LGBTAitP - Part 20: Critical Hit!

[golentan]

Come one, come all, this is the glorious 20th installment of our friendly Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, Asexual, Demisexual, Heterosexual, and probably-50-other-categories-I'm-forgetting discussion thread. As a brief reminder, despite the title everyone is welcome here, so no biting unless the other guy asks nicely. Also, bear in mind that simply because this thread is XX does not automatically make it a woman, so please practice gender sensitivity.

A brief refresher of the rules for those who have yet to read them or partied a little too hard recently:

Everyone is welcome. Let's try to keep from seeming otherwise.
Keep this topic free of politics and religion. (so, don't violate the board rules, plz)
It's beyond the scope of this thread to discuss whether LGBT is "Right." (And really, most discussions probably should avoid moralizing too much anyway)
Please refrain from posting sexually explicit content. (Keep it friendly as well as board safe :smallsmile:)

If you would rather be anonymous when asking for advice or sharing your story or views, you can use the address below to send a message to be posted in this thread via proxy.

http://anonmail.smeenet.org/

Also, I'll throw my hat in the ring for people who would like help: you can contact me with a promise of privacy at [email protected]

Keep in mind that content which contain strong language may be filtered (Plus, y'know, the forum-filters), and content that violates the forum rules won't be posted at all.

Here are the links for the previous threads, where much of use or interest may be found:
LGBT people in the playground (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=62225)

LGBT people in the playground - part II (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=86066)

LGBTitp - part III (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=5663140#post5663140)

LGBTitp 4: We are a family? (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=129235)

LGBTitp - Part Five (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=143424)

LGBTitp - Part Six (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=147832)

LGBTitp - Part Seven (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=157312)

LGBTitp - Part Eight (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=167395)

LGBTitp - Part Nine (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=172747)

LGBTAitp - Part Ten (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=177253)

LGBTAitp - Part Eleven (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=181683)

LGBTAitp - Part Twelve (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=10335967#)

LGBTAitp - Part Thirteen (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=192714)

LGBTAitp - Part Fourteen (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=200329)

LGBTAitp - Part Fifteen (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=207987)

LGBTAitp - Part Sixteen (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=11820872#)

LGBTAitp - Part Seventeen (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=219966)

LGBTAitp - Part Eighteen! (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=223792)

LGBTAitp - Part Nineteen (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=227182)


And, for reference, here is the Thousand&Wordster Dictionary of Commonly Used LGBTAitp Words and Phrases

Lagerbeta: A fine brewski to be drunk by queers and allies.
LGBT: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans*
Trans*: Transsexual and Transgender
LGBTA: LGBT+Asexual/Allies
QUILTBAG: Q - Queer and Questioning
U - Unidentified
I - Intersex
L - Lesbian
T - Transgender, Transexual
B - Bisexual
A - Asexual
G - Gay, Genderqueer
Allies: Straight people that support equality for sexuality and gender minorities.
MtF: Male-to-Female: A woman born with male nibblies, who may or may not be seeking HRT and/or SRS. (AKA: trans woman)
FtM: Female-to-Male: A man born with female nibblies, who may or may not be seeking HRT and/or SRS. (AKA: trans man)
GQ: Genderqueer.
CS: Cis-sexual: sex and gender match (a male with male nibblies, a female with female nibblies.
TS: Transsexual: Sex and gender disparity.
HRT: Hormone replacement therapy. MtF's take more progestrogens and oestrogens and FtM's take more testosterone (I think?)
SRS: Sex Reassignment Surgery: Surgery to replace/transform a vagina into a penis, or vice versa depending on direction. Mastectomies or plastic surgery may be used on breasts.
FFS: Facial Feminization Surgery: Plastic surgery to reduce chin/nose/cheekbones. Not very common.

Man: A cisman or transman. Male.
Woman: A ciswoman or transwoman. Female.
Androgyne: Gender Identity with male and female aspects.
Genderfluid: Someone who fluctuates between male and female.
Agendered: Someone who feels neither male nor female.
Third-gendered: Someone who fits in a local society's third gender, usually male performing female tasks, occasionally vice versa.
Masculine: Something generally associated with men.
Feminine: Something generally associated with women.

Lesbian: A woman who is attracted to women.
Gay: A man who is attracted to men.
Homosexual: A person who is attracted to members of their gender.
Heterosexual: A person who is attracted to members of the opposite gender.
Bisexual: A person who is attracted to both male and female people.
Pansexual: A person who is attracted to people regardless of gender.
Asexual: A person who does not feel any/some sexual attraction.
Demisexual: A person who is only sexually attracted to someone(s) they have formed an intense emotional relationship with.
Androsexual: A person (of any gender identity) who is sexually attracted to the male-bodied form.
Gynosexual: A person (of any gender identity) who is sexually attracted to the female-bodied form
Polyamorous: A person who is interested in a relationship with more than one person.
Radosexual: A person who is only attracted to rad people.
Pomosexual: A person who avoids SO labels.

Sexual Orientation: How one identifies who they are attracted to. (SO)
Gender Identity: How one feels inside society's idea of "man, woman, or other". (GI)
Gender Expression: How one expresses their GI to society. (GE)
Significant Other(s): Person you are in a relationship with. (SO)

[Qaera]

*shakes queer bootay* new thread~ :smallbiggrin:

I ALMOST ASKED A GIRL FOR HER NUMBER TODAY but then she just said to talk over Facebook and I didn't want to seem uhm, attaché and stuff.

~ ♅

[bluewind95]

Someday, I want to make the new thread!

[Lanaya]

So I now have a female symbol on my posts. This is all very experimental and uncertain, but I hope to keep it there. Of course, logically it's utterly meaningless, changing a single field on a website on which I lurk and where no one I know would recognise me, but my heart's all aflutter anyway.

[Rawhide]

Just a reminder that any posts on this forum proclaiming "first!" or whatever will be deleted.

[Triscuitable]

I've taken the time to prepare a lengthy greeting for the new thread.

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLL LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

And now I resume creepily stalking the thread in the peace of my office chair. Back into the depths of the internet I go.

[turkishproverb]

Yay, new thread.
HUGS FOR EVERYONE!

*hugs golentan*

*Hugs Rawhide*
*Hugs Quaera*
*hugs Lanaya*
*Hugs bluewind95*
*Hugs Triscuitable*

[Triscuitable]

Yay, new thread.
HUGS FOR EVERYONE!

*hugs golentan*

*Hugs Rawhide*
*Hugs Quaera*
*hugs Lanaya*
*Hugs bluewind95*
*Hugs Triscuitable*

This is a digital hug, right? I'm not crazy about physical contact.

'Naw, I'm just kidding. But I really do have issues with physical contact. Beware if we ever meet.

[turkishproverb]

This is a digital hug, right? I'm not crazy about physical contact.

'Naw, I'm just kidding. But I really do have issues with physical contact. Beware if we ever meet.

I have a fair share of problems with real world physical contact myself, so don't worry about it.


Digital contact is still fun though. :smallsmile:

[Arachu]

So I now have a female symbol on my posts. This is all very experimental and uncertain, but I hope to keep it there. Of course, logically it's utterly meaningless, changing a single field on a website on which I lurk and where no one I know would recognise me, but my heart's all aflutter anyway.

*Hugs* :smallbiggrin:


Yay, new thread.
HUGS FOR EVERYONE!

*hugs golentan*

*Hugs Rawhide*
*Hugs Quaera*
*hugs Lanaya*
*Hugs bluewind95*
*Hugs Triscuitable*

Oi, I posted too. (I just happened to forget how dangerous that joke is... :smallredface:)

*Hugs everything* :xykon:

[golentan]

Real world physical contact with living things is the only thing which keeps me sane. Which, in retrospect, is unfortunate when paired with my crippling inability to express my emotional needs to most people. As a result, I spend most of my waking hours wishing that someone would hug me, afraid they'll hit me instead, anxious about actually asking for a hug, and slowly going mad from the combination of sadness, fear, and anxiety that being around other people brings.

I feel I was more honest there than I should have been. So... hugs.

[bluewind95]

I... I was hugged? *weeps for joy*


@Golentan:

I'd hug you.

[golentan]

Aww, thanks. I'd hug you too. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJxau6GYins)

Edit: joke.

[Astrella]

Hai new thread~

*hugs thread*

My hair now reaches up to the tip of my nose. :3
And now I can't keep my hands out of it...

[Arachu]

Real world physical contact with living things is the only thing which keeps me sane. Which, in retrospect, is unfortunate when paired with my crippling inability to express my emotional needs to most people. As a result, I spend most of my waking hours wishing that someone would hug me, afraid they'll hit me instead, anxious about actually asking for a hug, and slowly going mad from the combination of sadness, fear, and anxiety that being around other people brings.

I feel I was more honest there than I should have been. So... hugs.

*Hugs*

I have that problem, minus having any contact to help...:/


Hai new thread~

*hugs thread*

My hair now reaches up to the tip of my nose. :3
And now I can't keep my hands out of it...

*Girly squee!* :smallbiggrin:

Mine goes to my chin/shoulders (haven't had a trim a while...), and I play with it constantly. It tends to hang in my eyes, but that's pretty cool when I comb it over to the left. :smallsmile:

It's getting awfully close to my food/drinks, though...

[Triscuitable]

Aww, thanks. I'd hug you too. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJxau6GYins)

Edit: joke.

I absolutely love that series. Been watching it since it started when I was 10. TEN.

[Coidzor]

12 gods I always feel like an idiot whenever I look over the thread title list. :smallsigh:

Really glad the subtitles thing never caught on in spite of that blunder.

[turkishproverb]

*Hugs* :smallbiggrin:



Oi, I posted too. (I just happened to forget how dangerous that joke is... :smallredface:)

*Hugs everything* :xykon:

Sorry!

*hugs arachu*


12 gods I always feel like an idiot whenever I look over the thread title list. :smallsigh:

Really glad the subtitles thing never caught on in spite of that blunder.

*hugs coidzor*

[golentan]

I absolutely love that series. Been watching it since it started when I was 10. TEN.

Yeah, I started watching it about mid way through season 1, when I was in college. Little-kuriboh and Team Four Star are my two favorite abridged series, by which I mean they're the ones I enjoy watching and do so regularly.

I'm surprised I'm that much older than you though. It brings up a conundrum. Let me see, for the creepiness equation my dating range is... 8432... carry the two... Anyone between the ages of 4223 and 16850. Assuming we're only counting the time I've spent on earth, not my whole lifespan, which I can only begin to make educated guesses at but which is larger by a factor of 100 at a minimum...

Yeah... Clearly, ethically, there's only one thing that I can reasonably do about dating humans. *crumples paper and sets it on fire*

I'm going to go rob the cradle some more! *leaves to find girlfriend*

[Blisstake]

Hello everyone!

That's really all I have to say; everything's fine here.

[Mina Kobold]

*Glomps thread*

Newness never gets too old to enjoy! :3

But, as the representative of QueerKitty, I must hereby do something highly unorthodox.

*Playfully swats at thread*

[Kneenibble]

So I now have a female symbol on my posts. This is all very experimental and uncertain, but I hope to keep it there. Of course, logically it's utterly meaningless, changing a single field on a website on which I lurk and where no one I know would recognise me, but my heart's all aflutter anyway.

Quod's your story, luv?

[Asta Kask]

Idea Time
Before I talked to transpeople I never realised how difficult and dangerous a simple thing like going out for a night on town could be. It was really a revelation for me, and I want more people to have that revelation. So I thought I could capitalize on my knowledge as RPG DM - why not construct a simple scenario (very rules-light) to show us cissexuals the dangers that we never experience? Conscious-raising, that sort of thing.

I was thinking something like the old Fighting Fantasy books - if you want to do 'x' go to paragraph 'y', etc. And then take the result, make a pdf and have people distribute it at Pride-festivals and other similar occasions.

But obviously I need help, because I don't know crap about being a transperson. I've got some ideas for encounters - drunken miscreants, choosing restrooms, transphobic policemen, belligerent bouncers... but I don't know if they are appropriate, I don't know if there should be more and I don't know how to write them because I have no experience of transphobia. So I was thinking we could set up a dropbox or something like that and get to work.

Reactions?

I'm putting this there to remind everyone of this project, which I will probably start a new thread about. I have not forgotten it - I'm thinking about a scoring system and three endings - one bad, one meh and one good. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Ezy50aY6Bg) And all endings should have a component of "I'll try again - I won't let them keep me from my true self..." But I'll let things percolate over the weekend and I still need all the help I can get (obviously).

[Rawhide]

Screw it, I can't resist anymore. I'm changing the title.

[Elfinor]

Gracious, I'd forgotten how fast these threads move.

I arrived from my holiday about a week ago. Didn't go anywhere near as badly as I thought it would. I forgot how much my close family tends to benignly ignore my bizarre habits (extended family here, not so much) so it was a bit of a relief in a way.


Screw it, I can't resist anymore. I'm changing the title. I'm reading the title with a heavy Australian twang... I swear I have never gone a week without hearing about cricket, even though I don't understand the rules. My news feed keeps tricking me with sensational sounding titles that end up just being cricket articles:smalltongue:

[KenderWizard]

I'm always baffled when things are retconned.

@Lix: Hug?

Pathways (trigger warning for talking about ignorant attitudes towards transwomen, to be safe):


It strikes me that a lot of people will think it's a gimmicky thing. Because transwomen (or a mistaken conflation of transness) are so often used in a crappy way in crappy cis-privileged derivative humour. If you say "an adventure where you play the part of a trans person on a night out", some people are going to think you're going to be, y'know, a sketch lad in a dress, with adventures consisting of spying on "real" women by using the female bathroom and trying to "trick" "real" men into having sex with you so you can be all like "LOL I has penis now you're gay".

I suppose in one way, the worst that could happen is someone reads it looking for that and is surprised. But it's just something I thought I should bring up.

[Lither]

Hello all. Been wanting to say this for a while. Might as well get this over and done with as quickly as possible. So my problem is now in dot point format.

Spoilered due to trigger warnings for homophobic (and in this case, completely off the mark) slurs. Just to be safe.



I'm asexual. Also really dislikes anyone coming too close, and is probably related, for reasons I keep to myself.
The current definition of asexuality I'm identifying as is the one with a lack of sexual orientation. In my case, said dislike of physical contact has also lead me to a dislike of romantic relationships.
Nobody I know IRL knows what asexuality is.
People notice me avoiding romantic relationships with members of the opposite sex.
People with all their logic come to the conclusion that it must mean I'm homosexual.
Immature people start throwing homophobic slurs around, the only real thing bothering me about it is the venom some of them are used with.
Others, including several family members who consider me to be in a state of denial, telling me it's perfectly fine to be homosexual *head suddenly strikes desk with a not inconsiderable amount of force*.
Now so bored and frustrated with it I've stopped bothering to attempt to introduce proper knowledge to people I know:smallsigh:.


Probably needed to get that out of my system before I lost it and started yelling at some people. So does anybody know how to adress this problem as time and time again people around me seem incapable of understanding that I am in another "category" that they don't yet accept it's existence.

Hope I put that in an inoffensive way. I don't enjoy offending anyone, especially over the internet.

[Asta Kask]

It strikes me that a lot of people will think it's a gimmicky thing. Because transwomen (or a mistaken conflation of transness) are so often used in a crappy way in crappy cis-privileged derivative humour. If you say "an adventure where you play the part of a trans person on a night out", some people are going to think you're going to be, y'know, a sketch lad in a dress, with adventures consisting of spying on "real" women by using the female bathroom and trying to "trick" "real" men into having sex with you so you can be all like "LOL I has penis now you're gay".

I suppose in one way, the worst that could happen is someone reads it looking for that and is surprised. But it's just something I thought I should bring up.

It depends on in what context this is administrated. On SJGs or WotC's homepage - yes. But if you give it in the context of a pride parade, or at a local LGBTA organization, and state clearly that the purpose is to teach people about translife then they might try to get into the spirit of things.

We'll never get the bigots, so let's not waste time trying. This adventure would be for Socrates - "The only thing I know is that I don't know anything." People like you and me, who don't understand but who know we don't understand and are willing to learn.

Am I making sense?

[KenderWizard]

Hello all. Been wanting to say this for a while. Might as well get this over and done with as quickly as possible. So my problem is now in dot point format.

Spoilered due to trigger warnings for homophobic (and in this case, completely off the mark) slurs. Just to be safe.



I'm asexual. Also really dislikes anyone coming too close, and is probably related, for reasons I keep to myself.
The current definition of asexuality I'm identifying as is the one with a lack of sexual orientation. In my case, said dislike of physical contact has also lead me to a dislike of romantic relationships.
Nobody I know IRL knows what asexuality is.
People notice me avoiding romantic relationships with members of the opposite sex.
People with all their logic come to the conclusion that it must mean I'm homosexual.
Immature people start throwing homophobic slurs around, the only real thing bothering me about it is the venom some of them are used with.
Others, including several family members who consider me to be in a state of denial, telling me it's perfectly fine to be homosexual *head suddenly strikes desk with a not inconsiderable amount of force*.
Now so bored and frustrated with it I've stopped bothering to attempt to introduce proper knowledge to people I know:smallsigh:.


Probably needed to get that out of my system before I lost it and started yelling at some people. So does anybody know how to adress this problem as time and time again people around me seem incapable of understanding that I am in another "category" that they don't yet accept it's existence.

Hope I put that in an inoffensive way. I don't enjoy offending anyone, especially over the internet.

:smallfrown: Asexuality seems to be tricky. Maybe you could try to find one person who would listen when you explained it, and then you'd have someone on your side. Maybe a parent, or sibling, or close friend? If you can, I think you should try let the "it's okay to be homosexual" comments just slide off. Those people are, at least, not sexualorientationist. It's very frustrating that they don't see what your real identity is, but at least they're trying to be supportive and nice and might understand if you explain. As for people who throw bigoted slurs around, I have yet to find a good way of dealing with them. :smallmad:

Pathways:


It depends on in what context this is administrated. On SJGs or WotC's homepage - yes. But if you give it in the context of a pride parade, or at a local LGBTA organization, and state clearly that the purpose is to teach people about translife then they might try to get into the spirit of things.

We'll never get the bigots, so let's not waste time trying. This adventure would be for Socrates - "The only thing I know is that I don't know anything." People like you and me, who don't understand but who know we don't understand and are willing to learn.

Am I making sense?

Yep, definitely. I think you're right, context is key, I think the people who we're aiming this at will get it. But I just wanted to bring it up, because if you accidentally attract the attention of those people, you want to be prepared for what they'll say.

[Rawhide]

So, thanks to an advert on another webcomic, I just discovered that there's a webcomic called QUILTBAG (http://quiltbag.keenspot.com/d/20111018.html).

[The Succubus]

So, thanks to an advert on another webcomic, I just discovered that there's a webcomic called QUILTBAG (http://quiltbag.keenspot.com/d/20111018.html).

Why not sip a Lagerbeta as you read?

[Lither]

:smallfrown: Asexuality seems to be tricky. Maybe you could try to find one person who would listen when you explained it, and then you'd have someone on your side. Maybe a parent, or sibling, or close friend? If you can, I think you should try let the "it's okay to be homosexual" comments just slide off. Those people are, at least, not sexualorientationist. It's very frustrating that they don't see what your real identity is, but at least they're trying to be supportive and nice and might understand if you explain. As for people who throw bigoted slurs around, I have yet to find a good way of dealing with them. :smallmad:

I've tried explaining it carefully to most of my family, who either see me in a state of denial or don't know about it at all, and I'll see about talking to one of my close friends. Asexuality is mostly tricky because people around me jump to conclusions like that and are very hard to remove from that belief when I attempt to tell them something they don't know and find it hard to believe.

Thankyou for the advice. I'll try my best to act upon it.

[Asta Kask]

Can you find any resources online and give them? Say something like "This isn't just me, there are lots of people like me out there!" Let's face ít, if you were the only asexual in the world, repression would be a more reasonable explanation than it is now. Not necessarily true, but more reasonable.

People can short and tall. People can be fat and skinny. Why should the strength of one's 'drive' be a constant for everyone?

[H Birchgrove]

@Arachu (from previous thread):


Well, the Slavic skeleton is kind of inconvenient (big shoulders and low ribs >.<), but my hair's awesome. :smallbiggrin:
Yes. We have great hair. :smallbiggrin:

(Though I got my curls from my dad. :smalltongue: )


I'm a pre-transition transwoman, and I do that. Nothing wrong with being attracted to someone, even if you're a bit perverted about it.

(I thought cisgender only implied gender, rather than sexuality... Well, in any case I got my point across. )
Thanks.

I know I should stop angsting... :smallsigh:


The last video I saw made me feel terrible, though...

She never looked directly at the camera, and halfway through I heard what may have been a gasp... Only, I think it was a sob.

Come to think of it, I saw that about the time my libido plummeted...

Yeah... I was once able to get a free film (AFAIK without trans persons) from an online store (which has not just smut, mostly it's ordinary films, TV-series, books etc)... But I stop watching because it was so rough, you could hear the female actresses scream of pain. I hate that. :smallfrown:

Otherwise, the worst I've noted is when the actresses (trans, in this case) was plain bored... Can't blame them for it, but it reminds you that you're watching, well, porn...


Dibs on Raven. :elan:

I don't care if that made any sense, I want crazy goth-y telekinesis and hotness.
Cool. :smallcool: :smallbiggrin:


I haven't been looking into LGBT+ issues... Well, actually at all. Just articles that have been linked here and a couple of (usually more depressing) others linked from there. I feel like I should do that, but dammit I wanna simulate a calculator. :xykon:

... That wasn't much of a response, was it?... :mitd:

Pardon, but what do you mean with simulating a calculator? :smallconfused:

[noparlpf]

This is a digital hug, right? I'm not crazy about physical contact.

'Naw, I'm just kidding. But I really do have issues with physical contact. Beware if we ever meet.

Even though they're digital the hugs all around this thread sometimes weird me out a little. I'm pretty good at mentally smacking myself and then ignoring my neuroses, though. I hug people in real life when they want me to. I'm just not the initiator of hugs. (Wrestling with siblings, on the other hand...when you can pick up your little sister and spin her around and then claim to have Exotic Weapon Proficiency: Little Girls while hitting your little brother with your little sister, physical contact isn't so bad.)


Hai new thread~

*hugs thread*

My hair now reaches up to the tip of my nose. :3
And now I can't keep my hands out of it...

My hair is getting kind of long again. (There's a pic from November over in the You! XXIX thread.) Nowadays it sometimes actually snarls a little bit near the bottom. I haven't had that experience since last April when I cut it all off.


Hello all. Been wanting to say this for a while. Might as well get this over and done with as quickly as possible. So my problem is now in dot point format.

Spoilered due to trigger warnings for homophobic (and in this case, completely off the mark) slurs. Just to be safe.



I'm asexual. Also really dislikes anyone coming too close, and is probably related, for reasons I keep to myself.
The current definition of asexuality I'm identifying as is the one with a lack of sexual orientation. In my case, said dislike of physical contact has also lead me to a dislike of romantic relationships.
Nobody I know IRL knows what asexuality is.
People notice me avoiding romantic relationships with members of the opposite sex.
People with all their logic come to the conclusion that it must mean I'm homosexual.
Immature people start throwing homophobic slurs around, the only real thing bothering me about it is the venom some of them are used with.
Others, including several family members who consider me to be in a state of denial, telling me it's perfectly fine to be homosexual *head suddenly strikes desk with a not inconsiderable amount of force*.
Now so bored and frustrated with it I've stopped bothering to attempt to introduce proper knowledge to people I know:smallsigh:.


Probably needed to get that out of my system before I lost it and started yelling at some people. So does anybody know how to adress this problem as time and time again people around me seem incapable of understanding that I am in another "category" that they don't yet accept it's existence.

Hope I put that in an inoffensive way. I don't enjoy offending anyone, especially over the internet.

Ah, I remember those days. "Dude, it's okay if you're gay, you can tell us."
How old are you? (If you don't mind me asking.)
What I found easiest in high school was just saying I was straight. If, when the question comes up, you just say you're straight instead of saying you're just not interested in anybody, usually that's good enough. If people think it's weird that you've never dated anybody, point out that being straight doesn't mean wanting a relationship. Or explain your personal space/physical contact issues. I have a straight (female) friend who has never been in and has no desire to have a relationship, partially due to her personal space issues.
Or just explain asexuality and cite statistics, asexual groups, and so on.
A common thing I've run into lately, despite going to a school where everybody and their uncle is queer and it's commonly accepted, is not a rejection of the existence of asexuality but a lack of understanding. It's like, "Alright, we'll accept your self-identification because we want you to accept ours, but how does that work? You mean you're not into anybody? What?"
I do not think this has been a very coherent attempt to help out. I overslept, and I just rolled out of bed, and I'm still in that weird half-sleeping state I end up in when I oversleep. So I'm going to go take a shower and then eat something and then go run around hitting people with foam swords and then I'll come back and read this and see whether it's coherent.

