Create-your-own Nightmare group of players!

[Thoughtbot360]

Topic^

Here's mine:

Grunk
Grunk, as a character isn't a problem, however, his player has the memory of a goldfish and even after playing the game for five years, still doesn't know the rules.
Quote: "What die do I use for my greataxe's damage again?"
D12: ME! MEEEE! Don't forget about me! I have so few friends....don't take that away from me.
Race: Half-orc
Alignment: N
Class: Barbarian

Skinner
Apparently, he has read the rulesbook one too many times on a particularly long and boring plane ride and now jumps over any GM that strays from the rules. Standard Rules Lawyer that will fuss over any ruling that tries to protect a plot-central character from being tracked down and assasainated by his poison arrows. His knowledge of the rules might have come in handy if he could be buddied up with Grunk, but sadly he refuses point blank because of some unknown out-of-game incident.
Quote: "But I was using Tree shape! I wasn't disguised like a tree, I was a tree, dammit! No spot checks for you!" "Oh, I'm afraid that Paladins in fact can use power components to boost their Dispel magic test, even when its read from a scroll"
Race: Human
Alignment: LN
Class: Ranger (Archery-specialized and armed with poisons from the BoVD)

Mr. Petrol
Mr. Petrol is a very dangerous character to be in the same room with, on a count that he is carrying far too much alchemist fire. That wouldn't be a problem but he is also carrying around flasks of oil that are designed to explode upon impact and spread the oil over a 20-foot radius, the idea being to set it all up for an alchemist fire. Oh, and he's a sorcerer with all the fire-oriented spells, too! This little pyromanic is going to spell doom for the party if not in a blaze of glory, then with his character's fascination with playing around with cursed items and other things that should never be given to an idiot five-year old. Give him a bag of devouring and he'll be juggling it whenever the tavern gets crowded enough, or when the group really, REALLY, doesn't need a bag of devouring landing on the healer's head right at the moment.
Quote: GM: The label says "Volcanic lair lava release valve. Don't touch. Ever." Mr. Petrol: WHHEEEEE!!! *Spins the valve until it falls off*
Another quote: GM: Because of the Necromancer's drought, the forest is now dry and yellow. As you head deeper into the forest hear a rustling in the underbrush. Mr. Petrol: I cast Fireball at the noise! GM: Please tell me that was an obscure spin-off of the "I attack the darkness" joke.
Race: Half-Fire elemental
Alignment: CN
Class: Sorcerer

Quicksilver T'ong
A stealth munchkin. He was the only person who took a class that could heal (better than the Ranger, anyway), a Bard. With an 17 in charisma, maximum ranks in Bluff and Diplomacy, multiple languages, and a few well-chosen illusion and suggestion spells (including Glibness), he is clearly just filling in a niche (Two niches at once actually: Negotiater and healer) that needs to be filled and can't be up to no good, right? Wrong. He's made deals with various sinister underworld organizations and has gathered multiple connections with monster clans that he has convinced to attack farmlands when the party is in the area. He then uses the emergency as a bargaining chip to (under the party's nose) weasal property rights of certain resources in addition to the sum of gold he shares with the party. He handles all negotiations and sometimes leads the party to attack another group of humanoids that his monsters don't like or don't care about. With Suggestion, Change self, and a minor image in the shape of a halfling with the priceless artifact the guards were questioning Quicksilver about under his arm, Mr. T'ong has screwed over countless NPCs.
Quote: *passes the GM a card* GM: *reads the card* Sigh...... Other Players: ?
Race: Elf (Drow)
Alignment: CE (Nondection ring)
Class: Bard

Luthor
The only thing more annoying then his never ending mistrust is his insistance on using Shakespearean quips whenever the GM discribes ANYTHING. For example, the GM will introduce a gelantinous cube and he will shout "A-ha! A jelly of acidic property! I shall slay you now, you oozing fruit of an unholy union!" Telling him the room smells of mildew cues a "What foul miasma is this?" He also kills anyone he detects as evil on sight.
Quote: I do not trust ye, what is thy angle?
Race: Human
Alignment: LG
Class Paladin

Now post your own!

