New D&D Errata (out today)

[Jimbob]

Player’s Handbook

Page 5 – Dice [Substitution]
Replace all text with “Unlike many games, Dungeons & Dragons does not use dice. Instead, it employs a core mechanic of paper-rock-scissors. Whenever conflict arises (or when a dice expression appears, such as 1d6+1), instead play a game of paper-rock-scissors with your DM to determine the outcome.”

Page 7-8 – Ability Scores [Revision/Deletion]
Change “roll four six-sided dice (4d6)” to “roll three six-sided dice (3d6)” and delete second sentence. Also, remove all text on page 8 under the “Rerolling” header.

Page 16-17 – Gnomes [Transposition]
Remove all text related to gnomes from these pages. Place text on page 131 of the Monster Manual... where the gnome belongs. (It was something you said...)

Page 27 – Bard Spells per Day [Transposition]
Remove spell progression and place on page 52 in place of Sorcerer’s spell progression.

Page 52 – Sorcerer Spells per Day [Transposition]
Remove all spell progression and place on page 27 in place of Bard’s spell progression.

Page 52 - Familiars [Deletion/Addition]
Delete owl from the table of familiars and add the following table:

Owl Familiar
Special

Barn
+3 Spot; delivers mail

Eagle
+3 Spot; delivers mail

Great
+3 Spot; delivers mail

Snowy
+3 Spot; delivers mail

Screech
+3 Spot; delivers mail

Tawny
+3 Spot; delivers mail


Page 71-72 – Diplomacy [Substitution]
Replace text with “Roll for initiative.”

Page 74 – Forgery [Substitution]
Replace text with “You actually trained in this skill? Well, roll for initiative.”

Page 74 – Gather Information [Substitution]
Replace text with “Roll for initiative.”

Page 81 – Sense Motive [Substitution]
Replace text with “Roll for initiative.”

Page 89 – New Feat [Addition]
Add the following feat:
Captain’s Two-Fisted Hammer of Death
You know how to slam your fist into reptilian humanoids with deadly force.
Prerequisite: Must be a captain.
Benefit: When you perform an unarmed attack against a reptilian humanoid, you automatically score a critical hit and win the affection of a nearby hottie.

Page 99 – New Feat [Addition]
Add the following feat:
Prepared for Anything
You are proficient with a towel. You always have a towel with you.
Prerequisite: Your character must be in the Spelljammer setting.
Benefit: You are able to use a towel for any of the following:
1. Keep your head warm while traveling the moons of Jaglan Beta.
2. Lie on the beautiful beaches of Santraginus V.
3. Sleep in the deserts of Kakrafoon.
4. Create a sail and ride a mini-raft on the rivers of Moth.
5. Use it in unarmed combat.
6. Protect yourself from the awful fumes of a Bugblatter Beast.
7. Wave the towel as a distress signal.
8. Dry yourself off.

Page 98 - Coins [Addition]
Add “electrum pieces” to economy. Table 7-2: Coins reads as follows:
Electrum piece (ep) = 2666.6 CP, 266.6 SP, 26.6 GP, 2.6 PP.

Page 123 – Table 7—6 Armor and Shields [Addition]
Under “Light armor,” add:
Chainmail Bikini/Mankini
Cost: 50 gp
Armor/Shield Bonus: +3
Maximum Dex Bonus: +6
Armor Check Penalty: -1
Arcane Spell Failure 10%
30-Foot Speed: 30 ft.
20-Foot Speed: 20 ft.
Weight: 5 lbs.
Special: Chafe (1 damage/day)

And also add:
Brown Coat
Cost; 10 gp
Armor/Shield Bonus: +1
Maximum Dex Bonus: +6
Arcane Spell Failure 0%
30-Foot Speed: 30 ft.
20-Foot Speed: 20 ft.
Weight 2 lbs.
Special: +2 bonus on Intimidate checks and a +1 bonus to unarmed attacks.
Special: You involuntarily use words like “’verse,” “shiny,” and “gorram.”

Page 108 – Deities [Substitution]
Replace “Yondalla” with “Meepo.” Text should read:
I am the god of being the best, because I am. Kobolds and anyone else who’s awesome worships me. I’m associated with the domains of Best, Great, and Awesome, and my favored weapon is kicking butt, just like I did to all the errata committee who wouldn’t let me be a god. Ah! Wait, no#Tg!1gt Sotop!1g!!

Page 108 – The Nine Alignments [Substitution]
Names like “Lawful Good” and “Chaotic Neutral” are so generic and boring. Strike all alignment names and replace accordingly:
Lawful Good: Superman
Neutral Good: Picard
Chaotic Good: Indiana
Lawful Neutral: Adama
Neutral: Unaligned (you’re still boring)
Chaotic Neutral: Jayne
Lawful Evil: Vader
Neutral Evil: Bender
Chaotic Evil: Mearls
+
New Alignment: Batman
Thus, a character would now say, “I am of the Mearls aligment” or “Batman alignment”.

