"Well...Yeah...I guess so..."

[Burley]

Funny Story:
One of my players is a doppleganger beguiler, and during the course of this story, is in his halfling form (with a 8-strength or something similar). The party is fighting a bunch of dinosaurs, in the midst of one of the character's Obscuring Mist, (which he throws up at the start of every fight and is now a running gag around the table.)
Anyways, the Doppleguiler uses Ghost Sound and spooks the Dinosaurs. Unfortunately, he spooked them into running away from the sound, which meant running in his direction. Only one of them actually would have hurt him. Here's what happened:

Me (DM): Let's see, only this one will go through your square, and lets treat it like a Bull Rush attempt, okay? ~Shakes die and rolls behind hand...nat 1~
DB Player: (Words I don't want to quote incorrectly, but of no real value) ~rolls...a nat 20~ YES!! There can be only One!
Me: Yeah, so, you put out your hand and palm the...Dinosaur... across the face, knocking it aside and ~reflex save...nat 1~ Sigh. It stumbles and falls...and breaks an ankle.

So, how many other DMs out there run into situations like this, where you, by way of clever players, stupid forgotten rules, or sheer dumb luck, are forced to make ridiculous things happen?

[only1doug]

dude, thats why you hide the dice rolls!

situation as described: rolls as described: "you quickly jump aside as the dinosaur rushes past you, take your attack of opportunity to hit it as it runs by, if you wish.

[Decoy69]

This happens to us fairly often (only about 1 in 20 though...).

The solution is in how you describe things.

"(to PC) You brace for the impact and upon running into a solid object, the already frightened dinosaur rears up in confusion. Still attempting to run from the sound it trips and falls to the ground."

which I think sounds a whole lot more plausible than *ahem* FacePalming the dino...

[Drider]

This happens to us fairly often (only about 1 in 20 though...).

The solution is in how you describe things.

"(to PC) You brace for the impact and upon running into a solid object, the already frightened dinosaur rears up in confusion. Still attempting to run from the sound it trips and falls to the ground."

which I think sounds a whole lot more plausible than *ahem* FacePalming the dino...

Actually, a player getting a 20 while an npc gets a 1, twice in a row is 1/8000(20 X 20= 400 X 20= 8000) I believe. Describing something is the DM's way of fixing things like this, it just takes a litle creativity.On the other hand, it's unrealistic stuff like this happening that brought me to DnD :p, the fact that you need a knowledge skill to determine if the person you're talking to is a human, dwarf, or elf, is kinda funny.

[TheCountAlucard]

So, the party's fighting a young adult black dragon. They've managed to wound it, and it's looking to escape. Directly in its path is the half-elf fighter, who is wielding a pair of shortswords. I explain to the player how overruns work, and he decides not to move...

Me: All right, let's roll... (rolls a 1)
P1: (rolls a 20)
Me: ...Okay, the dragon charges toward you, intent on trampling you to the ground, but having braced yourself, you repel the dragon.
P1: Awesome! I yell, "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

[TwystidMynd]

Actually, a player getting a 20 while an npc gets a 1, twice in a row is 1/8000(20 X 20= 400 X 20= 8000) I believe. Describing something is the DM's way of fixing things like this, it just takes a litle creativity.On the other hand, it's unrealistic stuff like this happening that brought me to DnD :p, the fact that you need a knowledge skill to determine if the person you're talking to is a human, dwarf, or elf, is kinda funny.

Coincidentally, on a d20, a player getting a 10, while an NPC gets a 10 twice in a row is the same probability.

[Person_Man]

There was a high level CG elf ranger NPC who acted as our low level party's ally and source of quests. Although others in the party really got into her backstory, my PC (a LE kobold scout) really disliked her. So midway through the campaign we stumble upon her meeting with the bad guys, and it turns out she was a double agent. She begins her monologue, explaining how the local human population killed her husband and blah blah blah. Long story short - I interrupt her two sentences into her explanation, fire an arrow at her, roll a 20, roll another 20, and then confirm the auto-kill. The DM and the other players were really pissed. But I was happy.