[Lix Lorn]

I'm always baffled when things are retconned.

@Lix: Hug?
I like hugs!
(huggles)

[H Birchgrove]

@ Arachu (forgot this one in the previous reply):


On another note, it occurs to me that I want to be an androgynous girl who likes to punch things - in a word, I'm a transtomboy.
Cool! :smallcool:

(At least one of the transsexual characters in "The Purple Avenger" is going to save the main protagonist, rather than the other way around... :smallredface: )

[squidbreath]

A common thing I've run into lately, despite going to a school where everybody and their uncle is queer and it's commonly accepted, is not a rejection of the existence of asexuality but a lack of understanding. It's like, "Alright, we'll accept your self-identification because we want you to accept ours, but how does that work? You mean you're not into anybody? What?"


I'm confused, I thought asexuality was the easiest one to understand >>> May be wrong, but weren't most people in that state of mind before puberty?

Or at least I wasn't sexually attracted to any of my crushes before 13-ish. (iirc emotionally intense, but no interest in physical intimacy)

[Glass Mouse]

I've tried explaining it carefully to most of my family, who either see me in a state of denial or don't know about it at all, and I'll see about talking to one of my close friends. Asexuality is mostly tricky because people around me jump to conclusions like that and are very hard to remove from that belief when I attempt to tell them something they don't know and find it hard to believe.

Someone in this thread (don't remember who, sorry) once gave an explanation that I thought was excellent.

"You're straight, right? Okay. Think for a moment about people of your own gender. Do you feel attracted to them? No? Well, that's how I feel about everyone."

No idea if it would work on anyone, but I thought it sounded like a great way to make asexuality relatable.

[Asta Kask]

Please write something positive. I downloaded the National Transgender Discrimination Survey and read through the Health chapter. I was prepared for bad, but… it all seems so hopeless. What can a single person do?

Please give me the story of when a single act of kindness, a smile or a hug brightened a day. When someone made a difference. Give me something to hang my commitment on. Show me it isn’t all black.

Please?

[Lix Lorn]

Will this forum do?
I mean, I can't imagine anywhere else, internet or not, where you can be trans and get such a non response. Everyone here is wonderful. If you say you're having a bad day you get a cascade of hugs, and no-one's ever intentionally hurtful.

[noparlpf]

I'm confused, I thought asexuality was the easiest one to understand >>> May be wrong, but weren't most people in that state of mind before puberty?

Or at least I wasn't sexually attracted to any of my crushes before 13-ish. (iirc emotionally intense, but no interest in physical intimacy)

I feel like modern media/culture has kind of ruined that. Everything is so hypersexualized that kids grow up thinking they're into the opposite sex even though the hormones or whatever aren't there yet. Or at least that's how it seems to me when I hear about fourth and fifth graders "dating" and kissing and the ridiculous high school drama in my sister's fifth grade class.


Someone in this thread (don't remember who, sorry) once gave an explanation that I thought was excellent.

"You're straight, right? Okay. Think for a moment about people of your own gender. Do you feel attracted to them? No? Well, that's how I feel about everyone."

No idea if it would work on anyone, but I thought it sounded like a great way to make asexuality relatable.

Hey, I was going to quote that! But I forgot because I wasn't awake yet. Yes, that's one of my favorite ways of explaining asexuality that I've heard.
The problem is when you're talking to somebody who's bi or pan.

[Coidzor]

I'm confused, I thought asexuality was the easiest one to understand )


For some. For others it's easier to see the sex drive directed towards something other than ostensibly fertile adult ciswomen of the same species than to contemplate it simply never being a part of that person, as there's constant examples of people with such different sex drives in entertainment, the news, our lives. Even if they think it's wrong they'll still have some vague idea of it, even if their conception of it is grossly wrong.

Regardless of level of prejudice, it's just simply more likely for people to not have encountered the idea before, and, for some people a completely alien idea, rather than an idea that they've heard of and disagree with or can't see themselves, is something they just can't process.

So they default to thinking the person communicating such a thought to them is confused or mentally compromised in some way.

At least, that's as far as I can tell, I might be grossly misreading some things and people.

May be wrong, but weren't most people in that state of mind before puberty?

Or at least I wasn't sexually attracted to any of my crushes before 13-ish. (iirc emotionally intense, but no interest in physical intimacy)

The key difference is the asexuals won't "wake" or "grow" up, except in a very few cases where they're actually demisexuals or there's something hormonal that clears up with age/medical treatment. So people who think of it in similar terms (they just haven't gone through that part of puberty yet, haven't woken up yet, whatever term one wants to apply to conceptualizing that change) to that are one of the groups more resented by asexuals, because they're the ones telling them that they just haven't met the right man/woman yet or that they'll find their tastes change as they get older.

Also, people don't really like contemplating the sexuality or sexual natures of 12-14 year olds when that sort of thing starts to happen, so they're much less likely to stop to consider that, as thinking about children sexually or children's sexuality is one of those things that's considered anathema by the culture at large IIRC.


Someone in this thread (don't remember who, sorry) once gave an explanation that I thought was excellent.

"You're straight, right? Okay. Think for a moment about people of your own gender. Do you feel attracted to them? No? Well, that's how I feel about everyone."

No idea if it would work on anyone, but I thought it sounded like a great way to make asexuality relatable.

Indeed, it helps to make sure that they're not the kind that hates/resents their own sex first, as otherwise they'll just think you're a misanthrope.

[bluewind95]

Oi, yes. The typical "asexuality doesn't exist" thing. I get that one far too often, too. :smallsigh: People with a sexual orientation apparently consider it such an integral part of who they are, that they simply can't understand someone not having it. So they think you must be repressing it, or sublimating it, or better yet, traumatized and obviously sexually abused when younger. :smallmad: :smallfurious:

I have sadly found out that people tend to be really, really rigid about this stance. You can explain to them what asexuality is and they'll still go on about how it's all wrong and obviously "all these people" are also repressed and justifying their repression and... yeah. Granted, there are people that will understand it, or at least accept it (my best friend has sometimes asked me what being asexual is like because they certainly can't quite understand it). But not all will.

You can point them to sources of information, but in the end, they're the ones that will either accept or reject the information. You can't make a blind man see again, sadly.

What I tell people is that, to me, other people are like works of art, like paintings. Of course I can see how aesthetically-pleasing they are. But just like I wouldn't be aroused by a painting, people don't stir in me any of those feelings. If they're straight, there's also "Okay. Can you tell whether a person of your own sex is aesthetically-pleasing or not? Yeah? Okay, now. Are you *attracted* to them? No? Okay, see, apply this to ALL people and that's what my asexuality is like." Of course, asexuality is not exactly the same for everyone (is any orientation just the same for everyone? I don't think so, at least!). But the thing here is that they may think you're in denial because they can't understand it, more than because they don't have any information. I have personally found similes and metaphors and whatnot fairly efficient to get my point across because it builds common ground from which they can understand things they have not been able to live through.

This is... quite a jumbled mess of words. I hope it is at least somewhat helpful.

Note: I did start this post hours ago and only now posted, I hope it's not too out of date!

[Triscuitable]

Oi, yes. The typical "asexuality doesn't exist" thing. I get that one far too often, too. :smallsigh: People with a sexual orientation apparently consider it such an integral part of who they are, that they simply can't understand someone not having it. So they think you must be repressing it, or sublimating it, or better yet, traumatized and obviously sexually abused when younger. :smallmad: :smallfurious:

The fools! I can cope with sex, but I wouldn't do it for myself.

As for being asked "is she cute?", and "was he pretty?" by people, trying to eek out an "oriented" response, please, stop asking me that. I can give you a straight answer, but it's only because of my own opinion on how they look. Some people may look at a girl and think "hey, breasts" (do people do that?), but I look at a girl and see "too much makeup, midriff, pointlessly oversexualized skirt, hair is too dainty". I'm very judgmental.

[The Succubus]

Although I'm not asexual, that is a question I can relate to, in a way. Whenever a female friend asks me "does this dress make me look fat" or similar, the correct response is to move away very rapidly and be somewhere else. An honest answer rarely goes down well and a lie goes down even worse than that....

[Asta Kask]

Some people may look at a girl and think "hey, breasts" (do people do that?).

It has been known to happen.

[Blisstake]

Can you find any resources online and give them? Say something like "This isn't just me, there are lots of people like me out there!" Let's face ít, if you were the only asexual in the world, repression would be a more reasonable explanation than it is now. Not necessarily true, but more reasonable.

People can short and tall. People can be fat and skinny. Why should the strength of one's 'drive' be a constant for everyone?

Well, you could compare it to anything that is variable in human nature; that isn't the problem with people who don't understand the validity of being asexual. They think having a sex drive is an innate part of being a human like having to eat or breathe. That's not the case, sure, but people tend to be somewhat egocentric, making it difficult for them to understand lacking what could be a crucial part of their own life.

[PairO'Dice Lost]

Hello, Playgrounders. I thought I'd get this off my chest now, because by this time tomorrow I'm sure the thread will be on page 23 with fourteen different topics.

I'm gay, and after delaying for the last 9 years or so (due to attending fairly homophobic Catholic schools, not wanting to get kicked out of the Boy Scouts before making Eagle scout, etc.) I finally came out to some of my family and my good friends over the holidays. My sister took it well, my best-friend-who-is-practically-my-brother took it well, and my other friends at home took it well, just have my college friends to do after the break and that'll be everyone.

The parents aren't exactly supportive, particularly my dad--I've penciled in coming out to him roughly between "I move three time zones away" and "Hell freezes over" at this point--so I'll be limiting the news to my sister and friends for the time being.

But! There is some good news! Less than a month after coming out, I've found myself a boyfriend! His sympathy is making the parental situation easier to handle! I can only talk in exclamation points about this guy! Again, details if you care:
I had a good friend when I was much younger that I'd hang around with a lot (let's call him J). I figured out what the word "gay" meant in 5th grade during the "Gays are evil are are going to Hell" portion of my Catholic school sex-ed class, but I knew I liked boys long before that; part of the reason for that was that I had a crush on J. When we hit middle school, he confided in me at one point that he wasn't sure he liked girls. Our conversation went something like this:

J: Hey, [me], I have something to tell you. I...I think I might like boys. You know, like like. I don't really feel that way about any girls....
Me: :smallamused: Reeeeally...? Because--
J: But I'm going to pray to Jesus really hard, and hopefully he'll make these terrible feelings go away.
Me: :smallannoyed:

We've had sporadic contact over the years (Dad's in the Army, we moved a lot), but whenever my family was back in the area, I tried to get in touch with him and do lunch or play tennis or something. Shy, nerdy, introverted J gave way to outgoing, frat-boy, womanizing J, and I figured either he was suppressing his feelings or he had just been curious at that age. Crush gone. :smallfrown:

But over winter break, I ran into him at the mall, we talked for a bit, and decided to get together for lunch the next day and catch up. We spent most of a week hanging out, and at the end, he sat me down and said that there was something he'd been meaning to tell me. He finally got up the courage to say that over the last summer he'd both left the Church and admitted to himself that he was gay. He hoped that I didn't hate him for that and would still be his friend (I'd been keeping up my religious façade around him since I was younger, so he'd assumed I was like my parents). Also, he hated to say it, but...he kinda had a crush on me, and he wanted to let me know, and if I was totally weirded out and didn't want to be around him anymore he'd totally understand and oh god this was harder than he thought it would be. So I gave him a hug, told him that there was something I had to tell him, and the rest is history.

:smallbiggrin:

His parents have the same homophobic Catholic thing going on that mine do, and he only came to terms with his sexuality earlier this year, so he's not nearly ready to tell them. We talked a lot during break about the parents and what we've been going through and have been Skyping since we both returned to college, and everything has worked out really really well. My friends have given me some good-natured grief about it, saying it sounds like the plot of some cheesy movie, and I occasionally I have to pinch myself and convince myself that this is actually happening. It sucks that I won't be able to see him in person for months, but I'm just happy things worked out so well.

[The Succubus]

Hmmmm. I don't envy the parental situation but it's awesome that you've found a boyfriend *and* one that knows exactly what you're going through. It could even be a plus sign in your favour - if you say to your folks that the man in your life was in a good catholic family as well, they may be more accepting of him, perhaps?

[Asta Kask]

There were a lot of non-explamation points in that second spoiler... are you sure you're not hiding something? :smallwink:

That sounds AWESOME!!! (geez, I'm turning into a thirteen-year old girl... :smallbiggrin:) Except for the parents part, but hey. Revolting against parents is healthy in any teenager.

[Coidzor]

What I tell people is that, to me, other people are like works of art, like paintings.

:smallconfused: That's kind of a poor choice for analogy and communicating the idea, what with the existence of porn and hentai and all.

I imagine this has been pointed out to you by the person you're trying to explain this to though.

[noparlpf]

Hello, Playgrounders. I thought I'd get this off my chest now, because by this time tomorrow I'm sure the thread will be on page 23 with fourteen different topics.

I'm gay, and after delaying for the last 9 years or so (due to attending fairly homophobic Catholic schools, not wanting to get kicked out of the Boy Scouts before making Eagle scout, etc.) I finally came out to some of my family and my good friends over the holidays. My sister took it well, my best-friend-who-is-practically-my-brother took it well, and my other friends at home took it well, just have my college friends to do after the break and that'll be everyone.

The parents aren't exactly supportive, particularly my dad--I've penciled in coming out to him roughly between "I move three time zones away" and "Hell freezes over" at this point--so I'll be limiting the news to my sister and friends for the time being.

But! There is some good news! Less than a month after coming out, I've found myself a boyfriend! His sympathy is making the parental situation easier to handle! I can only talk in exclamation points about this guy! Again, details if you care:
I had a good friend when I was much younger that I'd hang around with a lot (let's call him J). I figured out what the word "gay" meant in 5th grade during the "Gays are evil are are going to Hell" portion of my Catholic school sex-ed class, but I knew I liked boys long before that; part of the reason for that was that I had a crush on J. When we hit middle school, he confided in me at one point that he wasn't sure he liked girls. Our conversation went something like this:

J: Hey, [me], I have something to tell you. I...I think I might like boys. You know, like like. I don't really feel that way about any girls....
Me: :smallamused: Reeeeally...? Because--
J: But I'm going to pray to Jesus really hard, and hopefully he'll make these terrible feelings go away.
Me: :smallannoyed:

We've had sporadic contact over the years (Dad's in the Army, we moved a lot), but whenever my family was back in the area, I tried to get in touch with him and do lunch or play tennis or something. Shy, nerdy, introverted J gave way to outgoing, frat-boy, womanizing J, and I figured either he was suppressing his feelings or he had just been curious at that age. Crush gone. :smallfrown:

But over winter break, I ran into him at the mall, we talked for a bit, and decided to get together for lunch the next day and catch up. We spent most of a week hanging out, and at the end, he sat me down and said that there was something he'd been meaning to tell me. He finally got up the courage to say that over the last summer he'd both left the Church and admitted to himself that he was gay. He hoped that I didn't hate him for that and would still be his friend (I'd been keeping up my religious façade around him since I was younger, so he'd assumed I was like my parents). Also, he hated to say it, but...he kinda had a crush on me, and he wanted to let me know, and if I was totally weirded out and didn't want to be around him anymore he'd totally understand and oh god this was harder than he thought it would be. So I gave him a hug, told him that there was something I had to tell him, and the rest is history.

:smallbiggrin:

His parents have the same homophobic Catholic thing going on that mine do, and he only came to terms with his sexuality earlier this year, so he's not nearly ready to tell them. We talked a lot during break about the parents and what we've been going through and have been Skyping since we both returned to college, and everything has worked out really really well. My friends have given me some good-natured grief about it, saying it sounds like the plot of some cheesy movie, and I occasionally I have to pinch myself and convince myself that this is actually happening. It sucks that I won't be able to see him in person for months, but I'm just happy things worked out so well.

Wow. I'm sorry your parents are so against it. At least most of the other people you've told seem alright with it, and the way things worked out with 'J' is nice.

[Triscuitable]

I honestly think you'll have an easier time growing up with your parents because of it. It's a shock to them at first, but as they grow more tolerant of it, it'll heal like a scar. While most metaphors for scars are negative, mine is overwhelmingly positive.

A scar is the result of a wound, which heals itself, twice as strong as before. It seems like damage, but then it turns into something even better than it was before, a sign of what you've overcome. Believe me, I know that I've got the signs that I've overcome having glass shards in my right foot, and an loose piece of iron dragged on the side of my skull. :smallbiggrin:

It's hard for me to sympathize, but reading your story, well we haven't met, but I'm proud of you. You took a stand against what you wanted, and got one of the best happy endings to it: your childhood friend is your boyfriend.

[Mina Kobold]

Hey, I was going to quote that! But I forgot because I wasn't awake yet. Yes, that's one of my favorite ways of explaining asexuality that I've heard.
The problem is when you're talking to somebody who's bi or pan.

You could substitute it for a non-humanoid item, like shiny rocks!

"You see this rock? Now, it's shiny and I really really like shinies. But I don't think for a microsecond that either of us want to have sex with a tiny rock. Now expand that to everything, and you have asexuality.

And if you will excuse me, I have a lot of shiny things to find!"

I do wish I could use it, but I happen to live in a country which don't give a hoot in the first place, so I have only been asked once. Accursed drunken Denmark and your not-caringness! Curse youuuuu! :smalltongue:


Hello, Playgrounders. I thought I'd get this off my chest now, because by this time tomorrow I'm sure the thread will be on page 23 with fourteen different topics.

I'm gay, and after delaying for the last 9 years or so (due to attending fairly homophobic Catholic schools, not wanting to get kicked out of the Boy Scouts before making Eagle scout, etc.) I finally came out to some of my family and my good friends over the holidays. My sister took it well, my best-friend-who-is-practically-my-brother took it well, and my other friends at home took it well, just have my college friends to do after the break and that'll be everyone.

The parents aren't exactly supportive, particularly my dad--I've penciled in coming out to him roughly between "I move three time zones away" and "Hell freezes over" at this point--so I'll be limiting the news to my sister and friends for the time being.

But! There is some good news! Less than a month after coming out, I've found myself a boyfriend! His sympathy is making the parental situation easier to handle! I can only talk in exclamation points about this guy! Again, details if you care:
I had a good friend when I was much younger that I'd hang around with a lot (let's call him J). I figured out what the word "gay" meant in 5th grade during the "Gays are evil are are going to Hell" portion of my Catholic school sex-ed class, but I knew I liked boys long before that; part of the reason for that was that I had a crush on J. When we hit middle school, he confided in me at one point that he wasn't sure he liked girls. Our conversation went something like this:

J: Hey, [me], I have something to tell you. I...I think I might like boys. You know, like like. I don't really feel that way about any girls....
Me: :smallamused: Reeeeally...? Because--
J: But I'm going to pray to Jesus really hard, and hopefully he'll make these terrible feelings go away.
Me: :smallannoyed:

We've had sporadic contact over the years (Dad's in the Army, we moved a lot), but whenever my family was back in the area, I tried to get in touch with him and do lunch or play tennis or something. Shy, nerdy, introverted J gave way to outgoing, frat-boy, womanizing J, and I figured either he was suppressing his feelings or he had just been curious at that age. Crush gone. :smallfrown:

But over winter break, I ran into him at the mall, we talked for a bit, and decided to get together for lunch the next day and catch up. We spent most of a week hanging out, and at the end, he sat me down and said that there was something he'd been meaning to tell me. He finally got up the courage to say that over the last summer he'd both left the Church and admitted to himself that he was gay. He hoped that I didn't hate him for that and would still be his friend (I'd been keeping up my religious façade around him since I was younger, so he'd assumed I was like my parents). Also, he hated to say it, but...he kinda had a crush on me, and he wanted to let me know, and if I was totally weirded out and didn't want to be around him anymore he'd totally understand and oh god this was harder than he thought it would be. So I gave him a hug, told him that there was something I had to tell him, and the rest is history.

:smallbiggrin:

His parents have the same homophobic Catholic thing going on that mine do, and he only came to terms with his sexuality earlier this year, so he's not nearly ready to tell them. We talked a lot during break about the parents and what we've been going through and have been Skyping since we both returned to college, and everything has worked out really really well. My friends have given me some good-natured grief about it, saying it sounds like the plot of some cheesy movie, and I occasionally I have to pinch myself and convince myself that this is actually happening. It sucks that I won't be able to see him in person for months, but I'm just happy things worked out so well.

Religious xenoorientatiophobic/homophobic parents are quite a sad reality. *Glomps*

But J and your relationship sounds super-groovylicous! It will surely get even better for the future, so keep up the good news and spread the joy! :smallsmile:

[Arachu]

Even though they're digital the hugs all around this thread sometimes weird me out a little. I'm pretty good at mentally smacking myself and then ignoring my neuroses, though. I hug people in real life when they want me to. I'm just not the initiator of hugs.

*Hug* (couldn't resist. :smalltongue:)


As for being asked "is she cute?", and "was he pretty?" by people, trying to eek out an "oriented" response, please, stop asking me that. I can give you a straight answer, but it's only because of my own opinion on how they look. Some people may look at a girl and think "hey, breasts" (do people do that?), but I look at a girl and see "too much makeup, midriff, pointlessly oversexualized skirt, hair is too dainty". I'm very judgmental.

I don't usually notice people for more than about half a second anyway - when I finally do, I'm so surprised that whatever drew my attention demands it for at least two full seconds ('holy crap, that girl's freakin' beautiful!' or 'damn, that guy's cute!' :smallcool:).

This backfires when the detail's 'oh god, I think s/he's making that smell', but other than that it isn't so bad. :roach:


Hello, Playgrounders. I thought I'd get this off my chest now, because by this time tomorrow I'm sure the thread will be on page 23 with fourteen different topics. :smallwink:

I'm gay, and after delaying for the last 9 years or so (due to attending fairly homophobic Catholic schools, not wanting to get kicked out of the Boy Scouts before making Eagle scout, etc.) I finally came out to some of my family and my good friends over the holidays. My sister took it well, my best-friend-who-is-practically-my-brother took it well, my other friends at home took it well, my mom...didn't.

Details/rant in the spoiler, if you care:
Basically, I've been holding off telling the parents because they're fairly conservative Catholics and have expressed some disapproval for "that lifestyle," and thus I waited to tell my sister and friends so as not to force them to lie to my parents if they were asked about it behind my back. I'd been sounding Mom and Dad out to figure out how receptive they would be over the past few years, and it looked like Mom might not feel too bad about it. So I decided that I'd have a conversation over the holidays with her about how she's a bit concerned that I haven't had any girlfriends, and she doesn't want me to be lonely, blah blah blah, since she talked about that to my sister behind my back and my sister told me because she's cool like that. If it went well and the general tenor of the conversation was "You need to get out and meet people," fine, I'd come out; if it was "You damn well better be straight," I'd hold off.

