Order of the suck

[Anon-a-mouse]

Suppose you had to design the suckiest possible party, within the limitations that every party role (eg. heal-bot, skill monkey etc.) must be filled, and that characters who can't actually do what they're supposed to do (eg. wizards without the int to cast their spells, fighters using weapons they are not proficient in) are not allowed. 25 point buy. Go.

[Dode]

What level?

[Tsotha-lanti]

Spellthief as the skill-monkey and the arcanist, paladin as the tank and the healer.

Everything else is redundant details.

[Anon-a-mouse]

"What level?"

Up to you.

"Spellthief as the skill-monkey and the arcanist, paladin as the tank and the healer.

Everything else is redundant details."

I was hoping for something more fleshed out than that.

[DementedFellow]

Just have everyone with a 3 for all their attributes. And you know what? The Druid would still be half-way workable. His animal companion is a heck of a melee fighter and he can support it in battle. Then at level 5, he gets the wildshape ability.

[Talic]

Healer: Bard. 16 Cha, 10 Con, 12 Dex, 14 Int, Wis 9, Str 8
Tank: Monk. 16 Wis, 16 Dex, 12 Con, 9 Str, 8 Int, 8 Cha
Skillz: Rogue. Dex 14, Int 14, Str 14, Con 14, Wis 9, Cha 8
Arcane: Wizard: Str 18, Dex 10, Con 11, Int 12, Wis 8, Cha 8

Concept: Wizard is a transmute specialist (focused). Uses enlarge and a Fist of stone spell to assist Tank

Bard drops Cure light wounds as needed.

Rogue does a bit of everything, and will likely have to.

Monk is, well, a monk.

[tyckspoon]

A Healer and CWar Samurai for divine and tank. Arcane has a surprising amount of suck to choose from; I think either the Shadowcaster or Truenamer from Tome of Magic works best for technically being able to do magic while completely sucking at it. Skillmonkey.. what the hey, let's make this one a Monk. Unless you want Trapfinding as part of the skillmonkey definition, in which case you won't find a bad class to fill the job. hmm.. maybe a Ninja.

[its_all_ogre]

tank: soulknife

[Ascension]

A Healer and CWar Samurai for divine and tank. Arcane has a surprising amount of suck to choose from; I think either the Shadowcaster or Truenamer from Tome of Magic works best for technically being able to do magic while completely sucking at it. Skillmonkey.. what the hey, let's make this one a Monk. Unless you want Trapfinding as part of the skillmonkey definition, in which case you won't find a bad class to fill the job. hmm.. maybe a Ninja.

I like this one. Unlike the other suggested builds, this one is actually supposed to be viable... it just isn't.

It takes no effort whatsoever to put together an ineffective party. What takes talent is putting together a party in which all the classes are in the primary roles they're supposed to be designed to occupy and still, even if you optimize the heck out of them, they end up failing to do their jobs. I haven't actually read Truenamer, but from what I've heard, I think this party would fit the bill.

[SoD]

Hmm, simple, swap the roles around: have a ninja as the tank, for the arcanist: a fighter/assasssin*, for the healbot, a barbarian (with maxed out heal), and the skill monkey: a warmage with high int for extra skill points, but not enough charisma to cast spells!

* Now with extra Ss!

[Dode]

Okay, for the tank of Fail Force, I pick Uggs

Uggs
CG Mongrelfolk Soulborn 10

As a child, Uggs was dropped on his head, crushing his face and smashing his brains. Uggs was so stupid that he decided to learn how to master being a Soulborn, and was so ugly and unlikeable that noone ever steered him away from such a terrible decision

STR 16 DEX 10 CON 22 INT 6 WIS 12 CHA 4
Fort: +13 Ref: +3 Will +3
HP: 133

Attacks: Incarnum Battleaxe +19/+14 1d8+6 damage (19-20/x3)

Feats: Bonus Essentia (B), Extra Soulmeld (Incarnate Weapon) (B), Weapon Focus (Battleaxe), Improved Critical (Battleaxe), Power Attack, Bonus Essentia

Essentia: 4 Soulmelds: 3 Chakra Binds: 1
Bind (Crown, Feet, Hands)
Immunity to Paralysis
Smite Opposition 3/day

Skills:

Soulmelds:
Incarnum Weapon (+2 Battleaxe) (2 essentia)
Lammasu Mantle (+2 AC vs evil things)
Cerulean Sandals (Walk on water+ 10 ft land speed, Dimension Door 100ft/day) (2 essentia) (Chakra Bind)

[Talic]

No fair using Incarnum. It's designed to suck.

