Wands,worlds gayest magical items

[Tiak]

Yes wands. i beleive wands are in fact the gayest magical item in all of creation. how can one be scared being at the "business" end of a wand? i just can't bring myself to take them seriously.

[kamikasei]

Because I know that it can cause a fireball to engulf me, or drain away my soul, or turn me to dust, with a flick of the wielder's wrist, and whether that wrist be limp makes no difference?

Personally I tend to envisage wands as being held like a light fencing weapon (they do this sometimes in the Harry Potter movies), which adds an element of finesse and threat to their appearance.

[Rachel Lorelei]

Yes wands. i beleive wands are in fact the gayest magical item in all of creation. how can one be scared being at the "business" end of a wand? i just can't bring myself to take them seriously.

All right, kids. Who can tell me what's wrong with this post?

[Theli]

Think of them as being the fantasy equivalent of a gun.

Maybe the problem for you is the word? What synonyms are there for wands? Hmm...

[Rachel Lorelei]

Think of them as being the fantasy equivalent of a gun.

Well that doesn't help--guns are just phallus substitutes, after all.

[Mikeavelli]

You will rue the day you crossed the bearers of wands.

You will Rue it hard.

[Nebo_]

I can't see how a wand can be gay unless you're using it to sodomise someone.

[Theli]

Well that doesn't help--guns are just phallus substitutes, after all.

Bah, EVERYTHING is a phallus substitute.

I mean, look at swords, come on...

[Narthon the Bold]

I can cut things with swords a lot better than I can with a phallus.

[Frosty]

I can't see how a wand can be gay unless you're using it to sodomise someone.

Animate Object anyone?

[Indon]

Bah, EVERYTHING is a phallus substitute.

I mean, look at swords, come on...

Small and Large Picks (Also, Scythes, on the same principle)? Poor guy.

Edit:

Animate Object anyone?

Note to self: Never animate a Wand of Grease.

Edit again: Magic items can't be animated, I'd forgotten. Whew.

[Trouvere]

All right, kids. Who can tell me what's wrong with this post?

It's not wands, it's rings?

[Kioran]

Apart from "gay" obviously being the wrong choice of word, I´d say yes, Wands are decidedly unmanly items. Staves, as in at least 80cm long and heavy, are considerably cooler, since you can beat people up with them - or unleash deadly magic. Now if they weren´t that expensive......

[kjones]

I'd really appreciate it if you wouldn't use the word "gay" as a pejorative. Look it up if you don't know what it actually means.

I deal with this sort of thing enough in the real world. GiantITP is usually a good place to get away from it.

[KIDS]

Ahahahahahaha, even though I'm not offended or anything, the thread title made me chuckle very much. LOL.

I don't have anything significant to add but I think the comment about Harry Potter styled wands was a very good reminder, I'll try to implement some of that in my own adventures...

[Telonius]

A wand of Hideous Laughter would be pretty gay. So would Dancing Lights - imagine how much that could improve a party! Though a wand of Heroes' Feast would probably be the gayest one of all. Food for everyone, could you have a gayer time than that?

[Burley]

I agree with anybody on this thread who is offended in the slightest bit.
I, personally, am tired of people using somebody's life-style as a term for anything they dislike. Please keep in mind that we're GAMERS! We, according to a lot of the public, cause school shootings and the like. Wouldn't you be a little annoyed if people starting saying: "That shirt is so gamer."
On top of that, what's wrong with being gay? Seriously, depending on whether you're born that way or discover it through a bunk mate at summer camp, it's no more threatening to people than being of any race or even being an accountant.

Open your mind, or shut your mouth.

[Rutee]

You will rue the day you crossed the bearers of wands.

You will Rue it hard.

I'd so play a game like that. Maybe call it "Mage: The Awakening"..

Anyway, tot he OP, you're sitting around a table tossing, potentially, buckets of dice. How 'manly' could you possibly need anything to be?

[Nerd-o-rama]

OP: Assuming you meant "un-manly" (and I know some pretty manly gay dudes, so you might want to rethink that usage)...I don't get it. They're handheld symbolic phalluses, which is a) about as manly as you can get and b) the same as swords, knives, guns...unless they're not big enough for you. Needing to compensate for something?

Really, I guess it's a problem with me not knowing what you mean. What do you mean by gay in this case?

[Rachel Lorelei]

Bah, EVERYTHING is a phallus substitute.