We had our little chat and she was all "Oh, I just want you to be happy!" so I decided that it was fine to come out. When I told her, she sort of sat there for a minute with a deer-in-the-headlights look, followed by a kind of shell-shocked "Okaaay?" We then proceeded to have a ~2.5 hour discussion on it, which basically amounted to Homophobia's Greatest Hits--"But you haven't had a girlfriend, how do you know?" and "Now you have to worry about AIDS" and "You know, the Bible says...." and so on and so forth. By the end of it, I managed to convince her that (A) I'd be fine, (B) I'm not changing, and (C) she shouldn't tell Dad, which is...good, I suppose, if not the reaction I'd been hoping for. It's about the same place we ended up after I told her I'm an atheist--she doesn't agree at all and she can't really understand where I'm coming from, but as long as I don't talk about it she can forget it ever happened and avoid thinking about how she's a failure as a parent. :smallsigh:

And she's the more liberal of my parents. She disagrees with the Vatican on some issues, she doesn't go to church every week, etc. My dad is an usher at Mass twice a week and volunteers at the church a lot, is the one who decided to send my sister and me to various Catholic schools for 8 years, thinks gay marriage is a terrible thing and we need to change, etc. It's kind of strange, because we live in a fairly liberal area that's fine with gay marriage and such, and both of them are politically, economically, and socially liberal, and are in every other way very open-minded and accepting people, but if something conflicts with Catholicism, religion takes precedence even if it's (to me, at least) completely illogical--as an example, Dad went to a techie college, played some war games in the Army, and is fine with video games, but for the longest time I wasn't allowed to play D&D because he bought into the "D&D is Satanic" spiel his church gave him in the '80s. I've penciled in coming out to Dad roughly between "I move three time zones away" and "Hell freezes over" at this point, and that's assuming Mom actually does decide not to tell him until I do.
But! There is some good news! Less than a month after coming out, I've found myself a boyfriend! His sympathy is making the parental situation easier to handle! I can only talk in exclamation points about this guy! Again, details if you care:
I had a good friend when I was much younger that I'd hang around with a lot (let's call him J). I figured out what the word "gay" meant in 5th grade during the "Gays are evil are are going to Hell" portion of my Catholic school sex-ed class, but I knew I liked boys long before that; part of the reason for that was that I had a crush on J. When we hit middle school, he confided in me at one point that he wasn't sure he liked girls. Our conversation went something like this:

J: Hey, [me], I have something to tell you. I...I think I might like boys. You know, like like. I don't really feel that way about any girls....
Me: :smallamused: Reeeeally...? Because--
J: But I'm going to pray to Jesus really hard, and hopefully he'll make these terrible feelings go away.
Me: :smallannoyed:

We've had sporadic contact over the years (Dad's in the Army, we moved a lot), but whenever my family was back in the area, I tried to get in touch with him and do lunch or play tennis or something. Shy, nerdy, introverted J gave way to outgoing, frat-boy, womanizing J, and I figured either he was suppressing his feelings or he had just been curious at that age. Crush gone. :smallfrown:

But over winter break, I ran into him at the mall, we talked for a bit, and decided to get together for lunch the next day and catch up. We spent most of a week hanging out, and at the end, he sat me down and said that there was something he'd been meaning to tell me. He finally got up the courage to say that over the last summer he'd both left the Church and admitted to himself that he was gay. He hoped that I didn't hate him for that and would still be his friend (I'd been keeping up my religious façade around him since I was younger, so he'd assumed I was like my parents). Also, he hated to say it, but...he kinda had a crush on me, and he wanted to let me know, and if I was totally weirded out and didn't want to be around him anymore he'd totally understand and oh god this was harder than he thought it would be. So I gave him a hug, told him that there was something I had to tell him, and the rest is history.

:smallbiggrin:

His parents have the same homophobic Catholic thing going on that mine do, and he only came to terms with his sexuality earlier this year, so he's not nearly ready to tell them. We talked a lot during break about the parents and what we've been going through and have been Skyping since we both returned to college, and everything has worked out really really well. My friends have given me some good-natured grief about it, saying it sounds like the plot of some cheesy movie, and I occasionally I have to pinch myself and convince myself that this is actually happening. It sucks that I won't be able to see him in person for months, but I'm just happy things worked out so well.

tl;dr: Religious mom is somewhat homophobic and pretending it didn't happen, more-religious dad will be much worse. The boyfriend is an old friend who recently came to terms with himself, and everything is hunky-dory. :smallbiggrin:

*Hugs* (also long string of :roy:'s at your parents/school and :elan:'s at the other parts. :smalltongue:)
Asta
It depends on in what context this is administrated. On SJGs or WotC's homepage - yes. But if you give it in the context of a pride parade, or at a local LGBTA organization, and state clearly that the purpose is to teach people about translife then they might try to get into the spirit of things.

We'll never get the bigots, so let's not waste time trying. This adventure would be for Socrates - "The only thing I know is that I don't know anything." People like you and me, who don't understand but who know we don't understand and are willing to learn.

Am I making sense?

Indeed... It's a thought exercise. Most if not all who'll read it will already sympathize, so it makes more sense to promote understanding. The state of being itself is confusing at best, but the implications of it have a lot of potential for parallels.
Lither
Hello all. Been wanting to say this for a while. Might as well get this over and done with as quickly as possible. So my problem is now in dot point format.

Spoilered due to trigger warnings for homophobic (and in this case, completely off the mark) slurs. Just to be safe.



I'm asexual. Also really dislikes anyone coming too close, and is probably related, for reasons I keep to myself.
The current definition of asexuality I'm identifying as is the one with a lack of sexual orientation. In my case, said dislike of physical contact has also lead me to a dislike of romantic relationships.
Nobody I know IRL knows what asexuality is.
People notice me avoiding romantic relationships with members of the opposite sex.
People with all their logic come to the conclusion that it must mean I'm homosexual.
Immature people start throwing homophobic slurs around, the only real thing bothering me about it is the venom some of them are used with.
Others, including several family members who consider me to be in a state of denial, telling me it's perfectly fine to be homosexual *head suddenly strikes desk with a not inconsiderable amount of force*.
Now so bored and frustrated with it I've stopped bothering to attempt to introduce proper knowledge to people I know:smallsigh:.


Probably needed to get that out of my system before I lost it and started yelling at some people. So does anybody know how to adress this problem as time and time again people around me seem incapable of understanding that I am in another "category" that they don't yet accept it's existence.

Hope I put that in an inoffensive way. I don't enjoy offending anyone, especially over the internet.

*Hugs (metaphorically speaking, of course)*

I had a similar problem... I was 'straight' (bicurious was probably more accurate) in grade school and bi in high school, but I was also quite asocial and I didn't have any means of going on dates anyway so I didn't really bother... My parents came to assume that I was gay, and in a relationship with my (straight) best friend. :smallconfused: :smallsigh:

I'd try to give you some advice, but I... Well, I didn't deal with it in the healthiest way (developed a good growl, though :roach:).
Birchgrove


Yes. We have great hair. :smallbiggrin:

(Though I got my curls from my dad. :smalltongue: )

I think my cousins and I have picked out most every hue in my hair (red, brown, blonde, even grey)... In every hair. I can't figure out why that makes any sense, but I won't argue with it. :smallcool:


Thanks.

I know I should stop angsting... :smallsigh:

Nothing wrong with angsting here and there (or at least, that's what I keep telling me :/). *Hug*

I can say that, as far as I know, your angst seems unreasonable. You aren't objectifying anyone just for being attracted to them.

I guess I should tell myself that too, though... The more I learn about how offensively words like "tranny" and "shemale" are used, the worse I feel for typing/seeing them. It feels like promoting some gender-equivalent of the "n-word". :/

And then there are ads. In general. :smallannoyed:


Pardon, but what do you mean with simulating a calculator? :smallconfused:

I have a digital circuit simulator, and I'm... Moderately obsessed with it. Actually, I'd say logic itself is my thing, but I can't find anything for mechanism simulation that I'm patient enough to figure out. :smalltongue:

I'm trying to figure out division lately... It's a lot more complicated than it seems like it should be... :mitd:

[bluewind95]

:smallconfused: That's kind of a poor choice for analogy and communicating the idea, what with the existence of porn and hentai and all.

I imagine this has been pointed out to you by the person you're trying to explain this to though.


No, actually, I hadn't run into that problem till you mentioned it. By "art" I meant, like, classic art. I also generally use that analogy when there is nearby art, be it abstract or whatnot. Certainly none of the stuff you mentioned there (I'm not sure all of it *would* be art in the strictest sense of the word, anyways).

[Coidzor]

No, actually, I hadn't run into that problem till you mentioned it. By "art" I meant, like, classic art. I also generally use that analogy when there is nearby art, be it abstract or whatnot. Certainly none of the stuff you mentioned there (I'm not sure all of it *would* be art in the strictest sense of the word, anyways).

Eh, I find that it's generally not safe to assume the strictest meaning is in play if you're discussing sexuality and art in the same sentence. As for the whole ability to grok it as a potential source of eroticism or titillation, that ties into the human brain's ability to interpret things as symbols, which is what consumption of such materials boils down to.

Hmm, I'm reminded of an anime where this issue is actually discussed. Can't remember the name of it for the life of me now though.

And, well, the giant collection of erotic art and pornography that's hidden somewhere in Vatican City could be used either way. :smallwink:

It's generally best *not* to get into that metaphysical debate though, as no one's going to leave that clean.

Triscuitable:
The fools!

Eh, more often it's ignorance and in an environment that reinforces it than actual personal foolishness, I'd wager. Granted, there's always going to be some level of overlap if you're a pessimist and believe that the greater part of the population is at least mildly foolish.


As for being asked "is she cute?", and "was he pretty?" by people, trying to eek out an "oriented" response, please, stop asking me that.

"Eke," as "eek" is a somewhat onomatopoeia and also a smiley. :eek:


I can give you a straight answer, but it's only because of my own opinion on how they look. Some people may look at a girl and think "hey, breasts" (do people do that?),

Generally not, no, except when people are exaggerating the behavior of someone in active ogle mode.


but I look at a girl and see "too much makeup, midriff, pointlessly oversexualized skirt, hair is too dainty". I'm very judgmental.

That just sounds tiring. :smalleek: And not exactly the best mind set in general to facilitate communications and put an end to hostilities, really. :/

[Lanaya]

Quod's your story, luv?

Does quod mean what? I'm assuming it does. Ummm, recently started having gender identity issues, decided after a lot of internet research and back and forth circular arguments in my head that I probably am trans, but it's still early days so I'm not completely sure yet.


*Hugs* :smallbiggrin:

*glomps*

[Asta Kask]

If bluewind is asexual, does that mean I'm sexual? Or what would the proper antonym be?

[Worira]

It means you're a sexual.

[Coidzor]

If bluewind is asexual, does that mean I'm sexual? Or what would the proper antonym be?

I believe the dichotomy is generally drawn between sexual people and asexual people, yes.

[noparlpf]

You could substitute it for a non-humanoid item, like shiny rocks!

"You see this rock? Now, it's shiny and I really really like shinies. But I don't think for a microsecond that either of us want to have sex with a tiny rock. Now expand that to everything, and you have asexuality.

And if you will excuse me, I have a lot of shiny things to find!"

I do wish I could use it, but I happen to live in a country which don't give a hoot in the first place, so I have only been asked once. Accursed drunken Denmark and your not-caringness! Curse youuuuu! :smalltongue:

I used a similar analogy when complaining about Freud's statement that the concept of beauty is ultimately derived from sexual attraction. Unfortunately, I then found out that sometimes flowers are considered to be symbolic of vaginas. So my "Who doesn't think flowers are pretty, and who would want to screw one?" turned into "Well poop, you ruined it."


If bluewind is asexual, does that mean I'm sexual? Or what would the proper antonym be?

Sexual is the general term, I guess, but specifically you're gynosexual or heterosexual, right?

[Arachu]

I used a similar analogy when complaining about Freud's statement that the concept of beauty is ultimately derived from sexual attraction. Unfortunately, I then found out that sometimes flowers are considered to be symbolic of vaginas. So my "Who doesn't think flowers are pretty, and who would want to screw one?" turned into "Well poop, you ruined it."

That analogy wouldn't hold up very well with straight women or gay men - only, "that just means they're repressing it".

... Freud wasn't exactly a scientist. :roach:

[Mono Vertigo]

Freud's obsession about sexuality and repression tells more about Freud than about anyone else.
That is all.
:smallbiggrin:

[Mina Kobold]

In technicality, Freud was a neurologist and thus a scientist in all regards. He was just one of the first in the field of Psychology and had very little to go on.

Doesn't mean he wasn't quite bad, but he was at least doing more than assuming that hysteria came from autonomous internal organs. And he did discover the symptoms (Which he mistook as causes) that would lead later Psychology closer to answers.

Most of his observation came from the repressed patients who had convinced themselves that they must have been abused due to Victorian society's suppression of sexuality, after all.

This has been a Kobold Defences Inc. public message, playing Glittergold's advocate since 2012. :3

[Elfinor]

Hey, I was going to quote that! But I forgot because I wasn't awake yet. Yes, that's one of my favorite ways of explaining asexuality that I've heard.
The problem is when you're talking to somebody who's bi or pan.

Hey, that's not true! I actually helped someone identify as asexual, identifying his orientation was part of doing a draft care plan.
I'm proud of it now, but it kind of broke my heart at the time. I had a very strong crush on him
I kind of have or have had a foot in almost every sexual orientation category though: straight -> gay who wishes he was asexual -> gay -> bi who's about a 4-5 (mood-dependent) on the Kinsey scale but isn't really fond of sex. It does help me empathise with other orientations, although I end up looking like some sort of sexual orientation hipster.

@Lither, the gay but pretending to be asexual thing does happen and I'm sorry for perpetuating that sort of thing. It sounds more than a little frustrating being bullied for an attraction you don't even have. Your asexual orientation is your own. It frustrates me to hell when someone denies that certain types of (a)sexual orientation exist.

I suppose you could try thrusting that What is it like to be asexual? (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-16552173) BBC article at your family/close friends. The article seems to be directed at sexuals. It might help if you do your best to look and sound emotionally pained while presenting the article to them, cash in on those sympathy points:smallamused:

Good luck with whatever you choose to do, I hope they learn to accept you for who you are:smallsmile:

If bluewind is asexual, does that mean I'm sexual? Or what would the proper antonym be? Bluewind is asexual. You are a sexual:smallbiggrin:

[Coidzor]

"Well poop, you ruined it."

Yeah, there's a lot of things in life like that. :smallfrown:

[Petrocorus]

Hello, everyone.
I haven't been there for a big while (thread sixteen apparently).

I'm passing by to say happy new year to everybody.

Good health and good craziness for everyone! :smallsmile:

[noparlpf]

That analogy wouldn't hold up very well with straight women or gay men - only, "that just means they're repressing it".

... Freud wasn't exactly a scientist. :roach:

I meant that, when I first made the analogy, I didn't know that flowers can be symbolic of vaginas. I just thought of the first pretty thing that came to mind. I like flowers.

Edit:

Hey, that's not true! I actually helped someone identify as asexual, identifying his orientation was part of doing a draft care plan.
I'm proud of it now, but it kind of broke my heart at the time. I had a very strong crush on him
I kind of have or have had a foot in almost every sexual orientation category though: straight -> gay who wishes he was asexual -> gay -> bi who's about a 4-5 (mood-dependent) on the Kinsey scale but isn't really fond of sex. It does help me empathise with other orientations, although I end up looking like some sort of sexual orientation hipster.

@Lither, the gay but pretending to be asexual thing does happen and I'm sorry for perpetuating that sort of thing. It sounds more than a little frustrating being bullied for an attraction you don't even have. Your asexual orientation is your own. It frustrates me to hell when someone denies that certain types of (a)sexual orientation exist.

I suppose you could try thrusting that What is it like to be asexual? (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-16552173) BBC article at your family/close friends. The article seems to be directed at sexuals. It might help if you do your best to look and sound emotionally pained while presenting the article to them, cash in on those sympathy points:smallamused:

Good luck with whatever you choose to do, I hope they learn to accept you for who you are:smallsmile:
Bluewind is asexual. You are a sexual:smallbiggrin:

Excellent article and once again I like her hair.

Anyway, what I meant was that trying to explain asexuality to a bi or pan person who doesn't believe in asexuality using that quoted thingy might not work well because they're attracted to pretty much anybody who's attractive as opposed to only being attracted to attractive people of one sex but not to attractive people of the other sex.

There is attempted clarification all up in this post.

[Kneenibble]

Hello, everyone.
I haven't been there for a big while (thread sixteen apparently).

I'm passing by to say happy new year to everybody.

Good health and good craziness for everyone! :smallsmile:

Bonjour! Happy New Year and sound-body/unsound-mind to you as well.


Does quod mean what? I'm assuming it does. Ummm, recently started having gender identity issues, decided after a lot of internet research and back and forth circular arguments in my head that I probably am trans, but it's still early days so I'm not completely sure yet.
Sorry. I just meant "what's your story."

Lots of people here can help you elaborate that inner monologue into insight and discovery, so welcome!


Hello, Playgrounders. I thought I'd get this off my chest now, because by this time tomorrow I'm sure the thread will be on page 23 with fourteen different topics.

I'm gay, and after delaying for the last 9 years or so (due to attending fairly homophobic Catholic schools, not wanting to get kicked out of the Boy Scouts before making Eagle scout, etc.) I finally came out to some of my family and my good friends over the holidays. My sister took it well, my best-friend-who-is-practically-my-brother took it well, and my other friends at home took it well, just have my college friends to do after the break and that'll be everyone.

The parents aren't exactly supportive, particularly my dad--I've penciled in coming out to him roughly between "I move three time zones away" and "Hell freezes over" at this point--so I'll be limiting the news to my sister and friends for the time being.

But! There is some good news! Less than a month after coming out, I've found myself a boyfriend! His sympathy is making the parental situation easier to handle! I can only talk in exclamation points about this guy! Again, details if you care:
I had a good friend when I was much younger that I'd hang around with a lot (let's call him J). I figured out what the word "gay" meant in 5th grade during the "Gays are evil are are going to Hell" portion of my Catholic school sex-ed class, but I knew I liked boys long before that; part of the reason for that was that I had a crush on J. When we hit middle school, he confided in me at one point that he wasn't sure he liked girls. Our conversation went something like this:

J: Hey, [me], I have something to tell you. I...I think I might like boys. You know, like like. I don't really feel that way about any girls....
Me: :smallamused: Reeeeally...? Because--
J: But I'm going to pray to Jesus really hard, and hopefully he'll make these terrible feelings go away.
Me: :smallannoyed:

We've had sporadic contact over the years (Dad's in the Army, we moved a lot), but whenever my family was back in the area, I tried to get in touch with him and do lunch or play tennis or something. Shy, nerdy, introverted J gave way to outgoing, frat-boy, womanizing J, and I figured either he was suppressing his feelings or he had just been curious at that age. Crush gone. :smallfrown:

But over winter break, I ran into him at the mall, we talked for a bit, and decided to get together for lunch the next day and catch up. We spent most of a week hanging out, and at the end, he sat me down and said that there was something he'd been meaning to tell me. He finally got up the courage to say that over the last summer he'd both left the Church and admitted to himself that he was gay. He hoped that I didn't hate him for that and would still be his friend (I'd been keeping up my religious façade around him since I was younger, so he'd assumed I was like my parents). Also, he hated to say it, but...he kinda had a crush on me, and he wanted to let me know, and if I was totally weirded out and didn't want to be around him anymore he'd totally understand and oh god this was harder than he thought it would be. So I gave him a hug, told him that there was something I had to tell him, and the rest is history.

:smallbiggrin:

His parents have the same homophobic Catholic thing going on that mine do, and he only came to terms with his sexuality earlier this year, so he's not nearly ready to tell them. We talked a lot during break about the parents and what we've been going through and have been Skyping since we both returned to college, and everything has worked out really really well. My friends have given me some good-natured grief about it, saying it sounds like the plot of some cheesy movie, and I occasionally I have to pinch myself and convince myself that this is actually happening. It sucks that I won't be able to see him in person for months, but I'm just happy things worked out so well.

It's a lovely story, it really is. May the two of you be happy!

Congratulations on finding the courage to come out to your mom. The situation reminds me to be thankful that my family has been so awesome and accepting. All I can add is: your dad may surprise you (pleasantly).

[KenderWizard]

I've tried explaining it carefully to most of my family, who either see me in a state of denial or don't know about it at all, and I'll see about talking to one of my close friends. Asexuality is mostly tricky because people around me jump to conclusions like that and are very hard to remove from that belief when I attempt to tell them something they don't know and find it hard to believe.

Thankyou for the advice. I'll try my best to act upon it.

Wellll... That's not ideal. Maybe try a close friend. And keep at it. Eventually, they'll get that it's not a phase. I think giving them something to read about asexuals actually existing will probably help.


I like hugs!
(huggles)

*Huggles!*


Hello, Playgrounders. I thought I'd get this off my chest now, because by this time tomorrow I'm sure the thread will be on page 23 with fourteen different topics. :smallwink:


High-five, Catholicism problems! Luckily for me, my parents are just your standard Irish raised-Catholics. We're all, like, cultural Catholics, like you can be culturally Jewish, but an atheist or something. But school, yeah, ugh! I'm really glad you've got a partner in sin. :smallwink:


If bluewind is asexual, does that mean I'm sexual? Or what would the proper antonym be?

Asta is ... ssssssexual. :smallwink:


It means you're a sexual.

Like stupid Arwen!

I choose ... uh mortal life.

"Immortal" or "a mortal"? Argh! (I mean, you get it from context, but still!)

[PairO'Dice Lost]

Thanks for the glomps and sympathy and such, everyone. I knew I could count on the [letters]itP thread to brighten my day!


Hmmmm. I don't envy the parental situation but it's awesome that you've found a boyfriend *and* one that knows exactly what you're going through. It could even be a plus sign in your favour - if you say to your folks that the man in your life was in a good catholic family as well, they may be more accepting of him, perhaps?

Yeah, we're hoping that will make a difference; our parents always considered us to be good influences for each other, so they can't really complain about our choice in boyfriends, right?

Plus, I'm kinda hoping his parents' reaction is something along the lines of "Why couldn't you be more like [Dice]?" because, hey, who can resist a line like that?


There were a lot of non-explamation points in that second spoiler... are you sure you're not hiding something? :smallwink:

No, I said I could only talk in exclamation points. I was wearing a huge exclamation point costume while I was writing that part. :smallwink:



I honestly think you'll have an easier time growing up with your parents because of it. It's a shock to them at first, but as they grow more tolerant of it, it'll heal like a scar. While most metaphors for scars are negative, mine is overwhelmingly positive.

A scar is the result of a wound, which heals itself, twice as strong as before. It seems like damage, but then it turns into something even better than it was before, a sign of what you've overcome. Believe me, I know that I've got the signs that I've overcome having glass shards in my right foot, and an loose piece of iron dragged on the side of my skull. :smallbiggrin:

It's hard for me to sympathize, but reading your story, well we haven't met, but I'm proud of you. You took a stand against what you wanted, and got one of the best happy endings to it: your childhood friend is your boyfriend.

I haven't heard that particular aphorism before. I like it. Thanks!


High-five, Catholicism problems! Luckily for me, my parents are just your standard Irish raised-Catholics. We're all, like, cultural Catholics, like you can be culturally Jewish, but an atheist or something. But school, yeah, ugh! I'm really glad you've got a partner in sin. :smallwink:


Congratulations on finding the courage to come out to your mom. The situation reminds me to be thankful that my family has been so awesome and accepting. All I can add is: your dad may surprise you (pleasantly).

Well, my dad was raised in a fairly apathetically-Catholic family, but he "found religion" in college. :smallsigh: I'm hoping he'd change his tune if I told him, but after what happened with my mom I'm going to be very careful about doing that.

[The Succubus]

High-five, Catholicism problems! Luckily for me, my parents are just your standard Irish raised-Catholics. We're all, like, cultural Catholics, like you can be culturally Jewish, but an atheist or something. But school, yeah, ugh! I'm really glad you've got a partner in sin. :smallwink:

Sin is fun! :sabine:

[Arachu]

Freud's obsession about sexuality and repression tells more about Freud than about anyone else.
That is all.
:smallbiggrin:

"I'm not just the founder - I'm also a patient." :roach:


In technicality, Freud was a neurologist and thus a scientist in all regards. He was just one of the first in the field of Psychology and had very little to go on.

Doesn't mean he wasn't quite bad, but he was at least doing more than assuming that hysteria came from autonomous internal organs. And he did discover the symptoms (Which he mistook as causes) that would lead later Psychology closer to answers.

Most of his observation came from the repressed patients who had convinced themselves that they must have been abused due to Victorian society's suppression of sexuality, after all.

*Shrug* True. The way he carried it out was pretty pseudoscientific, though (lots of examples, but from a limited group with both a confirmation bias and biased fail-safes).

You're never going to look wrong when everyone who argues with you proves your point. :xykon:


This has been a Kobold Defences Inc. public message, playing Glittergold's advocate since 2012. :3

Ha. :smalltongue:


I meant that, when I first made the analogy, I didn't know that flowers can be symbolic of vaginas. I just thought of the first pretty thing that came to mind. I like flowers.

That's what I thought you meant - I just couldn't resist an opportunity to poke holes in the theory. :mitd:

No pun intended. ;)

[H Birchgrove]

Thanks Arachu, I'll reply to you later. :smallsmile:

Before I forget it, I'm going to post a dream I had while taking a nap I took because of a headache (and which made me miss the comedy Brüno on TV :smalltongue: ).

