Ridiculous Feats

[imp_fireball]

This is a thread for posting any ridiculous feats that anyone here can think of. The purpose of this thread is mostly humor, but hey maybe we can actually make something externally out of it (though not likely)!

Stomach Bleach Attack

Prerequisites: Must be able to make at least two attacks per round, or perform move actions and attack actions co-efficiently (such as spring attack).

You may 'gut' an opponent, even if they are not helpless, but only in the stomach region. If the 'gut' is successful, then you may make a dexterity check (versus 1/2 opponent's reflex save) to toss an open container of bleach into their exposed inner stomach.

Bleaching a stomach usually forces the opponent to make a FORT save (DC 20) or vomit a whole ton, incapacitating them for a full round. A few hours later, they will be afflicted with severe diarrhea (complete incapacitation during episodes; must make a WILL or FORT save of DC 20 for every round that victim does not wish to be incapacitated). Observing the excrement, the victim will then note that it is in fact bleached. Perhaps then they can record that they have learned something new about the incredible laws of digestive tracts.

Bleaching: Alternatively, you may force feed a helpless character, thus forcing the same FORT save. Force feeding a character more than their constitution modifier allows (in rounds or actions; containers can run out) will cause the cornea of their eyes to change color into the unique color of bleach. A 'rush' spell (transmutation level 2), can force the after effects of the bleaching to overtake the victim sooner ('rush' shortens the duration to a 'tenth' usually, whereas maximizing can double that; empowering and maximizing can quadruple the effects of the spell). Simply tossing a container of bleach at an opponent deals the usual damage for improvised weapons, and the bleach may spill over the character if the cap is not secured (unsecuring the cap by loosening it is usually intentional). The victim may avoid having the contents spill over themselves with a reflex save of DC 30 plus thrower's attack roll (read: nearly impossible to avoid). Being drenched in bleach will cause the victim's clothes to permanently change to an ugly beige color (amount at GM discretion). If the victim is wearing metal armor, the metal's stubborn stains will gradually remove themselves somewhat (but only by a mere fraction depicted in scientific notation; such that the GM may ignore any subtle differences in the spots on the victim's armor and as such force the PC to note how useless bleach is unless they make a knowledge: household maintenance check of DC 10 to note that bleach only actually works its chemical wonder when combined with soap).

Drowning in Bleach: Apply the usually effects for suffocation, however also add the addition of a FORT forced every round after the first round that character begins to 'drown'; if failed the character will vomit and automatically take drown damage (FORT save stacks with usual FORT save). Also, their skin will take on a splotchy bleach color, perhaps adding a new template (if special racial ethnic templates are incorporated into the campaign... just in case anyone ever wants to do that, so uh... yah, take note).

Special Abilities

Gut

Prerequisites: Any character can perform this. Treat like any other special action, but include properties listed below.

You may substitute one of your character's attacks for a gutting action. By gutting, you select one body part that you can discern on the enemy. You must deal at least 5 damage to create a conveniently open wound. If successful, the enemy will begin bleeding (1 hp per round + any penalties to constitution modifier the victim has) until healed at least 1/4 the damage you have dealt in the gutting.

A victim must be 'helpless', 'incapacitated', immobile, or otherwise in a position where they cannot immediately fight back. A gut can be performed in a grapple, a sneak attack or any other action.

By choosing to gut an opponent, your character takes a -2 penalty + any penalties you have to your dexterity modifier to attack (the attack must be successful).

Rush - S, V

Level: Sorceror, Wizard, Any Psychic Level 2
Class: Transmutation

This spell requires the caster to have specific knowledge of the 'effect' that they are targeting. Rush targets effects, and allows the caster to reduce the duration of an effect to 1/10th of its actual length of time. To possess specific knowledge of the effect, it may help if the caster has recorded its specifications so that they may psychically alter it to their whim (or make a wisdom check at complete GM discretion to see if they remembered a load of details). As such the caster may have to act as a pseudo-doctor of sorts, diagnosing conditions and then altering them with this spell (but only in the form listed).

Maximize: Doubles Effect Reducer
Empower: Doubles Effect Reducer (stacks)

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As you can see, I added a new spell and special ability as well. Feel free to incorporate what you like, but try to stay in the feats, spells and abilities category.

[Bitzeralisis]

"Ridiculous" is a relative term. I have no idea what I just said there, either. :P

[DracoDei]

While I am at it, have a joke feat
Vapid Shot
Some people achieve supreme accuracy by entering a state known as "No Mind", their judgment and inner peace helping them reach this state (Zen Archery Feat)... You take a rather different route to this same state, never having had a mind to begin with.
Benefits: Subtract your intelligence modifier from all your ranged attack rolls (so a negative INT MOD gives a bonus to hit).
Normal: Being a moron doesn't make you a better shot...

[Lappy9000]

While I am at it, have a joke feat
Vapid Shot
Some people achieve supreme accuracy by entering a state known as "No Mind", their judgment and inner peace helping them reach this state (Zen Archery Feat)... You take a rather different route to this same state, never having had a mind to begin with.
Benefits: Subtract your intelligence modifier from all your ranged attack rolls (so a negative INT MOD gives a bonus to hit).
Normal: Being a moron doesn't make you a better shot...

Don't translate it into 4th edition; I hear intelligence is the new Charisma there.

[AstralFire]

Don't translate it into 4th edition; I hear intelligence is the new Charisma there.

Not nearly as bad, but the closest analogue.

[Prometheus]

40 Card Pick Up
As a full-round action, you may pick up every object within your natural reach up to 40, or the maximum you can hold, whichever comes first. This action provokes and attack of opportunity.

[JackMage666]

Exotic Armor Proficiency - Padded Dog Training Armor
Benefit - You gain Proficiency with Padded Dog Training Armor. Padded Dog Training Armor is considered heavy, grants a +6 armor bonus to AC, has a +0 Maximum Dex, and a -15 Check Penalty, reduces speed to 10 ft.

As well, you tempt all canines within 50 ft to attack you. Such creatures include Dogs, Wolves, Worgs, Winter Wolves, Blink Dogs, and many other canine creatures. Intelligent canines can make a will save (DC 13) to resist outright attacking you, but canines of animal intellect cannot.

[Zeta Kai]

Mack-of-All-Trades [General]
You are particularly talented will completely unrelated skills.
Prerequisites: You must somehow explain to your DM how your character got these skill bonuses.
Benefit: You get a +2 bonus on all skill checks with any 2 of the following skills: Craft, Knowledge, Perform, Profession, & Speak Language.

[Areswargod139]

Persistent Spell and Natural Spell....oh wait, those ridiculous feats already exist .

wakka wakka wakka!

Make 'em laugh, make 'em laugh, make 'em lauoooagh!

[Bayar]

Mack-of-All-Trades [General]
You are particularly talented will completely unrelated skills.
Prerequisites: You must somehow explain to your DM how your character got these skill bonuses.
Benefit: You get a +2 bonus on all skill checks with any 2 of the following skills: Craft, Knowledge, Perform, Profession, & Speak Language.

Hmm...I aparently already used this in the past