[Kizara]

A Healer and CWar Samurai for divine and tank. Arcane has a surprising amount of suck to choose from; I think either the Shadowcaster or Truenamer from Tome of Magic works best for technically being able to do magic while completely sucking at it. Skillmonkey.. what the hey, let's make this one a Monk. Unless you want Trapfinding as part of the skillmonkey definition, in which case you won't find a bad class to fill the job. hmm.. maybe a Ninja.

I can attest to the shadowcaster being trash. Like, stinky samurai level trash.

Seriously, a wizard that cast nothing but magic missile all day would've been better then the shadowcaster in my last campaign.

[Talic]

I still say the tank should be a Focused specialist Orc wizard with a 22 str, EWP: Spiked Chain, and Enlarge person. Hooray 20 foot reach, and no armor.

It's oddly enough, semi viable, as it'll have 20 feet of reach with +6 to hit and 2d6+10 damage per hit.

Low HP and AC are the downside.

[senrath]

Any form of truenamer would probably fit the bill. And just for the heck of it, throw in a Wizard specialized in Evocation banning Enchantment and Conjuration. Maybe I'll flesh these out later, but I don't have time now.

[Grynning]

...And just for the heck of it, throw in a Wizard specialized in Evocation banning Enchantment and Conjuration...

So, Vaarsuvius?

[Kurald Galain]

Any form of truenamer would probably fit the bill. And just for the heck of it, throw in a Wizard specialized in Evocation banning Enchantment and Conjuration.

No, make that a Focused Evoker turned Incantatrix, banning conjuration, transmutation, necromancy, and enchantment.

[senrath]

So, Vaarsuvius?

On the less side of more or less, yes. Of course, Vaarsuvius is also very smart and knows how to compensate for the lack of other spells. The average player of DnD...usually not so much.

[Kizara]

On the less side of more or less, yes. Of course, Vaarsuvius is also very smart and knows how to compensate for the lack of other spells. The average player of DnD...usually not so much.

Eh... not really

He casted Mass Bull's Strength and Disintegrate in the Comic I believe, so he can cast 6th-level spells. Let's look at what he SHOULD HAVE DONE...

Problem: Army of Mooks

Solution: LOL ARE YOU SERIOUS!?! Cloudkill/Black Tentacles/Grease/Stinking Cloud/Acid Fog/Transmute Rock to Mud/Wall of Fire/Symbol of Pain/Fear etc etc.

That's just PHB spells glancing over for about 2 minutes.

[AmberVael]

No, make that a Focused Evoker turned Incantatrix, banning conjuration, transmutation, necromancy, and enchantment.

Actually, I'm playing something fairly close to that right now.
If you do it right, it can be very nasty to fight against... I don't have the versatility of a wizard, true, but I get tons of spells every day- defensive and offensive, which are my only focus.
Incantatrix will also allow me to add more metamagic to spells.
In our first combat, I took out 3/4 of the opposing force in one round along with three trees, then finished off the last monster in the second round with a magic missile. The other two party members are a Solo sorcerer and a Batman wizard.
Granted, we're at level 6 and were fighting undead, so that limited the effectiveness of the others, but that just shows you that a blaster can be a bit useful.

[senrath]

Eh... not really

He casted Mass Bull's Strength and Disintegrate in the Comic I believe, so he can cast 6th-level spells. Let's look at what he SHOULD HAVE DONE...

Problem: Army of Mooks

Solution: LOL ARE YOU SERIOUS!?! Cloudkill/Black Tentacles/Grease/Stinking Cloud/Acid Fog/Transmute Rock to Mud/Wall of Fire/Symbol of Pain/Fear etc etc.

