Results 961 to 990 of 1486
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2009-10-06, 06:37 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
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- UK
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2009-10-06, 06:59 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
- Location
- New York
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Whole, 2%, or skim?
...Know what? I really won't be able to concentrate until after I eat dinner. So I'll do it now. Here's BelkarxInkyrius, adultery!
NOTE: IF YOU DO NOT GET IT, SEE THIS YOUTUBE VIDEO OR GOOGLE THE LYRICS
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRopmfinsWk&feature
Also note that I consider Inkyrius a guy. I have no clue what gender V is, but I've always seen Kyrie as a man.
Spoiler
"I can't believe there's actually entertainment in this dump of an inn."
"I personally find it hard to believe that you consider 'karaoke night' as a legitimate form of entertainment," Vaarsuvius muttered, shuddering against the taste of the most pathetic excuse for "fine elven wine" that the elf had ever encountered.
"Oh come on, V! Let's have some fun!" Elan waved his hands in the air while shouting excitedly, "Ooh! Ooh! Me next! Me next!"
The last guy drunkenly stumbled off the raised platform; the people in the bar were unsure whether to laugh at him or to boo at him. Compared to Mr. So-Drunk-He-Doesn't-Even-Know-What-A-"Tune"-Is, Elan was a veritable rock star with his mandolin, his admittedly charming, well-pitched voice, and his flair for the dramatic. Almost three-quarters of the audience (Not counting the ones who were on the verge of an alcohol-induced blackout) cheered for him afterwards.
"Oh man, I've got a good one. Next up is the Belkster!" After a few minutes of fumbling with the mike so it would reach him, Belkar introduced the song by saying, "This actually happened to me a few years back. I was sitting in a backwater tavern (like this one), and..." He began to sing, changing the lyrics to fit his situation.
"I met her in a club down in Old Elfland
where you drink elven wine and it tastes just like booze and cola
C-O-L-A Cola.
She walked up to me and she asked me to dance.
I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice she said, "Kyrie"
IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie, IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie,
Well, I may be the world's most physical guy,
but when she squeezed me tight she nearly broke my spine
Oh my Kyrie, IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie, IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie,
Well, I'm not dumb but I can't understand
why she walks like a woman and talks like a man
Oh my Kyrie, IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie, IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie,
Well, we drank elven wine and danced all night,
under electric candlelight,
she picked me up and sat me on her knee,
She said, "Little boy won't you come home with me?"
Well, I'm not the world's most self-restrained guy,
and when I looked in her eyes,
I went and fell for my Kyrie,
IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie, IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie,
I pushed her away. I walked to the door.
I fell to the floor. I got down on my knees.
I looked at her, and she at me.
Well that's the way that I want it to stay.
I always want it to be that way for my Kyrie.
IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie,
Girls will be boys, and boys will be girls.
It's a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world,
except for Kyrie. IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie, IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie,
Well I left home just a few months before,
and I never kissed a woman like that before,
Kyrie smiled and took me by the hand,
she said, "Little boy, gonna make you a man."
Well I may be the world's most masculine man,
so I know what I am and that I'm a man,
so is Kyrie.
IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie, IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie, " Belkar grinned, "Thank you! Thank you! My room is 216, bring a girlfriend!"
"..."
Some people laughed. Some people cheered. Some people stared. But most of the people in the audience were busy forcibly restraining an infuriated, berserking, beyond-enraged Vaarsuvius from blasting Belkar into a fine mist of blood and bone matter right then and there.
So what do you think?Last edited by CoffeeIncluded; 2009-10-06 at 07:02 PM.
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2009-10-06, 07:09 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
- Location
- A nice, sparkly place.
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
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2009-10-06, 07:10 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
- Location
- Tokyo
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Silverraptor: both of your stories say Kabuto, instead of Kubota. The latter is a Japanese surname; the former means helmet. Otherwise, I have no complaints.
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2009-10-06, 07:11 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
- Location
- A nice, sparkly place.
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Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
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2009-10-06, 07:16 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2008
- Location
- Land of Clocks and Stars
- Gender
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2009-10-06, 07:17 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
- Location
- Tokyo
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
I wouldn't say it's a matter of bad spelling as much as familiarity. If you knew a lot of people named Kubota, you'd probably be able to spell it without difficulty. But, since it's unfamiliar, Kabuto could just as easily be correct.
Actually, my favorite misspelling of Kubota is Kobuta, because that means little pig.