Page 156 – Starting a Grapple [Substitution/Deletion]
Replace “Step 1: Attack of Opportunity” text with the following:
“Step 1: Stop Your Game: You and all players stop gameplay. Other players may elect to go get pizza and Mountain Dew (it’s in the fridge) while you sit at the table and carefully reconsider your decision to grapple. If you still wish to grapple after the other players return, repeat this step.”

Page 203-204 - Bigby [Substitution]
All reference to Bigby become “Stephen Colbert.” All spells with “Stephen Colbert” in the name have “Doritos” as a material spell component.

Page 241 – New Spell [Addition]
Add the following spell:
Holy Hand Grenade
Conjuration [Creation]
Level: Clr 9
Components: V, M
Casting Time: Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three.
Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
Target: 1 vorpal bunny
Duration: Instantaneous
Spell Resistance: No

This spell destroys a vorpal bunny.

Material Component: Lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and...

Page 251 – Magic Missile [Revision]
Revise top of spell text to be:
Evocation [Force]
Level: Sor/Wiz 1
Components: 1 standard action
Range: Medium (199 ft. + 10 ft./level)
Targets: Up to five creatures (no two of which can be more than 15 ft. apart)... or the darkness.
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: Yes

Page 263 – Polymorph [Substitution]
Substitute all text with the following: “This spell functions like alter self, except that you change the willing subject into another form of living creature determined by the table below:

d%
Creature

01-03
Ape

04-06
Badger, Badger, Badger

07-10
Bear, black

11-14
Bear, brown

15-18
Boar, dire

19-22
Thranduil appears and slay you for your insolence.

23-26
Flumph

27-30
Gibbering mouther

31-34
Gold dragon

35-37
Highlander (but there can be only one)

38-41
Lion or Tiger or Bear, Oni!

42
Mouse, and you learn the Answer to the Great Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything.

43-45
Mule (Jackass)

46-50
Owlbear

51-55
Pegasus

56-60
R.O.U.S.

61-70
Tarrasque

71-73
Unicorn

74-75
Vorpal bunny

76-100
DM’s choice


Upon changing, the subject gains all scores of the new creature, including Intelligence, Charisma, and Wisdom. It also gains all extraordinary special attacks possessed by the form. You can never be the target of a [polymorph] spell again."

Page 272-273 & 268 – Resurrection and Raise Dead [Addition]
These spell do not work on elves.

Monster Manual

Page 64 – Dire Rat [Substitution]
Name is now “R.O.U.S.”

Page 209-219 – Tiefling [Transposition]
Remove all text related to tieflings from these pages. Place text on page 21 of the Player’s Handbook. Bring it scruffy.

All Books

High Elves [Substitution]
Replace with “Eladrin.”

Class Names [Substitution]
Replace “Wizard” with “Mage”
Replace “Barbarian” with “Shaman”
Replace “Fighter” with “Warrior”
Replace “Cleric” with “Priest”
Replace “Ranger” with “Hunter”
Replace “Sorcerer” with “Warlock”
Replace “Creatures” with “Mobs”
Delete all reference to “Bard” and “Monk.”

Regdar [Substitution]
Replace with “Vin Diesel” because let’s face it, Vin Diesel is freakin’ metal.

[Swordguy]

Page 156 – Starting a Grapple [Substitution/Deletion]
Replace “Step 1: Attack of Opportunity” text with the following:
“Step 1: Stop Your Game: You and all players stop gameplay. Other players may elect to go get pizza and Mountain Dew (it’s in the fridge) while you sit at the table and carefully reconsider your decision to grapple. If you still wish to grapple after the other players return, repeat this step.”

Just for the record, I'm fine with this.

[Oslecamo]

Just to make you notice, you gave the bard the sorceror spell progression and then you deleted the bard.

Is this any indirect attack at 4e?

[Irreverent Fool]

I hail WotC for finally publishing some errata that makes sense. I look forward to introducing these changes to my gaming group tomorrow afternoon. Thanks for the heads-up!

[MorkaisChosen]

Class Names [Substitution]
Replace “Wizard” with “Mage”
Replace “Barbarian” with “Shaman”
Replace “Fighter” with “Warrior”
Replace “Cleric” with “Priest”
Replace “Ranger” with “Hunter”
Replace “Sorcerer” with “Warlock”
Replace “Creatures” with “Mobs”
Delete all reference to “Bard” and “Monk.”

Hooray for Dungeon-World of War-Dragons.

[Blanks]

Page 71-72 – Diplomacy [Substitution]
Replace text with “Roll for initiative.”

FTW! FTW!


(!!!)

[Sstoopidtallkid]

Is it bad that the first thing I thought of while reading that was that someone could really make a lot of money in the electrum market, changing money?

And now I'm considering tricking my GM into introducing it, just so I can use those classes in economics I took?

[Tengu]

Wizards made a Firefly pun? There might be some hope for these guys after all!