[KuReshtin]

Albrekt 1

This player is very knowledgable of the game and has played RPGs for ages and ages. He uses the PHB to check rules and make sure they are to his benefit. He does this a lot. Like any time there is a question of definition, he digs out the PHB and looks for the answer.
He also uses the PHB any time his character goes into battle and take ages to decide on just what spell to use, grinding the flow of the game to a screeching halt.
Quotes: "If I throw enlarge on you, it'll give you increased strength bonus. However, the ranger is at -3HP, maybe I should cast a cure light wound on him instead. Or should I just attack the BBEG?"
Class: Cleric
Race: Elf
Alignment: LN


Albrekt2

This Ranger has no ranged attack feats and has gone for the TWF style instead. The player misunderstood the "roll 4d6 and remove the lowest" during character creation and managed to get a STR of 20 and CON of 17. For an elf. When rolling any type of roll, he needs to be told what modifiers to use, even from round to round during battle, using the same weapons throughout.
Quote: Player: "I rolled 13. And for my sword, my bonus is... ummm... +4... Oh, then minus the penalty for TWF, so that's -2."
DM: "So your total?"
Player: "Ummm.. I rolled a 13. So 17. Oh, and -2, so 15 total."
Race: Elf
Class: Ranger
Alignment: NG

[Xerillum]

shouldn't this be in Gaming?

[Aidan305]

I don't have Luthor or the Albrekts.

I have all the others though.

[Thoughtbot360]

I don't have Luthor or the Albrekts.

I have all the others though.

Including Mr. Petrol? How many have died? (PC and innocent bystanders)

[Zephra]

those are so funny! I am somewhat like Grunk, sorry to say. I still don't know how to do hitpoints for my character.

[Druid]

Wiremu Mikaere Patariki Tipene
Wiremu's philosophy of gaming is that making a weaker character makes for better roleplaying. He also insists that if you min max at all your rollplaying and therefore incapable of roleplaying (i.e. doing it wrong). Wiremu doesn't care if his character is actually a hindrance to the party because he doesn't think combat should ever occur in a proper game of dungeons and dragons.
Quote: Gah, you’re all munchkins; I'm leaving.
Race: a middle aged, blind kobold
Alignment: LG
Class: Fighter

[rollfrenzy]

Wiremu Mikaere Patariki Tipene
Wiremu's philosophy of gaming is that making a weaker character makes for better roleplaying. He also insists that if you min max at all your rollplaying and therefore incapable of roleplaying (i.e. doing it wrong). Wiremu doesn't care if his character is actually a hindrance to the party because he doesn't think combat should ever occur in a proper game of dungeons and dragons.
Quote: Gah, you’re all munchkins; I'm leaving.
Race: a middle aged, blind kobold
Alignment: LG
Class: Fighter

I played with this one before. The player made a mute character (that's really annoying, cuz he refused to talk at all during the game.

[rollfrenzy]

You also forgot slick,
The rogue who's only goal in life is to steal EVERYTHING from the party.
"You don't know I stole it, so you can't be suspicious"

We had a chracter that stole the artifacts we had rested at great personal danger and through an entire half a campaign and sold them to the person we had just beaten.

[That Lanky Bugger]

My worst was actually a character in a game of Mutants and Masterminds. He was real. Within ten minutes of the start of our first session online, he types the following:

Captain Majestic: Actually being an evil overlord, I drop behind The Edger and Nafrak, and I begin to charge the Magestic Bolt. *rolls Initiative, gets a 17*
GM (me): As you do so, a column of energy falls from the heavens and engulfs you, dissolving your essence in a holy fire.
Captain Majestic: Wait, what?
*GM has banned Captain Majestic from chat*
Nafrak: Nice.

The premise was a superHERO game, and online play works almost as well with two players as three. Plus, in an online game it's pretty easy to set things up for a new player the next week.