I was outside a school yard, looking at a lamppost. It looked pretty old school, kinda like the lamppost in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, but it had modern gas-discharge lamps inside. It was during a winter night, snow on the ground, to my right I could see the school buildings, to my left a forest or at least lots of conifers. Looking forward, there was a sidewalk and a road for cars. I was wearing winter cloths, including a winter jacket, tuque, gloves and scarf.

Suddenly, I saw someone walking on the sidewalk. I thought I recognised that person, and ran through the trail to the pavement.

That person happened to be Buck Angel*, who I recognised from his involvement in the It gets better videos. He was wearing a winter coat and a scarf, but nothing on his head. He was at least a head taller than me (in the dream, I don't know how tall he is IRL), and I had to look up to him to keep eye contact. He was surprised to see me, and wondered what I wanted with him.

I told I thought he was someone else, and we started to talk with each other while we walked. He asked me about why I looked at the lamppost, my explanation was that it had been broken earlier and I had reported it, and was now pleased that it was working again. We got into trans issues; I don't remember any details, but I think I said to him that it was great he was in the It gets better videos.

Somehow, I started to talk about The Purple Avenger, and how difficult it is to write about minority characters, especially as main characters. I mentioned that the title character most likely wouldn't have been bi unless I had been it, and how worried I was over the risk over insulting LGBTA+ and ethnic minorities.

Unfortunately, I woke up before I got his reply.

* For some reason I thought of him as Buck Danny, which is the name of the protagonist and ace pilot in a Belgian-French comic book series with the same name.


Freud's obsession about sexuality and repression tells more about Freud than about anyone else.
That is all.
:smallbiggrin:
I would say that his "obsession", as you call it, tells something about late 19th/early 20th century Austrian society and its mores and customs.

[Callista]

Real world physical contact with living things is the only thing which keeps me sane. Which, in retrospect, is unfortunate when paired with my crippling inability to express my emotional needs to most people. As a result, I spend most of my waking hours wishing that someone would hug me, afraid they'll hit me instead, anxious about actually asking for a hug, and slowly going mad from the combination of sadness, fear, and anxiety that being around other people brings.You need a cat. Mmhm, definitely a cat. One of the big floofy snuggly ones that immediately jumps into your lap the second you sit down, and you have to hold your coffee carefully because the cat will head-butt your hand, purring like a motor, and upset the coffee cup.

Or a dog. Dog could work. But cats are the best. <3

[turkishproverb]

Eh, it varies from dog to dog and cat to cat.

[Triscuitable]

You need a cat. Mmhm, definitely a cat. One of the big floofy snuggly ones that immediately jumps into your lap the second you sit down, and you have to hold your coffee carefully because the cat will head-butt your hand, purring like a motor, and upset the coffee cup.

Or a dog. Dog could work. But cats are the best. <3

My cats would be more effective on this forum. I've confirmed they are both gay. That'll happen when two beings of the same race are brought under the same conditions, with no knowledge of a female counterpart. Quite interesting when you think about it, would a human with no knowledge of the opposite sex form an attraction to their sex? I don't want to offend anyone, but it just makes me think. Keep in mind, I'm thinking about a human being, raised their entire life, never being exposed to the opposite gender. What would happen?

[turkishproverb]

A lawsuit, when people found out.

[The Succubus]

My cats would be more effective on this forum. I've confirmed they are both gay. That'll happen when two beings of the same race are brought under the same conditions, with no knowledge of a female counterpart. Quite interesting when you think about it, would a human with no knowledge of the opposite sex form an attraction to their sex? I don't want to offend anyone, but it just makes me think. Keep in mind, I'm thinking about a human being, raised their entire life, never being exposed to the opposite gender. What would happen?

Hear that, Kevak - RL Queerkitties! All we need to do now is give them little capes and encourage them to have their coats dyed a rainbow colour. :smallbiggrin:

[Coidzor]

Well, I believe there is a term called "situational homosexuality," or something along those lines, and sexuality is muddy enough as it is that it'd be difficult to get anything useful out of doing such even if it were possible.

As for pets.... Biggest cat is best cat. So get a maine **** or similar cat unless allergic, in which case, see if any short-haired cats have produced mutts with a large cat and investigate that angle.

Biggest dog is best dog. Newfoundland, Mountain dogs, larger variants of shepherd.

The main problem being is that training them is a necessity rather than something that can be overlooked with a small dog, due to the ability most non-invalid humans have to physically overpower and eat small dogs if they act up, and making sure the dog has enough mixed ancestry to prevent losing the genetic lottery due to inbreeding.

Biggest rat is not necessarily best rat though, IIRC, one wants medium-sized rat so that it's a balance between intelligence and bonding and robustness and fun one can have in interacting with it and the ability to have it crawl over one's skin without digging in the claws and cutting or tearing and making sure that the rat doesn't view humans as a food source.

But, well, trained rats can basically live on your body if you're into that sort of thing

[Asta Kask]

Please write something positive. I downloaded the National Transgender Discrimination Survey and read through the Health chapter. I was prepared for bad, but… it all seems so hopeless. What can a single person do?

Please give me the story of when a single act of kindness, a smile or a hug brightened a day. When someone made a difference. Give me something to hang my commitment on. Show me it isn’t all black.

Please?


Will this forum do?
I mean, I can't imagine anywhere else, internet or not, where you can be trans and get such a non response. Everyone here is wonderful. If you say you're having a bad day you get a cascade of hugs, and no-one's ever intentionally hurtful.

It just that I feel so... dirty I suppose is the world. I feel as if someone had walked into my livingroom, pulled aside a curtain and shown me a heap of corpses. Corpses I kind of knew were there but had never bothered to acknowledge. And a part of me, that I'm ashamed of but can't deny exists, says "It's all their fault! It's all Natalie's and the scientists' fault. If they hadn't gone digging the nothing of this would have happened. I felt so much better before, I feel so much worse now and it's all their fault." How can I live with that voice inside me?

And again. I take a report about how horrible life is for transpeople and turn it into a rant about my own sufferings. I'll just stop right here before I say anything else.

[Asta Kask]

Real world physical contact with living things is the only thing which keeps me sane. Which, in retrospect, is unfortunate when paired with my crippling inability to express my emotional needs to most people. As a result, I spend most of my waking hours wishing that someone would hug me, afraid they'll hit me instead, anxious about actually asking for a hug, and slowly going mad from the combination of sadness, fear, and anxiety that being around other people brings.

I feel I was more honest there than I should have been. So... hugs.


You need a cat. Mmhm, definitely a cat. One of the big floofy snuggly ones that immediately jumps into your lap the second you sit down, and you have to hold your coffee carefully because the cat will head-butt your hand, purring like a motor, and upset the coffee cup.

Or a dog. Dog could work. But cats are the best. <3

Seconded. I have a cat in my lap now and while it's not impossible to be sad in that situation, it's more difficult.

[Petrocorus]

Biggest cat is best cat. So get a maine **** or similar cat unless allergic, in which case, see if any short-haired cats have produced mutts with a large cat and investigate that angle.

Biggest dog is best dog. Newfoundland, Mountain dogs, larger variants of shepherd.

May i raised the Beauceron (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beauceron).



The main problem being is that training them is a necessity rather than something that can be overlooked with a small dog, due to the ability most non-invalid humans have to physically overpower and eat small dogs if they act up, and making sure the dog has enough mixed ancestry to prevent losing the genetic lottery due to inbreeding.


The Belgian Sheperd (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Belgian_Shepherd_Dog) is considered as the smartest dog. It can almost train itself on its own.




Biggest rat ...

Are you actually speaking of rat?

[Rawhide]

Why not sip a Lagerbeta as you read?

Already finished it, and moved on to No Pink Ponies (http://nopinkponies.keenspot.com/d/20060207.html) (other than having at least one LGBT character, it has no relation to this thread).



Asta Kask: Please edit your post rather than make a second one so soon after it. You've been around long enough to know this...


P.S. golentan, you're welcome to change the thread title back if you wish. I just did it as a temporary lark.

[Petrocorus]

It just that I feel so... dirty I suppose is the world. I feel as if someone had walked into my livingroom, pulled aside a curtain and shown me a heap of corpses. Corpses I kind of knew were there but had never bothered to acknowledge. And a part of me, that I'm ashamed of but can't deny exists, says "It's all their fault! It's all Natalie's and the scientists' fault. If they hadn't gone digging the nothing of this would have happened. I felt so much better before, I feel so much worse now and it's all their fault." How can I live with that voice inside me?

And again. I take a report about how horrible life is for transpeople and turn it into a rant about my own sufferings. I'll just stop right here before I say anything else.

Let me hug you, Asta.
I would happily come to Göteborg to actually hug you if i could.

You know, we all have a dark side. It is natural to think bad things sometimes. You do not have to feel guilty for this.

And yes, that world is frakking dirty. And we cannot do anything else but to try to live with it and do our best, each at our own level to try to make it better.

[Glass Mouse]

It just that I feel so... dirty I suppose is the world. I feel as if someone had walked into my livingroom, pulled aside a curtain and shown me a heap of corpses. Corpses I kind of knew were there but had never bothered to acknowledge. And a part of me, that I'm ashamed of but can't deny exists, says "It's all their fault! It's all Natalie's and the scientists' fault. If they hadn't gone digging the nothing of this would have happened. I felt so much better before, I feel so much worse now and it's all their fault." How can I live with that voice inside me?

And again. I take a report about how horrible life is for transpeople and turn it into a rant about my own sufferings. I'll just stop right here before I say anything else.

Spoilered because it's not really on LGBTA topic.
I remember, when my uncle died, I completely broke down crying. Why was I crying? Because it was not fair that I had to be torn away from the only sunny day in weeks, when I was stressed out and really needed the relaxation, to say goodbye.
I remember saying goodbye and genuinely crying over him later on, but that initial reaction stuck with me. I spent many years being ashamed of it. It must mean I'm a terrible person, no?

But I realized something. When something hurts us, really hurts us, it's a natural reaction to redirect the emotional surge. Sometimes, we just can't deal with whatever hurts, so we focus our attention and feelings - completely irrationally and out of proportion - at something else. It's not that we don't care about the thing that we should care about. It's that we have no idea how to handle it, but we still need to sort through the emotions somehow.
That's why I was so torn up about something entirely irrelevant, and you're angry at people you have no reason to be angry at.

So, Asta... I think it says great things about your kindness and caring that you have such a strong reaction. I know it feels horrible and like something to be ashamed of, but it really isn't about what it feels like. I'm sure of it.

And, if you want them, *hugs!*. Please remember that the world is not entirely bad, and even if LGBTA issues look bad, they're consistently moving towards more acceptance. At this speed, the point of no one batting an eye may even be in our lifetime :smallsmile:

[noparlpf]

It just that I feel so... dirty I suppose is the world. I feel as if someone had walked into my livingroom, pulled aside a curtain and shown me a heap of corpses. Corpses I kind of knew were there but had never bothered to acknowledge. And a part of me, that I'm ashamed of but can't deny exists, says "It's all their fault! It's all Natalie's and the scientists' fault. If they hadn't gone digging the nothing of this would have happened. I felt so much better before, I feel so much worse now and it's all their fault." How can I live with that voice inside me?

And again. I take a report about how horrible life is for transpeople and turn it into a rant about my own sufferings. I'll just stop right here before I say anything else.

I get things like that sometimes. I think it's a natural human thing. (Ew, I just admitted to having human reactions occasionally.) I've occasionally caught myself thinking, "Argh, if only I had never taken that Gender Studies class and read all that stuff from LGBTAitP and whatnot, this wouldn't bother me so much!" But then I feel bad because although ignorance may be bliss I think that it's better to know what's screwy in the world so that we can be part of the change.
So don't feel bad for wishing you didn't know; I think it's normal to want to avoid unpleasantness.
I'm sorry that you're so torn up over this right now. It can be tough to deal with conflicting feelings.

[golentan]

You need a cat. Mmhm, definitely a cat. One of the big floofy snuggly ones that immediately jumps into your lap the second you sit down, and you have to hold your coffee carefully because the cat will head-butt your hand, purring like a motor, and upset the coffee cup.

Or a dog. Dog could work. But cats are the best. <3

Family's allergic to cats (though I'm not). :smallannoyed: So no cats in the house. Dog is out because we're not home often enough.

[Asta Kask]

And if they're allergic to cats they'd probably quickly get allergic to rats...

How about a hug machine? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hug_machine)

http://hugmachine.org/HugMachine_files/image017.gif

It can be yours for only $250 (http://hugmachine.org/)! But you'll have to build it yourself.

Edit: Anyone else thinks we've missed an opportunity when we didn't call this thread "Natural 20".

And thanks for the kind words, everyone.

[KenderWizard]

Natural 20 would be a good thread title!

I think we can't really control our emotions, we just control our reactions. So feeling a flash of anger at, say, Natalie, isn't your fault. Your brain is trying to process stuff and it's fairly standard to blame the person who "started" it, in your head. So far, you're not a good or bad person, just a person. You'd be a bad person if you then sent her a message being like "Hey, you ruined my day! Why can't you keep your problems to yourself, we all have enough to be dealing with without your crap too.". You'd be a good person if you felt bad for feeling the anger and tried to deal with the stuff she brought up and did your best to support trans people's rights, maybe came and posted in a thread which supports LGBT+ people. And hey, look! :smallwink:

[Mina Kobold]

Hear that, Keveak - RL Queerkitties! All we need to do now is give them little capes and encourage them to have their coats dyed a rainbow colour. :smallbiggrin:

An entire group of QueerKitties? That might be something, it could revolutionise kitten crime fighting! :3

Maybe we should have them dye a different colour each! Then we could build up a rainbow of QueerKitties!


It just that I feel so... dirty I suppose is the world. I feel as if someone had walked into my livingroom, pulled aside a curtain and shown me a heap of corpses. Corpses I kind of knew were there but had never bothered to acknowledge. And a part of me, that I'm ashamed of but can't deny exists, says "It's all their fault! It's all Natalie's and the scientists' fault. If they hadn't gone digging the nothing of this would have happened. I felt so much better before, I feel so much worse now and it's all their fault." How can I live with that voice inside me?

And again. I take a report about how horrible life is for transpeople and turn it into a rant about my own sufferings. I'll just stop right here before I say anything else.

I am not a good cheerer by any regard, but I will say that there is nothing wrong with despairing and wishing for what little you can get. It means that you can emphasise and know how colossal the problem is! :smallsmile:

I can't say how you should do, but I usually deal with the world's horrors by telling myself that it might be a mind-crushing terror, it might make our problems seem non-existant, it might never be possible to even make a major change within a thousand years, but we can at least do more than fear it. We must use what we have and make that tiny difference that we can, put down one single piece of the puzzle so the next in line can get a little further. :smallsmile:

Hope that made some measure of sense, I am really bad at this kind of thing. Probably why I never became a cheerleader. ^_^'

[supernerd]

I'm gone for two days and a whole new thread springs up! Well hello everybody, it's your friendly neighborhood gay bard!

Hugs where I've missed them

[Arachu]

EDIT: Hey, supernerd. *hugs*


Before I forget it, I'm going to post a dream I had while taking a nap I took because of a headache (and which made me miss the comedy Brüno on TV :smalltongue: ).

I was outside a school yard, looking at a lamppost. It looked pretty old school, kinda like the lamppost in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, but it had modern gas-discharge lamps inside. It was during a winter night, snow on the ground, to my right I could see the school buildings, to my left a forest or at least lots of conifers. Looking forward, there was a sidewalk and a road for cars. I was wearing winter cloths, including a winter jacket, tuque, gloves and scarf.

Suddenly, I saw someone walking on the sidewalk. I thought I recognised that person, and ran through the trail to the pavement.

That person happened to be Buck Angel*, who I recognised from his involvement in the It gets better videos. He was wearing a winter coat and a scarf, but nothing on his head. He was at least a head taller than me (in the dream, I don't know how tall he is IRL), and I had to look up to him to keep eye contact. He was surprised to see me, and wondered what I wanted with him.

I told I thought he was someone else, and we started to talk with each other while we walked. He asked me about why I looked at the lamppost, my explanation was that it had been broken earlier and I had reported it, and was now pleased that it was working again. We got into trans issues; I don't remember any details, but I think I said to him that it was great he was in the It gets better videos.

Somehow, I started to talk about The Purple Avenger, and how difficult it is to write about minority characters, especially as main characters. I mentioned that the title character most likely wouldn't have been bi unless I had been it, and how worried I was over the risk over insulting LGBTA+ and ethnic minorities.

Unfortunately, I woke up before I got his reply.

* For some reason I thought of him as Buck Danny, which is the name of the protagonist and ace pilot in a Belgian-French comic book series with the same name.

Interesting dream... I wonder if it meant anything specific? My symbolism's always so vague (I actually managed to work things from the Elder Scrolls games in last night, out of context without it not making sense :mitd:).


I would say that his "obsession", as you call it, tells something about late 19th/early 20th century Austrian society and its mores and customs.

That would explain why everyone was so quick to listen to him... :roach:

(I think I may enjoy making fun of Freud just a little too much. :smalltongue:)


My cats would be more effective on this forum. I've confirmed they are both gay. That'll happen when two beings of the same race are brought under the same conditions, with no knowledge of a female counterpart. Quite interesting when you think about it, would a human with no knowledge of the opposite sex form an attraction to their sex? I don't want to offend anyone, but it just makes me think. Keep in mind, I'm thinking about a human being, raised their entire life, never being exposed to the opposite gender. What would happen?

First off, :smallbiggrin: (I forget if I did that the first time you mentioned it :smalltongue:).

I've been wondering whether sexuality defines attraction, or attraction defines sexuality... Every time I ask that question, the answer seems obvious - unfortunately, it's obviously whichever argument I happen to be dissecting at the time. :roach:

It's really too bad we can't whole-brain simulate such a process... :mitd:


It just that I feel so... dirty I suppose is the world. I feel as if someone had walked into my livingroom, pulled aside a curtain and shown me a heap of corpses. Corpses I kind of knew were there but had never bothered to acknowledge. And a part of me, that I'm ashamed of but can't deny exists, says "It's all their fault! It's all Natalie's and the scientists' fault. If they hadn't gone digging the nothing of this would have happened. I felt so much better before, I feel so much worse now and it's all their fault." How can I live with that voice inside me?

And again. I take a report about how horrible life is for transpeople and turn it into a rant about my own sufferings. I'll just stop right here before I say anything else.

*Bone-crushing hug*

Don't feel bad talking about that feeling. You're a great guy, and these things get overwhelming sometimes. It'd suck if you had to put up with it on your own. :mitd:

[KenderWizard]

I would just like to point out that there would be very few problems with using food colouring to dye white cats rainbow coloured. Just sayin.

[The Succubus]

P.S. golentan, you're welcome to change the thread title back if you wish. I just did it as a temporary lark.

Power corrupts and moderating power corrupts moderately. :smallwink:

[Petrocorus]

Power corrupts and moderating power corrupts moderately. :smallwink:

That's awesome!
May i quote you?

[Coidzor]

Unless the cats are allergic to food dyes. I've had several cats which are in recent years.


Are you actually speaking of rat?

If you need contact, well, rats will give it in spades. Just, as far as I know, Norwegian giant rats haven't been domesticated or are naturally ornery and aggressive due to their size or something.

[KenderWizard]

Well, yeah, but that's kind of a given for all things. "This works unless [subject] is allergic."

[Asta Kask]

If you need contact, well, rats will give it in spades. Just, as far as I know, Norwegian giant rats haven't been domesticated or are naturally ornery and aggressive due to their size or something.

The typical fancy rat is actually the Norwegian rat, or rattus norvegicus. Its smaller, less aggressive relative the Black Rat, or rattus rattus was responsible for causing the plague. And the African Giant Hamster Rat can weigh up to 9 lbs. You can have one, and it will tolerate one human in the apartment. Anything more than that, and it will try to kill the offending creature.

[Niezck]

You can have one, and it will tolerate one human in the apartment. Anything more than that, and it will try to kill the offending creature.

Sounds awful if you intend to have guests... ever. :smalleek:

[The Succubus]

That's awesome!
May i quote you?

By all means and may take this opportunity to thank the mods for doing a wonderful job on here and how much I love their sense of humour and oh god please don't ban meeeee! ='(

[Petrocorus]

The typical fancy rat is actually the Norwegian rat, or rattus norvegicus. Its smaller, less aggressive relative the Black Rat, or rattus rattus was responsible for causing the plague. And the African Giant Hamster Rat can weigh up to 9 lbs. You can have one, and it will tolerate one human in the apartment. Anything more than that, and it will try to kill the offending creature.

I don't even understand why you are speaking about rats as pet.
I'm sorry, and maybe you'll find that a bit "racist", but rats are dirty, ugly, and agressive creatures and i can't understand why someone would want one as a pet.

If you can't have a cat or a dog, then there still is the hamster, and i'm sure you can find plenty of other animals more fit to be a pet than rat.

Sorry for the rant.

[SiuiS]

Real world physical contact with living things is the only thing which keeps me sane. Which, in retrospect, is unfortunate when paired with my crippling inability to express my emotional needs to most people. As a result, I spend most of my waking hours wishing that someone would hug me, afraid they'll hit me instead, anxious about actually asking for a hug, and slowly going mad from the combination of sadness, fear, and anxiety that being around other people brings.

I feel I was more honest there than I should have been. So... hugs.

Good heavens, I want to find you and hug you but that requires more Internet stalking than is ethical. *hugs!*

[Arachu]

I don't even understand why you are speaking about rats as pet.
I'm sorry, and maybe you'll find that a bit "racist", but rats are dirty, ugly, and agressive creatures and i can't understand why someone would want one as a pet.

If you can't have a cat or a dog, then there still is the hamster, and i'm sure you can find plenty of other animals more fit to be a pet than rat.

Sorry for the rant.

Domestic rats aren't so bad, actually. They look a lot cuter than wild ones, perhaps due to health (as tough as wild rats are, it can't be healthy to eat garbage all the time and their fur gets all nasty). They're also pretty friendly, generally speaking.

Only problem is, they neither notice nor care where and when they defecate... :/

[Coidzor]

Well, yeah, but that's kind of a given for all things. "This works unless [subject] is allergic."

It bears mentioning as not many people know that anything, let alone cats, can be allergic to food dyes.

[Asta Kask]

I don't even understand why you are speaking about rats as pet.
I'm sorry, and maybe you'll find that a bit "racist", but rats are dirty, ugly, and agressive creatures and i can't understand why someone would want one as a pet.

You Don't Mess With The Rat.

http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2010/6/22/9b651889-f35b-45f9-84b5-4dfec37fd1f4.jpg

[Mina Kobold]

I don't even understand why you are speaking about rats as pet.
I'm sorry, and maybe you'll find that a bit "racist", but rats are dirty, ugly, and agressive creatures and i can't understand why someone would want one as a pet.

If you can't have a cat or a dog, then there still is the hamster, and i'm sure you can find plenty of other animals more fit to be a pet than rat.

Sorry for the rant.

They are not that uncommon, having one was even seen as a stereotypical trait of hippies or punks back in the day in Denmark. :3

Personally, I have only seen someone having rats as pets once, but they were quite nice and friendly. :smallsmile:

According to Wikipedia, Rattus norvegivus, mentioned above, is indeed the most common one and technically not any more plague rat than most humans are chimpanzees. They can be dirty and aggressive, but are no more likely to be so than any other mammalian pet.

This has been another Kobold Defences inc. message, defending critters since the Red-Shirt Act of 1974

[Asta Kask]

I've had rats as pets. They are wonderful and can be trained to use the litterbox. At least the does (bucks have twice the weight and half the brains). Their major disadvantage is that they only live for two years. Lots of small little graves... :smallfrown:

Why is this relevant to LGBTA issues again?

[Triscuitable]

And if they're allergic to cats they'd probably quickly get allergic to rats...

How about a hug machine? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hug_machine)

http://hugmachine.org/HugMachine_files/image017.gif

It can be yours for only $250 (http://hugmachine.org/)! But you'll have to build it yourself.

Edit: Anyone else thinks we've missed an opportunity when we didn't call this thread "Natural 20".

And thanks for the kind words, everyone.
That's interesting that you brought up the hug machine. Temple Grandin invented that.

[Fredaintdead]

That's interesting that you brought up the hug machine. Temple Grandin invented that.

Correct. And she ceased using it about 4 years ago after it broke and she couldn't be bothered with fixing it. She's recently admitted she just hugs people now. :smallsmile:

[Mystic Muse]

Why is this relevant to LGBTA issues again?