[AstralFire]

There was a high level CG elf ranger NPC who acted as our low level party's ally and source of quests. Although others in the party really got into her backstory, my PC (a LE kobold scout) really disliked her. So midway through the campaign we stumble upon her meeting with the bad guys, and it turns out she was a double agent. She begins her monologue, explaining how the local human population killed her husband and blah blah blah. Long story short - I interrupt her two sentences into her explanation, fire an arrow at her, roll a 20, roll another 20, and then confirm the auto-kill. The DM and the other players were really pissed. But I was happy.

Interrupting monologues is awesome. (In part because it makes the ones that continue uninterrupted that much better and rarer.)

[fractic]

the fact that you need a knowledge skill to determine if the person you're talking to is a human, dwarf, or elf, is kinda funny.

And the higher level the person is the harder it is to make out.


Too bad they're not really considered to be monsters.

[Saph]

There was a high level CG elf ranger NPC who acted as our low level party's ally and source of quests. Although others in the party really got into her backstory, my PC (a LE kobold scout) really disliked her. So midway through the campaign we stumble upon her meeting with the bad guys, and it turns out she was a double agent. She begins her monologue, explaining how the local human population killed her husband and blah blah blah. Long story short - I interrupt her two sentences into her explanation, fire an arrow at her, roll a 20, roll another 20, and then confirm the auto-kill. The DM and the other players were really pissed. But I was happy.

That's hilarious. I think this calls for a pair of DM of the Rings links:

Monologue Interrupting 101 - How a party of D&D players decide to deal with Saruman, and,
Two Points! - The consequences.

Was it anything like that? :P

- Saph

[AstralFire]

That's hilarious. I think this calls for a pair of DM of the Rings links:

Monologue Interrupting 101 - How a party of D&D players decide to deal with Saruman, and,
Two Points! - The consequences.

Was it anything like that? :P

- Saph

*laughs* That was awesome, I'd totally forgotten about DM of the Rings.

[Dervag]

Interrupting monologues is awesome. (In part because it makes the ones that continue uninterrupted that much better and rarer.)

It also encourages the DM to find ways to say things quickly.

A three paragraph speech on revenge is likely to be interrupted.

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die," on the other hand, is the kind of thing that even a dedicated monologue-interrupter is likely to let through.

It can be very hard to impose explanation discipline on the DM, but it's important.

[AstralFire]

It also encourages the DM to find ways to say things quickly.

A three paragraph speech on revenge is likely to be interrupted.

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die," on the other hand, is the kind of thing that even a dedicated monologue-interrupter is likely to let through.

It can be very hard to impose explanation discipline on the DM, but it's important.

As a DM, I must admit that it is very hard for me to curb my talking down sometimes. I think I need to make my next BBEG mute and do everything in black and white...

[FatherMalkav]

For select villains me and another DM buddy of mine have developed the 'Monologue' feat. We are pretty to the point with our NPC's but sometimes for plot or mood, you have to let the speech go. We warn our players some speeches can't be interrupted and they accept it because they know we only do it to enrich their game. That and our speeches are never 5 page 'epic's. Just a Bond style villain revelation at the like.

[Hzurr]

So, the party's fighting a young adult black dragon. They've managed to wound it, and it's looking to escape. Directly in its path is the half-elf fighter, who is wielding a pair of shortswords. I explain to the player how overruns work, and he decides not to move...

Me: All right, let's roll... (rolls a 1)
P1: (rolls a 20)
Me: ...Okay, the dragon charges toward you, intent on trampling you to the ground, but having braced yourself, you repel the dragon.
P1: Awesome! I yell, "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

We actually had a similar situation in my group. The party was fighting a large red dragon, and the only thing standing between the Dragon and the ranger who kept critting on him was the small, injured halfling paladin who only had 1 hand (A kobald bit off the other one. Also a good story). The dragon charges, and tries to bullrush or something like that, so the halfling and the dragon make opposed strength rolls.
Halfling: Nat 20.
Dragon: Nat 1.