[Lemur]

Both of these are actually based on me to some extent:

Sly McUnstable
Sly fancies himself a strategic genius, but he refuses to let anyone else in the party know of his plans, because "that way it's a surprise". Instead, he tries to predict and manipulate the party's actions so that they go in accordance with his dubious plots. Usually ends up confusing his allies as much as his enemies.
Quote: Sly: Okay, I create an illusionary wall around the carrion crawlers. PC: Do you tell us it's an illusion? Sly: No! The monsters might hear. PC: But... they don't even understand common. Sly: I can't take that chance!
Race: Gnome
Alignment: CN
Class: Illusionist

Mr. Cynical
Mr. Cynical is a bit too obsessed with antiheroes, and is extremely reluctant to go on adventures because he thinks it would be out of character for him to do so. He is extremely critical of any NPC that fits an established archetype, as well as standard plot hooks.
Quote: You want me to save the world, huh? Well isn't that original?
Race: Human
Alignment: N
Class: Fighter

[Dausuul]

Malcontent the Moody
Malcontent plays a brooding loner. Who broods. Alone. Whenever somebody puts forth a suggestion for what the party should do next, she raises a series of objections and requires at least fifteen minutes of convincing, but she doesn't put forward any suggestions of her own. Likewise, she is uninterested in any of the party's stated goals, but has no goals of her own to pursue either. She goes out of her way to avoid plot hooks and radiates dissatisfaction at all times.
Quote: "Dragons are dangerous. I don't think we should fight the dragon. What did the innocent young princess ever do for us? No, I really don't think it's a good idea."
Race: Half-Elf
Alignment: N
Class: Rogue with lots of Hide and Move Silently

Blaster Battlebrain
Blaster lives in a world where everything exists for one of two purposes: To be destroyed, or to be used in the destruction of other things. When faced with anything that could possibly fall into the first category--including most NPCs--he attacks it using the most direct method available. Whether he stands the slightest chance of winning is irrelevant, the repercussions of his destructive deeds make no difference whatsoever, and he is genuinely baffled when other players object to the fact that he's going to drag them down with him. If the other players decide that discretion is the better part of valor and abandon him to his fate (or worse yet, side with the NPCs against him), he is deeply and personally offended.
Quote: "Hey, if you'd stayed and fought we could totally have taken the great red wyrm. But what do you expect when you all run away? Jeez, you guys suck."
Race: Human
Alignment: CN
Class: Sorcerer with all direct-damage spells

Spaz the Socially Irredeemable
Gamers are not known for their social skills, but Spaz makes most gamers look like James Bond. He has a Charisma of roughly 4--that's the player, not the character--and a penchant for saying things, and having his character do things, that make everyone else at the table really uncomfortable. Nobody but gamers and similar outcasts will have anything to do with him, so his entire social life revolves around The Game. As a result, he insinuates himself into every campaign, despite the fact that everyone else in the group secretly wants him to go away. He's the first one to show up on game night, the last one to leave, and talks incessantly about gaming no matter where he is.
Quote: *graphic and bloody description of what his character is doing with the two prostitutes he's hired, with racial slurs and sexist jokes thrown in*
Race: Elf
Alignment: NE
Class: Any fancy prestige class he can dig up that will make him feel Extra Special

[jjpickar]

Completely Out of it Man

This guy doesn't pay attention, at all. He sits at the table doing everything but gaming. He can only be stirred to action when it is his turn or everyone has stopped talking (the latter of which never happens). On his turn he looks at the board quizzically and then makes the absolute worst tactical decision ever.

Race: something cool or a human
Class: Something cool or a "broken class"
Alignment: Chaotic clueless

Quote: "Just let me finish this chapter."

[Saph]

Captain Indecisive

For Captain Indecisive, there's no such thing as an easy decision. He can spend five minutes deciding whether to take a 5-foot step along with his full attack, and five minutes more deciding which square to move to. Captain Indecisive doesn't want to do anything that will make anyone else in the party unhappy, so before he can take an action, he needs to be reassured that everyone in the party agrees with it.
Quote: "Oh, is it still my turn?"
Race: Human
Alignment: CG
Class: Fighter


Wannabe Strategist

This guy loves tactics, and loves advising everyone else and making strategic plans. Unfortunately, he sucks at it. Every plan he comes up with leaves out at least one crucial detail, and he'll execute it wrong as well. He can never restrain himself from giving advice to everyone else during the combat round, no matter how many times the GM tells him not to. If anyone tries to tell him what's wrong with his plans, he explains his plan in even more detail, adding more details and mistakes along the way.
Quote: "No, no, don't do that! What you should do is . . ."
Race: Elf
Alignment: LN
Class: Wizard with an amazing collection of obscure spells that are incredibly complicated to resolve but don't seem to actually do much.