Relevance is a luxury on Giantitp.

[Triscuitable]

Correct. And she ceased using it about 4 years ago after it broke and she couldn't be bothered with fixing it. She's recently admitted she just hugs people now. :smallsmile:

I only hug my parents and family members. I'd hug my sister too, but she hates me.

Relevance is a luxury on Giantitp.

And yet the Steam thread people still yell at me for going slightly off topic, discussing Origin instead of Steam. They're nice, but really, REALLY touchy. So I started the General Gaming Thread. They still yell at me.

[Qaera]

Why is this relevant to LGBTA issues again?

This is the Random Banter thread, right? :smalltongue:

~ ♅

[Coidzor]

Why is this relevant to LGBTA issues again?

golentan mentioned needing physical contact to maintain sanity, so people suggested cats and dogs and I pointed out that rats can actually be quite well behaved under one's clothes. Yay tangents! :smallsmile:

You want something more relevant, eh?

Hm, alright then. Well, just a few days ago I was speaking to a relative of mine who works in the mental health field and she mentioned the number of idiot parents who take kids who aren't broken in to get fixed, and when I noted that she must be glad that only quacks get the parents who want to turn their kids straight going to them then, she and her friend who works in either pediatrics or general practice expressed surprise that anyone was still getting away with doing that at all, especially after I mentioned that, nah, they still have camps and such devoted just to reprogramming and brainwashing.

Kind of interesting to see that it's unconscionable in some areas even while it's still popular in others in the same country.

[Arachu]

I've had rats as pets. They are wonderful and can be trained to use the litterbox. At least the does (bucks have twice the weight and half the brains). Their major disadvantage is that they only live for two years. Lots of small little graves... :smallfrown:

Why is this relevant to LGBTA issues again?

Rat discussion <- Pet Discussion <- (Gay) Cat Discussion + Hugs.

Something, something, photosynthesis. :xykon:

[supernerd]

EDIT: Hey, supernerd. *hugs*

Is it a bad thing that you just made me feel like I was in group therapy(granted I've never been in one before). But my parents did say "and we're going to be talking to a psychiatrist and the church about this thing you're going through" so group therapy wouldn't surprise me. It would actually be good for me to sing in public. Born this Way, Carry on my Wayward Son, and many more.

But this is based off the fact that I don't know you're IRL personality. You could be really upbeat, instead of the droning group therapy drone.

[Triscuitable]

golentan mentioned needing physical contact to maintain sanity, so people suggested cats and dogs and I pointed out that rats can actually be quite well behaved under one's clothes. Yay tangents! :smallsmile:

You want something more relevant, eh?

Hm, alright then. Well, just a few days ago I was speaking to a relative of mine who works in the mental health field and she mentioned the number of idiot parents who take kids who aren't broken in to get fixed, and when I noted that she must be glad that only quacks get the parents who want to turn their kids straight going to them then, she and her friend who works in either pediatrics or general practice expressed surprise that anyone was still getting away with doing that at all, especially after I mentioned that, nah, they still have camps and such devoted just to reprogramming and brainwashing.

Kind of interesting to see that it's unconscionable in some areas even while it's still popular in others in the same country.

That's really fascinating. I remember one Summer being particularly boring because a neighbor I had been hanging out with suddenly disappeared. I only learned what happened after he came back.

[Arachu]

Is it a bad thing that you just made me feel like I was in group therapy(granted I've never been in one before). But my parents did say "and we're going to be talking to a psychiatrist and the church about this thing you're going through" so group therapy wouldn't surprise me. It would actually be good for me to sing in public. Born this Way, Carry on my Wayward Son, and many more.

But this is based off the fact that I don't know you're IRL personality. You could be really upbeat, instead of the droning group therapy drone.

Sorry about that - I knew I should've put a smiley somewhere. :smallredface:

I gotta be honest, though, I'm worried after hearing that... It seems like they're really devoted to the idea that you're going through a "phase". I hope things turn out well. :smallfrown:

Whatever happens, know that you're a wonderful person and nothing anyone says can change that. *hugs* :mitd:

(I'm actually pretty monotone IRL, and I can barely make facial expressions - Years of dodging people didn't turn out so well. :/

... Isn't half bad for Whitesnake, though. :roach:)

[supernerd]

Sorry about that - I knew I should've put a smiley somewhere. :smallredface:

I gotta be honest, though, I'm worried after hearing that... It seems like they're really devoted to the idea that you're going through a "phase". I hope things turn out well. :smallfrown:

Whatever happens, know that you're a wonderful person and nothing anyone says can change that. *hugs* :mitd:

(I'm actually pretty monotone IRL, and I can barely make facial expressions - Years of dodging people didn't turn out so well. :/

... Isn't half bad for Whitesnake, though. :roach:)

Sodium hydrogen monobromide monoxide(NaHBrO) it's cool. And don't worry about my parents. That was from the "conversation"(I could barely say anything because of their ignorance, half pain, half disappointment) after I first told them. My face and my palm were so well aquainted after that conversation, that they currently call eachother by inside joke nicknames.

As for effects of avoiding people, yeah everytime someone makes a reference to my sexuality a bit too loud, I still look over my shoulder and/or scan the crowd.

[golentan]

Hah, your mod powers are insignificant before the power random internet stranger suggestions, rawhide. Name changed.

[Coidzor]

Hmm.
It would actually be good for me to sing in public. Born this Way, Carry on my Wayward Son, and many more.

Aye, singing is good for you. After all, all things shall perish from under the sun, music alone shall live, music alone shall live, music alone shall live, never to die.

[Triscuitable]

Hah, your mod powers are insignificant before the power random internet stranger suggestions, rawhide. Name changed.

Can we just stick to "Part 20" and stuff? This is starting to seriously confuse me. If we're going to change the thread name, at least ask if we want a change. I'm the OP of the current Steam Thread, and even though I didn't like the name that was voted on, "Friendship is Coupons" won in the end.

Point is, ask before change, and can we PLEASE go back to organization by parts? Or "LGBTAitp, Part 20 - Natural 20" or something? (Sure it sounds stupid, but it won't on the next thread!)

Hmm.

Aye, singing is good for you. After all, all things shall perish from under the sun, music alone shall live, music alone shall live, music alone shall live, never to die.

"These eyes that can't see me
These are the hands that drop your trust
These are the boots that kick you around
This is the tongue that speaks on the inside
These are the ears that ring with hate
This is the face that will never change
This is the fist that will grind you down
This is the voice of silence NO MORE!"

Yeah, I listen to very little that's pleasant.

"Guilty as charged!
But damn, it ain't right
There's someone else controlling me!
Death in the air!
Strapped in the electric chair!
This can't be happening to me!
'Who made you?'
Can't you see?
'I'LL DRINK YOUR LIFE FROM YOU!'
CRAAAAASH BEFORE MY EYES
NOW IT'S TIME TO DIIIIIE
BURNING IN MY BRAIN
I CAN'T FEEL A THIIIIIIIIIING"

Points if you list the songs. That's besides the point. I'm very reclusive, I like music. Oh, but I do have LG's discography. She's a talented singer. Also, don't bother saying her old name, she doesn't go by it anymore, it's LADY GAGA. She actually ignores fans who call her "Guinevere", or whatever she used to be known as on the piano. Or at least tends to avoid them.

[H Birchgrove]

It just that I feel so... dirty I suppose is the world. I feel as if someone had walked into my livingroom, pulled aside a curtain and shown me a heap of corpses. Corpses I kind of knew were there but had never bothered to acknowledge. And a part of me, that I'm ashamed of but can't deny exists, says "It's all their fault! It's all Natalie's and the scientists' fault. If they hadn't gone digging the nothing of this would have happened. I felt so much better before, I feel so much worse now and it's all their fault." How can I live with that voice inside me?

And again. I take a report about how horrible life is for transpeople and turn it into a rant about my own sufferings. I'll just stop right here before I say anything else.

I know how that feels, Asta Kask. Too often I read of something sad and somehow it gets to be about me. Granted, my reaction is more like a want for avenging the innocent, but vengeance is rather egotistic as well.

I still wish I was more like him. (http://youtu.be/csl2AXMqzac)

Though at times I just want to SMASH the PUNY bigots!!! (http://youtu.be/foEFdk0KHZE) :smallfurious:

So, hmm, *hugs Asta Kask*.


Birchgrove

I think my cousins and I have picked out most every hue in my hair (red, brown, blonde, even grey)... In every hair. I can't figure out why that makes any sense, but I won't argue with it. :smallcool:

:smallcool::smallbiggrin:


Nothing wrong with angsting here and there (or at least, that's what I keep telling me :/). *Hug*

I can say that, as far as I know, your angst seems unreasonable. You aren't objectifying anyone just for being attracted to them.

*is hugged*

Thanks. :smallsmile:


I guess I should tell myself that too, though...

The more I learn about how offensively words like "tranny" and "shemale" are used, the worse I feel for typing/seeing them. It feels like promoting some gender-equivalent of the "n-word". :/

And then there are ads. In general. :smallannoyed:

Well, IMO, they kinda are the gender-equivalent of the "n-word". I suppose what one can do is to not use those slurs and to tell people to not to use them when the opportunity arises.


I have a digital circuit simulator, and I'm... Moderately obsessed with it. Actually, I'd say logic itself is my thing, but I can't find anything for mechanism simulation that I'm patient enough to figure out. :smalltongue:

I'm trying to figure out division lately... It's a lot more complicated than it seems like it should be... :mitd:

You could possibly try a slide rule (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slide_rule). It's old school. :smalltongue:


Interesting dream... I wonder if it meant anything specific? My symbolism's always so vague (I actually managed to work things from the Elder Scrolls games in last night, out of context without it not making sense :mitd:).

The one thing that I think *means* something is that dear Buck was much taller than me. I have an irrational respect for tall persons IRL.


That would explain why everyone was so quick to listen to him... :roach:

(I think I may enjoy making fun of Freud just a little too much. :smalltongue:)

Well, he was a pioneer in a new field... Mocking him for his mistakes is rather like mocking early chemists for believing in phlogiston (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phlogiston_theory)... Then again, Freud didn't exactly follow the scientific method the way, for example, Ignaz Semmelweis (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ignaz_Semmelweis) or Albert Einstein did.

I just meant that family structures in middle and upper class Austrian families could have their peculiarities... Which could explain why boys who longed for their semi-absent fathers would try to get attention by behaving naughty, and then notice that they liked getting spanked by their respective mothers...

<.<

>.>

That doesn't explain why someone like me, who has never received any physical punishment by my parents, and *generally* hated pain as a kid, still thinks being submissive (etc...) seems to be fun... :smallredface: :smallsigh:

[noparlpf]

Can we just stick to "Part 20" and stuff? This is starting to seriously confuse me. If we're going to change the thread name, at least ask if we want a change. I'm the OP of the current Steam Thread, and even though I didn't like the name that was voted on, "Friendship is Coupons" won in the end.

Point is, ask before change, and can we PLEASE go back to organization by parts? Or "LGBTAitp, Part 20 - Natural 20" or something? (Sure it sounds stupid, but it won't on the next thread!)


"These eyes that can't see me
These are the hands that drop your trust
These are the boots that kick you around
This is the tongue that speaks on the inside
These are the ears that ring with hate
This is the face that will never change
This is the fist that will grind you down
This is the voice of silence NO MORE!"

Yeah, I listen to very little that's pleasant.

"Guilty as charged!
But damn, it ain't right
There's someone else controlling me!
Death in the air!
Strapped in the electric chair!
This can't be happening to me!
'Who made you?'
Can't you see?
'I'LL DRINK YOUR LIFE FROM YOU!'
CRAAAAASH BEFORE MY EYES
NOW IT'S TIME TO DIIIIIE
BURNING IN MY BRAIN
I CAN'T FEEL A THIIIIIIIIIING"

Points if you list the songs. That's besides the point. I'm very reclusive, I like music. Oh, but I do have LG's discography. She's a talented singer. Also, don't bother saying her old name, she doesn't go by it anymore, it's LADY GAGA. She actually ignores fans who call her "Guinevere", or whatever she used to be known as on the piano. Or at least tends to avoid them.

Google tells me they're by Metallica, "Some Kind of Monster" and "Ride the Lightning".
One of my favorite songs right now is "Anhedonia" by The Graduate. A friend linked me to it once and I felt like it fit well. So yeah, I don't always listen to pleasant things either.

[turkishproverb]

See, I prefer to listen to indy music myself. You get more unexpected fun.

[Triscuitable]

Google tells me they're by Metallica, "Some Kind of Monster" and "Ride the Lightning".
One of my favorite songs right now is "Anhedonia" by The Graduate. A friend linked me to it once and I felt like it fit well. So yeah, I don't always listen to pleasant things either.

You totally cheated! :smallmad:

In news I can get in on*, The Old Republic (http://www.justpushstart.com/2012/01/29/family-research-council-rallying-against-gays-in-star-wars-the-old-republic/) is adding same-sex relationships between your PC and NPC. It's pretty clear that not a lot of people are liking this.

*Game related news! I'm not a homophobe!

[golentan]

You totally cheated! :smallmad:

In news I can get in on*, The Old Republic (http://www.justpushstart.com/2012/01/29/family-research-council-rallying-against-gays-in-star-wars-the-old-republic/) is adding same-sex relationships between your PC and NPC. It's pretty clear that not a lot of people are liking this.

*Game related news! I'm not a homophobe!

Yeah, because everyone knows that the same sex relation options in previous bioware games are TOTALLY why they didn't take off. It's behind such flops as the Mass Effect series and Dragon Age, both of which have been notoriously poor sellers. Especially when the protests failed to stir up any sort of media attention, preventing the generation of free publicity for the games.

Just to be clear: the above is directed at the "Family Research Council" rather than you. I at least take comfort in knowing their misguided hate rants are more likely to backfire than anything else.

[turkishproverb]

Well, the problem isn't helped any by some of star wars fandom getting...odd about these things.

[noparlpf]

You totally cheated! :smallmad:

In news I can get in on*, The Old Republic (http://www.justpushstart.com/2012/01/29/family-research-council-rallying-against-gays-in-star-wars-the-old-republic/) is adding same-sex relationships between your PC and NPC. It's pretty clear that not a lot of people are liking this.

*Game related news! I'm not a homophobe!

I did cheat. n.n

Huh. Well, I don't play that, but I think it's good to allow the option.

[H Birchgrove]

Well, the problem isn't helped any by some of star wars fandom getting...odd about these things.

The hetero guys don't want to play as ladies who get action with other ladies? What is this I don't even :smallconfused:

:smalltongue:

(I'm horrible.)

[PairO'Dice Lost]

Well, the problem isn't helped any by some of star wars fandom getting...odd about these things.

Speaking as a somewhat-obsessive Star Wars nerd myself, I'm much more upset about some of the other liberties Bioware took with canon than with the whole relationship issue at all. Though of course my presence in this thread means I might be a bit of an outlier on that score. :smallwink: But seriously, when many Star Wars aliens look and act a heck of a lot more like Golentan than like any Homo sapiens, why is any relationship between two members of the same species objectionable in comparison to a, say, Wookiee/Ugnaught (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Ugnaught) relationship?

[Triscuitable]

Speaking as a somewhat-obsessive Star Wars nerd myself, I'm much more upset about some of the other liberties Bioware took with canon than with the whole relationship issue at all. Though of course my presence in this thread means I might be a bit of an outlier on that score. :smallwink: But seriously, when many Star Wars aliens look and act a heck of a lot more like Golentan than like any Homo sapiens, why is any relationship between two members of the same species objectionable in comparison to a, say, Wookiee/Ugnaught (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Ugnaught) relationship?

You know how many liberties Lucas took with the Star Wars canon? Too many. Star Wars was an unbridled piece of garbage when the first script came through. The writers made it into a watchable movie. Lucas didn't even make Empire, and what he DID write for Jedi featured some of the worst things the franchise ever introduced (EWOOOOOOOOOKS)!

But for a moderator to go on the forums and claim "Gays do not exist in Star Wars" (paraphrasing, Google the quote), that's pretty bad. As in, that's really, really bad.

BioWare took the same liberties that were taken with Death Troopers. And yes, Death Troopers is a Star Wars novel. A horror novel. With intergalactic zombies, and Han Solo and Chewbacca.

[golentan]

But seriously, when many Star Wars aliens look and act a heck of a lot more like Golentan than like any Homo sapiens...

How now? I'm genuinely curious what you mean by that.

[Triscuitable]

How now? I'm genuinely curious what you mean by that.

Because you are, in essence, the most alien of all of us. In a good way, mind you.

Also, thank you for changing the title of the thread back.

[turkishproverb]

I think a good balance could be reach for the title, such as


LGBTAitP - Part 20: Natural Crit

[golentan]

I think a good balance could be reach for the title, such as


LGBTAitP - Part 20: Natural Crit

I'm never going to make everyone happy, am I?

[PairO'Dice Lost]

You know how many liberties Lucas took with the Star Wars canon? Too many. Star Wars was an unbridled piece of garbage when the first script came through. The writers made it into a watchable movie. Lucas didn't even make Empire, and what he DID write for Jedi featured some of the worst things the franchise ever introduced (EWOOOOOOOOOKS)!

I know all about Lucas's screenwriting talents or utter lack thereof, I've seen some of the original scripts, I'm not talking about that. It's partly an issue of contradiction with established Expanded Universe material in some parts, and partly how they shoehorned standard MMO stuff into a Star Wars skin (e.g. instant, blatant wound-repairing Force healing, which is...canon non-compliant). It's not quite as bad as trying to do zombie horror in Star Wars, but it's still annoying. But that's a discussion for another thread.


But for a moderator to go on the forums and claim "Gays do not exist in Star Wars" (paraphrasing, Google the quote), that's pretty bad. As in, that's really, really bad.

I completely agree. I wasn't defending Bioware at all, I was saying that, of all the things Star Wars fanboys have to complain about regarding the Old Republic, anything involving Bioware's trademark PC relationship modus operandi should be far down the list.


How now? I'm genuinely curious what you mean by that.

Well, you're a vaguely insectile creature with six arms, right? Star Wars has aliens with tentacles, with four eyes and ultraviolet vision, with vacuum-proof exoskeletons, with hive minds and swarm societies, and so forth. Compared to those creatures' relationships and the occasional cross-species liaison, a Human/Human relationship of any variety--straight, gay, transgender, or otherwise--shouldn't even be a blip on anyone's sensors.

[Triscuitable]

I think a good balance could be reach for the title, such as


LGBTAitP - Part 20: Natural Crit

Precisely what I suggested. As mentioned previous, current thread titles for those I stalk/post in:

My Little Pony Thread XXXVI (36): Superponies Everywhere!
Stream Thread XXVI (26): Friendship is Coupons

[golentan]

Okay, Okay, Oaky [sic].

I will say this now: I am not changing it again. Ever. Mods can change it if they want, but otherwise this (final) edit to the thread title stands.

[Arachu]

Google tells me they're by Metallica, "Some Kind of Monster" and "Ride the Lightning".
One of my favorite songs right now is "Anhedonia" by The Graduate. A friend linked me to it once and I felt like it fit well. So yeah, I don't always listen to pleasant things either.

I thought those lyrics sounded familiar. :xykon:

Anyone else catch themselves relaxing to grindcore? Music just doesn't sound the same after you've listened to Nine Inch Nails and Rob Zombie while reading Lovecraft at 3 A.M. :mitd:

Birchgrove
You could possibly try a slide rule (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slide_rule). It's old school. :smalltongue:

:smalleek: What is this contraption and why haven't I seen one before!?

... I knew there was something I'd forgotten to look into... :smallredface:


Well, he was a pioneer in a new field... Mocking him for his mistakes is rather like mocking early chemists for believing in phlogiston (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phlogiston_theory)... Then again, Freud didn't exactly follow the scientific method the way, for example, Ignaz Semmelweis (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ignaz_Semmelweis) or Albert Einstein did.

I do that too n.n

'Course, they made the same mistakes - repeating the same experiment over and over, assuming that the obvious assumption was correct, disregarding contrary evidence (in phlogiston's case, 'some things get heavier when you burn them' :smalltongue:)...

Though it does take a while to isolate a sample size of hydrogen... :mitd:


I just meant that family structures in middle and upper class Austrian families could have their peculiarities... Which could explain why boys who longed for their semi-absent fathers would try to get attention by behaving naughty, and then notice that they liked getting spanked by their respective mothers...

<.<

>.>

That doesn't explain why someone like me, who has never received any physical punishment by my parents, and *generally* hated pain as a kid, still thinks being submissive (etc...) seems to be fun... :smallredface: :smallsigh:

Doesn't explain me either - I find most anything that reminds me of my parents to be a complete turn-off (not just sexually), and also... Well, I was a hypochondriac, but now I sharpen my fingernails...

<.<
>.>

Incidentally, sharpened nails break less and are actually less likely to scratch you badly (due to the lack of burs). :PSA: :smalltongue:

[Triscuitable]

Okay, Okay, Oaky [sic].

I will say this now: I am not changing it again. Ever. Mods can change it if they want, but otherwise this (final) edit to the thread title stands.

I think we broke Golentan. Time to ship him off to fix him.

[turkishproverb]

I'm never going to make everyone happy, am I?

*HUGS* Feel better?

[Triscuitable]

I thought those lyrics sounded familiar. :xykon:

Anyone else catch themselves relaxing to grindcore? Music just doesn't sound the same after you've listened to Nine Inch Nails and Rob Zombie while reading Lovecraft at 3 A.M. :mitd:

Good (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GI8xrnOrftM) to know (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VdVmyORqVRo) I'm not (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtsD2tBPZgo) the only one. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9UeLylS_eA)

[noparlpf]

I'm never going to make everyone happy, am I?

I would like to take this moment to raise the question of our acronym (again). :smalltongue:
Let's make it QitP. Or Alphabet Soup itP.

(I would like to take this moment to seriously beg everybody to not actually start up on the acronym again because it happens at least once every iteration of the thread.)

[golentan]

*HUGS* Feel better?

Will you kiss it better? *hopeful*


I think we broke Golentan. Time to ship him off to fix him.

No! They'll do another unauthorized reprogram while I'm under and I'll wake up madly in love with the idea of stars, or I'll taste purple and go unconscious for a century every time I try to activate some ancillary system or something.

Oh, wait, I already do both those things. Nevermind, fixing it is.


Well, you're a vaguely insectile creature with six arms, right? Star Wars has aliens with tentacles, with four eyes and ultraviolet vision, with vacuum-proof exoskeletons, with hive minds and swarm societies, and so forth. Compared to those creatures' relationships and the occasional cross-species liaison, a Human/Human relationship of any variety--straight, gay, transgender, or otherwise--shouldn't even be a blip on anyone's sensors.

I can see where compared to cross species, that shouldn't be a blip. But within a species, tentacles and hive minds are merely the spice of life. I should know!

I think it boils down as such in the minds of (at least some) people: Sex is bad. Sex is necessary to Make more Mans. (http://www.smbc-comics.com/?db=comics&id=2481#comic) Sex is therefore tolerable. Since, in soft Sci Fi like star wars, crossbreeding is often an option, that is less intolerable than options that don't involve making more mans, like gay sex. Therefore, hardcore interspecies loving is less objectionable than gay sex.

Of course, there are several things I find wrong with this. For example, one of my axioms is that Sex is Good, and that Making more Mans is merely an (often unfortunate) side effect.

Obviously, this doesn't apply to all critics of the same sex lovin'. Some people are just mean, in my experience.

[turkishproverb]

Will you kiss it better? *hopeful*


*dips*

Only because you asked nicely.

*kiss*

[Rawhide]

*cough* A natural 20 is only an automatic hit. You still need to confirm the critical. :smalltongue:

[Triscuitable]

No! They'll do another unauthorized reprogram while I'm under and I'll wake up madly in love with the idea of stars, or I'll taste purple and go unconscious for a century every time I try to activate some ancillary system or something.

Oh, wait, I already do both those things. Nevermind, fixing it is.


*cough* A natural 20 is only an automatic hit. You still need to confirm the critical. :smalltongue:

Now we seriously need to put him under. He's going to be shards of creepy bug-like being before long.

Would you like the Cryogenics Chamber next to Mr. Mustaine or Mr. Fry?

[golentan]

*cough* A natural 20 is only an automatic hit. You still need to confirm the critical. :smalltongue:

Lalalala, can't hear you!

