DM rejection?

[Jorgo Mono]

Hello Gitp forums, How are you today?

But seriously, I'm guessing that since you are reading the gaming forum that you've played Dnd. Or, well, any game that has a overall 'god' like a DM.

I've been playing Dnd since 3.5 came out, in 2003 if I recall correctly. I've never had any complaints with the system, and never regreted the time I spent plaything the game. But a few months ago, I decided to start playing 1st edition with a new group. At first, it was rather enjoyable, I liked the lack of miniature based gameplay. For some reason that lent me a greater feel for my charater. Me and my group have always gotten along fine. But, when I missed a meeting a few weeks ago, (My first missed one since I began playing with them ) the DM let loose a small tornado of insults towards me that he apperently didn't want to tell me to my face. Needless to say, I'm not going to play with a group that doesn't want me. Now, this is the first time I have ever been rejected for Dnd, and I found myself less and less enthusiastic everyday for the game, until right now when I quit playing all together. I don't know if my sudden boredom in the game has anything to do with the realization that I may not be as wanted of a player as I thought.

God, now I'm sounding too emo even for myself. The reason I post this here is because I wanted to hear your stories. Have you ever been rejected by a DM, a group, or anyone in your gaming squad? How did you handle it?

[Kurald Galain]

Insulting people behind their back is very immature. I'd suggest finding a DM that isn't an *******.

[Miraqariftsky]

Indeed. It's not your fault that your DM lacks the wisdom and honour to bloody well be a decent chap.

[Talic]

While I can understand someone venting frustration, as a long time DM, I can appreciate that many things are more important than D&D. Work, family obligations, emergencies, rare occurences, all get free passes in my game. After a certain point, I will drop people for consistent absence, but this isn't because I'm upset. It's because their schedule is incompatible with the campaign, no more, no less.

In short, if you get visitation once a month, and that month it happens to fall on D&D day, go ahead, you'll still get xp.

[Theodoxus]

I got rejected from a game after 2 sessions. The DM sent an email that stated "I don't feel you fit the gaming style of the group, please don't return to the game." The other players (who I game with in a separate forum) were all 'wtf'. I felt terrible for a while, until I learned that the game completely fell apart a session after I was kicked out. More coincidence than anything, but it helped :)

I've learned after using meeting groups to find games, that things are hit or miss - and to never blame yourself if things don't mesh well (well, unless you're an unmitigated donkey - then you can blame yourself). Just find a new group and try again - and always try to improve yourself. If you're an introvert like me, reaching out is very unnatural, but the benefits can really be new lifelong friends.

[Jade_Tarem]

3 out of 4 players for one of my two PbP games recently (about a month ago) just stopped posting. No message, no "I can't stay with this any longer" - nothing. The last one said he'd be happy to keep playing, so I'm moving him to the other group. I dunno what happened, but I try to keep a good thought.

[Matthew]

I've been playing Dnd since 3.5 came out, in 2003 if I recall correctly. I've never had any complaints with the system, and never regreted the time I spent plaything the game. But a few months ago, I decided to start playing 1st edition with a new group. At first, it was rather enjoyable, I liked the lack of miniature based gameplay. For some reason that lent me a greater feel for my charater.

Welcome back to Advanced Dungeons & Dragons.

Me and my group have always gotten along fine. But, when I missed a meeting a few weeks ago, (My first missed one since I began playing with them ) the DM let loose a small tornado of insults towards me that he apperently didn't want to tell me to my face. Needless to say, I'm not going to play with a group that doesn't want me.

Weird. Was he insulting you for not turning up, or was he using the opportunity of your absence to insult you? What did he actually say, and how did you find out about it? This could be a fairly typical game of chinese whispers.

Still, if it turns out your DM doesn't like you, then I guess its time to say goodbye. Not much point playing these sorts of games with people who aren't your friends. Pity he didn't have the balls to tell you straight up before you wasted your time.

Now, this is the first time I have ever been rejected for Dnd, and I found myself less and less enthusiastic everyday for the game, until right now when I quit playing all together. I don't know if my sudden boredom in the game has anything to do with the realization that I may not be as wanted of a player as I thought.

God, now I'm sounding too emo even for myself. The reason I post this here is because I wanted to hear your stories. Have you ever been rejected by a DM, a group, or anyone in your gaming squad? How did you handle it?