General Tangent

This is the guy for whom the words 'stay on topic' were invented. He never stays in character, ever, and whenever anything in the game reminds him of something from a TV show or a movie or the Internet, he just has to tell everyone about it. He does this about every three minutes, minimum. No amount of persuading, reasoning, or threats of violent death can stop him from making an out-of-character joke. When he plays in the same group as Captain Indecisive and Wannabe Strategist, the simplest combat round takes a minimum of twenty minutes to resolve. Captain Indecisive hesitates. Wannabe Strategist jumps in and suggests something. Someone else disagrees. Wannabe Strategist starts arguing. General Tangent makes a long OOC joke. GM tells Captain Indecisive to make up his mind and act. Captain Indecisive hesitates. Wannabe Strategist jumps in and suggests something . . .
Quote: "Heh, this is just like that owl and panda video. Oh, you don't know about it? Well, it's from this forum I hang out on, and this really cool guy I know from there makes . . ."
Race: Halfling
Alignment: CN
Class: Rogue


- Saph

[Mooseman]

Ifko- Whines every time a monster attacks his sorceror character who is sniping from the back of the room with magic missiles. Claims that an orc would not run past a melee combatant to smack him, because that's not what orcs do. Also complains that his sorceror has less hit points than everyone else, even with Toughness.

[Cobra_Ikari]

those are so funny! I am somewhat like Grunk, sorry to say. I still don't know how to do hitpoints for my character.

Aww! Did anyone else notice that Durkon is a Grunk? :P

[The_Werebear]

Jim the Explorer

This character can not stay focused on anything for longer than 12 seconds before moving onto the next thing. He will wander aimlessly from combat to look at the pretty pictures on the wall.
Quote:Us: Ok, we follow our guide north.
Him(as guide): Oh, I had given up on that. I was just following that butterfly.
Class: Any, so long as it is vital that he be paying attention.
Alignment: N

Captain Everything

This character has the pathological urge to be able to do everything and upstage everyone. He can't stand anyone else being in the spotlight, and will relentlessly run forward to do anything that needs doing, thus denying anyone else the ability to shine. This is even worse because he his horrible at doing anything because he tries to do everything.
Quote: Wait-I'll take care of it. I've got three ranks in that.
Class: Fighter 2/ Bard 2/ Rogue 4/ Wizard 1/ Cleric 1/Ranger 3. Also, at least 1 rank in every skill.
Alignment: Whatever the rest of the party is-He will just try to be better at it.

[UglyPanda]

The AA member
Race: Dwarf
Rolls to see if he gets drunk. Even when he isn't in a bar. Even if he's out of money. Even if the other PCs are taking turns pickpocketing him.
Alignment: N

The CoC and/or Tomb of Horrors veteran
Race: Human
Believes everything is a trap, every piece of gold is cursed, and every NPC is out to kill him. Usually ends up carrying equipment equal to a fifth of his wealth by level since he refuses to grab any items retrieved in dungeons.
Alignment: NG

The frequent downloader
Race: Five-thirds Drow, seven-ninths miscellaneous
Creates characters almost entirely from third-party sources, including thrid party sources from different settings, editions, and games. Persists in heavily stacking unknown templates. Offers no explanation for when said character's race is incapable of having a functioning family tree.
Alignment: NE

[Woot Spitum]

AAD&D(Advanced Attention Deficits and Disorders)

A close relative of the Explorer, the AAD&D cannot focus on the current campaign to save his life. Constantly running off on his own to do something, anything not related to the adventure, he will try everything once. Everything, that is, except for participatewith the rest of the party. If there is some vague throw-away NPC around, he will want to know every aspect of their life. The BBEG? Nope, who cares.

Quote:"I want to go to (x) and do (y)."
Race:Gnome
Class:Obscure, Prestige, or both.
Alignment:CN

Hannibal Smith

Sounds like a character from "The A-Team?" It should. He always has a complex plan, except when you find a back door to anything. Then he insists that you chrge through the front door because, "They'll be expecting us to sneak in back. No one goes in the front door."