[Arachu]

Good (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GI8xrnOrftM) to know (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VdVmyORqVRo) I'm not (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtsD2tBPZgo) the only one. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9UeLylS_eA)

Good stuff. :smallcool:

Though it seems I've managed to not hear more than one Megadeth song in my life - excuse me while I fix that. :xykon:

[Triscuitable]

Good stuff. :smallcool:

Though it seems I've managed to not hear more than one Megadeth song in my life - excuse me while I fix that. :xykon:

Good god man, you haven't more than one song by Megadeth?

Before I was a FAN, I had heard Symphony of Destruction on the radio, 11 years ago! Not only that, but I heard Hangar 18 in 2007!

SOMEONE SAVE THIS MAN!

[Arachu]

Good god man, you haven't more than one song by Megadeth?

I don't know. :smalleek:

Actually, I could've heard more without realizing it was Megadeth... :hmm:


SOMEONE SAVE THIS MAN!

*cough*Chick*cough* :smalltongue:

[Triscuitable]

*cough*Chick*cough* :smalltongue:

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry.

[Arachu]

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry.

Nah, It's cool - I've only recently realized it, and there's no way I could 'pass' IRL. Shouldn't really get hung up on such things, anyway. :smallsmile:

[Mystic Muse]

I'm never going to make everyone happy, am I?

Nope. In fact, trying to is pretty much futile.

For part 30, I kinda want it to be Part XXX instead.:smalltongue:

[Asta Kask]

*cough* A natural 20 is only an automatic hit. You still need to confirm the critical. :smalltongue:

Golentan plays by 4th edition rules.

Someone mentioned the word "tranny". Interestingly, the Swedish equivalent - "transa" - is apparently not that bad a word. Yes, think before you say it, but it won't automatically get you banished to the Outer Darkness if you use it.

I wonder what makes these differences between cultures. Could it be as simple as whether an influential person liked or disliked the word and this then spread?

[turkishproverb]

Golentan plays by 4th edition rules.

Someone mentioned the word "tranny". Interestingly, the Swedish equivalent - "transa" - is apparently not that bad a word. Yes, think before you say it, but it won't automatically get you banished to the Outer Darkness if you use it.

Stop helping them. I need company in a location this remote.

[H Birchgrove]

Will you kiss it better? *hopeful*

I can, otherwise. :smallwink:


I can see where compared to cross species, that shouldn't be a blip. But within a species, tentacles and hive minds are merely the spice of life. I should know!

:smallbiggrin:


I think it boils down as such in the minds of (at least some) people: Sex is bad. Sex is necessary to Make more Mans. (http://www.smbc-comics.com/?db=comics&id=2481#comic) Sex is therefore tolerable. Since, in soft Sci Fi like star wars, crossbreeding is often an option, that is less intolerable than options that don't involve making more mans, like gay sex. Therefore, hardcore interspecies loving is less objectionable than gay sex.

Of course, there are several things I find wrong with this. For example, one of my axioms is that Sex is Good, and that Making more Mans is merely an (often unfortunate) side effect.

Obviously, this doesn't apply to all critics of the same sex lovin'. Some people are just mean, in my experience.

*puts geek hat on* :elan:

Star Wars isn't soft SF, it's Science Fantasy and space opera.

Soft SF is SF that deals with believable portrayal of character's inner life, relationships etc, with "soft" sciences like linguistics, sociology, psychology, etc. Jack London's "The Iron Heel", Ray Bradbury's "Fahrenheit 451", and Philip José Farmer's "The Lovers" are good examples of Soft SF.

Hard SF deals with "hard" sciences like physics, astronomy, cosmology, chemistry, biology etc. SF stories can be both "hard" and "soft" at the same time, by having both complex characters and dealing with realistic space travel.

Space opera *can* be soft and/or hard SF (take Robert A. Heinlein's novels for example), but it doesn't apply to Star Wars. :smalltongue:


Birchgrove

:smalleek: What is this contraption and why haven't I seen one before!?

... I knew there was something I'd forgotten to look into... :smallredface:



I do that too n.n

'Course, they made the same mistakes - repeating the same experiment over and over, assuming that the obvious assumption was correct, disregarding contrary evidence (in phlogiston's case, 'some things get heavier when you burn them' :smalltongue:)...

Though it does take a while to isolate a sample size of hydrogen... :mitd:



Doesn't explain me either - I find most anything that reminds me of my parents to be a complete turn-off (not just sexually), and also... Well, I was a hypochondriac, but now I sharpen my fingernails...

<.<
>.>

Incidentally, sharpened nails break less and are actually less likely to scratch you badly (due to the lack of burs). :PSA: :smalltongue:

Well, slide rules has been out-competed by digital calculators, like PC's has out-competed type-writers.

Ha, that is true. :smalltongue:

Yeah, few things are more disturbing than getting reminded of your family members while dealing with sexy time. :smallsigh:

I just file my nails after cutting them, in order to not scratch me.


Golentan plays by 4th edition rules.

Someone mentioned the word "tranny". Interestingly, the Swedish equivalent - "transa" - is apparently not that bad a word. Yes, think before you say it, but it won't automatically get you banished to the Outer Darkness if you use it.

I wonder what makes these differences between cultures. Could it be as simple as whether an influential person liked or disliked the word and this then spread?

I think "transa" is used for both transsexuals and transvestites, but take my word with a grain of salt.

[noparlpf]

Nope. In fact, trying to is pretty much futile.

For part 30, I kinda want it to be Part XXX instead.:smalltongue:

I think they just said no to that over on the "You!" photo thread.

[Qaera]

Golentan plays by 4th edition rules.

Someone mentioned the word "tranny". Interestingly, the Swedish equivalent - "transa" - is apparently not that bad a word. Yes, think before you say it, but it won't automatically get you banished to the Outer Darkness if you use it.

I wonder what makes these differences between cultures. Could it be as simple as whether an influential person liked or disliked the word and this then spread?
One of my only other lagerbeta communities recently had a schism over whether or not tranny was offensive. It's really all about the intent; if my best friend jokingly called me tranny, hey that's alright. The lynch mob chasing me with torches and pitchforks? Less alright. In fact, hearing the word after that might cause me to remember it and break down. So, don't use it unless you know the person is alright with it, and if not, stop using it. The schism happened when two things happened: cis people tried to determine what was and wasn't offensive to trans people, and the trans people responded a little too militanty (also the [trans] moderator and her girlfriend [also a mod] had sketchy connections...) So! TheMoreYouKnowRainboom.png

~ ♅

[Mina Kobold]

Speaking as a somewhat-obsessive Star Wars nerd myself, I'm much more upset about some of the other liberties Bioware took with canon than with the whole relationship issue at all. Though of course my presence in this thread means I might be a bit of an outlier on that score. :smallwink: But seriously, when many Star Wars aliens look and act a heck of a lot more like Golentan than like any Homo sapiens, why is any relationship between two members of the same species objectionable in comparison to a, say, Wookiee/Ugnaught (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Ugnaught) relationship?

Psychology hypotheses and Kraken-romances
I think part of it comes from an indoctrination that puts focus on very specific rules without explaining the reasoning behind them, if their teachers/indoctries never told them any rules about interplanetary hearting, then they have to default to human rules about it and ignore the tentacles. It's really sad. :smallfrown:

Although, now I want to play a character who find human sex extremely gross while pining for the Star Wars' equivalent of the Kraken. Just to see the reaction. :smalltongue:


I'm never going to make everyone happy, am I?

You make me happy, does that help? :smallsmile:

Having so many hug arms will make any title amazing! :3


*cough* A natural 20 is only an automatic hit. You still need to confirm the critical. :smalltongue:

Unless you play the older editions, especially back when it was a suggested house rule.

Which reminds me that there are apparently rainbow-winged snakes in first edition who worship a god that is both sexless and intersex. Fun times. :3


I don't know. :smalleek:

Actually, I could've heard more without realizing it was Megadeth... :hmm:



*cough*Chick*cough* :smalltongue:

Well, Jack Chick certainly needs saving. :smalltongue:

On that note, the Megadeth mention made me curious. Have any of you beans heard about any LGBT Metal bands? I usually listen solely to Fantasy and Classical Metal so my mainstream knowledge amounts to having heard of Metallica. ^_^'

[Astrella]

Hello all. Been wanting to say this for a while. Might as well get this over and done with as quickly as possible. So my problem is now in dot point format.

...

Hi, *hugs*.

Constantly having to explains things gets really annoying, yes. :smallfrown:


Please write something positive. I downloaded the National Transgender Discrimination Survey and read through the Health chapter. I was prepared for bad, but… it all seems so hopeless. What can a single person do?

Please give me the story of when a single act of kindness, a smile or a hug brightened a day. When someone made a difference. Give me something to hang my commitment on. Show me it isn’t all black.

Please?

*hugs*


Hello, Playgrounders. I thought I'd get this off my chest now, because by this time tomorrow I'm sure the thread will be on page 23 with fourteen different topics. :smallwink:

...

Hai, *hugs*.

Hope the situation with the parents sorts out soon, and kudos on the boyfriend. :smallsmile:


Someone mentioned the word "tranny". Interestingly, the Swedish equivalent - "transa" - is apparently not that bad a word. Yes, think before you say it, but it won't automatically get you banished to the Outer Darkness if you use it.

I wonder what makes these differences between cultures. Could it be as simple as whether an influential person liked or disliked the word and this then spread?


One of my only other lagerbeta communities recently had a schism over whether or not tranny was offensive. It's really all about the intent; if my best friend jokingly called me tranny, hey that's alright. The lynch mob chasing me with torches and pitchforks? Less alright. In fact, hearing the word after that might cause me to remember it and break down. So, don't use it unless you know the person is alright with it, and if not, stop using it. The schism happened when two things happened: cis people tried to determine what was and wasn't offensive to trans people, and the trans people responded a little too militanty (also the [trans] moderator and her girlfriend [also a mod] had sketchy connections...) So! TheMoreYouKnowRainboom.png

~ ♅

The way to treat words that are being reclaimed is to only use it if the person you're using it for is okay with it. (And no, having gay, trans*, ... friends who are okay with it doesn't make it okay to use it for everyone. Coincidentally, has anyone ever seen a good line of reasoning following "I have gay / trans* / ... friends, so "?)


Ugh, haven't been following the thread much lately:
(Whiny stuff)
Home again, and things are a bit tense. I feel very at unease being here. :c Stayed up far longer then I intended yesterday cause I was all worked up and feeling dysphoric. Followed by nightmares and oversleeping.

Oh, something you folks might find interesting; two videos in which a sibling of a trans* person answers questions: 1 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjbgF1CvCsw&feature=youtu.be) & 2 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtNSpaHoD04&feature=relmfu).

[bluewind95]

In nice, unrelated news... I read the article "I'm Christian unless you're gay" to my grandmother. Well... more or less, anyways. I actually had to translate it for her because she doesn't understand English very well (or at least claims not to). I think... I think it did good. I think that, despite her really conservative views... this has helped soften them. She seemed quite touched and thoughtful at the article. I also summarized what happened in the follow-up. The letter that father sent. She was touched.

I think this is a good thing.

[Astrella]

In nice, unrelated news... I read the article "I'm Christian unless you're gay" to my grandmother. Well... more or less, anyways. I actually had to translate it for her because she doesn't understand English very well (or at least claims not to). I think... I think it did good. I think that, despite her really conservative views... this has helped soften them. She seemed quite touched and thoughtful at the article. I also summarized what happened in the follow-up. The letter that father sent. She was touched.

I think this is a good thing.

That's good news. :smallsmile:

[KenderWizard]

We already had "natural 20" so now we've got "critical hit". Makes perfect sense, we rolled two twenties in a row!


In nice, unrelated news... I read the article "I'm Christian unless you're gay" to my grandmother. Well... more or less, anyways. I actually had to translate it for her because she doesn't understand English very well (or at least claims not to). I think... I think it did good. I think that, despite her really conservative views... this has helped soften them. She seemed quite touched and thoughtful at the article. I also summarized what happened in the follow-up. The letter that father sent. She was touched.

I think this is a good thing.

:smallsmile: Well done!

[Lix Lorn]

I think we broke Golentan. Time to ship him off to fix him.
Oh, I know a good place that makes aliens feel better!
(gives my address)

HugTherapy.inc. :3

[Asta Kask]

As I mentioned earlier, I've been thinking of a new way to improve my own (and others') understanding of transsexuality. And I think something along the lines of Choose Your Own Adventure (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Choose_Your_Own_Adventure) would be a good way. Following a young transperson on his/her first night trying to pass as a man/woman might do a lot to open our eyes to the unique challenges facing transpeople. It's worth a try.

So, this thread is discussing that project. Obviously you'll have the most to contribute if you are a transperson, especially one experienced in trying to pass. Or you can be a cisperson like me, trying to understand what questions to ask. What things we need to know that are so obvious that transpeople never think about them. If there be such beasts.

The thread is here (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=230813) and I will be posting in it from time to time, unless there seems to be no interest.

[Astrella]

I wouldn't really call it understanding transsexuality, rather than the challenges trans* people face. I can't really help much myself, since I'm deeply closeted (still) and only have second-hand info on passing and such. (I can help on trying to bring over how being trans* feels though (for me at least).)

[Asta Kask]

I hear you Astrella, but I disagree. I can never understand what feeling transsexual is like, for the same reason I can never understand what cramps or PMS feels like.

What I can understand is what transgender people go through, what challenges they face. By understanding that I can understand the universal human responses to such a situation. We all get angry, or sad, when harassed. Understanding harassment helps me understand anger or sadness specific to transsexual people (if it exists). And that is want I'm after - not to understand completely but to understand better than I do now.

Gah. It feels as if I'm waffling, but something like that.

[Coidzor]

Getting as much of the visceral feelings as possible across does help witht he understanding from what I recall. One can't get all of them, of course, but there should generally be enough that can be grokked and felt-sent.

[Astrella]

I hear you Astrella, but I disagree. I can never understand what feeling transsexual is like, for the same reason I can never understand what cramps or PMS feels like.

What I can understand is what transgender people go through, what challenges they face. By understanding that I can understand the universal human responses to such a situation. We all get angry, or sad, when harassed. Understanding harassment helps me understand anger or sadness specific to transsexual people (if it exists). And that is want I'm after - not to understand completely but to understand better than I do now.

Gah. It feels as if I'm waffling, but something like that.

I'm not sure what you are disagreeing with? :smallconfused:

[Asta Kask]

Maybe I'm not either.

*wan smile*

Natalie Reed has some interesting thoughts about passability. (http://freethoughtblogs.com/nataliereed/2012/01/30/passability-and-the-toupee-fallacy/) Also good advice for people who are new to their transsexualism.

[Astrella]

Maybe I'm not either.

*wan smile*

Natalie Reed has some interesting thoughts about passability. (http://freethoughtblogs.com/nataliereed/2012/01/30/passability-and-the-toupee-fallacy/) Also good advice for people who are new to their transsexualism.

Oh, yeah, I've heard that applied to LGBT-folks in the past before. I think it's an apt comparison.

[Al'izh'dheg]

Some random things I've noted about being trans...

Silly anecdote 1:
Yesterday my wife was getting up and ready for work. She saw my daughter and asked her to go downstairs to the dryer and get one of her panties because she was out upstairs...

Fast forward a half hour later when I walked into the bedroom while my wife was just getting out of the shower. On the bed I notice her scrubs (work clothes) and one of my panties. I raised my eyebrow at her (not knowing about the previous part where she'd asked my daughter to get her panties). Apparently my daughter found *my* panties in the dryer and brought them up. A perfectly natural, if a bit embarrassing (for me), mistake.

Strange observation 1:
Speaking of my panties, one of the more challenging thing about being closeted but still insistent on displaying feminism is some ways is when I use the restroom at work (or any public place really). I have a habit of using the urinals because that just what I do. Well I'm not going to use them anymore after I realized that even if somebody accidentally "checks out their neighbor" it's pretty hard to explain the pink underwear...

Silly anecdote 2:
So one day a couple of months back, I was wearing panties. I'd had a horribly exhausting day at work and my oldest brought me a pair of sweatpants so I wouldn't have to go upstairs to change (don't ask, it really was *that* bad of a day). Not too big of a deal for somebody who wears boxer briefs normally and is standing in front of his son and wife. I just switch pants really fast. Yeah. Except when you start and suddenly realize "Oh crap, I'm not *wearing* boxers today..." That would have been an awkward way of coming out to the kids...I had them half off before sprinting up the stairs in a panic.


Strange observation 2:
Yeah, those really cute gloves with the fur lining them? Yeah, the ones you boldly bought at Walmart right after the adrenaline surge of buying your first package of panties yourself? Yeah, you felt so defiant right then. "Ha!" you thought to yourself, "I *dare* somebody to challenge my right to be a woman!" And then you found those gloves, with the fur on the outside too. So soft. So warm. Yep. And now it's freezing outside and you're at work and need to put on your gloves to get warm. Except there's 5 guys standing around you and you *know* they are going to look at you funny for wearing those gloves. And they are going to make a snarky comment. Not offensively, but just some good-natured ribbing. Except you're known for always having a snarky response. So what are you going to say *now* Mrs. Snarky-Snark and the Funky Bunch? Yeah, nothing. You're going to go outside in the freezing cold and hope you don't get frostbite until you get into the car. THAT'S what you're going to do.

[Lix Lorn]

Some random things I've noted about being trans...

Silly anecdote 1:
Yesterday my wife was getting up and ready for work. She saw my daughter and asked her to go downstairs to the dryer and get one of her panties because she was out upstairs...

Fast forward a half hour later when I walked into the bedroom while my wife was just getting out of the shower. On the bed I notice her scrubs (work clothes) and one of my panties. I raised my eyebrow at her (not knowing about the previous part where she'd asked my daughter to get her panties). Apparently my daughter found *my* panties in the dryer and brought them up. A perfectly natural, if a bit embarrassing (for me), mistake.

Strange observation 1:
Speaking of my panties, one of the more challenging thing about being closeted but still insistent on displaying feminism is some ways is when I use the restroom at work (or any public place really). I have a habit of using the urinals because that just what I do. Well I'm not going to use them anymore after I realized that even if somebody accidentally "checks out their neighbor" it's pretty hard to explain the pink underwear...

Silly anecdote 2:
So one day a couple of months back, I was wearing panties. I'd had a horribly exhausting day at work and my oldest brought me a pair of sweatpants so I wouldn't have to go upstairs to change (don't ask, it really was *that* bad of a day). Not too big of a deal for somebody who wears boxer briefs normally and is standing in front of his son and wife. I just switch pants really fast. Yeah. Except when you start and suddenly realize "Oh crap, I'm not *wearing* boxers today..." That would have been an awkward way of coming out to the kids...I had them half off before sprinting up the stairs in a panic.


Strange observation 2:
Yeah, those really cute gloves with the fur lining them? Yeah, the ones you boldly bought at Walmart right after the adrenaline surge of buying your first package of panties yourself? Yeah, you felt so defiant right then. "Ha!" you thought to yourself, "I *dare* somebody to challenge my right to be a woman!" And then you found those gloves, with the fur on the outside too. So soft. So warm. Yep. And now it's freezing outside and you're at work and need to put on your gloves to get warm. Except there's 5 guys standing around you and you *know* they are going to look at you funny for wearing those gloves. And they are going to make a snarky comment. Not offensively, but just some good-natured ribbing. Except you're known for always having a snarky response. So what are you going to say *now* Mrs. Snarky-Snark and the Funky Bunch? Yeah, nothing. You're going to go outside in the freezing cold and hope you don't get frostbite until you get into the car. THAT'S what you're going to do.
Dawww. Have a sympathy hug for 2 and 4. :(

[Heliomance]

http://a7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/425204_240614436019564_1001545067_n.jpg
Discuss.

[Arachu]

Ugh, haven't been following the thread much lately:
(Whiny stuff)
Home again, and things are a bit tense. I feel very at unease being here. :c Stayed up far longer then I intended yesterday cause I was all worked up and feeling dysphoric. Followed by nightmares and oversleeping.

*Hugs* Oh my god, that happened to me too. I actually woke up at about 8, and fell back asleep until I barely had time to shower (nevermind shave). *more hugs*

You can PM me, if you want to talk about it... :mitd:


Yeah, few things are more disturbing than getting reminded of your family members while dealing with sexy time. :smallsigh:

I just file my nails after cutting them, in order to not scratch me.

:smallsigh: I know what you mean, virginity notwithstanding. That may or may not be the reason I'm not really "into" guys with facial hair (some are damn handsome, but my dad always had a goatee... :/).

I don't give mine (especially prominent) points or anything - I try to sharpen them like knives or something, balancing sharpness and strength. I probably put more thought into them than I really should, but those little gleams at the edges are awesome. :smallbiggrin:


In nice, unrelated news... I read the article "I'm Christian unless you're gay" to my grandmother. Well... more or less, anyways. I actually had to translate it for her because she doesn't understand English very well (or at least claims not to). I think... I think it did good. I think that, despite her really conservative views... this has helped soften them. She seemed quite touched and thoughtful at the article. I also summarized what happened in the follow-up. The letter that father sent. She was touched.

I think this is a good thing.

:smallbiggrin: *hugs*


Silly anecdote 1:
Yesterday my wife was getting up and ready for work. She saw my daughter and asked her to go downstairs to the dryer and get one of her panties because she was out upstairs...

Fast forward a half hour later when I walked into the bedroom while my wife was just getting out of the shower. On the bed I notice her scrubs (work clothes) and one of my panties. I raised my eyebrow at her (not knowing about the previous part where she'd asked my daughter to get her panties). Apparently my daughter found *my* panties in the dryer and brought them up. A perfectly natural, if a bit embarrassing (for me), mistake.

Strange observation 1:
Speaking of my panties, one of the more challenging thing about being closeted but still insistent on displaying feminism is some ways is when I use the restroom at work (or any public place really). I have a habit of using the urinals because that just what I do. Well I'm not going to use them anymore after I realized that even if somebody accidentally "checks out their neighbor" it's pretty hard to explain the pink underwear...

Silly anecdote 2:
So one day a couple of months back, I was wearing panties. I'd had a horribly exhausting day at work and my oldest brought me a pair of sweatpants so I wouldn't have to go upstairs to change (don't ask, it really was *that* bad of a day). Not too big of a deal for somebody who wears boxer briefs normally and is standing in front of his son and wife. I just switch pants really fast. Yeah. Except when you start and suddenly realize "Oh crap, I'm not *wearing* boxers today..." That would have been an awkward way of coming out to the kids...I had them half off before sprinting up the stairs in a panic.


Strange observation 2:
Yeah, those really cute gloves with the fur lining them? Yeah, the ones you boldly bought at Walmart right after the adrenaline surge of buying your first package of panties yourself? Yeah, you felt so defiant right then. "Ha!" you thought to yourself, "I *dare* somebody to challenge my right to be a woman!" And then you found those gloves, with the fur on the outside too. So soft. So warm. Yep. And now it's freezing outside and you're at work and need to put on your gloves to get warm. Except there's 5 guys standing around you and you *know* they are going to look at you funny for wearing those gloves. And they are going to make a snarky comment. Not offensively, but just some good-natured ribbing. Except you're known for always having a snarky response. So what are you going to say *now* Mrs. Snarky-Snark and the Funky Bunch? Yeah, nothing. You're going to go outside in the freezing cold and hope you don't get frostbite until you get into the car. THAT'S what you're going to do.

I feel bad for giggling so hard at these... ._. *hugs*

[Astrella]

*Hugs* Oh my god, that happened to me too. I actually woke up at about 8, and fell back asleep until I barely had time to shower (nevermind shave). *more hugs*

You can PM me, if you want to talk about it... :mitd:

Thank you. :smallsmile:

Hope you feel better as well.


I feel bad for giggling so hard at these... ._. *hugs*

Haha, me too; madame Al'izh'dheg has an entertaining writing style. :smallbiggrin:

[Coidzor]

I feel bad for giggling so hard at these... ._. *hugs*

:smallconfused: Even the bit with the child and the awkward conversation to the child that it actually has two mothers while still in underwear... Oh, wait, ok, I can see it now. The resultant fight with the wife from that explanation probably wouldn't be quite as funny though. :/

Good kid in the first one though. I'd've chewed out my mom for putting on weight and being unhealthy if she asked me to grab her panties and I found panties large enough for my father to wear in the clean laundry.

