and it DID happen)

**de-trick** · 2007-11-15, 05:05 PM (ISO 8601)

a dwarfen cleric of grumush who got into eye of grumush weilding a cat in both hands vs a sun elf barbarian raised by owls in a china shop

**Jasdoif** · 2007-11-15, 05:15 PM (ISO 8601)

Originally Posted by Mr. Friendly

Seriously, what's with all the "Some class in an unrealistic situation" vs. "Some other class in an equally unrealistic situation" threads?

Sabotage would my first guess

**Krimm_Blackleaf** · 2007-11-15, 05:26 PM (ISO 8601)

Boccob on a serious bender after a rough breakup with his girlfriend, Roxanne vs. The sword of Kas possessing the body of an army of over-caffeinated bugbears who all wield flails created by Edwin the blacksmith and/or Rupert the blacksmith.

Absolutely feasible.

**Xefas** · 2007-11-15, 05:41 PM (ISO 8601)

Originally Posted by Krimm_Blackleaf

Boccob on a serious bender after a rough breakup with his girlfriend, Roxanne vs. The sword of Kas possessing the body of an army of over-caffeinated bugbears who all wield flails created by Edwin the blacksmith and/or Rupert the blacksmith.

Absolutely feasible.

*sniffle* "This is just like Roxanne used to beat me with ten thousand blunt objects simultaneously..."

*causes torrential flooding via tears*

----

How about Ao facing off against a plane of existence that was killed, and then raised to unlife via mass epic spells?

(I have such an Undead Plane statted in a non-D&D system)

**Kurald Galain** · 2007-11-15, 06:09 PM (ISO 8601)

Originally Posted by Xefas

(I have such an Undead Plane statted in a non-D&D system)

You mean the Mortiverse?

How about a barbarian 1 / bard 1 / cleric 1 / druid 1 / fighter 1 versus a paladin 1 / ranger 1 / rogue 1 / sorcerer 1 / wizard 1? No, not five characters against five, that's one fifth-level char against another. That is the true Battle of the Core Classes.

**Guy_Whozevl** · 2007-11-15, 07:55 PM (ISO 8601)

The hamster will win, especially if it's an electric hamster. All it has to do is go for the horn.

**martyboy74** · 2007-11-15, 09:25 PM (ISO 8601)

Originally Posted by Kurald Galain

You mean the Mortiverse?

How about a barbarian 1 / bard 1 / cleric 1 / druid 1 / fighter 1 versus a paladin 1 / ranger 1 / rogue 1 / sorcerer 1 / wizard 1? No, not five characters against five, that's one fifth-level char against another. That is the true Battle of the Core Classes.

Nah. Cleric 1/Druid 1/Bard 1/Sorceror 1/ Wizard 1 vs. barbarian 1/fighter 1/paladin 1/ranger 1/rogue 1.

**JaxGaret** · 2007-11-15, 09:27 PM (ISO 8601)

Manwich vs. Matter-Eater Lad.

Commoner20 vs. a Housecat with 20 racial HD.

Medusa vs. Nymph.

Lich PC vs. Dry Lich NPC.

10 traveling Drunken Masters and a Bard director vs. kung fu stage choreography.

**SoD** · 2007-11-16, 06:40 AM (ISO 8601)

Pun-pun vs. Chuck Norris! While dodging beach balls in the rain three minutes before getting sucked into a black hole!

Hmm, is the mention of a black hole enough to kill a catgirl? Hope not, I mean, it's just a super-compacted star, sometimes the result of a supernova, which has enough gravitaional power to even suck light in past the event horizon. It's not like it could cause a singular bolt of lightning to hit a creature of exactly the right sort...

ZAP! *scream*

Damn.

**Xefas** · 2007-11-16, 06:48 AM (ISO 8601)

Originally Posted by Kurald Galain

You mean the Mortiverse?

I've never heard of such a 'verse, nor has wikipedia. Pray enlighten me?

What I actually made was an attempt to break the monster creation rules of the Zodiac Final Fantasy RPG. I succeeded in doing so, by the way.

**Azerian Kelimon** · 2007-11-16, 07:12 AM (ISO 8601)

The Mortiverse is from the third party Immortals handbook. It's widely considered to be the cheesiest critter outside of Pun-Pun or a level 20 artificier.

**Kurald Galain** · 2007-11-16, 07:20 AM (ISO 8601)

Originally Posted by Azerian Kelimon

The Mortiverse is from the third party Immortals handbook. It's widely considered to be the cheesiest critter outside of Pun-Pun or a level 20 artificier.

The Mortiverse is an Octodecaogdoad Nona-Macrobe Amidah Apocalyptic Black-Hole-Spawned Legion Elder Unelemental
Xona-Titanic Extraplanar Outsider.

It has a BAB on the order of 10 ^ 30 (that's a one with thirty zeroes).

More info here.

**Azerian Kelimon** · 2007-11-16, 07:25 AM (ISO 8601)

And it's still beaten by I win. Is there anything someone who can get a div rank aleph1+ can't do?

Or an Artificier 20 or higher?

**Keld Denar** · 2007-11-16, 09:53 AM (ISO 8601)

I just have one thing to say about this thread....

http://www.ultimateshowdown.org/

Watch it, Learn it, Love it, Live by it

this is the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny
good guys, bad guys, and explosions as far as the eye can see
and only one will survive, I wonder who it will be
this is the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny

**Setra** · 2007-11-16, 10:19 AM (ISO 8601)

Originally Posted by lussmanj

I just have one thing to say about this thread....

http://www.ultimateshowdown.org/

That fight tends to be full of people who have no clue what they're talking about.

**Gerrtt** · 2007-11-16, 10:22 AM (ISO 8601)

Originally Posted by lussmanj

I'd put money on the Cleric...Blibdoolpoolp is THE most baddass god in the entire pantheon. He should have had the Watery Death domain, not That Darn Crab of Fax Celestis origin. Or maybe That Darn Crab IS the avatar of Blibdoolpoolp, in which case the Cleric would most definitely win, cause he would just cast Miricle and call for his diety to send That Darn Crab to grapple the wizard into oblivion.

Hmmm, I smell an epic story coming into being....

Nevermind that Blibdoolpoolp is a she, a naked human she with a lobsters head and claws for hands mind you, but a she.

**Leadfeathermcc** · 2007-11-16, 01:29 PM (ISO 8601)

Is the bear trap around the monk's waist, wrist, foot, neck? Could the bear trap be something the monk is considered to be wearing? Is it a masterworked bear trap? Any enchantments?

I mean really, you need to give more details.

**KoDT69** · 2007-11-16, 02:04 PM (ISO 8601)

How about a 20th level fighter/barb/frenzied berserker/warblade guy who wins initiative every time vs. a dead wizard that has 1HD maggots crawling all over his carcass?

An awakened common house spider vs. a fully optomized 5th level monk!

A 20th level CW Samurai vs. a burned out light bulb, a load of laundry, and a time sensitive trip to pick up groceries!

An angry mob of commoners vs. a 2nd level druid?

A pixie knight mounted on a sparrow vs. a monk and all conditions favor the monk, somehow!

A 20th level monk vs. a 5th level wizard in a 30X10X10ft room!

A raging 1st level barbarian vs. the vending machine at work that ripped him off on a candy bar!

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