Quote:"All we need is a plan."
Race:Human
Class:Knight, with the Leadership feat.
Alignment:CG

[Arbitrarity]

The AA member

The CoC and/or Tomb of Horrors veteran
Race: Human
Believes everything is a trap, every piece of gold is cursed, and every NPC is out to kill him. Usually ends up carrying equipment equal to a fifth of his wealth by level since he refuses to grab any items retrieved in dungeons.
Alignment: NG

I made a character like that once...


"You see a treasure chest"
"I poke it"
"Your finger sticks"
"Augh!!!!! Strength check! Strength check!"

Later...

"You see a small house"
"Someone else touch the door...."
*Everyone disagrees*
"Ok... I touch the door. Does anything happen?"
"Yes. You are instantly disintigrated!! No. Your finger touches the door"
"I... open the door."

[Dr. Weasel]

Captain Awesome

This player has decided to have the 'coolest' in the party. No descisions are based on alignment or even common sense but some other factor known only as "awesimnity." Should the character encounter a demon, said demon must bear the full brunt of his max-ranked profession(Psychologist). Actually, if any enemy speaks one of his fifteen languages the character will put on his "graduation-cap-thingy" and showcase his perform(condescending reenactment of situation and thorough explination of what was done incorrectly). His only real problem, though, is that all of his feats/skills/monies have gone toward social interaction when the rest of the party is pretty combat-oriented.
Quote:Player: "Wait... this passageway leads into a bank vault? I pound at the door."
DM (I think hoping to finally get the chaotic party up to WBL): "Um, okay. The door slowly opens and two guards peer in, swords drawn."
Player:"I would like to point out this obvious fault in the bank's architecture."
DM: "They glance at the rest of the party loading their pockets and stare at you humorlessly"
Player:"Before any sort of unwelcomed beatings are laid down, I look one of them in the eye and declare that I would like to make a deposit..."
Race:Halfling
Alignment:CG
Class:Bard

[Macrovore]

Topic^

Here's mine:

Grunk
Grunk, as a character isn't a problem, however, his player has the memory of a goldfish and even after playing the game for five years, still doesn't know the rules.
Quote: "What die do I use for my greataxe's damage again?"
D12: ME! MEEEE! Don't forget about me! I have so few friends....don't take that away from me.
Race: Half-orc
Alignment: N
Class: Barbarian

Skinner
Apparently, he has read the rulesbook one too many times on a particularly long and boring plane ride and now jumps over any GM that strays from the rules. Standard Rules Lawyer that will fuss over any ruling that tries to protect a plot-central character from being tracked down and assasainated by his poison arrows. His knowledge of the rules might have come in handy if he could be buddied up with Grunk, but sadly he refuses point blank because of some unknown out-of-game incident.
Quote: "But I was using Tree shape! I wasn't disguised like a tree, I was a tree, dammit! No spot checks for you!" "Oh, I'm afraid that Paladins in fact can use power components to boost their Dispel magic test, even when its read from a scroll"
Race: Human
Alignment: LN
Class: Ranger (Archery-specialized and armed with poisons from the BoVD)

Mr. Petrol
Mr. Petrol is a very dangerous character to be in the same room with, on a count that he is carrying far too much alchemist fire. That wouldn't be a problem but he is also carrying around flasks of oil that are designed to explode upon impact and spread the oil over a 20-foot radius, the idea being to set it all up for an alchemist fire. Oh, and he's a sorcerer with all the fire-oriented spells, too! This little pyromanic is going to spell doom for the party if not in a blaze of glory, then with his character's fascination with playing around with cursed items and other things that should never be given to an idiot five-year old. Give him a bag of devouring and he'll be juggling it whenever the tavern gets crowded enough, or when the group really, REALLY, doesn't need a bag of devouring landing on the healer's head right at the moment.
Quote: GM: The label says "Volcanic lair lava release valve. Don't touch. Ever." Mr. Petrol: WHHEEEEE!!! *Spins the valve until it falls off*
Another quote: GM: Because of the Necromancer's drought, the forest is now dry and yellow. As you head deeper into the forest hear a rustling in the underbrush. Mr. Petrol: I cast Fireball at the noise! GM: Please tell me that was an obscure spin-off of the "I attack the darkness" joke.
Race: Half-Fire elemental
Alignment: CN
Class: Sorcerer