Essentially, the Dragon tried to charged, and the halfling knocked him flat on his back, pointed at the dragon and said "No!" In a very firm and commanding voice, as one reprimands a misbehaving dog. It was awesome.

Now, the halfling got eaten the next round, but the player really didn't mind.

[Dr Bwaa]

My PCs, a few in particular, pull this stuff all the time. Now, granted, they do it at least partially on purpose, and at least two of them have taken to telling me they have huge plans, but refusing to elaborate until the time comes, even though I don't think I have a history of putting a stop to things that I know about beforehand. In any case, it's much more often that silly things have to happen as a result of clever players than anything else, though there are exceptions:

A running monk rolls three 20s in a row during an escape (on Jump, Climb, and Reflex, I believe): jumping over a battle-squad of troglodytes, swinging from the ceiling over the doorway (which is just a natural cave!), and launching himself out of said cave: landing, after a flip, just past the astonished 8-year-old at the entrance.

The same player (different character) was playing a rogue/bard, and getting a little carried away while waiting for their friend to return from the Loremaster (it was a long wait). The wizard eventually busts out a Cone of Cold, and the bard's just standing around, with no form of cover anywhere nearby--but he rolls a 20 on his reflex, and he has evasion. He leaps about twenty feet straight up, from a standstill, and grabs the branches of a tree that he manages to reach. He is then immediately hit with a Hold Person, while the NG wizard gives him a stern talking-to. He eventually comes down, and casts False Lies on the wizard (makes people believe that the target is lying, even if they're not). Then he casts Charm and Suggestion: you should go make out with that beautiful elf over there. Somehow, he got this to work, and the wizard proceeds to kiss some random elf woman. He realizes what he's done (when she slaps him), and apologizes--which, thanks to False Lies, comes out as mockery. Now, they are deep within the Elven High Forest, and not even fugitives yet. I decided that it would need to be at that moment, with the rogue/bard fleeing the wizard, fleeing several furious elves, that their druid friend would return from the Loremaster, and they could thankfully take their leave.

Now, granted, they were all fugitives for breaking & entering, Major Artifact Theft, and probably High Treason by the next morning anyway, for unrelated reasons, so maybe I could've watched them flounder a little more. But they'd already been in prison here once, for teleporting an invisible Drow into the Mage Guild

[Fiendish_Dire_Moose]

This is an excerpt from a game I was DMing.

Barb: I move in, I charge the Wyvern. (roll)
Me: You hit. Next.
Druid: I cast Flaming Sphere on it. (roll)
Me: Alright, Next.
Wizard: I fireball the Wyvern. (rolls damage)
Me: (Rolls save. Natural 1.) Ummmmm..... Well, the Wyvern leaps into the air in an attempt to dodge the horrible mass of fire, only to trip and fall on the barbarian who take (rolls) 19 damage, and is now unable to make his save.
Babr: Stupid missing saves.
Swordsage: I use my (manuever, rolls).......******!
Me: The Wyvern stands up, Barb gets and attack of opportunity.
Barb: (rolls) SWEET! Natural 20.
Me: Cool, roll again.
Barb: SWEETER! Another natural 20!
Me: Jerk, one more time.
Barb:........********! Natural 1.
Me: Give me two minutes.

Toilet Break and one and one half minutes later.
Me: So, in a last second effort to stop the Wyvern you toss your weapon into the air. Roll the damage.
Barb: (rolls) 29!
Me: Alright. With such a mighty throw you manage to behead the foul beast. However your sword comes down ontop of you dealing 29 damage, you still alive?
Barb: Barely.
Me: Good, it gets worse. (rolls percentile) The sword takes off one of your arms. And just before you can move away the horrible mass of dead wyvern lands on you. You are crushed for, (rolls) 3......THREE damage.
Barb: Oh sweet! I live.
Me: Oh sweet! I hate you.