Well, I had to kick one guy out of our group. He was just way too disruptive and over excitable (we had been playing for a couple of years before someone invited him along). He wasn't a bad guy at all, but he had no idea how to play with others. I felt pretty guilty about it, because I think he would have settled down after a while, but I just didn't have the time to deal with it.

[nagora]

I have a similar but opposite problem. The best DM in our group is the worst player - disruptive, argumentative, heavy drinker. A total pain in the arse as a player.

I seriously want to run a game, I've got the scenarios and the overall arc of a long-term campaign set up (which means, of course, that the players will get on a boat and sail away to a new continent and never see any of it!) but I want to do it without him. The fact that he is a first-class GM/DM is the big complicating issue. I have only ever known of one GM who's reputation was better, so I really don't want to cause trouble in the group which might cause him and his wife to leave. But I can't stand the idea of running a game with him in it. Also, his wife is the best roleplayer I've ever met, so I want her and the other players in the game.

Sigh

[DemonSlayer]

Yes, this happened to me as well.

In my old gaming group, it was pretty much standard policy that every player who didn't show up for a game (whatever the reason) would feel the consequences for months to come.

The game we were playing was the old WEG Star Wars d6 system. At some point we needed to leave the planet we were on, and we did so in our own individual ships. However, as soon as the others left I returned to the planet, searched the nearest broadcasting station and contacted the empire to betray the other players.

(note: the GM had specifically asked me to play an inquisitor, since the other two were playing dark jedi and becoming increasingly unruly and were generally taking the fun out of the game).

Sending the message would have taken me about 10 minutes, at which point I got back in my ship and followed the others.

I missed the next session because of a friend's birthday.

Session after that, my ship hadn't cought up with the rest yet. Session after that, it STILL took me about half te session to get there. All in all several hours had passed in game. And sending the message took only 10 minutes.

And when I DID get back, I was railroaded HEAVILY into doing exactly what the others had planned for me. Taking some time for my character to make decisions and doing what was important for him at that point was considered cutting the others of from playing.

Cutting the others off. From playing. After I had been floating around in space for 1.5 session. I. Was cutting THEM off. From playing...

All because they were mad at me for having the nerve to go to a birthday party when they expected me to play.

But it didn't stop there. Oh no. Soon gaming was planned at a time when I could not possibly be present. I had to work at that time, and would go out later that evening (something I had been doing for seven years now). And people were MAD at me for choosing my work and going out above them (of course they ignored the fact that there were times we were all free).

But even before that, people were already angry with me because I always had to leave at 19:00. Because I needed to do homework. This made them genuinely angry.

And yet none of this made me leave. Instead I tried to be diplomatic, talk some sense into these people, tried to solve the problem in a way that we could all continue playing. So new plans were made, and finally, we got around to planning a new session. Unfortunately I got sick, so I couldn't go.

So I got a phonecall from one of them who yelled at me for not coming that day.

When people yell at you for being sick, it's time to leave.

I think that in the two years I've played with them, I've missed 5 sessions- 2 for being ill, 2 for the others planning it at some time I couldn't possibly be present, and one because I attended someone's birthday- something I told them weeks in advance...

So, how have I dealt with all this? Well, as I said before, at some point I just quit the group. That was almost a year ago, and I haven't played since. Now, I've found new people to play with.

But I've set some ground rules. I told them what happened in my last group, and that I want NONE of that stuff in the new group. I told them that I have a life besides D&D (which I generally find more interesting), and that I do have other obligations.

Naturally they all agreed to this, because, well, they ARE sensible (sorta ).

So, my advice to you is; don't try getting back with the old group. Instead, find a new group that also doen't have the luxury or inclination to put D&D above all else.

D&D is really a very cool game. Don't let one bad experience ruin it for you, but learn from that experience.

(Holy crap- how long have I been typing? Wait, is that the moon, up there...?)

[TheThan]

I don’t know what it is about people and dnd. I’ve gathered this sort of thing happens a lot.

Personally I’m not that worried about it. I just want to know ahead of time that someone is going to be absent. I realize real life comes before dnd. I’ve had to cancel whole sessions before, so I know what its like.

