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2015-02-25, 01:46 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2015
- Location
- Seattle, WA
- Gender
Famous Last Words: I Couldn't Find Any Precursors
I expected there to be previous threads with this theme, but if there are, I couldn't find the right search string to locate them.
What are some funny things a character/player might have (or did!) say just before meeting his untimely but heavily foreshadowed death?
Some examples I've dredged up from memories of when my first gaming group used to amuse themselves with this, as well as others I've made up on the spot (those would be the not-so-good ones):
"I didn't know the DM had that many dice!"
"I backstab the dragon!"
"The only way I could fail is if I roll a natural 1."
"Surely the DM isn't still holding a grudge about killing off his BEG in one shot last session!"
"Relax, there's no way they could find us in here!"
"What do you mean that was the DM's sister I was hitting on?"
"Wait! I haven't checked that door for traps yet!"
"What Orcus?"
"Sorry, I forgot it was my night to bring pizza."
"Surely the dragon won't miss this one piece of gold...."
"He's standing right behind me, isn't he?"
"I can't make it tonight. Can you run my character for me?"
"Let's pull a prank on that room full of drunk dwarven berserkers!"
"What's the worst thing I can call the king's mother?"
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2015-02-25, 02:11 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2013
- Location
- St. Louis, MO
- Gender
Re: Famous Last Words: I Couldn't Find Any Precursors
"With these stats, there's no way the DM could kill me"
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2015-02-25, 03:17 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
- Location
- In my library
Re: Famous Last Words: I Couldn't Find Any Precursors
Unfortunately the character didn't die, but the best one so far has been:
"I run from the cablesnakes"
However, from the only character that actually died:
(To a fellow PC)"Hey, I wasn't the one who decided to kill your husband."
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2015-02-25, 03:52 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2010
- Gender
Re: Famous Last Words: I Couldn't Find Any Precursors
Come on, it's just a boar... a regular boar, not even a dire boar, and there are three of us. How bad can it possibly be?
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2015-02-26, 06:50 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2007
- Location
- Somewhere in Midgard
- Gender
Re: Famous Last Words: I Couldn't Find Any Precursors
I told you we shouldn't have listened to the sorceror again.
My opinion and a dollar will get you a cup of coffee at the 7/11, most others want the dollar too :P
Steam ID: blacklight101
78% of DM's started their first campaign in a tavern. If you're one of the 22% that didn't, copy and paste this into your signature.
Where did you start yours?
At an observation deck at Port Wander, seeing his ship for the first time and being introduced to the bridge crew/away team that he hired before arriving.
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2015-02-26, 07:10 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2012
Re: Famous Last Words: I Couldn't Find Any Precursors
These are translated, and may not be strictly correct, as I didn't exactly write them down. But they all come from actual gameplay:
"Come on, we can take one more room tonight!"
TPK ensued.
"I try to Tumble away from the ettin."
Not enough ranks to do it reliably.
"I accept the challenge."
Lost the rocket-launcher tag.
"I attack the death knight."
It was a parley, and the death knight already had an eye on the PC for being trouble.
"What are the odds the gnolls will even hit?"
Dunno, but two crits later...My D&D 5th ed. Druid Handbook
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2015-02-26, 07:43 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2011
- Location
- Waterdeep
- Gender
Re: Famous Last Words: I Couldn't Find Any Precursors
"I cast Detect Thoughts"
In front of the chieftain, not even subtly
"I slide down the banister"
Then failed to hang on, falling three storeys
"He's talking too much, I attack."
Teleported into swamp full of hungry crocodiles
"He's talking in a language I don't understand, must be a spell. I attack."
Was actually being insulted in draconic, the spell came as a response
"It knows too much"
Awakened animals now understand you, and respond accordingly
"I grab the Sigil from the queen's belt"
While she was wearing it. In the middle of her court.
"There isn't a cell in the world that can hold me"
He was then deprived of his thieves tools
"My only regret is that I made more friends than enemies"
The other way around would have been worse for him
"I'm hiding, they can't hit me"
Didnt count on splash thrown weapons
"Death from above"
Missed the stab, faceplanted floor from 45'
"I poison the dwarf's ale"
Dwarves are resistant to poison
"I murder the dwarf's wife and frame him for it"
Didnt know dwarven
"Its a magic weapon, we have to try"
Was caught trying to steal itLast edited by Kane0; 2015-02-26 at 07:44 AM.
