The Paladin of Indifference [vWhatever] [BC, 3.x]

[Mr Pants]

The Paladin of Indifference
I'd like to credit ObsidianRose for assistance with this class

For generations, the coming of a great hero to protect the weak and innocent has been prophecied. We’re still waiting.

However, from the vacuum of disappointment comes the paladin of indifference. This is a man so strongly blessed by a simple sense of mild disagreement, that nothing can touch him. The greatest blow is nothing to this champion, who simply doesn’t care.


The Paladin of Indifference
{table=head]Level|Base AttackBonus|Fort Save|Ref Save|Will Save|Special

1st|

+1

|

+2

|

+0

|

+0

|Aura of No Particular Alignment, Mellow, Retire Foe 1/day

2nd|

+2

|

+3

|

+0

|

+0

|Ignore Destiny, Burst of Apathy

3rd|

+3

|

+3

|

+1

|

+1

|Aura of Detachment, Divine Sloth

4th|

+4

|

+4

|

+1

|

+1

|Cajole Undead

5th|

+5

|

+4

|

+1

|

+1

|Retire Undead, The Damn Car

6th|

+6

|

+5

|

+2

|

+2

|Cure Munchies 1/Week

7th|

+7

|

+5

|[center]+2/center]|

+2

|

8th|

+8

|

+6

|

+2

|

+2

|

9th|

+9

|

+6

|

+3

|

+3

|Cure Munchies 2/Week

10th|

+10

|

+7

|

+3

|

+3

|Retire Foe 3/day

11th|

+11

|

+7

|

+3

|

+3

|

12th|

+12

|

+8

|

+4

|

+4

|Cure Munchies 3/Week

13th|

+13

|

+8

|

+4

|

+4

|

14th|

+14

|

+9

|

+4

|

+4

|

15th|

+15

|

+9

|

+5

|

+5

|Cure Munchies 4/Week, Retire Foe 4/day

16th|

+16

|

+10

|

+5

|

+5

|

17th|

+17

|

+10

|

+5

|

+5

|

18th|

+18

|

+11

|

+6

|

+6

|Cure Munchies 5/week

19th|

+19

|

+11

|

+6

|

+6

|

20th|

+20

|

+12

|

+6

|

+6

|Retire Foe 5/day[/table]

Weapon and Armor Proficiency
Paladins are proficient with all simple and martial weapons, with all types of armor (heavy, medium, and light), and with shields (except tower shields).

Aura of No Particular Alignment (Ex):
Hey man! I’m on your side here. I think I’ve got an extra sandwich or something, if you want it.

Any ability to detect an alignment from the Paladin instantly fails. The paladin and his possessions can never exude an aura of any kind.

Mellow (Sp):
Umm, I’m not the chosen one. You wanna just, y’know, sit around? I heard that bard there knows some pretty sick songs.
Let’s just, y’know, hang out or something.

At will, the paladin can use Calm Emotions, as the spell

Retire Foe (Su):
The paladin strikes with a force both frightening and neutralizing. Channeling the powers of no particular elemental plane, the paladin siphons out a creature’s life energy with each blow, and sends it, well, nowhere
Once per day, a paladin may attempt to retire foe with one normal melee attack. He makes an attack as usual, but deals non-lethal damage. On a hit, the target is fatigued. This ability stacks with itself and may be used multiple times per round.
At 5th level, and at every five levels thereafter, the paladin may retire foe one additional time per day, as indicated on Table: The Paladin, to a maximum of five times per day at 20th level.

Ignore Destiny (Su):
If I don’t want to see the boulder, it’s not really coming, right?
At second level, the paladin gains the ability to use his will modifier in place of his reflex or fortitude saves.

Burst of Apathy (Su)
Damn, bleeding sounds, well, tiring. You sure I can’t just sit down for a few minutes?
The paladin may instantly heal a creature a number of hit points equal to the paladin’s level x either 2 or 4. If the creature is healed for 2, the creature is fatigued. If the creature is healed for 4, it is exhausted.
This ability stacks with itself, and the paladin may target himself.
The paladin also has he ability to exchange two points of lethal damage for three points of non-lethal damage, but only of his own hit points.
Aura of Detachment (Su)
Y’know, I appreciate you seducing me and all, but, uhh, I just ate. Can I, like take a nap first? Come on guys, I brought blankets.
Beginning at 3rd level, a paladin is immune to charm (magical or otherwise). Each ally within 10 feet of her gains a +4 morale bonus on saving throws against charm effects.
This ability functions while the paladin is conscious, but not if she is unconscious or dead.