[DemonSlayer]

I realize real life comes before dnd.

That's, in a nutshell, the problem with the "old groups". They didn't.

[Deth Muncher]

I haven't been booted-out, per se, but I have been rejected from applying to a group. The DM was...well, he's a bit of a "blanking blank in the blank," and required very mature game play. At the time, my gameplay was more to the effect of "Hm, locked door? OMG 1 C45+ +3H F13RB4115 ROFL LOL LMAO!" (Yes folks, it hurt me just as much to write that as it hurt you to read it. And actually, this was an IRL game, so I don't even KNOW how I managed to speak in leet-speak.)


Needless to say, after a few more years of playing, I've matured just a smidgen.

[Sholos]

I have a similar but opposite problem. The best DM in our group is the worst player - disruptive, argumentative, heavy drinker. A total pain in the arse as a player.

I seriously want to run a game, I've got the scenarios and the overall arc of a long-term campaign set up (which means, of course, that the players will get on a boat and sail away to a new continent and never see any of it!) but I want to do it without him. The fact that he is a first-class GM/DM is the big complicating issue. I have only ever known of one GM who's reputation was better, so I really don't want to cause trouble in the group which might cause him and his wife to leave. But I can't stand the idea of running a game with him in it. Also, his wife is the best roleplayer I've ever met, so I want her and the other players in the game.

Sigh

Is there any way you can run a joint game with him? Keep him off of the player side and at the same time maybe learn a thing or two from him.

[nagora]

Is there any way you can run a joint game with him? Keep him off of the player side and at the same time maybe learn a thing or two from him.

He has been one of my DMs on and off for a quarter of a century or so, I have learnt a lot from him, and he from me. He's just gradually become one of those people who can't GM, even when they're not the GM, if you know what I mean.

[Mushroom Ninja]

Wow. I'm glad I've never had to deal with a DM like yours, Jorgo. I've never had a DM like that. I guess he was just a jerk. My advice: Find a new group, a group that isn't run by a maniac.

[shadow_archmagi]

He has been one of my DMs on and off for a quarter of a century or so, I have learnt a lot from him, and he from me. He's just gradually become one of those people who can't GM, even when they're not the GM, if you know what I mean.

The important question is:

Does he KNOW he can't be a decent player? I mean, is it generally known and accepted amongst the group that having him as a player is a bad idea?

The best solution I can think of is to schedule separate sessions, so that the rest of the group alternates between the two DMs.

[Ralfarius]

Oh, I've had a DM try to 'put me on hiatus' in the group. In my first two sessions of 3rd edition, no less. This is, of course, after setting up really lame, railroaded, super-emo Ravenloft adventures where if you tried to do anything other than 'sleep in the haunted house' you were set upon by wolves and killed. Seriously, my first character died to wolves, and the companion he was with lost a hand (but wasn't eaten for some reason). All of the adventures were supposed to be mystery-type excursions, but all the clues did nothing to give some hint as to what was going on, and only served to be an 'oh, so that's what they're for' after the plot road the rails to the end and everything fit together after finding the killer, etc.

After another session in that Ravenloft campaign, the rest of the group grew tired of it and my personal friend volunteered to DM a new game. Naturally, I was let back in. The previous DM had a personal friend that he brought to the group that always ended up playing some sort of lacky/flunkie character just so he could be bossed around and do as he was told. A few sessions after that, we got enough people who weren't them to play games we could enjoy. They didn't end up finding another group.

All in all, not great formative experiences for a new edition, but I think I came out no worse for wear.

[shadow_archmagi]

that Ravenloft campaign

We don't go to Ravenloft anymore. (Reference cookie available)


Wow. That story depresses me in how long it took your group to figure it out.

[nobodylovesyou4]

We don't go to Ravenloft anymore. (Reference cookie available)


Wow. That story depresses me in how long it took your group to figure it out.

Half-Life 2, i presume? "Ravenholme? We... don't go to Ravenholme."

Ive never had any bad DM's, because fortunately, my first and only real DM up to this point turned out to be incredibly good at what he does (Lord Tataraus, come on down!). he had been creating worlds and the things that go on in them for years, so he was well prepared for DMing. some of his players get a bit out of hand though, and recently we had to boot one player for... insubordination, well say.