Roll for it 5e Houserules and Homebrew
Old Extended Signature
Awesome avatar by Ceika
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2015-02-26, 09:03 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2014
- Location
- Ontario, Canada
- Gender
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2015-02-26, 09:31 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2006
- Location
Re: Famous Last Words: I Couldn't Find Any Precursors
From an Iron Kingdoms game, though that's irrelevant to the quote:
*puts down the PHB after having read through it for the entirety of the last round*
"I'm about to do something so stupid, there are no rules for it in the PHB."
*proceeds to fall 3 stories onto an iron lich, dagger first*
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2015-02-26, 11:02 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2012
- Location
- Georgia
- Gender
Re: Famous Last Words: I Couldn't Find Any Precursors
I named my first human Paladin character "Pincushion."
Five levels later, he performed a heroic sacrifice, distracting a barbarian horde while the rest of the party escaped. He died pinned to a stone obelisk by 20 spears.Last edited by Freelance GM; 2015-02-26 at 11:04 AM.
Check out my 5E Foraging/Alchemy Rules!
God help me, I've made a 5E Magical Girl and people liked it.
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2015-02-26, 11:17 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2011
- Gender
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2015-02-26, 01:12 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2014
- Location
- Alabama
- Gender
Re: Famous Last Words: I Couldn't Find Any Precursors
Not quite death, but close enough that it made the overconfident barbarian not take the lead for the rest of the session and has become synonymous with making a bad decision: "I kick the bat."
Also, from a previous game: "I'm going to fly up there. There's no way the one orc can drop me with an AoO!"
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2015-02-26, 02:27 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2013
- Location
- Perfidious Albion
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2015-02-26, 02:51 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2012
- Location
- *Redacted*
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2015-02-26, 05:07 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2012
- Location
- Moscow
- Gender
Re: Famous Last Words: I Couldn't Find Any Precursors
'You see a wide bottomless pit across which stands a greybearded old man in an orange cape. 'Tread carefully!' - he exclaims. - 'I've made an invisible bridge with the help of which you can cross the abyss!'
'I check if there is an invisible bridge with my leg.'
'Nope, none you can feel.'
'Sure?'
'Uh-huh'
'Hm. I go forward.'
Why don't they ever trust the DM?
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2015-02-27, 01:53 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2014
- Location
- San Jose, CA
- Gender
Re: Famous Last Words: I Couldn't Find Any Precursors
This actually happened:
Fighter to caster: "We're winning, don't waste any more spells"
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2015-02-27, 02:42 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2013
- Location
- Where I am
Re: Famous Last Words: I Couldn't Find Any Precursors
Ogre! Throw me!
Said the fighter to the hulking hurler.I also answer to Bookmark and Shadow Claw.
Read my fanfiction here. Homebrew Material Here Rater Reads the Hobbit and Dracula
Awesome Avatar by Emperor Ing
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2015-02-27, 03:24 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2015
Re: Famous Last Words: I Couldn't Find Any Precursors
"Wait they filled it with hydrogen?"
Tharion- the gnome beguiler right before the balloon he was on exploded.
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2015-02-27, 04:26 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
- Location
- New Jersey
- Gender
Re: Famous Last Words: I Couldn't Find Any Precursors
"Okay, so with the roll, and all my modifiers, my swim check is -4."
"Phantasmal killer? The spell that requires me to fail two will saves in a row? That's what he casts?"
"The paladins show up? Well, that's it, game over. I'm jumping off this cliff."
"Me too."
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2015-02-27, 05:26 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2013
- Gender
Re: Famous Last Words: I Couldn't Find Any Precursors
After getting lost in the swamp, walking into a nest of giant poisonous centipedes and failing poison save...
Player1: "I told you we should have...hired a ranger! -bleh-"
Player2: "hey! We ALL agreed that the pack mules were a better investment! And we were right! If we didn't have the mules we'd be leaving your stupid body in the swamp!"
Player1: "if we'd hired the ranger, my body wouldn't be in the swamp!"
Player2: "you're dead! Strike that last comment from the record, I win the argument!"
----
"Keep yer hands offa my stuff!"
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2015-02-27, 05:29 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2014
- Location
- San Jose, CA
- Gender
Re: Famous Last Words: I Couldn't Find Any Precursors
"Don't worry, they can't hit us at that dist..." - interrupted by the DM rolling a bunch of dice.
