Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

[Pauly]

Oh, I'm currently brainstorming how to make it an Imperium Maledictum adventure. I'm trying to obfuscate it without going to the ridiculous extents of 'awareness elixir'...

Concept 1. It is a Khornate cult. Drinking it keeps you calm and alert. Withdrawal turns you into a raging murderous sadist who will do anything to get their ‘awareness elixir’. Their plan is to hook everyone in special shops that offer comfy couches and free wi-fi and then suddenly withdraw the eluxir, comfy couches and free wi-fi.

[Anonymouswizard]

Concept 1. It is a Khornate cult. Drinking it keeps you calm and alert. Withdrawal turns you into a raging murderous sadist who will do anything to get their ‘awareness elixir’. Their plan is to hook everyone in special shops that offer comfy couches and free wi-fi and then suddenly withdraw the eluxir, comfy couches and free wi-fi.

The current plan is to send them after a 'dangerous ancient and heretical machine' that the Inquisitor is definitely not planning to exploit. Then I'll see how many times I can describe the espresso maker before they clock on.

[danielxcutter]

The current plan is to send them after a 'dangerous ancient and heretical machine' that the Inquisitor is definitely not planning to exploit. Then I'll see how many times I can describe the espresso maker before they clock on.

I wonder if that'd count as... what were those called again? STCs? It is Grimderp40K we're talking about...

[Beelzebub1111]

The current plan is to send them after a 'dangerous ancient and heretical machine' that the Inquisitor is definitely not planning to exploit. Then I'll see how many times I can describe the espresso maker before they clock on.

I remember in one of the Ciaphas Cain books, Amberly describes a popsicle as if it were a completely alien concept and ends her description with "I know it sounds strange, but it's really quite refreshing"

[Anonymouswizard]

I wonder if that'd count as... what were those called again? STCs? It is Grimderp40K we're talking about...

Oh, the Adeptus Mechanics almost certainly wants the device. Probably the Dark Mechanics as well, ideally I can have this end with a at minimum four way firefight.

I remember in one of the Ciaphas Cain books, Amberly describes a popsicle as if it were a completely alien concept and ends her description with "I know it sounds strange, but it's really quite refreshing"

Oh sure, coffee's probably common among those on hoity toity paradise worlds, but they're all using cafetieres.

[Rater202]

*I'm not allowed to make the adventure transparently just the plot of Smokey and the Bandit.
**I have to at least know more about the plot than the lyrics of Eastbound and Down.

[Lord Raziere]

Oh sure, coffee's probably common among those on hoity toity paradise worlds, but they're all using cafetieres.

You mean tanna? Ciaphas Cain drinks that all the time, it can't be that rare, pending how real Cain himself is in universe.

* May not make the rotom the dungeon master for a recursive roleplaying campaign with a roleplaying campaign
** May not make Revavrooms into commonly used cars in pokemon world
*** or popularize Cyclizars in all regions
**** using charjabug as batteries is poor taste
***** even if the anime used pikachus as emergency power in like, the second episode ever
****** may not breed rolycoly to fuel coal powered engines
******* may not make a poison/fire grimer variant that is oil and can be used to fuel oil stuff
******** I may however come up with a solar panel pokemon to power things
********* May not invent Voldisc, a landmine variant of voltorb that is flatter

[Beelzebub1111]

You mean tanna? Ciaphas Cain drinks that all the time, it can't be that rare, pending how real Cain himself is in universe.

Tanna is made from leaves so it's probably more like some kind of awful tea that only he seems to like. Coffee in 40k is called "recaf". It allso seems that the quest for coffee is already a short story in the 40k universe.

[Bohandas]

*The demon should either speak common or not speak it. He shouldn't consult a phrasebook and berate the cleric with unintelligible garbled insults like "in below your mother lick the rooster"

[danielxcutter]

*The demon should either speak common or not speak it. He shouldn't consult a phrasebook and berate the cleric with unintelligible garbled insults like "in below your mother lick the rooster"

The sad thing is, after a few seconds I get it.

[Bohandas]

*No crude double-entendres about Richard Pickman's name

[Anonymouswizard]

* It doesn't matter if they just got up, Chaos Cultists do not chant 'milk for the Khorne Flakes'.

[danielxcutter]

What about coffee?

[Anonymouswizard]

What about coffee?

Joe for the Joe cup.

[KorvinStarmast]

* May no longer accept free drinks from fire-anarchist cultists.

[PhoenixPhyre]

* May no longer accept free drinks from chaotic fire-anarchist cultists.

** (from my other party) or from arch-succubi with agendas. Even if they are very tasty.

[Anonymouswizard]

* The Imperium of Man does not empower citizens to roam the depths of space and sell makeup to xenos.

[Rockphed]

* The Imperium of Man does not empower citizens to roam the depths of space and sell makeup to xenos.

** Your space marine chapter is not just trying to sell cookies to the chaos cultists.
*** The chaos cultists are not trying to get you to join their pyramid scheme.
**** I'm sorry, "Multi-level marketing opportunity"
***** The Tau do not make the best cookies.
****** The Eldar might run a variety of health spas. You don't want the services they provide.

[danielxcutter]

** Your space marine chapter is not just trying to sell cookies to the chaos cultists.
*** The chaos cultists are not trying to get you to join their pyramid scheme.
**** I'm sorry, "Multi-level marketing opportunity"
***** The Tau do not make the best cookies.
****** The Eldar might run a variety of health spas. You don't want the services they provide.

Which branch of Eldar are we talking about?

[Rockphed]

Which branch of Eldar are we talking about?

I was thinking about Dark Eldar, but I think their uncorrupted kin are similarly into alien things that humans probably won't enjoy. Am I incorrect in my assessment of how they work?

