Best villianous threats

[Calthropstu]

We all know villians throw around death threats or worse, threatening to kill families, wipe you out of existence etc.

What are some of the more creative ones you've heard?

I once heard the following and it has stayed with me as the most villianous threat to date:
I won't just kill you, I will take your soul and use it to magically craft a set of vibrating anal beads to sell to a brothel specializing in obese hobgoblins.

So what are some more creative threats?

[Avigor]

Wow, and here I was thinking the one from Robin Hood Prince of Thieves by Alan Rickman of "I will cut your heart out with a spoon" was decent... How's about, PAO'ing the victim into a sponge given to a group of troglodytes who are raising Otyughs?

[Jay R]

Until they made Raise Dead a touch spell, and made it voluntary for the recipient, the best one I heard was, "I will return to your grave every week, and cast Raise Dead."

[Grod_The_Giant]

Sometimes ya gotta go with the Bard.

"I will grind your bones to dust
And with your blood and it I'll make a paste,
And of the paste a coffin I will rear
And make two pasties of your shameful heads,
And bid that strumpet, your unhallow'd dam,
Like to the earth swallow her own increase."

[Delicious Taffy]

"I'm gonna tell your mom you've been running around town at night, beating up hotel staff."

[SirGraystone]

The classic are the best, from Princess Bride:

“To the pain means this: if we duel and you win, death for me. If we duel and I win, life for you. But life on my terms. The first thing you lose will be your feet. Below the ankle. You will have stumps available to use within six months. Then your hands, at the wrists. They heal somewhat quicker. Five months is a fair average. Next your nose. No smell of dawn for you. Followed by your tongue. Deeply cut away. Not even a stump left. And then your left eye—"

And then my right eye, and then my ears, and shall we get on with it?" the Prince said.

Wrong!" Westley’s voice rang across the room. "Your ears you keep, so that every shriek of every child shall be yours to cherish—every babe that weeps in fear at your approach, every woman that cries 'Dear God, what is that thing?' will reverberate forever with your perfect ears.”

[Lunatic Sledge]

"I will rearrange your organs alphabetically."

Not sure where I picked that one up at, but it's near and dear to my heart.

[Personification]

"I will rearrange your organs alphabetically."

Not sure where I picked that one up at, but it's near and dear to my heart.

I believe it was Doctor River Song, and the response was "Which alphabet?"

[Nerd-o-rama]

I’ll turn him into a flea, a harmless, little flea, and then I’ll put that flea in a box, and then I’ll put that box inside of another box, and then I’ll mail that box to myself, and when it arrives…I’ll smash it with a hammer!

Or for something more original, I'm a fan of letting them use their imaginations. "Oh, I'm not going to kill you..."

[Jay R]

"Kill you? Don't be so unimaginative. That's the last thing I'd do.

"It's on the list, but it's last."

[Nifft]

"The villains horrible voice continues to torment the townspeople. This will be represented by me putting I'm a Barbie Girl on repeat until you defeat the villain."

[Kane0]

"I have a demiplane just for you!"

"I'm going to beat you so hard your zombie will have a twitch!"

"I didn't discover the secret of immortality for use on myself."

"The Dwarves will have to come up with a new rune for what i'm going to do to you!"

"Hell will offer you no respite from me. I'm on a first name basis with the Dukes."

"You know the best part about sadomasochism? Both parts."

Edit: Oh, it would be remiss of me to skip over a classic.

[Segev]

“He gazed up at the enormous face. Forty years it had taken him to learn what kind of smile was hidden beneath the dark moustache. O cruel, needless misunderstanding! O stubborn, self-willed exile from the loving breast! Two gin-scented tears trickled down the sides of his nose. But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Brother.”

[TeChameleon]

In response to the usual "Please don't kill me!" begging- "I WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO DIE."

"I'm gonna torture you so slow, you're gonna think it's a career."

"I am hunger. I am thirst. ...I can fast for a hundred years and not die. I can lie on the ice for a hundred nights and not freeze. I can drink a river of blood and not burst. Show me your enemies."

[Kane0]

In response to the usual "Please don't kill me!" begging- "I WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO DIE."
"

Mmmm, yes.