Quicksilver T'ong
A stealth munchkin. He was the only person who took a class that could heal (better than the Ranger, anyway), a Bard. With an 17 in charisma, maximum ranks in Bluff and Diplomacy, multiple languages, and a few well-chosen illusion and suggestion spells (including Glibness), he is clearly just filling in a niche (Two niches at once actually: Negotiater and healer) that needs to be filled and can't be up to no good, right? Wrong. He's made deals with various sinister underworld organizations and has gathered multiple connections with monster clans that he has convinced to attack farmlands when the party is in the area. He then uses the emergency as a bargaining chip to (under the party's nose) weasal property rights of certain resources in addition to the sum of gold he shares with the party. He handles all negotiations and sometimes leads the party to attack another group of humanoids that his monsters don't like or don't care about. With Suggestion, Change self, and a minor image in the shape of a halfling with the priceless artifact the guards were questioning Quicksilver about under his arm, Mr. T'ong has screwed over countless NPCs.
Quote: *passes the GM a card* GM: *reads the card* Sigh...... Other Players: ?
Race: Elf (Drow)
Alignment: CE (Nondection ring)
Class: Bard

Luthor
The only thing more annoying then his never ending mistrust is his insistance on using Shakespearean quips whenever the GM discribes ANYTHING. For example, the GM will introduce a gelantinous cube and he will shout "A-ha! A jelly of acidic property! I shall slay you now, you oozing fruit of an unholy union!" Telling him the room smells of mildew cues a "What foul miasma is this?" He also kills anyone he detects as evil on sight.
Quote: I do not trust ye, what is thy angle?
Race: Human
Alignment: LG
Class Paladin

Now post your own!

y'know, these guys (except luthor), look a lot like the party in 8-bit theater:
Grunk=Fighter
Skinner=Red Mage
Mr. Petrol=Black Mage
Quicksilver=Thief

[Fawsto]

Kyeiothic Ivol

Kyeothic is the kind of guy who uses his alignment as a reason to do whatever he wants. He likes to leave the fighting to the party members as he likes to call them "useful stupid meatshields" and use his "cunning habilities in the arts of the shadows", again, as he likes to call his hide and move silently skills to bypass the enemies and steal as much as possible of the hidden treasure before the other party mambers have the oportunity to find it. He also will kill anyone in his way, just for the hell of it always saying "he was geopardizing the party". He only talks before killing if he can get any profit with it.
quote: "I am following my alligment!"
alignment: CE
race: any
class: rogue or barbarian, the one who can kill more things and make more profit.

[Thoughtbot360]

y'know, these guys (except luthor), look a lot like the party in 8-bit theater:
Grunk=Fighter
Skinner=Red Mage
Mr. Petrol=Black Mage
Quicksilver=Thief

Actually, Mr. Petrol is just crazy and controlled by a player who just wants to be funny. The problem is, his jokes come at the expense of a TPK. He may very well destroy the world, but it will be entirely by accident. The player will, however, do everything in his power to increase the probability of some sort of "accident" occuring. Red mage is more of a cheating (Changes his stats around and fakes skills he doesn't have) Munchkin than a Rules Lawyer. The others, I do see a resemblence....

Also, NEW QUESTION!

How much would you pay for a ticket to see all the problem characters listed above fight it out in a deadly Free-for-all? I think it'd be so awesome. It might not last too long before a Mr. Petrol-related-accident has them all burning to death, but hey, you don't even NEED time to get drunk to enjoy those fireworks.

[Viscount Einstrauss]

Kegger, with the power to be drunk and/or high!

