Curly's Rambunctious and Erudite Random Banter #140

[absolmorph]

Coke, on the other hand, is a bullet train of all the right unhealthy nonsense. It punches you right on the nose with a blast of caffeine, scours your tongue with too much sugar, and lights your mouth up with razor-sharp carbonation. It's the finest drink I can imagine, really.

Except for Cactus Cooler. It's all that, but it tastes of orange and pineapple. That's a stroke of genius.

Pft, Coke is lame. Screw that. Mountain Dew is where it's at
I drink that stuff pretty much every day. Secretly. Because my mom hates me drinking soda.
Except, all my friends know. And are amused and slightly disturbed. Apparently, drinking a third of your torso's volume in a couple hours isn't normal. Who'd 'ave thunk.