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2009-10-06, 07:30 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
- Location
- New York
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Did I help you feel better?
(If it's not rude to ask, which of the ones I've done so far is your favorite, and why? Also, any constructive criticism/comments? Sorry if I'm being so in-your-face about it.)
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2009-10-06, 07:36 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
- Location
- A nice, sparkly place.
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
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2009-10-06, 07:48 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Hey, lets stop getting down and feeling bad, and start laughing about some stupidly hilarious crack pairings.
I am about to roll 3 pairings. Whatever they are, I will write them. Which may or may not be a good idea on my part.
Gulp...
*rolls some dice*
Pairing 1:
Redcloak x Hinjo
Pairing 2:
Crystal x The Chimera
Pairing 3:
Roy's Sword x Belkar
Ahem.
WHY DID I MAKE THAT PROMISE?!Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.
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2009-10-06, 07:51 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
- Location
- New York
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Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
*Grabs popcorn*
Roy's Sword and Vaarsuvius are the official bikes of the Crack Pairing thread. Everyone gets a ride!
...
.........
................
DIBS ON ROY'S SWORDXVAARSUVIUS!
(Uh...Did you see my four earlier ones? Not to be rude or anything.)Last edited by CoffeeIncluded; 2009-10-06 at 07:52 PM.
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2009-10-06, 07:59 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Quite frankly, I'm scared to read anyone's work right now. I'm still trying to sweep up the ashes of my cerebral cortex... When I get the chance, though, I'll go back and read them. Now then, I'm off to corrupt my soul...
Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.
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2009-10-06, 08:02 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
- Location
- A nice, sparkly place.
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
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2009-10-06, 08:34 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Having trouble with the HxRC fic, so lets see what sort of modifier I can roll to help me come up with ideas...
*rolls a 15*
WHY!?
Hinjo x Redcloak, with high heels and black leather
Spoiler
Redcloak needed to see a psychiatrist. Severely. It hadn't been too bad at first. He'd been having dreams about the Order of the Stick and their allies, although they were all sitting in a tavern getting drunk and enjoying each other's company. But the dreams started to get stranger. Over time, he and the leader of Azure City, Hinjo, would sit down at a table and tell jokes and funny stories back and forth. With every dream, the story progressed. Jokes and stories turned into friendly banter. Friendly banter turned into personal discussion. Personal discussion eventually turned into an invitation upstairs into Hinjo's room. That invitation turned into something... unspeakable. The dreams got worse and worse, but Redcloak thought it was just his subconscious playing merry havok with his mind. But he finally decided he needed help when his dream self broke out the high heeled boots, black leather underwear, and a bullwhip.
Urrrrgh... I'm okay. Lets move on to the next one...
Crystal x The Chimera
Spoiler
Somewhere in the Neutral Evil afterlife, Crystal was sitting in a tavern knocking back another tankard of beer. The Neutral Evil afterlife was okay... there were peasants to burn, villages to kill... But it got old fast. The people she wanted to kill weren't killable, and she couldn't do a thing about it. "Grrrr..." she growled, suddenly throwing her beer across the counter. "DARN YOU, HALEY, AND YOUR STUPID ORDER!!"
"And what Order would that be?" inquired a trio of voices from nearby. Looking over, Crystal noticed a Chimera hunched over at a nearby table, casually sipping from three mugs of ale. "We couldn't help but overhear that outburst..."
"Meh..." Crystal huffed. "I think they're called the Order of the Stick."
"Oh..." the Chimera snarled. "Them... Yeah, they sent us here, too..."
"Really, now?" Crystal arched an eyebrow. "How'd that come about?"
-20 MINUTES LATER-
"You should have seen the looks on the kids' faces when I told them I wasn't the clown!" Crystal giggled. "Oh man, birthday parties are a hoot..."
"HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!!!" the trio of Chimeric heads laughed.
-2 HOURS LATER-
"Oooooh, no..." Crystal frowned indignantly, rejecting the Chimera's offer to join them in their room upstairs. "I'm not drunk enough for that..."
-5 MINUTES LATER-
"Okay," Cyrstal giggled, putting down her twelth jug of booze, "I'm drunk enough now..."
-THE NEXT MORNING-
"Sooo..." Crystal broke the awkward silence, looking over at the Chimera that she was sharing a bed with. "I don't suppose you know how you got her either, do you?"
Eek... Well, that wasn't so bad... On to the last one...
