Rule 21: Players Will Loot Anything, and Rule 22: Dragons will {do} anything.

[Reltzik]

DnD 3.5. The players had chased a villain, a half-dragon fighter riding a half-dragon horse, into a ruined and abandoned series of WW1-esque trenches. (Finally, a DnD army that accounts for AoE magic!) After a game of cat-and-mouse, they corner the fighter in an underground bunker. The last thing the fighter did before insta-dying to the paladin's full attack + haste attack + power attacks is shout a command for someone to attack in draconic.

Pyromaniac Wizard: "Careful! There's someone else here!"
Cleric: "Where?"
Me: "Suddenly the horse takes a deep breath and breathes a cone of green fire. The rogue evades; the cleric saves for half and takes 18 damage."
Paladin: "... dammit."
Wizard: "... holy crap, a fire breathing horse! I WANT IT!"
Paladin: "You sure?"
Wizard: "Can you bond it as your warhorse or something?"
Paladin: "I detect evil just to be sure."
DM: "Uh... it's not exactly friendly..."
Wizard: "Let's knock it out! I'll cast Charm Monster tomorrow!"
DM: "I suppose there ARE rules for exotic paladin mounts... you DO realize that's actually acid it's breathing, and I just call it green fire because chemical burns freak you out ooc?"
Wizard: "I WANT THE FIRE-BREATHING PONY!"

[taltamir]

a half-dragon horse

dear god that is sick and wrong on so many levels!

and heck, I'd want a fire/acid breathing horse too...

[Touchy]

In 4e I tried to tame a dire wolf.

I almost succeeded too. The DM said it went back to the forest, because nothing it saw as a threat was left.

[Temotei]

I like being something huge and using a really small mount.

[Foryn Gilnith]

They killed that perfectly good fighter? They could have knocked him out and sold him into slavery.

:P

[taltamir]

They killed that perfectly good fighter? They could have knocked him out and sold him into slavery.

:P

nah... kill him, and then bring him back as a sentient undead that keeps his class levels...

[Boci]

nah... kill him, and then bring him back as a sentient undead that keeps his class levels...

Animate dread warrior?

[Dragero]

So a dragon and a horse are somehow able to mate? None the less I still want a chemical fire pony!

[jokey665]

So a dragon and a horse are somehow able to mate? None the less I still want a chemical fire pony!

Dragons can mate with anything, just about.

[Gamerlord]

Dragons can mate with anything, just about.

Half-pigs.
Half-sheep.


The kind of ridiculousness this can cause...

[KellKheraptis]

Hey now, one of my more maniacal wizards (and trust me...that's pretty far along the crazy scale for my wizards) had a collection of magically modified nightmares he called affectionately "The Apocalypse Ponies." All in different hues, shades, and degrees of decay :D

[Temotei]

Half-pigs.
Half-sheep.


The kind of ridiculousness this can cause...

I'm going to do this.

"You come across a farmer and two sheep. The sheep look a little sick, with a green hue to their wool, and their skin looks slightly scaly."
"Hello far-"
"The sheep blow acid on you. *rolls for 6d8 damage*"
"...what?"

[jokey665]

Half-pigs.
Half-sheep.


The kind of ridiculousness this can cause...

You think that's bad? You can have a half-dragon ooze.

[KellKheraptis]

You think that's bad? You can have a half-dragon ooze.

Sounds like the green slime got a little too close to draconic mating season with one that wised up to dealing with wyrmlings :P

[The Dark Fiddler]

So a dragon and a horse are somehow able to mate? None the less I still want a chemical fire pony!

Ever seen Shrek?

[taltamir]

I'm going to do this.

"You come across a farmer and two sheep. The sheep look a little sick, with a green hue to their wool, and their skin looks slightly scaly."
"Hello far-"
"The sheep blow acid on you. *rolls for 6d8 damage*"
"...what?"

the farmer is a polymorphed dragon...

[onthetown]

...can I have an acid-breathing pony, too?

I need to ask my DM that now.

I love you so much for that idea.

[Lioness]

I found this rule the first session I DMed.

Party enter a clearing, where they see dead gnoll bodies crucified on trees. They are rotting, etc.

Ninja: I loot the bodies!
DM: Ok...you take *rolls* three points of con damage, as poisonous spores burst out from the body.

[taltamir]

So a dragon and a horse are somehow able to mate? None the less I still want a chemical fire pony!

a lot of dragons can take any form they want, at will; and when old enough, can use spells like polymorph to truly get ANY form... in DnD world, if you shape shift into something and have sex, you just created a hybrid...

polymorph into a fire elemental and reproduce, you just got yourself some fire genasi children.

[Temotei]

a lot of dragons can take any form they want, at will; and when old enough, can use spells like polymorph to truly get ANY form... in DnD world, if you shape shift into something and have sex, you just created a hybrid...

polymorph into a fire elemental and reproduce, you just got yourself some fire genasi children.

I wonder how elementals mate. I wonder how much damage elementals do when they mate.

[taltamir]

I wonder how elementals mate. I wonder how much damage elementals do when they mate.

It varies by elemental, usually they have a note such as "anyone touching a fire elmental takes X fire damage per round"
But since you are both the same elemental, you both have immunity to it.

BTW, did you know that elementals are living creatures? they don't live a corpse but they ARE alive... this btw means that you can use one of the "living to undead without ever being dead" methods to make an undead elemental in theory.

[Lysander]

That wizard better hope nobody dispels the Charm Monster while he's riding...