[Arachu]

:smallconfused: Even the bit with the child and the awkward conversation to the child that it actually has two mothers while still in underwear... Oh, wait, ok, I can see it now. The resultant fight with the wife from that explanation probably wouldn't be quite as funny though. :/

Good kid in the first one though. I'd've chewed out my mom for putting on weight and being unhealthy if she asked me to grab her panties and I found panties large enough for my father to wear in the clean laundry.

I'd chew my mom out for asking me to touch her underwear in the first place. :smallconfused:

[H Birchgrove]

I'd chew my mom out for asking me to touch her underwear in the first place. :smallconfused:

You have never helped with your family's laundry? :smallconfused:

I'm not moralizing (I hope), but it's interesting for an outsider like me to glimpse the difference in mores between our respective societies. :smalltongue:

[Arachu]

You have never helped with your family's laundry? :smallconfused:

I'm not moralizing (I hope), but it's interesting for an outsider like me to glimpse the difference in mores between our respective societies. :smalltongue:

I've helped with laundry, just not (their) underwear. I don't know if that's normal or not, though. (We also don't drink after each other, though in my parents' case that might be due to my dad's tobacco habit.)


Thank you. :smallsmile:

Hope you feel better as well.

I feel somewhat better lately. Good enough to be able to feel okay, if that makes any sense. :smalltongue: :smallsmile:

[Al'izh'dheg]

I feel bad for giggling so hard at these... ._. *hugs*

Aww, don't feel bad...



Haha, me too; madame Al'izh'dheg has an entertaining writing style. :smallbiggrin:

...because of this. Thank you, both. The intent was to be humorous about situations that really do happen to me. But if you can't laugh through some of this, then you'd have to cry, and who wants to do that?


:smallconfused: Even the bit with the child and the awkward conversation to the child that it actually has two mothers while still in underwear... Oh, wait, ok, I can see it now. The resultant fight with the wife from that explanation probably wouldn't be quite as funny though. :/

Good kid in the first one though. I'd've chewed out my mom for putting on weight and being unhealthy if she asked me to grab her panties and I found panties large enough for my father to wear in the clean laundry.

I think this situation with my transgender state is rather delicate. Catching dad in panties in the living room is *not* how I intend to broach the subject when the time comes. Which reminds me of that scene in Mrs. Doubtfire when one of them walks into the bathroom while the babysitter is peeing standing up... *giggle*

And umm... you're making some assumptions, actually. At a size 7, I actually have a much smaller pantie size than my wife... Is it possible to be a transwoman and feel emasculated? *chuckle*

[Arachu]

Aww, don't feel bad...

...because of this. Thank you, both. The intent was to be humorous about situations that really do happen to me. But if you can't laugh through some of this, then you'd have to cry, and who wants to do that?

:smalltongue:

(I have to say, you've been downright adorable lately. :haley:)

[golentan]

Oh, I know a good place that makes aliens feel better!
(gives my address)

HugTherapy.inc. :3

I wish I had been able to make it across the pond on my european trip. :smallfrown:

Ah, well. Do you do house calls?

[Triscuitable]

I wish I had been able to make it across the pond on my european trip. :smallfrown:

Ah, well. Do you do house calls?

1-800-GIMME-A-HUG-DAMMIT

We also do kisses. I do not participate in either activity.

[Qaera]

I feel terrible ._.
Bad dysphoria after school today, I can't think of any triggers. My skin felt wrong and terrible and it itched without an itch so after making dinner for my family I took a shower but that made me realize my hairdresser cut my hair longer than I wanted to and how I should just stick to my assigned gender and stop being so dumb about caring who I am... I dont know why I'm feeling so terrible... And I can't talk about it with my trans friends because they're going through worse stuff and my cis friends don't understand at all...

~ ♅

[Arachu]

I feel terrible ._.
Bad dysphoria after school today, I can't think of any triggers. My skin felt wrong and terrible and it itched without an itch so after making dinner for my family I took a shower but that made me realize my hairdresser cut my hair longer than I wanted to and how I should just stick to my assigned gender and stop being so dumb about caring who I am... I dont know why I'm feeling so terrible... And I can't talk about it with my trans friends because they're going through worse stuff and my cis friends don't understand at all...

~ ♅

*Hugs until arms break*

[golentan]

1-800-GIMME-A-HUG-DAMMIT

We also do kisses. I do not participate in either activity.

So... what good are you? :smalltongue:

I kid, I kid (provides awkward non-hug arm pat).


I feel terrible ._.
Bad dysphoria after school today, I can't think of any triggers. My skin felt wrong and terrible and it itched without an itch so after making dinner for my family I took a shower but that made me realize my hairdresser cut my hair longer than I wanted to and how I should just stick to my assigned gender and stop being so dumb about caring who I am... I dont know why I'm feeling so terrible... And I can't talk about it with my trans friends because they're going through worse stuff and my cis friends don't understand at all...

~ ♅

I kind of know how that can feel. I feel the same way about my stupid defective brain sometimes. That feeling that everything is wrong and you should do something about it but you can't because there's nothing wrong. :smallfrown:

Big sloppy hug-kisses.

[Skeppio]

I feel terrible ._.
Bad dysphoria after school today, I can't think of any triggers. My skin felt wrong and terrible and it itched without an itch so after making dinner for my family I took a shower but that made me realize my hairdresser cut my hair longer than I wanted to and how I should just stick to my assigned gender and stop being so dumb about caring who I am... I dont know why I'm feeling so terrible... And I can't talk about it with my trans friends because they're going through worse stuff and my cis friends don't understand at all...

~ ♅

*lots of hugs* :smallfrown:

[Arachu]

Not again... :smallsigh:

I thought I was just having another headache, but suddenly I feel like I haven't bathed in days... and the parts I haven't shaved enough feel sunburned... *hugs knees*

Oh god, I can't even keep my head balanced. :smalleek:

[Astrella]

I feel terrible ._.
Bad dysphoria after school today, I can't think of any triggers. My skin felt wrong and terrible and it itched without an itch so after making dinner for my family I took a shower but that made me realize my hairdresser cut my hair longer than I wanted to and how I should just stick to my assigned gender and stop being so dumb about caring who I am... I dont know why I'm feeling so terrible... And I can't talk about it with my trans friends because they're going through worse stuff and my cis friends don't understand at all...

~ ♅

*hugs*

You can always talk to me, don't feel guilty!


Not again... :smallsigh:

I thought I was just having another headache, but suddenly I feel like I haven't bathed in days... and the parts I haven't shaved enough feel sunburned... *hugs knees*

Oh god, I can't even keep my head balanced. :smalleek:

*holds tightly*

[Triscuitable]

So... what good are you? :smalltongue:

I kid, I kid (provides awkward non-hug arm pat).
I'm good for non-awkward relationships that don't involve sex in any way. Kissing is acceptable, but I don't take pleasure in it.

[Arachu]

*holds tightly*

*holds back*

It's so hard to move when this happens... Depression's bad enough, but this is like someone tied lead weights to my muscles. :smallfurious::smallfrown:

At least the nausea isn't so bad. :/

[Triscuitable]

*holds back*

It's so hard to move when this happens... Depression's bad enough, but this is like someone tied lead weights to my muscles. :smallfurious::smallfrown:

At least the nausea isn't so bad. :/

You've got to be the most temperamental person ever, if you can manage to calm down enough to type right before a pain spike.

In the meantime, iTunes crashed while I had "Repeat One Song" on. The song?

"Hey Man, Nice Shot"

Very quiet, but I noticed it while I was talking to my dad, and suddenly...

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY MAAAAAAAAN HAAAAAASSSS GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN

I was really shocked. He was too. I said maybe discussing private matters would be more important after I got the angry grunge to turn off.

[Coidzor]

I think this situation with my transgender state is rather delicate. Catching dad in panties in the living room is *not* how I intend to broach the subject when the time comes.

I should hope not, which is part of the inappropriate humor of such a scenario. Partially becauswe o the incongruity of someone actually intending such a thing.

I suppose you could take that as a sign to do something sooner rather than later, with two brushes with such.


And umm... you're making some assumptions, actually. At a size 7, I actually have a much smaller pantie size than my wife... Is it possible to be a transwoman and feel emasculated? *chuckle*

You would have preferred I assume that your wife had a wider waistline than yourself? :smallamused:

As for my father, well...


And I can't talk about it with my trans friends because they're going through worse stuff and my cis friends don't understand at all...
Now, I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure that's not how friends are supposed to work. If you can't talk about your life with them at all, then those trans friends aren't actually your friends and if they're not even willing to listen then those cispeople aren't your friends either.

So you've got two options, either at least try to make use of your friends that you have, or discard them as the not-friends that they show themselves to be.

[Arachu]

You've got to be the most temperamental person ever, if you can manage to calm down enough to type right before a pain spike.

Years of experience. Seriously, if you could see me twitching right now I'd look so messed up... I swear, it's like my left arm's trying to escape. :smallsigh:

[Triscuitable]

You would have preferred I assume that your wife had a wider waistline than yourself? :smallamused:

http://images.pictureshunt.com/pics/i/internet_high_five-2496.jpg

I wish there was more to add. But this deserved far more than to be a clever snark.

[bluewind95]

*hugs to those that need them* :smallfrown:

I wish I could offer some comfort.

[Reluctance]

Qaera/Arachu: I can offer to be an obnoxious, sexually harassing bigot until you're completely enraged. I've found that little drowns out self-loathing quite like anger at some rightfully loathsome cretin.

Alternately, if you'd rather not have that around the thread, ice cream party. Hug therapy is well-covered. I've got whipped cream, chopped nuts, whipped cream, and chocolate sauce.

[turkishproverb]

Reluctance? Stop turning hug therapy and ice cream parties into a kinky combination. :smallwink:

[golentan]

Reluctance? Stop turning hug therapy and ice cream parties into a kinky combination. :smallwink:

What? Both good hugs and ice cream parties should eventually evolve into a need to use your mouth. And from there, it's a small leap...

[Triscuitable]

What? Both good hugs and ice cream parties should eventually evolve into a need to use your mouth. And from there, it's a small leap...

To quote everyone's favorite Italian Assassin,

"Wait... I don't get it."

In other words, ick.

[golentan]

To quote everyone's favorite Italian Assassin,

"Wait... I don't get it."

In other words, ick.

You're just jealous because you don't have as many uses for whipped cream with chocolate sauce as I do. Ice cream, pies, bread, cookies, other people. I can enjoy it on so many things!

[Coidzor]

Finding the right temperature to get a hot fudge sundae is definitely an artform, that's true.

[Mystic Muse]

Maybe these are just insomnia induced delusions, but I'm thinking of coming out soon. I think I know how to tell my parents. I won't be coming out entirely just due to the sheer size of my family, and I think I know of a few branches of my family who would probably never want to speak to me again if they found out I was both MtF and Gynosexual.

I want things to remain un-awkward between myself and my extended family until after Gencon. After that, I don't think I'll care too much.

I'm going to start looking for specific stuff dealing with this as well so that I have responses to any questions they have, or arguments they bring up.

[KenderWizard]

http://a7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/425204_240614436019564_1001545067_n.jpg
Discuss.

I like it!


I feel terrible ._.
Bad dysphoria after school today, I can't think of any triggers. My skin felt wrong and terrible and it itched without an itch so after making dinner for my family I took a shower but that made me realize my hairdresser cut my hair longer than I wanted to and how I should just stick to my assigned gender and stop being so dumb about caring who I am... I dont know why I'm feeling so terrible... And I can't talk about it with my trans friends because they're going through worse stuff and my cis friends don't understand at all...

~ ♅

:smallfrown: Hugs?

[Asta Kask]

I feel terrible ._.
Bad dysphoria after school today, I can't think of any triggers. My skin felt wrong and terrible and it itched without an itch so after making dinner for my family I took a shower but that made me realize my hairdresser cut my hair longer than I wanted to and how I should just stick to my assigned gender and stop being so dumb about caring who I am... I dont know why I'm feeling so terrible... And I can't talk about it with my trans friends because they're going through worse stuff and my cis friends don't understand at all...

~ ♅

We'll listen.
If you stumble, we'll steady you.
If you cry, we'll comfort you.
If you fall, we'll help you up.
We are your friends.

[Astrella]

Maybe these are just insomnia induced delusions, but I'm thinking of coming out soon. I think I know how to tell my parents. I won't be coming out entirely just due to the sheer size of my family, and I think I know of a few branches of my family who would probably never want to speak to me again if they found out I was both MtF and Gynosexual.

I want things to remain un-awkward between myself and my extended family until after Gencon. After that, I don't think I'll care too much.

I'm going to start looking for specific stuff dealing with this as well so that I have responses to any questions they have, or arguments they bring up.

Oh, best of luck!

I've read quite a bit of arguments regarding trans* so I can always help you if you have arguments to refute / points to make.

[Petrocorus]

Maybe these are just insomnia induced delusions, but I'm thinking of coming out soon. I think I know how to tell my parents. I won't be coming out entirely just due to the sheer size of my family, and I think I know of a few branches of my family who would probably never want to speak to me again if they found out I was both MtF and Gynosexual.

You mean they will have more problem with the fact that you will become a lesbian than with the fact you will become a woman?

I find this quite disconcerting , i mean, i thought that would be the contrary because they may not accept your transsexualism and so still see you as a straight man, anyway.

Of course i don't actually what is your environment (i don't even where you live), but aren't there more prejudice against transsexuals than against gay?

IDK, i'm asking.



I want things to remain un-awkward between myself and my extended family until after Gencon. After that, I don't think I'll care too much.

What is the link with GenCon?



I'm going to start looking for specific stuff dealing with this as well so that I have responses to any questions they have, or arguments they bring up.
May the Force be with you, my friend.

[Astrella]

Now, I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure that's not how friends are supposed to work. If you can't talk about your life with them at all, then those trans friends aren't actually your friends and if they're not even willing to listen then those cispeople aren't your friends either.

So you've got two options, either at least try to make use of your friends that you have, or discard them as the not-friends that they show themselves to be.

Oh yes, because you can talk about trans*-related stuff to people you're not out to. And Qaera didn't say she can't talk about, rather that she doesn't want to add extra worries to them. :smallmad:

(And you can always talk to me Qaera.)

[Lix Lorn]

I wish I had been able to make it across the pond on my european trip. :smallfrown:

Ah, well. Do you do house calls?
...If/when I find myself in America? Yes. Yes I do.


I feel terrible ._.
Bad dysphoria after school today, I can't think of any triggers. My skin felt wrong and terrible and it itched without an itch so after making dinner for my family I took a shower but that made me realize my hairdresser cut my hair longer than I wanted to and how I should just stick to my assigned gender and stop being so dumb about caring who I am... I dont know why I'm feeling so terrible... And I can't talk about it with my trans friends because they're going through worse stuff and my cis friends don't understand at all...
(Hugs tightly)
I've always said, and I think a lot if not all people with issues agree, that it doesn't matter how much smaller your problems are, if they're bothering you, we still want to hear them so we at least offer sympathy.

Like, one of my best friends, has the worst life ever. I'd rather not go into it without her permission, but her family treat her like ----. Yet she would still encourage me to bitch about my lack of pretty skirts, if it was upsetting me.


Reluctance? Stop turning hug therapy and ice cream parties into a kinky combination. :smallwink:
No, please don't. ♥


You mean they will have more problem with the fact that you will become a lesbian than with the fact you will become a woman?
I think what she meant was that they'd both be a problem for the family, rather than one being bad and the other alright.

[Arachu]

Qaera/Arachu: I can offer to be an obnoxious, sexually harassing bigot until you're completely enraged. I've found that little drowns out self-loathing quite like anger at some rightfully loathsome cretin.

Funny you should mention loathsome cretins... I haven't had such a strong urge to punch my dad in the face in years.

After last night's bout of depression (which, mercifully, drowned out the dysphoria that triggered it), I woke up with a start after getting about 4 or 5 hours of sleep (presumably I had and forgot a nightmare).

Since I woke up before 7, I decided to wait for a while so I could go to the gym (I still don't have a license, so I have to go when my dad gets home from work :/). Sprinting on an elliptical for 20 minutes is more therapeutic than punching things, oddly enough.

After the gym, however, I started to get another migraine... Right before my dad just happens to go there - saying how weird gay people are, saying that lesbians are just like guys, even asking me if it would be gay for a man to get breast implants.

:/

:smallsigh:

:smallannoyed:

:smallmad:

:smallfurious:

:furious::furious::furious:

***** (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Angrish)***** (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ClusterBleepBomb)***** (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AxCrazy?from=Main.AxeCrazy)!!!!!


Funny part is, it took my mind off of my dysphoria. :roach:

EDIT: Also, he just implied that he won't get me insurance (and therefore a driver's license) unless I cut my hair.

In a word, "no". I'll just wait until I get the money to get it myself. :xykon:

(Creepy part is, he doesn't even know about me (unless he's more nosy with my computer than I think he is) - he was talking about other people; a lesbian (or transman, it's impossible to say from his description alone), and a 47-year-old "gay" man (I say "gay", because the evidence is 'he hasn't been married, and gays don't marry very often'). The transmisanthropic rant was incidental. :smallannoyed:)

[/wangst] (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Wangst) (Hooray for TVTropes! :roach:)


Alternately, if you'd rather not have that around the thread, ice cream party. Hug therapy is well-covered. I've got whipped cream, chopped nuts, whipped cream, and chocolate sauce.

*Runs in, panting*

I didn't miss it, did I? :smalltongue:


Maybe these are just insomnia induced delusions, but I'm thinking of coming out soon. I think I know how to tell my parents. I won't be coming out entirely just due to the sheer size of my family, and I think I know of a few branches of my family who would probably never want to speak to me again if they found out I was both MtF and Gynosexual.

I want things to remain un-awkward between myself and my extended family until after Gencon. After that, I don't think I'll care too much.

I'm going to start looking for specific stuff dealing with this as well so that I have responses to any questions they have, or arguments they bring up.

*Hugs*

(I'd offer to help, but... Well, I'm still in a mood from earlier. :/)

[Coidzor]

Oh yes, because you can talk about trans*-related stuff to people you're not out to. And Qaera didn't say she can't talk about, rather that she doesn't want to add extra worries to them. :smallmad:

(And you can always talk to me Qaera.)

:smallconfused:...That was not implied or stated at all in Qaera's post. None of what you've just said was. Qaera's post communicated that Qaera would feel unworthy to mention Qaera's trials and tribulations because they're not nearly bad enough to compare with what Qaera's trans friends have gone through.

Which is horse pucky as I rightly pointed out. If they're Qaera's friends, having gone through worse things themselves does not invalidate Qaera's experiences.

Even if it were as you say, that's a horrible example of friendship if it's so uneven that one party can't take any kind of tales of bad news or hardship from the other but sends worse the other way without compunction. And so my point about proper friendship not really working that way would stand.

Though friends that you could never, ever, ever come out to definitely seem like they'd fit into the category of false friends.

And given that the non-trans friends were stated to be incapable of understanding, leaving it up to the reader's sensibilities and understanding of Qaera's tone to piece together just why or how they'd be incapable of understanding. To which I say phooey, as I must rather firmly believe that the only people incapable of understanding enough to do one's duty as a friend are those who are actively refusing to understand.

Given that I rather doubt that all of Qaera's non-trans friends would be bigots, from what sense of Qaera and Qaera's life that I've had, I must reject that interpretation and instead take it to be an at least partially throwaway figure of speech in absence of further clarification from Qaera.

[Mystic Muse]

Oh, best of luck!

I've read quite a bit of arguments regarding trans* so I can always help you if you have arguments to refute / points to make.

Got a Skype or AIM address? A thing or two I need to refute has to do with things that are slightly religious, so I can't bring them up on here.


You mean they will have more problem with the fact that you will become a lesbian than with the fact you will become a woman?

I find this quite disconcerting , i mean, i thought that would be the contrary because they may not accept your transsexualism and so still see you as a straight man, anyway.

Of course i don't actually what is your environment (i don't even where you live), but aren't there more prejudice against transsexuals than against gay?

IDK, i'm asking. They'll have a problem with both. It's not one above the other, it's the combo of both.



What is the link with GenCon? Several members of my extended family are going to Gencon with me this year. I don't want that to be an awkward experience.



May the Force be with you, my friend.

And also with you.




I think what she meant was that they'd both be a problem for the family, rather than one being bad and the other alright.

Correct.

[Coidzor]

They'll have a problem with both. It's not one above the other, it's the combo of both.

I do believe that was the source of Petrocorus's surprise, that they'd have more trouble with the combination of both as your tone and grammar implied rather than the individual components is rather unusual, given the usual course that such prejudice takes. :smallconfused:

As usually, people that have a problem with transwomen don't see them as proper women, so having a problem with transwomen wanting to sleep with transwomen and ciswomen but not with simply being a transwoman is rather outside of the set of experiences that I've ever even heard of, let alone common experience.

Similarly, most people who are not OK with lesbians don't have a division between transwomen and ciswomen that would have them object to one over the other except in cases where they don't view transwomen as women. And it's really outlandish for people to disapprove of someone they view of as a man being what they'd consider to be straight.

And being open minded enough to accept that transwomen are women while simultaneously being bigoted towards women who are attracted to other women is just so delightfully contradictory that it boggles my mind.

[Mystic Muse]

I do believe that was the source of Petrocorus's surprise, that they'd have more trouble with the combination of both as your tone and grammar implied rather than the individual components is rather unusual, given the usual course that such prejudice takes. :smallconfused:

I'm really not sure how to explain why I feel that way or how to make it make sense from their perspective.

[noparlpf]

Some random things I've noted about being trans...

Silly anecdote 1:
Yesterday my wife was getting up and ready for work. She saw my daughter and asked her to go downstairs to the dryer and get one of her panties because she was out upstairs...

Fast forward a half hour later when I walked into the bedroom while my wife was just getting out of the shower. On the bed I notice her scrubs (work clothes) and one of my panties. I raised my eyebrow at her (not knowing about the previous part where she'd asked my daughter to get her panties). Apparently my daughter found *my* panties in the dryer and brought them up. A perfectly natural, if a bit embarrassing (for me), mistake.

Strange observation 1:
Speaking of my panties, one of the more challenging thing about being closeted but still insistent on displaying feminism is some ways is when I use the restroom at work (or any public place really). I have a habit of using the urinals because that just what I do. Well I'm not going to use them anymore after I realized that even if somebody accidentally "checks out their neighbor" it's pretty hard to explain the pink underwear...

Silly anecdote 2:
So one day a couple of months back, I was wearing panties. I'd had a horribly exhausting day at work and my oldest brought me a pair of sweatpants so I wouldn't have to go upstairs to change (don't ask, it really was *that* bad of a day). Not too big of a deal for somebody who wears boxer briefs normally and is standing in front of his son and wife. I just switch pants really fast. Yeah. Except when you start and suddenly realize "Oh crap, I'm not *wearing* boxers today..." That would have been an awkward way of coming out to the kids...I had them half off before sprinting up the stairs in a panic.


Strange observation 2:
Yeah, those really cute gloves with the fur lining them? Yeah, the ones you boldly bought at Walmart right after the adrenaline surge of buying your first package of panties yourself? Yeah, you felt so defiant right then. "Ha!" you thought to yourself, "I *dare* somebody to challenge my right to be a woman!" And then you found those gloves, with the fur on the outside too. So soft. So warm. Yep. And now it's freezing outside and you're at work and need to put on your gloves to get warm. Except there's 5 guys standing around you and you *know* they are going to look at you funny for wearing those gloves. And they are going to make a snarky comment. Not offensively, but just some good-natured ribbing. Except you're known for always having a snarky response. So what are you going to say *now* Mrs. Snarky-Snark and the Funky Bunch? Yeah, nothing. You're going to go outside in the freezing cold and hope you don't get frostbite until you get into the car. THAT'S what you're going to do.

I fail to see the problem with a man (which is how the urinal-neighbor would perceive you) wearing pink underwear. Pink underwear are possibly the manliest thing ever. (I should get some of those.)
As for furry gloves, I used to wear fuzzy socks regularly. Often in bright colors, including pink and purple. And I carried a fuchsia backpack for half of senior year in high school.
And nobody gave me trouble for it.
So although this is probably completely unhelpful for somebody who wants to be seen as female, I don't think there should be a problem with somebody who is perceived as male wearing pink undies or furry gloves.


You have never helped with your family's laundry? :smallconfused:

I'm not moralizing (I hope), but it's interesting for an outsider like me to glimpse the difference in mores between our respective societies. :smalltongue:

I've helped with the laundry, but only if it's clean and I'm shifting it from the washer to the dryer or out of the dryer. I only touch my own dirty laundry.