[Ascension]

Gotta love that polymorph table. But does it apply to PaO as well? 'cause, it doesn't matter if they fixed teh brokenness if they didn't fix T3H BR0K3NN355!!1!!1!



EDIT: Oh, and how do you roll on that table when you're playing rock-paper-scissors instead?

[RTGoodman]

I was just coming to post about this, and you beat me to it! *Shakes fist*


I'm gonna print these out and take them to my group tonight. I love that "the darkness" is finally a valid target for magic missile. Also, bye-bye Bigby, and hello Stephen Colbert!

[Telonius]

Chaotic Neutral: Jayne

At least that's settled.

[Glawackus]

I LOL'd at the "Owl" familiar, and wish I'd thought of that joke first. Very nice, Jimbob.

[Hunter Noventa]

Prepared for Anything.
You are one hoopy frood who really knows where your towel is.

I love it.

[senrath]

I LOL'd at the "Owl" familiar, and wish I'd thought of that joke first. Very nice, Jimbob.

He didn't come up with this, he just copied it from the Wizards site. That said, thanks, Jimbob, for bringing this wonderful "errata" to my attention :P

[nerulean]

Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

[Tengu]

At least that's settled.

Okay, they lost me again.

[Jimbob]

Indeed it was a copy, more so my dad sent it to me. EDIT: you beat me to it

But its good to see that even Wizards have a sense of humour.

[Telonius]

Okay, they lost me again.

Jayne is a character whose behavior has led to arguments about alignment. Some people think he's CN; others think he's CE.

[Kurald Galain]

Maybe it's just me, but I found this a very lame attempt at humor. It's kind of like that "Epic Movie" movie last year - stacking up a lot of inside references is really not all that funny (except if you've had way too much beer).

I mean, half the internet is stuffed with april fools' jokes, and the best WOTC can come up with is this? Meh.

[Tengu]

Jayne is a character whose behavior has led to arguments about alignment. Some people think he's CN; others think he's CE.

Some people think he's CN, but I ain't them - if Wizards seriously think he is neutral, not evil, then so is Belkar, and they are officially encouraging all the Chaotic Stupid characters acting the way they do "because I'm chaotic, I do what I feel like lolz!!1".

Jayne is a character I like a lot myself, and with a lot of Pet The Dog moments. But he's evil.

[Rutee]

Honestly if I ever play 3.5 DnD again most of these /are/ going in as Errata.

[fendrin]

Hooray for geekdom, I got all of the references...

I wish they had included something from The Gamers by Dead Gentleman Productions, but that is FAR less known than the Dead Alewives skit.

How about a new Flaw...

Overwhelming Fear of Water
You cannot willingly cross a body of water larger than a bathtub.
You must be rendered unconscious to cross. Barbarians' fists automatically do lethal damage when attempting to render you unconscious.

[Lord Tataraus]

Some people think he's CN, but I ain't them - if Wizards seriously think he is neutral, not evil, then so is Belkar, and they are officially encouraging all the Chaotic Stupid characters acting the way they do "because I'm chaotic, I do what I feel like lolz!!1".

Jayne is a character I like a lot myself, and with a lot of Pet The Dog moments. But he's evil.

True dat. I mean the only reason he even joined the Serenity crew was because he was offered a better deal when he helped another guy hold them up (private room and better than 7% cut). And then he turns in River and Simon just for some cash, that is pure selfishness, sure he has a few soft moments, but rarely. And don't even start on Jaynestown.

[AKA_Bait]

Well, at least they fixed polymorph... sorta. I'm still worried about vorpal bunny cheese.

[fendrin]

Well, at least they fixed polymorph... sorta. I'm still worried about vorpal bunny cheese.

Yeah, but you've got to do 100 rock-scissors-papers with the DM and count up successes... if you have that much control over the DM to force 74 or 75 wins out of a hundred, it doesn't matter what the polymorph rules are, you win D&D.

[Chronos]

I am totally going to give the next character I create the feat "Prepared for anything".

[Squash Monster]

Is it bad if I think the polymorph part of these errata was actually a good change?

[Ascension]

Yeah, but you've got to do 100 rock-scissors-papers with the DM and count up successes... if you have that much control over the DM to force 74 or 75 wins out of a hundred, it doesn't matter what the polymorph rules are, you win D&D.

The DM should throw every game... then he gets to choose what you polymorph into. I hope you enjoy being an orc wizard.

[brian c]

Hooray for geekdom, I got all of the references...

I wish they had included something from The Gamers by Dead Gentleman Productions, but that is FAR less known than the Dead Alewives skit.

How about a new Flaw...

Overwhelming Fear of Water
You cannot willingly cross a body of water larger than a bathtub.
You must be rendered unconscious to cross. Barbarians' fists automatically do lethal damage when attempting to render you unconscious.

The Gamers rocks. That is all.


And I think the Polymorph fix is actually pretty good, yes.

[Ashes]

This is dumb. Failed attempt at funny.