[Lord Raziere]

I was thinking about Dark Eldar, but I think their uncorrupted kin are similarly into alien things that humans probably won't enjoy. Am I incorrect in my assessment of how they work?

do you mean Craftworld Eldar, the Corsairs, the Harlequins, the Exodites or the Ynnari? because each of them are own thing with their own priorities. but the problem with all of them is generally that both humans and Eldar really hate each other and think their own species is superior to the other for really no good reason, humans see the Eldar as manipulative beings to not trust and Eldar see humans as genocidal crazy fanatics they point at their problems so they don't have to deal with it themselves. (this is also hypocritical on both sides because Eldar and Humans are the factions that have most consistently worked together at times, often because the Eldar have knowledge the humans don't and the humans have numbers and strength the Eldar don't.).

whats alien about the Eldar is that all their capabilities and things about them as super-stuff compared to humans so anything a human experiences an Eldar experiences that x10 or whatever which is why they ended up making Slaanesh because any you'd become addicted to they'd become addicted to and experience much more intensely than you would, so their current situation with Craftworlders which is the default Eldar, is very strict and disciplined to not be excessive. an Eldar picks a Path (basically a job) and does it for 100 years, which is less of a problem if your lifespan goes to 1000, so really they're less bad than the Imperium because if your born into a role there, thats just what your forced to do for your entire life.

an Eldar is probably just straight up much faster, more skilled and so on than you at what they specialize in, so if your an imperial guard finding an Eldar warrior coming towards you, odds are your just dying very fast without much of a chance to react, your basically fighting something superhuman and humans can't deal with a fighter even going twice as fast combat reflexes wise. this feeds into the Eldar's sense of superiority because why feel bad about a species they can cut down so easily and are so expendable compared to them?

anyways

* As an Infernal Exalted, may not make a second circle soul from my own soul hierarchy to do menial drudgework for me
** If I wouldn't do it then my souls certainly won't
*** May not make a first circle demon just to manage bureaucracy
**** Not even if I pay them and give them good benefits
***** My souls cannot become a way of just storing all my powers that I acquire from from my crossover adventures

[danielxcutter]

* As an Infernal Exalted, may not make a second circle soul from my own soul hierarchy to do menial drudgework for me
** If I wouldn't do it then my souls certainly won't
*** May not make a first circle demon just to manage bureaucracy
**** Not even if I pay them and give them good benefits
***** My souls cannot become a way of just storing all my powers that I acquire from from my crossover adventures

Relevant to this:

“All I know is what I heard on the radio. And then somebody called me on my cell phone and said 'you need to be in Quarterhorse Fields five minutes ago,' and I told them 'well, why didn't you tell me that five minutes ago' and they said 'because I forgot until five minutes ago' and I said 'this sounds like a you problem' but here I am anyway.”

“Hahaha! I know a guy like that. If he was janitor or security guy, wouldn't be no problem, but he's in shipping and receiving so you can fill in the blanks.”

“That's a bad combination if there ever was one.”

“Yeah, but what ya gonna do?”

“Build an exact robot duplicate to do his job for him?”

“...wait, if it was an exact duplicate, it would be just as bad as him.”

“Aha. I see you've played this game before.”

[Anonymouswizard]

** Your space marine chapter is not just trying to sell cookies to the chaos cultists.
*** The chaos cultists are not trying to get you to join their pyramid scheme.
**** I'm sorry, "Multi-level marketing opportunity"
***** The Tau do not make the best cookies.
****** The Eldar might run a variety of health spas. You don't want the services they provide.

******* The Dark Eldar might be running Butlin's as a legitimate business front, but I'm not allowed to know that.

* May not introduce American Football to the Orks, it might actually decrease the amount of war.
* Rugby is not the national sport of the Imperium of Man.
** Or the Tau.
*** Okay, maybe of the Craftworld Eldar.

[Telok]

No longer allowed to text the players after game telling them their "right hand search" fetish has been screwing them over for three sessions now and that rival adventuring partyes are now starting to enter the dungeon.

[Bohandas]

*May not refer to the Bene Gesserit as "The Karen Mafia"
**or "The Gold-Digger Illuminati"

[KorvinStarmast]

* May no longer feed the guard dog steaks...if I didn't bring enough for the other guard dogs.
** May no longer roll three straight "1" when trying to open an antique lock.
(Yes, that really happened).

[Anonymouswizard]

* May no longer feed the guard dog steaks...if I didn't bring enough for the other guard dogs.

** May not misread another poster's contribution.
*** May not argue that there's nothing inherently wrong with eating dog meat.
**** The same applies to cat meat, and any other pet I can think of.
***** 'Horse' is not the English translation of 'Lasagna'.

...okay not actually banned from doing that in-game. But it's come up enough out of game that it's only a matter of time.

[Metastachydium]

**** The same applies to cat meat

Well, it's not steak material, I'll give you that, but I'll argue that humanity doesn't eat ENOUGH of it. KILL ALL CATS! EAT ALL CATS!!

[Anonymouswizard]

Well, it's not steak material, I'll give you that, but I'll argue that humanity doesn't eat ENOUGH of it. KILL ALL CATS! EAT ALL CATS!!

Oh, I'd like to try cat meat. Of course if we started eating moggies as a staple meat in this country we'd actually end up with MORE cats.

* The cause of the apocalypse was not 'biosphere collapse due to poor security on the cat farms'.

[Rater202]

Well, it's not steak material, I'll give you that, but I'll argue that humanity doesn't eat ENOUGH of it. KILL ALL CATS! EAT ALL CATS!!

*Prepares herbicide*

Oh, I'd like to try cat meat.

*Pumps* shotgun*

My character motivation cannot be "merge with and enslave to my will the entire biosphere and twist it to take vengeance on those who would harm the kitties."