What is the dumbest monster your DM sent against you?

[KeresM]

We had a DM who liked making up monsters.

Conceptually -

The half-celestial half-fiend half-doppelganger half-elf. But he actually turned out to be a fairly interesting opponent, so we eventually forgave the DM. After he paid for the pizza, anyway.

Otherwise -

Some sort of giant crab. He planned for them to be powerful, but frankly, they were CR 4 monsters against a CR 10 party due to him really not being a very good power gamer. The barbarian yelled 'butter!' and leaped into the fray. After laying waste, we told him to update his random monster chart or just dispense with them altogether. Which led to....

Weird blue light that kept attempting to charm us. We couldn't hit it, it couldn't hit us, and since it seemed to be tied to a location, we wound up just walking away. The DM said 'you were supposed to find the magic stone buried under your campsite'. That's when we tried to introduce him to the concept of 'foreshadowing' as in 'give us some sort of freakin hint next time'. Which led to....

Every person we talk to warns us about this aberration. Apparently, this is the scariest thing ever. We get down to the final encounter, and he is describing this thing to us as wiry, blue-furred, huge eyes and mouth, flying towards you....and the player with two young children set a copy of 'The Monster At The End Of This book Starring Lovable Furry Old Grover' on the table. Didn't say a word, just kept looking at the DM as his description sort of trailed off. He sighed, then continued with 'it falls and shrivels into dust in the face of your collective contempt.'

We gave him a couple month break and bought him a MM2 & 3. He was a good DM, we just sort of broke him and had to wait for him to heal before we could break him again.

[Tadanori Oyama]

Vine Horror in a desert. I was the DM and I did it as a joke, knowing my PCs would engadge in "out/in character" chatter where they make jokes that their characters might make.

It was a very difficult fight for them, they weren't ready for this thing at all, but they took it well and it lead to a weird little side quest of them trying to figure out how this thing even got into the desert.

Maybe not a worst as far as results but felt like mentioning it.

[Kyeudo]

I almost TPKed my players with a pair of CR 1/2 evil squirrels.

[Emperor Tippy]

Once I threw a herd of super ponies at my players. Awakened ponies with 10 levels of Psi Warrior and 10 levels of Slayer each.

[Narmoth]

My players revolted when they heard of Ghaunador, the elder elemental god of slimes and jellies, that I picked from the Underdark 2nd ed campaign setting. They thought it was the stupidest thing I've made up

[Zenos]

My players revolted when they heard of Ghaunador, the elder elemental god of slimes and jellies, that I picked from the Underdark 2nd ed campaign setting. They thought it was the stupidest thing I've made up

Heh, I trust you told them that you just picked it up from pre-existing material?

[OverdrivePrime]

Gnomes.

[Narmoth]

yes, and they thought it still was stupid, half because of the name, and half because of his followers

[Oslecamo]

COLOSSAL monstruous centipedes that somehow always apeared just at the side of our party in melee range, despite we being in a freaking open plains and having around +25 spot! WTF? were they centipede ninjas by any chance?


Suicide vanilla gnoll army to try to slow us down before we could get to their women and children, by taking the full defense action and standing on our path.
Not even deathcloud slowly creeping towards them made them retreat.

[RTGoodman]

It's nothing homebrew, but one of my old DMs started us off (a 3rd level party of Gnome Bard, Human Monk, Human Rogue, and Human Barbarian) in a town where, and I quote, "They hunt dinosaurs for food, and since you're staying here with them, you've got to go help."

Well, we go out onto the big, flat, open plains and run into a dinosaur for us to hunt... that turns out to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex. At 3rd level.

We just ran and gave up on the hunting thing.

[Blackfang108]

I would have to say that the Mindless (Int -) Zombies are the dumbest monsters I've encountered.

Seriously, though.

Probably the Chokers from our 4e campaign.

What didn't help was the fact that we only had one ranged attacker in the whole party, and so had to get scooped up in order to fight.

[OverdrivePrime]

Suicide vanilla gnoll army to try to slow us down before we could get to their women and children, by taking the full defense action and standing on our path.

Out of curiosity, why did the gnomes think your party was after their women and children? Did you have a druid with a canine fetish among you, or something?


Anyway, besides gnomes, the dumbest monster I've had to face were a bunch of formorians in a WoD game. When the ST breaks out the savage genitalia, you know he's just going for shock value.

[kladams707]

One of our players keeps trying to get our DM to send a half-giant, half-dragon hermaphrodite seducer, nothing yet.

[Glimbur]

I keep asking to either fight or recruit a Bear Cleric in a 4E game, but no dice yet.

Not strictly a monster, but an Epic party I was in got severely damaged by cannons shooting Flux Slime. I'm wondering how they have the mechanical know-how to make such a cannon, as Flux Slime radiates an AMF in addition to its other properties.

[Oslecamo]

Out of curiosity, why did the gnomes think your party was after their women and children? Did you have a druid with a canine fetish among you, or something?

Because we had already razed down one of their villages to the ground with killcloud in a suprise attack during the night, with just a few high level gnolls escaping to warn the other villages. The women and children, however, didn't escape.

[Vorpal Soda]

The campaign I'm in that progresses rather sporadically is set in a twenty minutes into the future version of London with supernatural elements, especially demons(They aren't always evil though, and they are frequently summoned by rather nasty people who bind them in ways that are very unpleasant for the demons). The game however, completely epitomises the term "badwrongfun", and has gotten completely silly.