Come to thnk of it the majority of those people would be great BBEGs.

[eru001]

I lay this curse upon you. You shall suffer no harm directly, but you shall suffer every concievable inconveniance. There shall always be a pebble in your shoe. Your tellevision will always shut off at the deciding moment of the game. Your toast shall always burn. Your fridge door always be cracked slightly open. Your shower shall always run out of hot water 30 seconds before you finish. Your soup shall go directly from too hot to too cold. The coworker you can't stand will always be promoted first. YOUR UPSTAIRS NEIGHBOR WILL DISCOVER A PROFOUND LOVE OF TAP DANCING! All this I promise you and more. Your life shall become nothing but one long string of annoyances.

[JeenLeen]

"I'm not going to do anything to you. I just wanted to let you know I enchanted the book your wife is reading to your children. If you leave right now, you might be able to stop the corruption before they kill each other. So, do you leave me alone, or try to save your family's souls?"

In Wildbow's Pact, there was a cool threat by the protagonist. I forget the wording, but

Spoiler

Show

basically he sent a spirit of ruining relationships to talk to an enemy's wife. It wasn't explicit, but it seemed clear that she wound up leaving him after that, basically ruining his mundane life.

[Cozzer]

I'm going to quote Order of the Stick, with Xykon's mildly annoyed "Bring my phylactery back, and I'll let you keep two organs of your choice".

[Iceheart2112]

No one in the history of torture's been tortured with torture like the torture you'll be tortured with.

Nice and simple.

[Nifft]

No one in the history of torture's been tortured with torture like the torture you'll be tortured with.

Elegantly self-referential, since the tornado of tortuous text torments the torpid tourist like a torrent of torrid torch-touches.

[Braininthejar2]

"If you don't let me in, I will turn you into a demon half-face waitress night-club lady with a crush on her boss, and I'll make it so you've been that from the beginning of time to now and you'll never ever know if you were anything else and it will itch inside your head worse than little bugses ..."

[Segev]

"I'm going to do to you what Porky Pig does to the English language."

[Personification]

Commander Strax: Colonel Manton, you will give the order for your men to withdraw.

The Doctor: No. Colonel Manton, I want you to tell your men to run away.

Colonel Manton: You what?

The Doctor: Those words: "Run away." I want you to be famous for those exact words. I want people to call you "Colonel Run Away"; I want children laughing outside your door 'cause they found the house of Colonel Run Away; and when people come to you and ask if trying to get to me through people *I love*!

Madame Vastra: [inhales sharply]

The Doctor: ...is in any way a good idea... I want you to tell them your name. Oh, look. I'm angry. That's new.

The Doctor: [crying] I'm really not sure what's going to happen now.

Madame Kovarian: The anger of a good man is not a problem. Good men have too many rules.

The Doctor: [turns his head slowly to look at her] Good men don't need rules. Today is not the day to find out why I have so many. Hmm?

Madame Kovarian: Give the order. Give the order, Colonel: "Run away."

Not a villain, but still one of the best ever.

[unipsi]

"Elegantly self-referential, since the tornado of tortuous text torments the torpid tourist like a torrent of torrid torch-touches. ..."

The Wretch,
Withdrawn within weathered windows
Woefully wailing whimsical whispers
Wallowing with wayward welcome
Wishing, whimpering, waning,
Alone.

[Calthropstu]

The Wretch,
Withdrawn within weathered windows
Woefully wailing whimsical whispers
Wallowing with wayward welcome
Wishing, whimpering, waning,
Alone.

Geeze, I asked for threats of torture, not actual torture.

[unipsi]

Well then, "My only regret is that I can only kill you once.....wait...we have a cleric. Nevermind. I have no regrets."

[Terrorvein]

"Look at me. I said look. At. Me. Good, take a good look and remember my face, because it's the last thing you'll ever see for the rest of your long, miserable life." - One of my players, instants before casting Blindness on a prisoner that tried to run away

Suffice to say, he does evil far too well.

[Douche]

Yesterday my girlfriends phone was dying. She went to plug it in right before she went to shower. As she did so, she said something snarky to me.

I responded "When you leave, I'm going to unplug your phone so it doesn't charge"

Best evil threat I've ever made