[Pauwel]

This is an excerpt from a game I was DMing.

Barb: I move in, I charge the Wyvern. (roll)
Me: You hit. Next.
Druid: I cast Flaming Sphere on it. (roll)
Me: Alright, Next.
Wizard: I fireball the Wyvern. (rolls damage)
Me: (Rolls save. Natural 1.) Ummmmm..... Well, the Wyvern leaps into the air in an attempt to dodge the horrible mass of fire, only to trip and fall on the barbarian who take (rolls) 19 damage, and is now unable to make his save.
Babr: Stupid missing saves.
Swordsage: I use my (manuever, rolls).......******!
Me: The Wyvern stands up, Barb gets and attack of opportunity.
Barb: (rolls) SWEET! Natural 20.
Me: Cool, roll again.
Barb: SWEETER! Another natural 20!
Me: Jerk, one more time.
Barb:........********! Natural 1.
Me: Give me two minutes.

Toilet Break and one and one half minutes later.
Me: So, in a last second effort to stop the Wyvern you toss your weapon into the air. Roll the damage.
Barb: (rolls) 29!
Me: Alright. With such a mighty throw you manage to behead the foul beast. However your sword comes down ontop of you dealing 29 damage, you still alive?
Barb: Barely.
Me: Good, it gets worse. (rolls percentile) The sword takes off one of your arms. And just before you can move away the horrible mass of dead wyvern lands on you. You are crushed for, (rolls) 3......THREE damage.
Barb: Oh sweet! I live.
Me: Oh sweet! I hate you.

Don't take this personally, but this is the most awful, impractical and crazy interpretation of the rules I've ever seen.

[Don the Bastard]

Friday night, 16th level fighter PC rolls his 3 battle axe attacks together, 3 natural 20's, confirms them all, 9d8+27 points of damage, thanks for coming, see ya later.

[Dhavaer]

Friday night, 16th level fighter PC rolls his 3 battle axe attacks together, 3 natural 20's, confirms them all, 9d8+27 points of damage, thanks for coming, see ya later.

That seems really low for a 16th level fighter. That'd be 1d8+3 normally, right?

[Blackdrop]

Yeah, this has happened to me before.

1st level party, 3rd edition, Something to do with red death, red disease, red something.

The party gets downed by Kobolds with the only one left on their feet was the Tiefling ranger, who not only managed to convince the kobolds that his lantern oil was actually a cure to the disease, but he was also able to get them to rub each other down (don't ask) and flung his torch at them lighting them on fire.

[Dhavaer]

1st level party, 3rd edition, Something to do with red death, red disease, red something.

The Burning Plague.

[F.L.]

The Burning Plague.

Well, they certainly had the burning after the oil.

[celestialkin]

One question: Why even do BBEG speeches?

I mean, they always seem ridiculous in movies, cartoons, etc. And they always lead to the BBEG's own downfall.

[Knaight]

For some BBEGs its fun, and it can give the players a second chance. That said its the sort of thing that should be used very sparingly.

[BRC]

One question: Why even do BBEG speeches?

I mean, they always seem ridiculous in movies, cartoons, etc. And they always lead to the BBEG's own downfall.

This is a problem with my next campaign, I have a good BBEG in mind with a good motivation that I really want to be able to tell the PC's about. You know, the stuff that differs him from another evil guy they need to kill, but I don't know how to tell them without a monologue, which I want to avoid

[The Glyphstone]

Howbout do it in bits and pieces, spread out through the adventure?

Have the party interrupt a scrying or conversation with one of his minions where he's giving instructions on a part of the plan, or talking about some situation related to said motivations. Let them find a partially destroyed diary of his lying around. Dole it out in chunks, and they will pat themselves on the back for piecing together your "boring monologue" routine themselves. This has the added bonus of sparing your vocal cords if it's really long...