I mean, look at swords, come on...

Well, duh. Swords are just shiny steel penises men carry to make themselves feel better.

[Rachel Lorelei]

On top of that, what's wrong with being gay? Seriously, depending on whether you're born that way or discover it through a bunk mate at summer camp, it's no more threatening to people than being of any race or even being an accountant.

Open your mind, or shut your mouth.

I don't know that the poster is saying something's wrong with it.

For example, Greek wrestling is, well, pretty gay. Nothing wrong with that.


Incidentally, I keep meaning to play a half-elven drag-queen "sorceress". Color thpray!

[F.L.]

Yes wands. i beleive wands are in fact the gayest magical item in all of creation. how can one be scared being at the "business" end of a wand? i just can't bring myself to take them seriously.

A wand focused artificer with wand mastery, etc, using 2 wands of phantasmal killer. Not scary, but certainly lethal. Hope your will save is high.

Oh, and here's how to ruin Harry Potter, by the way,

Spoiler

Show

Replace the letter d in wand in the books with another letter. And it doesn't make wane or want, by the way... The result is vile.

[kamikasei]

Bah, EVERYTHING is a phallus substitute.

I mean, look at swords, come on...

Everything?

Nets?

Oh, and here's how to ruin Harry Potter, by the way,

Spoiler

Show

Replace the letter d in wand in the books with another letter. And it doesn't make wane or want, by the way... The result is vile.

One of the best bash quotes ever.

[its_all_ogre]

it's no more threatening to people than being of any race or even being an accountant.
.

i resemble that remark! cause i am....an......accountant....
but in spirit i agree!

[Tiak]

i am quite sorry if anyone was offended by my title, i meant only to state the fact that wands are just about the most unthreatening magic item i've ever encountered. on the other hand lighten up people! it's just a word, yes i was not using it in the proper way and mabye i should have shown some better word choice. Also, if i'm a bit behind i'm sorry i was away from my comp.

[huttj509]

I dunno, belt of gender change is the item most likely to cause a character to have a sexual identity crisis, regardless of how they started out.

[Sleet]

You will rue the day you crossed the bearers of wands.

You will Rue it hard.

You win the Internet.

[Tiak]

i can't stop thinking of the time i shot a wand weilding pc in the face with a
.357 magnum, threaten me with a wand will you? i led the party from that point on... true story.

[shaggz076]

A wand of Hideous Laughter would be pretty gay. So would Dancing Lights - imagine how much that could improve a party! Though a wand of Heroes' Feast would probably be the gayest one of all. Food for everyone, could you have a gayer time than that?

Naw if you mean gay as in the homosexual I would have to say Otto's irresistable "Disco" dance would be. If you mean gay as in happy then yeah I would have to go with Tasha's hideous laughter, you can't be mad while laughing your ass off. lol

[Draz74]

On top of that, what's wrong with being gay? Seriously, depending on whether you're born that way or discover it through a bunk mate at summer camp, it's no more threatening to people than being of any race or even being an accountant.

Open your mind, or shut your mouth.

Well, in the spirit of open-mindedness, you should remember that there are those of us (myself included) who really do believe that acting on gay tendancies has negative psychological and spiritual consequences. This thread (and Forum) is not really an appropriate setting to get any deeper into that topic. But just as the OP was offensive in its closed-mindedness, I'd prefer not to have my view, in turn, treated like it's automatically wrong and unworthy of existing.

And before I get flamed too badly, I would like to say that I don't hate gay (or similar) people, in spite of disagreeing with this particular aspect of their actions. There are lots of other things people do that I believe aren't the best choices, and that doesn't stop me from loving and respecting those people for other reasons. And definitely don't approve of "gay" being used as a derogatory term like the OP did.

To add a d20-related note to this post:

I never did like how wands in 3e are just "scrolls with 49 more charges." It doesn't fit with how wands appear in literature. I think Metamagic Rods come a lot closer to the flavor that wands should have, and I hope 4e is approaching this idea with its "implement" rules. If not, I'll houserule that into 4e myself.

As far as aesthetics ... depends totally on the personality of the spellcaster whether little, lightweight implements seem out-of-place or not. I hope they encourage more character-individual fluff about wand appearance in 4e as well. (Although at least, even in 3e, they let you decide your own fluff about whether wands are plain, simple wooden sticks vs. rainbow-colored crystals with stars and flowers carved on them.)