This guy refuses to play in a state of mind that isn't somehow warped thanks to some chemical or another. He claims he gets into it more that way or some other complete nonsense that becomes apparent when he's either asleep, can't stop laughing, or is far more interested in his figurine then the game. This guy is always invited by a single member of the group and is such a burden that the whole group usually gets angry at the guy that brought him even more then Kegger himself. As an added bonus, this guy usually talks way too much when he's actually sober.
Quote: "We should get some... uh... haha, I am totally wasted. *snore*"
Class: Ninja, Swashbuckler, or Ninja/Swashbuckler
Race: Whatever makes the least sense
Alignment: CN

[Kosmopolite]

General Tangent

This is the guy for whom the words 'stay on topic' were invented. He never stays in character, ever, and whenever anything in the game reminds him of something from a TV show or a movie or the Internet, he just has to tell everyone about it. He does this about every three minutes, minimum. No amount of persuading, reasoning, or threats of violent death can stop him from making an out-of-character joke. When he plays in the same group as Captain Indecisive and Wannabe Strategist, the simplest combat round takes a minimum of twenty minutes to resolve. Captain Indecisive hesitates. Wannabe Strategist jumps in and suggests something. Someone else disagrees. Wannabe Strategist starts arguing. General Tangent makes a long OOC joke. GM tells Captain Indecisive to make up his mind and act. Captain Indecisive hesitates. Wannabe Strategist jumps in and suggests something . . .
Quote: "Heh, this is just like that owl and panda video. Oh, you don't know about it? Well, it's from this forum I hang out on, and this really cool guy I know from there makes . . ."
Race: Halfling
Alignment: CN
Class: Rogue


- Saph

When they're in the mood, this can represent most of my usual group.

[Not a Paladin]

Here goes:

Sir Roleplaying Failure
This guy makes all sorts of characters--everything from a Chaotic Neutral half-Orc Barbarian to a True Neutral Elven Wizard--but he doesn't know how to roleplay anything interesting. There's one personality for this guy's characters, and it's "generic".
Quote: "My Barbarian character exclaims, 'We've got to hurry up and save the King before the ogres kill him!'" (when said Barbarian only has 6 Intelligence)
Race: Any
Class: Any
Alignment: Any, but he can only act like a True Neutral character

Lord High Miniature Placement Ignorer
This guy always uses the strongest spells with the widest range, but fails to take into account the existence of his allies. Thus, he ends up killing many of his partners with his spells, to the point where the DM won't let him play as anything with any shot at using area damage abilities.
Quote: "I cast a Meteor Swarm into the battle, hoping to catch a few enemies in the blast...what do you mean it can't tell allies from enemies?"
Race: Whatever helps his magic abilities the most
Class: Any spellcasting class that gets area spells
Alignment: Any, but the DM forces him to become Chaotic Neutral after he single-handedly kills off everyone except the Rogue with Evasion

Joe McKleptomania
If it's not nailed down and on fire, he'll steal it. If it is nailed down and on fire, he'll steal it anyway. Doesn't understand why his allies don't help him out when he has the town guard out for his head.
Quote: "That evil altar should fetch a handsome price...I steal it."
Race: Halfling
Class: Rogue
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

J the Necromancer
He plays a Cleric, but he chose to rebuke undead instead of turning them. He also prepares no healing spells, because that would be one less undead controlling spell. Domains are anything to do with death and necromancy.
Quote: "But then I wouldn't be able to cast Animate Dead as much!"
Race: Any
Class: Cleric
Alignment: Any Evil

NOTE: The above characters are all fictional (I hope, I pray).

[alchemy.freak]

4 half orc barbarians

DM: "the innocent looking bystander walks through the door"

"I KILL IT!, he's dead"

DM: "sigh"

[F.H. Zebedee]

Oh lordy. General Tangent and Spaz the Socially Irredeemable both are present in full force at my group.

[J_Muller]

Sir Lancelot the Brave
Responds to any situation with direct, brute force. His first instinct when faced with a dilemma is to kill the nearest NPC, be it friend or foe. If presented with a "fight or flight" situation, he will invariably choose to fight, no matter what the odds. Believes himself to be brave, grand, and heroic.
Quote:
NPC: The Princess is being held hostage in that castle over there...
SLtB: I draw my sword and charge towards it.
DM: ...there are a dozen guards in front of the castle, plus two clerics and a wizard.
Other PCs: We stay back.
SLtB: I charge and attack them.