Divine Sloth (Ex)
Some days, a man is too stupid to notice his imminent mortality. And some days, he does. This particular man just doesn’t feel like running.
At 3rd level, a paladin gains immunity to all fear effects, including supernatural and magical effects

Cajole Undead (Su)
The paladin has the supernatural ability to unmotivated just about anyone. The particular method differs from user to user, whether it’s sitting down to share a good pile of brains with the zombies, or simple asking the skeleton to share a tobacco pouch, the mere presence of the paladin is enough to convince many undead horrors to simply hang out.
When a paladin reaches 4th level, she gains the supernatural ability to cajole undead. She may use this ability a number of times per day equal to 3 + her Charisma modifier. She turns undead as a cleric of three levels lower would.
Cajole undead works like turn undead, but undead who would be turned are instead convinced to simply stand in place or wander aimlessly. Undead who would be destroyed instead lay down prone, helpless, and unmoving.

Spells
Beginning at 4th level, a paladin gains the ability to cast a small number of divine spells, which are drawn from the paladin spell list. A paladin must choose and prepare her spells in advance.
To prepare or cast a spell, a paladin must have a Wisdom score equal to at least 10 + the spell level. The Difficulty Class for a saving throw against a paladin’s spell is 10 + the spell level + the paladin’s Wisdom modifier.
Like other spellcasters, a paladin can cast only a certain number of spells of each spell level per day. Her base daily spell allotment is given on Table: The Paladin. In addition, she receives bonus spells per day if she has a high Wisdom score. When Table: The Paladin indicates that the paladin gets 0 spells per day of a given spell level, she gains only the bonus spells she would be entitled to based on her Wisdom score for that spell level The paladin does not have access to any domain spells or granted powers, as a cleric does.
A paladin prepares and casts spells the way a cleric does, though she cannot lose a prepared spell to spontaneously cast a cure spell in its place. A paladin may prepare and cast any spell on the paladin spell list, provided that she can cast spells of that level, but she must choose which spells to prepare during her daily meditation.
Through 3rd level, a paladin has no caster level. At 4th level and higher, her caster level is one-half her paladin level.

The Damn Car (Sp)
No! There is no way I’m walking any further.
Upon reaching 5th level, a paladin gains the service of an unusually intelligent, strong, and loyal steed to serve her in her crusade against evil. This mount is usually a wagon pulled by two mules (for a Medium paladin) or a wagon pulled by one mule (for a Small paladin).
Once per day, as a full-round action, a paladin may magically call her wagon and mount from the regular field in which it resides. This ability is the equivalent of a spell of a level equal to one-third the paladin’s level. The mount immediately appears adjacent to the paladin and remains for 2 hours per paladin level; it may be dismissed at any time as a free action. The mount is the same creature each time it is summoned, though the paladin may release a particular mount from service.
Each time the mount is called, it appears in full health, regardless of any damage it may have taken previously. The mount also appears wearing or carrying any gear it had when it was last dismissed. Calling a mount is a conjuration (calling) effect.
Should the paladin’s mount die, it immediately disappears, leaving behind any equipment it was carrying. The paladin may not summon another mount for thirty days or until she gains a paladin level, whichever comes first, even if the mount is somehow returned from the dead. During this thirty-day period, the paladin takes a -1 penalty on attack and weapon damage rolls.

Cure Munchies (Sp)
You wanna go to White Castle or something? I’m starving
At 6th level, a paladin can produce a heroe’s feast effect, as the spell, once per week. She can use this ability one additional time per week for every three levels after 6th (twice per week at 9th, three times at 12th, and so forth).