[Jayngfet]

None of my player's have any rulebooks, we've never all been in one place long enough for a real session(we're trying to game in the gaming section pbp now), and some third complaint I can't grasp now ...and yet I've never thought of kicking any of them for a second.

[valadil]

I haven't been kicked out. If a group doesn't like me I usually figure it out and leave on my own before they have to tell me anything. I haven't ever booted a player, though I have intentionally neglected to tell certain players when I started a new game.

Don't take it personally. Some players don't fit some games. If it actually was personal, well you don't want to play with those jerks anyway. If I were you I'd take a few weeks off from gaming and then come back to it when you've gotten over being punted. Nobody likes the situation you're in, but it happens to everyone and I'm sure you can find a happier group to play with.

[RandomNPC]

i had some gamers i was ok with, if one was a bit of a metagamer. my other players tried some in party killing, planned it out, and the metagamer and friend called and told us they couldn't make it. stupid me allowing the game to continue that night.

so the present party wipes out the weretiger and half dragon, and leaves me to tell the players. they werent dissapointed at all, but the half dragons player asks: how did they get past my DR?

so heres my question, what is a half dragons DR?



i'm fairly certain there is no DR, or it is verry low, i haven't checked in a while. i told them i'd rather have them step out as the players that did it were being immature and would keep doing it, seeing as they were outnumbered and i was to new to gaming to want the loss of the majority of my group.

thinking about it now, with as much gameing experience as i've got i wouldn't allow them back after the first game anyway, the weretiger had elastic chainmail on so he wouldn't destroy his armor while shifting. yeay.

[Crow]

I've never kicked a player out, but I did have a player refuse to come back. This was some dude from the internet. Somehow while trying to find the place where we meet, he parked and couldn't find the place. So he ended up hitching a ride with somebody who I presume he flagged down or something. The person he flags down can't find it, and drives off with his laptop and books somehow. He eventually finds the place by chance, and proceeds to tell us the story. This is the first time meeting this guy face-to-face, and you can tell he has a bit of social awkwardness. The game goes well, and we are surprised that once we get into the game, the guy seems more normal...but that's neither here nor there.

So after that session, I send this guy an email a couple weeks later to tell him when and where the next game is. He replies that he is not coming because he thought it was very rude of us not to offer to help him replace his laptop and books! Like it's our fault the guy lost them because the house was hiding from him or something?

Anyhow; Unrelated Question

We have a player that plays softball on game night. We always invite him, but he always has softball, and it's getting tiresome. Would it be considered rude to just stop inviting him? This isn't a guy that we see very often anyways unless he shows up to a game.

[Ralfarius]

We have a player that plays softball on game night. We always invite him, but he always has softball, and it's getting tiresome. Would it be considered rude to just stop inviting him? This isn't a guy that we see very often anyways unless he shows up to a game.

I think it would be easiest to simply offer him a standing invitation, and tell him to contact you in the off chance he doesn't have softball. That way he knows where he stands, and you can not worry about forgetting to invite him because he'll always be welcome.

[Crow]

Good idea Ralfarius, but I forgot to mention that our games are somewhat irregular. Time between games can run anywhere from 2 to 6 weeks, completely irregular aside from the night (Wednesday).

[kirbsys]

I'll admit I've booted a player, and to make it worse, it was only because I didn't like him. However, I swear its not as bad as it sounds. The game I'm running is for our local LARP. Well we get an average of thirty people out there each weekend, and even though I sent out the invitation on our boards, we have a "core" group of people out there who have been there a while and who come out regularly that everyone knows, and outside of those people, I don't really know anyone well enough to want to chill with them for five to six hours straight. So someone that I didn't know too well (actually I dislike the guy) said he wanted to play. I was considering telling him no, then another player e-mailed me and specifically asked me to do so, so I obliged and said that we had too many players as is (sorta true).

[mikeejimbo]

Someone in our group once said something about someone who wasn't there. Then they said they felt bad about that, but you know, it's like you pick on whoever isn't there. Like any two branches of the military in the same room will pick on a third branch.

Then I said how they probably didn't talk about me behind my back and they started laughing. I quickly corrected myself, saying "I mean, at least you wouldn't say anything *worse* behind my back." They agreed to this.