That's just PHB spells glancing over for about 2 minutes.

Cloudkill: Conjuration
Black Tentacles: Conjuration
Grease: Conjuration
Stinking Cloud: Conjuration
Acid Fog: Conjuration

[Starbuck_II]

Cloudkill: Conjuration
Black Tentacles: Conjuration
Grease: Conjuration
Stinking Cloud: Conjuration
Acid Fog: Conjuration

Wait, did not (she)/he cast Evard's Black Tenatcles of Forced Intrusion?

But yeah, Conjuration roxxors your boxers.

[Grynning]

I can't remember where the OotS's stats thread is at the moment, but I remember V explicitly stated that s/he banned Conjuration because s/he was rolled up during 3.0 when teleport was still a trans spell in one strip, so it is confirmed it is a banned school for V. The other one is up in the air, although I just remembered V spamming suggestion on the dragon, so I guess it's not Enchantment.

On the subject of the Order of the Suck, Nale from the Linear Guild is a pretty good example of a non-optimized Arcane/Skillmonkey character. Sorcerer/Rogue/Fighter is really not that great.

[AmberVael]

V banned Necromancy as his/her second school.
The facts:

It can't be Abjuration, as V has used Dispel Magic from scrolls (Paper beats rock).
We know V banned Conjuration.
You can't ban Divination.
V cast Suggestion, so it can't be Enchantment.
It's not Evocation. That's his/her specialty.
Illusion: the humorously small invisibility sphere?
Necromancy: ... I can't recall one being cast.
Transmutation: V has Fly, as has been said. And Mass Bull's Strength.

So, Necromancy.

[Ranis]

Four Samurai from Complete Warrior.

...what? He asked for it.

[Heliomance]

Actually, Vaarsuvius's banned schools depend on what would be funny at the time. My evidence for this? Eva(rd|n)'s (Black|Spiked) Tentacles (|Of Forced Intrusion).

[JaxGaret]

Tank: CWar Samurai or Soulknife

Skillmonkey: Monk or CAdv Ninja

Divine caster: Healer or Shugenja

Arcanist: Truenamer or Warmage

[Eldariel]

Healer isn't really that bad. They're a bad choice since they're basically strictly worse Clerics, but being worse than Cleric doesn't really qualify one for a party like this. I'd say Truenamer would be more fitting for the job (Word of Nurturing implies they're supposed to be healers, they just aren't very good at it).

As for tank, I'd say Soulknife takes the cake. A Psionic characters with no powers. That makes him a tank, especially since he has nothing required for skill monkeying. Medium BAB, unenchantable weapon, no feats, two abilities and that's it. Oh yeah, and you're forced to fight with one Short Sword. And boosting your damage takes a Move Action. Nice. Sort of like a Monk, except worse. Even Samurai can have boosted weapons and at least gets class features.

Since Truenamer is our Healer, the Arcanist has to be a Shadowcaster. Thank you, Tome of Magic, for making two totally disfunctional classes just for exercises like this.

That leaves our Monkey. Bleh, it's tough if we require Trapfinding. Barbarian and Ranger qualify, but they'd really rape the whole party. Ninja... or Spellthief. I'd say Spellthief takes the cake. He does have casting, but it's only up to level 4 and much later on, and the whole spellstealing mechanic is so sitiuational that I think it works. Ninja can make a decent Rogue-impression, but without UMD, and with less skillpoints. Still, I think Spellthief is the worst. So:


Healer: Truenamer
Tank: Soulknife
Arcanist: Shadowcaster
Skillmonkey: Spellthief

[DrizztFan24]

Tank: Monk
Healer: Sorc with horrible charisma...then he needs to make the UMD checks
Skill-Monkey: Another Monk
Arcanist: The Healer

Id flesh them out but I am away from my books at the moment. :( Sadly enough this party would probably survive just about anything you throw at them with 2 monks and a Sorc...

[Swooper]

I would like to nominate Warrior, Expert, Adept and Truenamer.