Code of Conduct
A paladin must be of true neutral alignment and loses all class abilities if she ever willingly commits a productive act.
Additionally, a paladin’s code requires that she respect the path of least effort, act with generally being a cool dude (not narcing, sharing food, not showing up to the movies drunk, and so forth), ask for help if necessary (provided they do not use the help for legitimate purposes), and get up some days to change the damn cat litter. Normally other paladins of indifference would look down on those that broke the code, but they just don't care.
Associates
While he may adventure with characters of all alignments, a paladin must avoid actually getting **** done, although hindering allies is not encouraged. A paladin is taught to kindly “hint” to those who want to actually do stuff, and is not forbidden to harm party members in the interests of the laziness of the greater majority (and himself)



Spells tables the same the same as normal paladin
because im lazy

[Revanmal]

I'd leave a review telling you how hilarious and win this is, but man, I just do not care enough.

[ObsidianRose]

You sir, are a...

eh
whateve
*sags*

[DracoDei]

So, would the perfect Improved Mount for one of these be one of the Beige Dragons I statted up?

[Ghal Marak]

You, my good sir, have just channeled pure awesome right from the universe and poured it into a class made of win. Thumbs up.

Now I can't wait to try it out.

[Lord Iames Osari]

Meh. Whatever.

[Draken]

Wouldn't gaining a level be considered a productive act?

[Faithless]

Wouldn't doing anything be considered a productive act. I mean there's a reason why adventurers adventure. I see this paladin sitting at home getting fat until he dies.

Though I don't think he concept is playable the class looks really good to me. It's balanced and interesting I just cant see someone who doesn't care being able to do stuff without being indifferent.

It'd be like this I guess.

"Hey Paladin Guy"
"Hey man."
"What's up."
"Nothing."
"Want to come destroy the one ring."
"Doesn't matter."
"Ok cool. We just have to fight an evil demon first."
"Whatever."

[Riva]

Naw, man, you see, its like this man...

wait, I need to get something to eat.

Aww, wait guys, don't go into that cave!

Crap man, crap. Whats easier... should I find new friends or save these ones?

Everyone else is poor and doesn't have good food...

*sigh*

*slump on over to the cave*

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yeah, the class is okay. I guess. Hey man, you got a smoke?

[Tengu_temp]

Now we know what class Squall has!

Anyway, while it's hilarious, it suffers from the same issue as the ordinary paladin - all the good stuff is on low levels, and high levels are very "meh, whatever". Granted, it might be a feature in this case.

[Ghal Marak]

It would work best if he is forced by others against his will to do things. A bossy sibling/girlfriend/partner in the party to coerce 'em into action. See, the way I read the Code of Conduct, he can do things so long as he truly dosen't want to.

[Morty]

I know it's blatant self-adversiting, but this spell I made would look great on this class' spell list or perhaps as a special ability.

[boomwolf]

This might be the most amusing character class possible. and if it's the party's leader (unwillingly of course) then its even MORE funny.

[Mr Pants]

So, I guess this is the part where I /r/ an oots style picture. Because, y'know, I really don't want to.

Also, we're considering adding two abilities to the character

First of all, a scaling upper level ability called the Fortuitous Sag of Mild Disappointment, which is a luck bonus to armor class.

Secondly, a capstone called the Vague Shrug of Something or Other, which duplicates a mind blank effect, and allows, once per day, the casting of Feeblemind (as a 20th level caster) on another creature.

[ObsidianRose]

For Great Justice

Actually, nevermind. Anyways, any comments on the new features? While the class is balanced with the paladin...

well, y'know.

[Waspinator]

Might I suggest adding a Magic Eight Squall as a class feature?
http://www.adventurers-comic.com/d/0155.html

[Fri]

Finally I found my true class. I am a Paladin of Indifference!

Thank you Mr Pants, Thank you. Now I know my true destiny.

...so I can ignore it.

I can think a whole lot of awesome thing using this character.

A character that rejected 'the call' for years? Epic Adventure plot hook appearing everywhere around him, but he's just too lazy to do it.

A combination of this an a strong girl/boyfriend as an adventurer duo would be perfect!

And yeah, I can really see this guy hanging out with the beige dragon, doing nothing. They'll be Best pal forever.

[Icewalker]

Hilarious. I like it. I laughed at the first line of the paladin's code of conduct,

A paladin must be of true neutral alignment and loses all class abilities if she ever willingly commits a productive act.

Definitely not a reasonably playable class, just because you wouldn't be able to be a significant PC. Very fun though.

[Fri]

Yes, but 'willingly' is the keyword.

You won't lose the class abilities if you're nagged into it

[Debihuman]

This is brilliant! Good for professional loafers everywhere.

Debby