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2015-02-27, 10:19 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2014
- Location
- Vancouver, Canada
Re: Famous Last Words: I Couldn't Find Any Precursors
"I read the runes."
I should probably stop using explosive runes against my players.
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2015-02-27, 11:04 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2014
- Gender
Re: Famous Last Words: I Couldn't Find Any Precursors
One from me personally. "Yeah, stepping into the giant Hobgoblin's range seems like an excellent idea."
One that was also me, but I didn't die. "I jump onto the dragon." (Followed by: *makes acrobatics check* "The Dragon takes off." "Make a grapple check please." *fails horribly* "The dragon does a barrel roll, and you couldn't maintain your grip. You fall off." )
"It's just a fish with tentacles. What's the worst it can do?"
Me OOC after missing a perception check due to being asleep on guard. "Guys? You're not mad right?"
Me again: "I poke the Sylph"
My characters tend to be mildly lacking in common sense apparently. I guess that's just me. For some reason I've survived pretty much all of these except for the aboleth, which hasn't happened yet.Spoiler: Quotes!
Pink is Neutral Evil, because reasons.
Exalted Monk Avatar by ThePrez1776
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2015-02-28, 02:21 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2013
- Location
- Psyscape, Rifts Earth
- Gender
Re: Famous Last Words: I Couldn't Find Any Precursors
"I pull a chair out to the middle of the square and wave at the guards as they pass." Not my last words, but the last the party saw of my warlock at the table. Zombie plague and some such stuff.
Avatar by Gazebo's Bane. Many thanks.
Nothing is more dangerous than a plan that is without an exit strategy.
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2015-02-28, 02:32 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2012
- Location
- Mayberry, NC
- Gender
Re: Famous Last Words: I Couldn't Find Any Precursors
"You have to choose right now. It's me or him."
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2015-02-28, 04:45 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2014
Re: Famous Last Words: I Couldn't Find Any Precursors
As I drink a potion of Spider Climb to make a cautious, meticulous escape, my partner...
"I've got a high enough Tumble, there's no way this jump could kill me!"
He proceeds to leap out the window of the tower without even looking down first, and promptly lands on a jagged rock garden. Next to a patrol sent to find and kill us.
*rolls a nat 1*
"There's no way this is an ambush...ooh, hey, some cool deer tracks! Quick, everyone come over and get distracted!"
Also, in a Traveller game...
"Target the airlock, we'll blast our way out!"
Gunner proceeds to roll too well, and blows out everything. Including the failsafe system. The failsafe system keeping the domed city of 750,000 from violent decompression.
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2015-02-28, 05:02 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2011
- Location
- Below sea level
- Gender
Re: Famous Last Words: I Couldn't Find Any Precursors
anything involving the following concept:
How bad/hard can it be, or any variation there-of. It's the whole thing of inviting Murphy's Law to interfere.Warlock Poetry?
Or ways to use me in game?
Better grab a drink...
Currently ruining Strahd's day - Avatar by the Outstanding Smuchsmuch
First Ordained Jr. Tormlet by LoyalPaladin
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2015-02-28, 05:37 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2010
Re: Famous Last Words: I Couldn't Find Any Precursors
I found it! (falls into pit trap)
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2015-02-28, 05:39 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2011
- Location
- Dromund Kaas
- Gender
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2015-02-28, 06:53 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2014
- Gender
Re: Famous Last Words: I Couldn't Find Any Precursors
No deaths, but quite close: a 1st level party is exploring the city sewers; there have been a number of disappearances in the red-light district. We encountered a flesh golem with a cleaver and a large bag slung over its shoulder, but more inclined to talk rather than attack on sight. Until the party slayer piped up, "Killed any hookers lately?"
Amusing quotes:
SpoilerErik: For my schemes are as devious as yours, and my crazy as great... from Pika's GND
Davros: The Daleks shall become Lords of Time! We shall become all-
The Doctor: Powerful! Crush the lesser races! Conquer the galaxy! UNIMAGINABLE POWER! UNLIMITED RICE PUDDING! ET CETERA, ET CETERA!
Agatha Heterodyne: Any sufficiently analyzed magic is indistinguishable from science.
My avatar is Ruxala, a miniature guardian dragon created by Worms and Bones.