As for monsters that in most campaigns would get the GM defenestrated:

A demon-built flying robot creature with that runs on biomass, with a massive blender at the end of a tube it sticks people into. Yes, a man-eating robot with virtually unbreakable armour. Apparently I was supposed to find weak parts in the armour, not shove a chain connected to twice my body weight of explosives in the biomass feed. Sadly my character completely fumbled his rolls and got his foot caught in the chain. We're still trying to work out the next step after "fine red mist".

Demonic triceratops with robot arms.

The Titan War Whale: An enormous whale that patrols the river Thames, and dwarfs virtually anything seen elsewhere in the setting. It was mind controlled by elite members of a violent gang of demon-summoning street racers who are clearly a little more connected than your normal gang of street racers(As an example, they do hits with rocket launchers). The whale was steered from a bridge built on top of the whale, where the mind control unit was housed. The encounter was finally defeated by my friend, who ran an enemy through with a hastily modified drill/missile combo, and after securely fastening said enemy to the floor with high explosives, proceeded to run, very quickly. Thankfully, the explosion was not strong enough to harm the whale(I'm not sure what actually could cause harm to such an insanely powerful creature), who is now our friend, and so is his son.

Dammit, I should be able to remember more silliness than this. Well, there was the flatbed truck with hitmen on the back, and the massive retractable chainsaw that came out from underneath the truck, and extended out to the other side of the road. Another faction had also sent hitmen after us(Our characters aren't very popular in the setting). You can guess how one group of hitmen managed to die.

[Seatbelt]

I made my players fight rose bushes. And cats. The cats won, the rose bushes didn't.

[Deathslayer7]

Our DM sent an evil VP of the US Cheney at us.

No joke.

Sucks when he is possesed by a demon which gives him supernatural powers and he has about 15+ levels in Wizard.

[AslanCross]

Our DM sent an evil VP of the US Cheney at us.

No joke.

Sucks when he is possesed by a demon which gives him supernatural powers and he has about 15+ levels in Wizard.

That's utterly horrifying.

Anyway, the dumbest I sent against my players was a Night Twist. On paper, the Night Twist is pretty horrifying. In practice, all it could do was flail around impotently despite its insane reach and damage. They ended up throwing Molotov cocktails alchemist's fire at it until it stopped moving.

[Satyr]

The most stupid monster I know of were demons who used their names - as battle cries. It is hard to take the tentacled beast of frenzy and death much serious when it talks like a pokemon.
It doesn't help when said demon looks like a bird's head with chicken legs, no apparent torso and half a dozen tentacles.
And is called 'Shruuf'.

Spoiler

Show

Try not to snicker when you fight an angry giant chicken of doom in a battle of life and death that constantly screams "SHROOOOF! SHHRRROO-HOOF!" at you.

[Enlong]

Some worm thing that he didn't even know the stats and stuff for. Seriously, he just flipped to a random page in the Monster manual and said "you see one of those". Or it could have been when he set a dragon on us level 1s.

Not a very good DM. We've since moved on.

[SurlySeraph]

Our DM sent an evil VP of the US Cheney at us.

No joke.

Sucks when he is possesed by a demon which gives him supernatural powers and he has about 15+ levels in Wizard.

COWER, MORTALS.

[Gerrtt]

Flesh golems that he decided we could flank, sneak attack, crit, and cast spells on.

Because otherwise they would be too hard for us, but he wanted us to beat them at the level we were at.

If you ask me, 4 level 4 PCs shouldn't be facing a pair of flesh golems and a level 7 wizard at the same time, but hey...call me crazy.

[Mystral]

A half-troll-half-dragon-druid.

He died in three rounds without accomplishing anything because he voluntarily failed his brambles reflex save to avoid 1d4 points of damage and then failed to cast freedom of movement on himself. By the time he tried to get out of the brambles by brute force, i had drained 10 of his levels with enervation.

Ah, good times.

He returned from the dead three sessions later. We turned him into stone while he was still flat-footed.

[Keld Denar]

A dire shark...on land. Some guy thought it would be funny to charm a dire shark, then feed it half a dozen each potions of air breathing and flying. Then it came after our party. Luckily, my character was a cleric, and one heck of a good dispeller, and one targeted GDM later, it was twitching and gasping, and about 10 rounds later we were carving it up for sushi.

Mmmmmm, shark.

[PaladinBoy]

I'd have to nominate the supposedly 18th level psion our party faced (there were four of us around level 12). Of course, the druid didn't do so well, the warblade was land-bound, and my character has no ranged abilities to speak of. The warmage may as well have been fighting alone.

It didn't matter much. It only took two Orbs of Fire to take him down.

[Thiel]

I can't remember its name, but that wheel-lion from one of the complete books.
That thing is just plain silly.

[LoneStarNorth]

Well, I was the DM for these, but...


...Evil toads. Infinite evil toads, actually.


...A stoner dragon. It's plan for conquest was to mate with a bunch of animals and get half-dragon offspring.


...An evil teddy bear.

[Keld Denar]

...A stoner dragon. It's plan for conquest was to mate with a bunch of animals and get half-dragon offspring.

In a Living Greyhawk story arc for the region known as the Bandit Kingdoms (Texas and Oklahoma), there was a really really old red dragon named Morgenstaller, who also loved to progenate his genes.

Most of the monsters for a while there where half dragons, including a half dragon Umber Hulk, half dragon Bullette, and in one low level adventure, a half dragon sheep.

BAAAAH!!!! *spits fire*

[AmberVael]

I can't remember its name, but that wheel-lion from one of the complete books.
That thing is just plain silly.

Tome of Magic, actually.