[taltamir]

mmm...

Abilities
Increase from the base creature as follows: Str +8, Con +2, Int +2, Cha +2.

Intelligence (Int)
Intelligence determines how well your character learns and reasons. This ability is important for wizards because it affects how many spells they can cast, how hard their spells are to resist, and how powerful their spells can be. It’s also important for any character who wants to have a wide assortment of skills.

You apply your character’s Intelligence modifier to:

The number of languages your character knows at the start of the game.
The number of skill points gained each level. (But your character always gets at least 1 skill point per level.)
Appraise, Craft, Decipher Script, Disable Device, Forgery, Knowledge, Search, and Spellcraft checks. These are the skills that have Intelligence as their key ability.
A wizard gains bonus spells based on her Intelligence score. The minimum Intelligence score needed to cast a wizard spell is 10 + the spell’s level.

An animal has an Intelligence score of 1 or 2. A creature of humanlike intelligence has a score of at least 3.

there are actual charts that explain exactly how smart someone is... a 3 int person is NOT 30 IQ person... its more like 70-80 IQ for an int 3 person (you are borderline retarded at int 3).
The half dragon horse has int 2, a half dragon horse thus has int 4 and is sentient, and viable as a player character.
It isn't a monster, it is an NPC.

[Sir Homeslice]

I once looted a barrel of salt and used it to severely annoy a water elemental.

Also, I've looted people before. Good times.

[Ravingdork]

Our entire party was forced to retreat from a gaggle of half-dragon turkeys once. No joke.

They were kept by the kobold tribe that we were trying to oust. Apparently, their shaman had been using his magic to try and find ways to bring the kobolds closer to their dragon god. He started by experimenting on the livestock first as a safety precaution. As it turned out, they made great guard animals capable of easily running off low level adventurers.

[Ashram]

Damn right we'll loot anything. >.>

Even as a NG healing cleric (A.K.A. the walking medicine cabinet), if I know there's nothing that I can do for someone at the moment (Such as not having Restoration prepared, or the diamond dust component for it, when someone gets ability drained), I go right to looting.

[Green Bean]

I once played with a LG necromancer cleric, one who was obsessed with increasing his wealth of medical knowledge, which led took "let's divvy up the bad guy's possessions" to a whole new level. Let's just say that if you have Cure Disease for infections, you don't need a Regenerate spell to replace lost body parts.

[Reltzik]

dear god that is sick and wrong on so many levels!

and heck, I'd want a fire/acid breathing horse too...

It gets worse.

The green-dragon great wyrm in question sits at the head of a pocket empire, worshipped as a living god. It's quite mad, both megalomaniacal and solipist. It shapeshifts like crazy and favors the form of an androgenous humanoid -- it took the party something like 10 sessions to figure out it was a dragon, and they still don't know its natural gender. The nobility of the realm are all its half-dragon children, most of whom have half-dragon mounts. There are half-dragon beasts of burden (yay +8 str bonus to oxen) and even halfdragon pets.

These "Children of the Lord" fall all over themselves in their love for their parent. It's a fusion of religious worship, fillial love, national loyalty, and... something more. Nothing was ever explicitly said, but the PCs are SEVERELY CREEPED OUT.

It's got a thing for elves. Both elves were propositioned by it. ((They said no as politely as they could.)) Ever since then, they refer to it as Pervy (or creepy) Elf-Fancier.

I like the image of a nation of half-dragons with a dragon as a head. It meshes pretty well with lots of evil fantasy armies from pulp books and film. You know the types, the ones with themes -- all undead, all pig-like, all lizard-like, etc.

[taltamir]

It gets worse.

The green-dragon great wyrm in question sits at the head of a pocket empire, worshipped as a living god. It's quite mad, both megalomaniacal and solipist. It shapeshifts like crazy and favors the form of an androgenous humanoid -- it took the party something like 10 sessions to figure out it was a dragon, and they still don't know its natural gender. The nobility of the realm are all its half-dragon children, most of whom have half-dragon mounts. There are half-dragon beasts of burden (yay +8 str bonus to oxen) and even halfdragon pets.

These "Children of the Lord" fall all over themselves in their love for their parent. It's a fusion of religious worship, fillial love, national loyalty, and... something more. Nothing was ever explicitly said, but the PCs are SEVERELY CREEPED OUT.

It's got a thing for elves. Both elves were propositioned by it. ((They said no as politely as they could.)) Ever since then, they refer to it as Pervy (or creepy) Elf-Fancier.

I like the image of a nation of half-dragons with a dragon as a head. It meshes pretty well with lots of evil fantasy armies from pulp books and film. You know the types, the ones with themes -- all undead, all pig-like, all lizard-like, etc.

thats freaking awesome... and actually QUITE sensible. I always wondered why so few dragons use their loins to acquire awesome power and wealth.

since we already established half dragon horses and the like... and a suitably creepy kingdom of the "pervy dragon"... well, incest could follow.
Imagine a few dozen 3/4th dragon and 7/8th dragons?

[Fuzzie Fuzz]

How about sheep parts? A sheep attacked them, they killed it in one hit, and then the ranger skinned it, and put the skin, wool, and bones in his pack, and would have filled some vials with blood if there was any blood in the body. Unfortunately, having not planned for a sheep dissection, this led to the startling discovery of the lack of blood, leading them to guess that they were vampires. (That was a very weird adventure. Vampire sheep FTW!)