Belkar x Roy's Sword
Spoiler
Belkar kicked Roy's skull. "Good job, idiot..." he grumbled, kicking the skull again. "Way to screw everything up..." Celia and Haley had gone ahead to check out a small hamlet they'd seen while scouting, and they'd instructed him to stay behind with Roy. And they'd also mentioned, as they left, that they'd be back sometime after dusk - several hours from now. "If you hadn't died, I'd be able to bask in the blood of my foes without getting FUBAR'ed by some old geezer's magic tricks. And I'll admit... it was fun to see you hack through folks with that big sword of yours."
Belkar looked over at Roy's sword, which had somehow ended up lodged between Roy's ribs. Boy, had that been fun to explain to a travelling Paladin they'd happened upon... Belkar found himself staring at the blade. "You know, I wonder how many people that thing has killed over the years. How many organs it has spilled. How much blood has drizzled down... down..." Belkar suddenly felt very sick to his stomach. Had thinking about a sword really made him feel like that? He knew he was a sick person, but was he THAT sick? Still... He was curious. The sword was generations old. Generations of adventuring. Generations of hacking through tasty little chunks of XP. Generations... It had probably done more killing than he could ever dream of. He felt jealous. He also felt... odd. "No. No, no, noooo..." Belkar shook his head. "There's no way a sword is turning me on..."
But he still couldn't stop staring at it. He found himself slowly approaching it, unaware of his actions. Slowly, he reached out a hand. For some odd reason... he wanted to touch it. He wanted his fingers to gently grace its cold steel surface. To softly carress the veteran blade. After all... what harm could come from just one touch?
An hour later, Belkar made Mr. Scruffy swear to secrecy the sights he'd seen that day. He also began to work on a cover story for why several health potions had suddenly gone missing during the girls' absence.
Right, so is brain bleach more effective if poured in the ears, ingested orally, or injected derectly through the base of the skull?Last edited by Lycan 01; 2009-10-06 at 08:40 PM.
Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.
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2009-10-06, 08:38 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
- Location
- New York
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
*Snorts* Nice. Really nice. (Except that there was a typo with the italics in the last one, and in the second it should have been peasants to kill and villages to burn.)
*Passes over mug of 300-proof Brain Acid* Just in case.
(That strong enough for you?)
Well, the problem is how you get the acid/bleach to your brain in the first place. Your eyes might be a good bet.Last edited by CoffeeIncluded; 2009-10-06 at 08:42 PM.
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2009-10-06, 08:40 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
- Location
- A nice, sparkly place.
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
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2009-10-06, 08:46 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
- Gender
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2009-10-06, 08:52 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
- Location
- New York
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Okay, could you see what you think of mine now? Please?
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2009-10-06, 09:23 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
- Location
- A nice, sparkly place.
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
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2009-10-06, 09:24 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
- Location
- It would break your mind.
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2009-10-06, 09:29 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
- Location
- New York
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Anyways, CoffeeIncluded 300-proof brain bleach wouldn't exist. 200 proof is 100%, as in total brain bleach. I don't think you can get 150% brain bleach in a bottle.
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2009-10-06, 09:35 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.
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2009-10-06, 10:15 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
- Location
- Brazil
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
I have to stop reading this topic when I have something important to do in the morning...
someone has a 9mm?
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2009-10-07, 06:25 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2008
- Location
- Scotland
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Avatar by me...yup that's how good my drawing is. As in not very good.
Crack-Pairings, Not Dead Just Moved. Someone Hasn't Been Looking In The Right Places.
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2009-10-07, 08:31 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2009
- Location
- Near St Andews, Scotland.
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Amazingly cool avatar by Mauve Shirt. May she ever be promoted and not demoted! *promotes*
Books are a mind-altering substance. Therefore, I am high all the time.
My old avatars. Thanks, y'all!
Some poetry I've written. Constructive criticism warmly welcomed.
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2009-10-07, 09:26 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
- Location
- A nice, sparkly place.
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
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2009-10-07, 09:33 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2006
- Location
- England
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
The amount of worrying I do for everyone else on this thread doesn't leave me any time to worry about myself, so I'm fine .
This post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt
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2009-10-07, 12:06 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Oh come on, dude. It wasn't that bad. Some people just aren't comfortable with the topic, not the content. Its not like you graphically described Kabuto repeatedly raping Lien violently or something. The subject matter is just what bothered people so much. So its not like you're a monster or anything - you just picked the wrong plot.
Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.
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2009-10-07, 12:22 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2008
- Location
- Netherlands
- Gender
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2009-10-07, 12:26 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
- Location
- A nice, sparkly place.
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied