Powerthirst and Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator

[arkanis]

The following are d20 potions and elixirs based on the Brawndo and Powerthirst comercials.
Very funny...
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Tbxq0IDqD04

http://youtube.com/watch?v=qRuNxHqwazs

Powerthirst
This drink grants the consumer the benefits of the Run feat, +2 bonus to Strength and Dexterity, -2 penalty to Concentration, Disable Device, Sleight of Hand, Open Lock, and all Charisma-based checks (except Perform), +30 feet to all movement speeds, +4 bonus to Lifting, Sleeping, Dating, Eating, Laughing, Spawning, Bear-blasting, Hump-catting, Irony, Football, Arson, Wedding, and Art attempts, +4 bonus to Perform (comedy) checks, and immunity to dehydration and effects which cause bodily fluid loss (such as Horrid Withering or Blood Drain) for 1d4+1 hours. If the character is at any time during these two durations fatigued or exhausted they glow as if under the effects of the faerie fire spell. Everytime one of these is drunk, there is a 1% chance Anna Kournikova will appear and bestow the drinker with the ability to win an everything forever thus receiving the ability to cast the wish and miracle spell as spell-like abilities useable at will forever. However, the drinker is always unaware of this ability and thus, usually can't use it.
It also grants additional effects depending on the flavor:

Shockolate
Grants shocking grasp as a spell-like ability useable once every 1d4 rounds. This effect lasts 1d4 hours. Caster level is equal to the drinker's hit dice or crafter's caster level (whichever is lower). The DC is dependant upon the drinker's Constitution modifier. If the drinker does not use this ability every 1d4 rounds, there is a 10% chance they deal the spell's normal electricity damage to any creature they touch or are touched by (including melee attacks) automatically (no action).
Babies that drink shockolate change their base speed to equal that of Kenyans and makes them appear like Kenyans (as if through the disguise self spell) for the duration.

Rawberry
As shockolate except the spell-like ability granted is lightning bolt, it is useable only once every 2d4 rounds, lasts only 1d2 hours, and has only a 5% chance of affecting a touched creature.

Mananna
Grants the ability to Rage as a 1st level barbarian once per encounter for 1d4 hours.

Fizzbitch
Grants the ability to...oh god, you don't want to know...at will for 1d4 hours.

Gun
If drunk properly, it works just like Shockolate except it grants magic missile instead of shocking grasp. If not drunk properly, it deals double its normal magic missile damage to the drinker and requires the drinker to make a Fortitude save DC10 + damage dealt or instantly die. No one really knows the proper technique for drinking this one, but it will taste so good it will be worth it either way.

Juice Springsteen
The drinker gains all the class abilities of a 1st level bard for 1d4 minutes (or increases their effective bard level by +1 if they already have bard levels) and gains a +4 bonus to all Perform checks for 1d4 hours.

Women
As Manana except the benefits are increased to +8 Str, +8 Con, and +4 to Will saves. However, the character is also confused for the duration of each rage. Caster = nearest enemy for this purpose.

Doves
Absolutely nothing. It's a goddamn dove.

Godberry
Drinker gains the ability to change their alignment and deity without suffering the normal penalties of any class feature, feat, or spell for doing such so long as they do so within 1d4 hours.

================

Brawndo
Opening a can of brawndo makes a loud noise which can be heard from up to 1 mile away and any and all creatures within 10 feet of the can much make a fortitude save DC15 or become deafened for 1d4 minutes.
This drink grants the consumer the benefits of the Run feat, +2 bonus to Strength and Dexterity, -2 penalty to Concentration, Disable Device, Sleight of Hand, Open Lock, and all Charisma-based checks (except Perform), +4 bonus to Yelling, Jump, Waving, and Exercise checks, the ability to use invisibility as a spell-like ability every 1d4 minutes (CL 10th), and immunity to dehydration and effects which cause dehydration or other bodily fluid loss (such as Horrid Withering or Blood Drain) for 1d4 hours. The drinker's pants and other mundane articles of clothing instantly become damaged and torn, After this duration ends they lose these benefits but retain a +4 to saves to resist dehydration effects for an additional 2d4 hours.
It also grants one of the following randomized effects:

Dinosaur Rocket
Upon drinking the potion a saddled Tyrannosaurus Rex tied to a Gargantuan-sized 225,000 lb. Rocket appears and the drinker teleports into the saddle instantaneously. The tyrannosaurus obeys the drinker's every command with an added fly speed of 220,000 feet and clumsy maneuverability. If the dinosaur ever stops flying less than 10,000 feet per round, it falls to the ground and the rocket explodes dealing 50d6 fire and 50d6 sonic damage to a 100 foot radius and 5d6 fire and 5d6 sonic damage to a 1000 foot radius (Fort save DC60 for half). The dinosaur automatically dies and falls to the ground 1d4 minutes after appearing.

Giant Chainsaw Pony
A Colossal pony appears with thousands of adamantine chainsaws covering it (dealing 3d6 slashing damage to any creature or item that touches the pony, including weapons and projectiles). The drinker appears on a saddle on the pony where they are immune to damage from the chainsaws so long as they do not dismount. The pony obeys the drinker's every command for 1d4 minutes before it falls down and explodes throwing chainsaws everywhere and dealing 50d6 slashing and 50d6 bludgeoning damage to all creatures in a 100 foot radius and 5d6 slashing and 5d6 bludgeoning damage to all creatures within a 1000 foot radius (Reflex save DC30 for half). There are about 1d20 chainsaws which remain undamaged after the pony's death though they have no fuel remaining.

Rage Concentrate
Drinker begins raging like a 20th level barbarian (+8 Str, +8 Con, +4 Will, -2 AC) but is also confused for 1d4 minutes. Caster = nearest enemy for this purpose.

Lawnmower
Upon drinking the potion a lawnmower appears and attempts to shave the drinker's chest dealing 3d6 slashing damage to the drinker (Reflex save DC15 for half) before exploding and dealing 1d6 slashing, 1d6 piercing, and 1d6 bludgeoning damage to all creatures in a 10 foot radius (Reflex DC15 for half). Any creature taking at least 1 point of damage from this lawnmower becomes completely hairless on their chest afterwards (hair may grow back normally).

Latin American Cougar Elevator Sport
A 10x10x10ft. adamantine box appears full of 16 hungry and hostile cougars and the drinker is instantly transported inside. The box will not open unless the drinker succeeds in an Intelligence check DC15 (one try only), kills all the cougars, or breaks or escapes the box somehow.

Fist Fight
A grizzly bear appears and immediately begins attacking the drinker. It is a normal grizzly bear but the bear and the drinker are unable to do anything other than attack each other with their natural weapons until one of them is knocked unconscious, separated out of sight of each other, or killed. The bear automatically dies 1d4 minutes after it appears.

Icecream Truck Full of Angry Bees
A carriage animated by the animate object spell (CL30th) with a base land speed of 200 appears filled with two bee swarms. The drinker is instantly transported into the carriage. 1d4 goats, 1d4 sheep, 1d4 pigs, and 1d4 rabbits instantly appear in front of the carriage. The carriage immediately tramples over as many nearby animals as it can as they helpless begin running in a futile attempt to escape. The truck explodes 2d4 rounds later dealing 2d6 slashing, 2d6 piercing, 2d6 bludgeoning, and 6d6 fire damage to all creatures within a 20 foot radius (Reflex DC15 for half).

Law Enforcement Popularity
Drinker gains a +4 bonus to Charisma-based checks made with characters of authority such as guards, wards, paladins, knights, and similar positions of law enforcement.

F15ts43vr
Drinker becomes unable to do or say anything other than attack with their unarmed strike towards the nearest random object or creature for the duration. Because of this, the character becomes fatigued after the duration.

AWSUM AT INGLESH
Drinker gains a +4 bonus to Bluff, Forgery, Perform (oratory), and Craft (writing) checks made for the duration.

================

BEVERYMAN (template)
Beveryman is a template which can be added to any living giant, humanoid, or monstrous humanoid.
Special: A beveryman acts as if permanently under the effects of a can of powerthirst. This is an extraordinary ability and cannot be dispelled and also stacks its numerical effects should a beveryman drink a can of powerthirst. A beveryman must take three swigs of some strong drink (such as an alcoholic or caffeinated beverage) every hour they aren't unconscious or lose the benefits of this template.
Skills: +4 racial bonus to one Craft or Profession (player's choice). The selected skill must be one which works with one's hands.
Level Adjustment: +1.

[XiaoTie]

You, sir, shall be awarded with the Cookie of the Week.



Courtesy of google.

[Djinn_in_Tonic]

Awesome. Absolutely awesome.

But what about me and my blue collar boys?

[Xefas]

Fizzbitch

This was, for me, the point at which the post went from "meh" to lol-worthy.

I dunno what this is a reference to, but it certainly made my day.

[The Necroswanso]

Echoing Djinn; Where's my juice Springsteen?

[Regord_Silentflame]

No beveryman template?

[arkanis]

You, sir, shall be awarded with the Cookie of the Week. Courtesy of google.

Woot. I like cookies. Thank ya suh.

Awesome. Absolutely awesome.
But what about me and my blue collar boys?

Blue collar? Hmmm.

This was, for me, the point at which the post went from "meh" to lol-worthy.
I dunno what this is a reference to, but it certainly made my day.

Why thank you. I simply couldn't put in the reference since it would be very inappropriate. Believe me, my life is far worse for knowing what it means...

Echoing Djinn; Where's my juice Springsteen?

Juice Springsteen?! I dunno, would that be another flavor or would it be a powerthirsty Springsteen monster?

No beveryman template?

Excellent idea. I shall get cracking upon it right away!

[Riva]

Is it made with real lightening?

[arkanis]

Real lightning. (see Rawberry)

[AugustNights]

I'd argue that in order for the 'BeveryMan' Template, the candidate must have a least 4 ranks into Profession (Any that has to do with working with one's hands.) but no more than 10 ranks.

[Lorien077]

You win. :)
I can't wait to drop these on my players, and its exactly what I needed to get a friend of mine to join the game.

[arkanis]

I'd argue that in order for the 'BeveryMan' Template, the candidate must have a least 4 ranks into Profession (Any that has to do with working with one's hands.) but no more than 10 ranks.

Ah, makes sense. But a template can't have prerequisites like that. How about a +4 racial bonus to one Profession or Craft of choice so long as it is blue collar.

You win. :)
I can't wait to drop these on my players, and its exactly what I needed to get a friend of mine to join the game.

That's exciting! Like fire! But not as exciting as BRAWNDO! Glad I could help.

[DracoDei]

How does one "sit on a 10 foot radius" (or however you said it...) of a Chainsaw pony? Please correct...

[arkanis]

Corrected. Any other ways I can make Powerthirst and Brawndo come to life in a d20 system?

[Deth Muncher]

Should not Powerthirst give the ability to tell TURBOPUNS, or did I miss that?

[arkanis]

Egahd! Of course! How could I forget the turbopuns!? There, added in:
+4 bonus to Perform (comedy).

[Solo]

Kenyans!!!

[Deth Muncher]

Quick question: Somehow, the word POWERTHIRST is somehow magically bolded in all of our posts, despite not having put the bolding tags on it. What gives?

EDIT: And as soon as I said that? It went away.

Sneaky word-bolding gremlins...

EDIT EDIT: Should not Powerthirst also give you some sort of bonus to kicking gods in the head? I'm trying to think of which gods are Mother
Nature-y enough...perhaps Unarmed strike as per 20th level Monk when fighting gods?

[arkanis]

You'll run so fast that Mother Nature will be like sloooooowww dooooown and you'll be like F*CK YOU and kick her in the face with your ENERGY LEGS!

It really just says you'll kick a deity in the face which even a D&D commoner can do but it would do no damage.

Possible d20 translation: You deal an extra 1d8 electricity damage with your unarmed strikes and ignore all damage reduction and energy resistances provided by Divine Ranks.

Thoughts?

[OwlbearUltimate]

Could alchemists create Powerthirst, and if so, what are the components? Also, do effects stack if one drinks multiple Powerthirsts, or do you die from the huge energy supplement? If you drink two Rawberrys or Shockolate, you should so have lightning sparking around you.

[arkanis]

REAL: Drinking multiple ones would not stack benefits but increase the duration.

FUNNY: Drinking multiple ones would stack benefits and penalties and inevitably cause someone to need a Fort save DC10 + (5 x number of drinks) to avoid exploding from the awesome degree of power.

Yes, alchemists can make it. Weren't you listening? Rawberry is made with lightning. REAL LIGHTNING! Pure 100% Concentrated Rage! The ingredients are all given to you in the commericals. :P

[OwlbearUltimate]

I think the leg hair of a god is a neccesary for the god-kicking power.

[Soup of Kings]

Powerthirst should give some sort of bonus against followers of Obad-Hai or Obad-Hai himself (Or a nature-related deity appropriate to your campaign setting), as long as the drinker makes an unarmed attack using his legs.

This just made my day. Thank you soooo much. Today's my birthday, so I'll consider that my present. The rest of you...have some explaining to do. *rage*

Also, "Babies that drink shockolate change their base speed to equal that of Kenyans for the duration."

Pure win.

You should add that while running, any baby under the influence of Powerthirst appears to others as a Kenyan, as if using the spell disguise self.

[arkanis]

This just made my day. Thank you soooo much. Today's my birthday, so I'll consider that my present. The rest of you...have some explaining to do. *rage*

Also, "Babies that drink shockolate change their base speed to equal that of Kenyans for the duration."

Pure win.

You should add that while running, any baby under the influence of Powerthirst appears to others as a Kenyan, as if using the spell disguise self.

Happy birthday.

And also: Brilliant! It shall be included!

[Soup of Kings]

Yay!

The glamer should only apply while they run, though.

"They'll run as fast as KENYANS! People will watch them running and think they're KENYANS!"

Also, include some sort of effect wherein if the baby challenges an actual Kenyan to a footrace and wins, said Kenyan is deported back to KENYA!

Now I wanna see d20 Super Bingo. Winners get bookwiches; losers get deer-shanked.

[Ninjalitude]

what about a potion of energy legs?

[arkanis]

Well I added speed and energy damage to unarmed strike. I think that would count as energy legs.

[Deth Muncher]

Well I added speed and energy damage to unarmed strike. I think that would count as energy legs.

You could just make it superamazinglybrokencheesebeardtacular and make it do ALL kinds of energy damage. At once. In addition to the other goodies you said.

[puppyavenger]

1. pure awesome
2. heh, people who I don't know watch tthese vidios, I really should put "welcome to halifax in my sig
3. It should be addictive, after all its crytal meth in a can.

[Deth Muncher]

1. pure awesome
2. heh, people who I don't know watch tthese vidios, I really should put "welcome to halifax in my sig
3. It should be addictive, after all its crytal meth in a can.

"It's like crystal meth in a can! It's crystal meth in a can! Powerthirst is crystal meth in a can!"