I feel terrible ._.
Bad dysphoria after school today, I can't think of any triggers. My skin felt wrong and terrible and it itched without an itch so after making dinner for my family I took a shower but that made me realize my hairdresser cut my hair longer than I wanted to and how I should just stick to my assigned gender and stop being so dumb about caring who I am... I dont know why I'm feeling so terrible... And I can't talk about it with my trans friends because they're going through worse stuff and my cis friends don't understand at all...

~ ♅

:<
Feel better.


Not again... :smallsigh:

I thought I was just having another headache, but suddenly I feel like I haven't bathed in days... and the parts I haven't shaved enough feel sunburned... *hugs knees*

Oh god, I can't even keep my head balanced. :smalleek:

:<
You too.


http://images.pictureshunt.com/pics/i/internet_high_five-2496.jpg

I wish there was more to add. But this deserved far more than to be a clever snark.

You have very large internet-hands.


Maybe these are just insomnia induced delusions, but I'm thinking of coming out soon. I think I know how to tell my parents. I won't be coming out entirely just due to the sheer size of my family, and I think I know of a few branches of my family who would probably never want to speak to me again if they found out I was both MtF and Gynosexual.

I want things to remain un-awkward between myself and my extended family until after Gencon. After that, I don't think I'll care too much.

I'm going to start looking for specific stuff dealing with this as well so that I have responses to any questions they have, or arguments they bring up.

Hey, if you think it'll turn out well, go for it! Best of luck.

[Arachu]

I do believe that was the source of Petrocorus's surprise, that they'd have more trouble with the combination of both as your tone and grammar implied rather than the individual components is rather unusual, given the usual course that such prejudice takes. :smallconfused:

As usually, people that have a problem with transwomen don't see them as proper women, so having a problem with transwomen wanting to sleep with transwomen and ciswomen but not with simply being a transwoman is rather outside of the set of experiences that I've ever even heard of, let alone common experience.

Similarly, most people who are not OK with lesbians don't have a division between transwomen and ciswomen that would have them object to one over the other except in cases where they don't view transwomen as women. And it's really outlandish for people to disapprove of someone they view of as a man being what they'd consider to be straight.

And being open minded enough to accept that transwomen are women while simultaneously being bigoted towards women who are attracted to other women is just so delightfully contradictory that it boggles my mind.

It's bound to boggle their minds - if a (male-to-female) transsexual is a gay man*, and straight men* aren't gay men*, then what the hell is a translesbian*? It's like putting a stick in a magnetic motor (nothing breaks, it just keeps dropping the actuator and hitting it against the stick over and over).

*Hugs Soft Serve some more*

*Also hugs Qaera again*


:<
You too.

*Hugs*


You have very large internet-hands.

My hand actually fits that almost perfectly ( not sure if :/..).

[Coidzor]

I'm really not sure how to explain why I feel that way or how to make it make sense from their perspective.


It's bound to boggle their minds - if a (male-to-female) transsexual is a gay man*, and straight men* aren't gay men*, then what the hell is a translesbian*? It's like putting a stick in a magnetic motor (nothing breaks, it just keeps dropping the actuator and hitting it against the stick over and over).

I suppose so, but then "it'd break their brains" seems to convey that rather adequately, so I rather doubt that Soft Serve wouldn't have just said that if it were the case. I got more some kind of moral objection rather than an inability to process it into something intelligible to their worldview.


I fail to see the problem with a man (which is how the urinal-neighbor would perceive you) wearing pink underwear. Pink underwear are possibly the manliest thing ever. (I should get some of those.)
As for furry gloves, I used to wear fuzzy socks regularly. Often in bright colors, including pink and purple. And I carried a fuchsia backpack for half of senior year in high school.
And nobody gave me trouble for it.
So although this is probably completely unhelpful for somebody who wants to be seen as female, I don't think there should be a problem with somebody who is perceived as male wearing pink undies or furry gloves.

Well, unless they're lacy or have dirty words on them about what they are and what they're presumed to contain, they should just appear as a flash of pink fabric... Even less if one actually uses the fly to use the urinal rather than unbuttoning, unzipping, and dropping one's trow partially, come to think of it. :smallconfused: My brain hurts now.


You have very large internet-hands.

Really? They're only slightly larger than my real life hands... and mostly because I can't quite get my wrist to bend enough to conform to my screen properly. :smallconfused: And I've got rather dainty hands when you take into account that I'm over 182 cm tall.

[Mystic Muse]

I suppose so, but then "it'd break their brains" seems to convey that rather adequately, so I rather doubt that Soft Serve wouldn't have just said that if it were the case. I got more some kind of moral objection rather than an inability to process it into something intelligible to their worldview.



Yeah, it's really just moral objection mainly.

[golentan]

And being open minded enough to accept that transwomen are women while simultaneously being bigoted towards women who are attracted to other women is just so delightfully contradictory that it boggles my mind.

Weirdly, that contradiction is more common than you might think. I did a paper on gay rights in the world not too long ago.

Were you aware that Iran will actually pay to help people transition (at least MtF, I don't think it goes the other way), but still executes people for homosexuality. It's to the point that many gay guys transition despite not being trans, because it's the only way for them to openly see men.

[noparlpf]

It's bound to boggle their minds - if a (male-to-female) transsexual is a gay man*, and straight men* aren't gay men*, then what the hell is a translesbian*? It's like putting a stick in a magnetic motor (nothing breaks, it just keeps dropping the actuator and hitting it against the stick over and over).

Took me several tries to get my head around that and now I have a mild headache. Yeah, they probably won't even be able to respond. Have 911 already dialed on your phone before you tell them.


My hand actually fits that almost perfectly ( not sure if :/..).


Really? They're only slightly larger than my real life hands... and mostly because I can't quite get my wrist to bend enough to conform to my screen properly. :smallconfused: And I've got rather dainty hands when you take into account that I'm over 182 cm tall.

I think my initial reaction was that it was so huge because it didn't quite fit in the window. When I put my screen down and put my hand on it it wasn't actually that much bigger than mine. (I'm about 176 cm and I don't think I have particularly large hands for my height. Well, my right hand is a bit bigger than usual, but that's due to injury, so it doesn't count.)


Well, unless they're lacy or have dirty words on them about what they are and what they're presumed to contain, they should just appear as a flash of pink fabric... Even less if one actually uses the fly to use the urinal rather than unbuttoning, unzipping, and dropping one's trow partially, come to think of it. :smallconfused: My brain hurts now.

And not all pink panties are lacy. I've seen plenty that weren't.
Maybe it has to do with the shade. I feel like a lighter pink is more masculine and a more vivid pink is more feminine. That really makes no rational sense, but it's the feeling I have. (Could be because most of the pink shirts I've seen on men were lighter and most of the pink panties I've seen have been brighter.)
To be honest I don't usually use the fly, but I don't even drop my pants anyway (it's a weird process), and I almost never use urinals. I feel too exposed using a urinal. Silly agoraphobia.

[Qaera]

Thanks for all the hugs everyone :J

friends
I think they're real friends... But either they're online and I'm out to them or they're IRL and I'm not. I can really only complain online. I tried talking to one of my (gay, cis) friends but he couldn't understand the dysphoria and gave me hugs anyways... Which I appreciate but I wanted to talk with someone who knew what I meant and could help with the itch, maybe. But every time I try I think about what a bother I would be, some one with a legitimate chance at coming out/transitioning and all the problems they must be facing and my stupid "feeling bad for no reason" would just depress them more...

Edit:
Given that I rather doubt that all of Qaera's non-trans friends would be bigots,

Most of my IRL friends except for my GSA ones are :<

~ ♅

[Blisstake]

My hand is longer. :smallsmile: Yay, I guess.

[supernerd]

*hugs Qaera*


On another topic:

So, my go to rage song when dealing with my sexuality is "Colors of the Wind." Weird right(well I guess you can go on the rainbow tangent)? Pocahontas show rage? Well I can actually put a lot of pained fury into it. It's full of flipping into my falsetto(because I like the natural octave) fortissimos and subito pianos. I use different lines for different rages. Most of it is at my parents, who are in denial of me being gay, and they think that there must have been a reason that I "think you are this way." I just want to tell them that I am this way because I am. And that as for realizing, almost kissing a guy at a sleep over tends to make someone start to actually acknowledge that one might actually not be a heterosexual. I turned out to be like a 5.98. And the "come run the hidden pine trails... Never wonder what they're worth" is my rage toward my self, specifically how when I grow up and want kids, they can't really be mine. Sure there are surrogates, but I'm not going to be in love with this surrogate mother. And adoption is better, because I won't be able to recognize traits of the biological father but not the other one of us, or see traits that neither of us had as children. And then I'm like "stop whining you stupid b**** and try to be thankful for what you have, you're not even sixteen dammit!"

Gah, I'm such a loser.

In other news, I auditioned for my school's production of Les Miserables. And I ended up a third flat by the end of one phrase, but fixed the melody in a similar line. But the numbers are on my side.

[H Birchgrove]

Gah, I'm such a loser.

Not at all.

At the very least you're not as much loser as I am.

(I'm going to read super-hero comics or watch Batman Begins so I won't smash or tear apart things due to bad LGBTA-related news and some IRL issues I have which I don't want to get into here and right now.)


In other news, I auditioned for my school's production of Les Miserables. And I ended up a third flat by the end of one phrase, but fixed the melody in a similar line. But the numbers are on my side.

I'm not a singer, so you lost me at "third flat". :smalltongue:

I wish you luck! :smallsmile:

[Arachu]

Weirdly, that contradiction is more common than you might think. I did a paper on gay rights in the world not too long ago.

Yeah. That happens a lot when people avoid a given subject altogether... :/


Were you aware that Iran will actually pay to help people transition (at least MtF, I don't think it goes the other way), but still executes people for homosexuality. It's to the point that many gay guys transition despite not being trans, because it's the only way for them to openly see men.

*Opens mouth, closes*
*Repeats*
No... No comment.


Took me several tries to get my head around that and now I have a mild headache. Yeah, they probably won't even be able to respond. Have 911 already dialed on your phone before you tell them.

I am almost self-destructively tempted to see if my parents comprehend my bi-transsexuality (trans-bisexuality? Curious, spellcheck's highlighting the first one and not the second one)... :mitd:

I bet their heads would asplode. :smalltongue:


And not all pink panties are lacy. I've seen plenty that weren't.
Maybe it has to do with the shade. I feel like a lighter pink is more masculine and a more vivid pink is more feminine. That really makes no rational sense, but it's the feeling I have. (Could be because most of the pink shirts I've seen on men were lighter and most of the pink panties I've seen have been brighter.)

More vivid pink would fall into the range of Hot Pink - since that's more girly, lighter shades should be less girly by virtue of not being more girly. :roach:


To be honest I don't usually use the fly, but I don't even drop my pants anyway (it's a weird process), and I almost never use urinals. I feel too exposed using a urinal. Silly agoraphobia.

I used to do that a lot (very, very difficult to do when you're wearing jeans that fit :wince:).

I've never been able to use urinals with other people around, but I still use them out of convenience. If someone walks in, I have to stand there until they leave (or enter a stall) and start over. :smallannoyed:

Thanks for all the hugs everyone :J

friends
I think they're real friends... But either they're online and I'm out to them or they're IRL and I'm not. I can really only complain online. I tried talking to one of my (gay, cis) friends but he couldn't understand the dysphoria and gave me hugs anyways... Which I appreciate but I wanted to talk with someone who knew what I meant and could help with the itch, maybe. But every time I try I think about what a bother I would be, some one with a legitimate chance at coming out/transitioning and all the problems they must be facing and my stupid "feeling bad for no reason" would just depress them more...

Edit:

Most of my IRL friends except for my GSA ones are :<

~ ♅

Feeling bad for "no reason" sucks just as much as it does when it's for every reason - frankly, having some reasons doesn't compare to how unsettling it is. :/

Sorry, I'm even more absent-minded than usual lately - *HUG!* Never say that. Dysphoria sucks, and you every right in the world to complain about it whether someone 'gets it' or not.

I haven't figured out how to deal with the feeling, but you can PM me if you ever want to talk... Astrella's a lot better at it than I probably am, though. :mitd:


*hugs Qaera*


On another topic:

So, my go to rage song when dealing with my sexuality is "Colors of the Wind." Weird right(well I guess you can go on the rainbow tangent)? Pocahontas show rage? Well I can actually put a lot of pained fury into it. It's full of flipping into my falsetto(because I like the natural octave) fortissimos and subito pianos. I use different lines for different rages. Most of it is at my parents, who are in denial of me being gay, and they think that there must have been a reason that I "think you are this way." I just want to tell them that I am this way because I am. And that as for realizing, almost kissing a guy at a sleep over tends to make someone start to actually acknowledge that one might actually not be a heterosexual. I turned out to be like a 5.98. And the "come run the hidden pine trails... Never wonder what they're worth" is my rage toward my self, specifically how when I grow up and want kids, they can't really be mine. Sure there are surrogates, but I'm not going to be in love with this surrogate mother. And adoption is better, because I won't be able to recognize traits of the biological father but not the other one of us, or see traits that neither of us had as children. And then I'm like "stop whining you stupid b**** and try to be thankful for what you have, you're not even sixteen dammit!"

Gah, I'm such a loser.

In other news, I auditioned for my school's production of Les Miserables. And I ended up a third flat by the end of one phrase, but fixed the melody in a similar line. But the numbers are on my side.

*Spams hugs*


My rage song is "One" (Metallica)... I've never been deprived of my voice, senses and limbs... But I've always felt like I have...

I'm so sorry about the spontaneous tone shift... I'm getting easier to trigger lately. ;-; :smallsigh:

[noparlpf]

More vivid pink would fall into the range of Hot Pink - since that's more girly, lighter shades should be less girly by virtue of not being more girly. :roach:

That's probably it. I'm not big on fashion or whatever, but I've probably been subconsciously influenced by ambient fashion trends.


I used to do that a lot (very, very difficult to do when you're wearing jeans that fit :wince:).

I've never been able to use urinals with other people around, but I still use them out of convenience. If someone walks in, I have to stand there until they leave (or enter a stall) and start over. :smallannoyed:

Back in high school I wore jeans that fit and I had no trouble with my peeing technique. But when I wore a belt I usually just used the fly because dealing with the belt was more of a hassle than dealing with the boxers button.
Heck, I have trouble peeing when there's somebody in the next stall. Urinals are just completely impossible even when nobody's there.

[Al'izh'dheg]

I don't mean to take away from anybody else having a hard time right now, but I've had a really bad day. :(

Sad story:
I don't know if you all remember me mentioning the date with my wife in which we were going to go shopping, get me some clothes, and then dress up for the first time presenting as a woman. Well, we finally had some time coming up this weekend for it, so we were making plans.

Last night we got to talking, and she suggested I try using a girl's voice, to practice. This isn't something I'd done before, so I was quite shy about it...

Anyway, we got to talking about things and the conversation took a pretty sad turn. I'll spare the details, but it pretty much came down to a very open and honest talk where I realized she was doing the date to be supportive, though she pretty much didn't want to do it at all. She loves me very much and wants me to be happy. But essentially it boils down to her wanting to do the date secretly hoping that I would realize I didn't want to go through with the whole transition thing, and I was secretly hoping she would at a minimum realize she could tolerate the date and enjoy herself, and (if a miracle occurred) at a maximum she would realize I'm still me no matter what, and I could go forward with transition.

Well obviously this is a recipe for disaster. If I were to go out in public, I would be extremely vulnerable emotionally, and if I sensed she was disapproving or uncomfortable during the date, I'm pretty certain I would take it horribly bad. The potential to damage our marriage is too great, so I called the whole thing off.

So now I'm pretty depressed. I'm not sure what I'm going to do, or even want to do. I know that my wife is pretty much all I have in this world outside of my children, and I never want to lose her. Now she senses my depression and says she only wants me to be happy. Which, if I know her, means she's going to do something stupid like think she's the cause of my upset and think that leaving me would make it better. :(

On another note, to those also struggling for other reasons, my heart goes out to you. Please PM me if you want to vent and/or chat. And don't worry about me having problems of my own... sometimes talking to others about theirs really helps. :)

[Lix Lorn]

Tell her you love her. Make it VERY obvious that she's not the problem.

I mean, it's not subtle, but subtlety leaves room for miscommunication. I have little patience for unnecessary subtlety.

[THAC0]

I don't read much here, so maybe I've missed the answer to this, but Al'izh'dheg, are you and your wife seeing a councilor? This is a very difficult situation and maybe it would help the two of you to have a third party involved.

[Al'izh'dheg]

Tell her you love her. Make it VERY obvious that she's not the problem.

I mean, it's not subtle, but subtlety leaves room for miscommunication. I have little patience for unnecessary subtlety.

I tell her all the time. I told her today. I'll tell her tonight. *hugs* Thank you, Lix.


I don't read much here, so maybe I've missed the answer to this, but Al'izh'dheg, are you and your wife seeing a councilor? This is a very difficult situation and maybe it would help the two of you to have a third party involved.

Not yet, THAC0. I just got insurance at my new job, and with full time work, full time school, and a family, there's not much time, but I'll find some time.

[Lix Lorn]

I tell her all the time. I told her today. I'll tell her tonight. *hugs* Thank you, Lix.
(hugs)
Just trying my best. I dunno what I'm giving advice for, it's not like I've ever had a healthy relationship.

[Petrocorus]

I don't mean ....
Stuffs
..... helps. :)
I can't much more than a big hug. I would not have many relevant advice for this situation, but my heart is with you.



Tell her you love her. Make it VERY obvious that she's not the problem.

I mean, it's not subtle, but subtlety leaves room for miscommunication. I have little patience for unnecessary subtlety.

I concur, misunderstanding are so easy to happen and can be so destructive.

[Arachu]

I don't mean to take away from anybody else having a hard time right now, but I've had a really bad day. :(

Sad story:
I don't know if you all remember me mentioning the date with my wife in which we were going to go shopping, get me some clothes, and then dress up for the first time presenting as a woman. Well, we finally had some time coming up this weekend for it, so we were making plans.

Last night we got to talking, and she suggested I try using a girl's voice, to practice. This isn't something I'd done before, so I was quite shy about it...

Anyway, we got to talking about things and the conversation took a pretty sad turn. I'll spare the details, but it pretty much came down to a very open and honest talk where I realized she was doing the date to be supportive, though she pretty much didn't want to do it at all. She loves me very much and wants me to be happy. But essentially it boils down to her wanting to do the date secretly hoping that I would realize I didn't want to go through with the whole transition thing, and I was secretly hoping she would at a minimum realize she could tolerate the date and enjoy herself, and (if a miracle occurred) at a maximum she would realize I'm still me no matter what, and I could go forward with transition.

Well obviously this is a recipe for disaster. If I were to go out in public, I would be extremely vulnerable emotionally, and if I sensed she was disapproving or uncomfortable during the date, I'm pretty certain I would take it horribly bad. The potential to damage our marriage is too great, so I called the whole thing off.

So now I'm pretty depressed. I'm not sure what I'm going to do, or even want to do. I know that my wife is pretty much all I have in this world outside of my children, and I never want to lose her. Now she senses my depression and says she only wants me to be happy. Which, if I know her, means she's going to do something stupid like think she's the cause of my upset and think that leaving me would make it better. :(

On another note, to those also struggling for other reasons, my heart goes out to you. Please PM me if you want to vent and/or chat. And don't worry about me having problems of my own... sometimes talking to others about theirs really helps. :)

I was so worried that would happen. *hugs*

Sign my heart up with that collection you're bound to have by now. :mitd: :smalltongue:

[Astrella]

*snip*

*hugs*

Sorry about your dad. :(


Got a Skype or AIM address? A thing or two I need to refute has to do with things that are slightly religious, so I can't bring them up on here.

My skype is lenaleaner, though you might want to pm me to agree on a time for a chat, since I rarely have it open.


*snip*

I'm really sorry it's all being so difficult for you. *hugs*
My heart goes out to you.

[SiuiS]

Yeah, I like that. I forgot that saying ("my rights end where yours begin"), but I really like it.

I do, too. It really puts a lot into perspective for me, as far as prejudice goes. I have my fair share of dumb biases, but I have the ability to recognize the difference between something wrong with other people (a problem), and something wrong me (my biases). It also defuses a lot of other arguments; so long as other folks don't insist their personal biases are TRUE FACTS, I'm perfectly fine letting them keep their biases and not arguing them.



I will never accept the appellation "brony" because I stay out of fandoms, but I like MLP:FiM. Wasn't Faust involved in PPG? I think I remember that from somewhere. I like her.

Understandable; some of us (like me) tend to be sincere about it to the point of being creepy.

And yes! She was one of the major artists and designers for Powerpuff Girls, and then went on the Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends. The distinctive eye shape/head proportion is a tip off :smallwink:

Delayed Response to Coidzor



SiuiS:*
I'm not quite sure if you're quite looking at it in the right light. *I've always seen it as more of a reflection of our society's ADD and things need to be amusing or at least vaguely attempting wittiness to hold interest.

In the cases where I've encountered men who have had such relationships, I have not observed them to be treated or thought of as dismissible.

This is what I understood myself to be saying, so I suppose the mistake is on my part for assuming certain background information in common.

What I was referring to is that on a macro level, 'bromance' (heavens do I dislike that particular word...) is seen as silly. It's a silly name for a strange affectation of otherwise normal men to dally with on the side when not engaging in otherwise manly pursuits. This isn't my personal take on it, but it's what I've gathered through osmosis, which is how the understanding tends to propagate; this is what other people, in broad terms, have led me to understand is their take on it. Those with experience with the relationship in question are like those who have experience with anything; more knowledgeable, sometimes, and certainly more able to judge something by its own unique merits and not just hear-say.


Now that's just being blatantly unfair and mischaracterizing noticing any potential for offness there. :smallannoyed:

And forgetting the strategic placement of sandwiching of complaining about the wife in the middle of it to boot.

If one changes gender or orientation, no, it shouldn't matter, nor should it really matter what sex one is perceived as by someone that one thinks of in only bromantical and platonic terms. *Especially through an online medium where one's identity is distorted if not completely obfuscated.

So the fact that she initially brought up that it mattered to her that he know was something out of place.

First, I seem to have conveyed the wrong tone. This was more something tangentially related, stemmed by Al'izh'dheg's post and situation (and responses), but I brought it up both as something that bothers me that I've seen and experienced, but also as something I just caught myself in. I am expressing a sort of bias I did not know that I had, and marveling at it aloud to get feed back from others who have experience with similar situations. Aside from my statement that perhaps Al'izh'dheg herself was possibly rationalizing, I didn't specifically address her post at all.

does that address your concern, or did I misunderstand?


Even attempting to eliminate my biases, I find your choice of emphasis to be at least slightly distorted here.
ble.

I was engaging in a bout of hyperbole, yes. I have, however, had to deal with people who make this a lifestyle and reason for living, so I was venting a touch. I get rather frustrated at such shortsightedness being enforced on others...


Why is everyone so attached to their body parts? I just don't get it. :smallconfused:

This is quite an interesting question. I think they are anchors for self-identification. Most folks become attached to them (emotionally, mind, not Physically. That's already happened :smalltongue:) and suddenly having to shift not only your mental definition but also connotation would be disastrous. Folks hang a lot on what they think things mean. How would someone who defines themselves by quiet yet solid masculinity react to having what he assumes is the basis for that masculinity being taken away?

From a neutral standpoint where these are your gonads, and that's all they are, you're right; personally I'd celebrate a chance to buy new underwear1. but when you factor in that the question presupposes a huge shift in the foundations of a person's worldview, even if it's unintentional, it becomes much easier to see why they would freak out. It's as much a change as telling them that upon waking today they are now a national of a different country and have completely shifted in social caste to boot.

But this reminds me of another train of thought, which I have trouble articulating. How divorced are sex and gender? I'm sure it varies... But why are sex and gender divorced in such a way? Does gender exist discretely or is it an accretion of something over time? If so, why would some stick to their mechanical sex while others don't? Conversely, if gender is a construct, then how many people just don't realize there is a difference between sex and gender? Would they switch if they knew it was possible? What would the result be?

This is about as defined as its ever gotten. Usually it's a nebulous blue-purple state of inquiry and confusion in regards to the issue, so if I said anything dumb it was unintentional XD


Maybe there's more to the actual story, but the premise as described here depends on the concept that the difference between men and women is that men have a penis and women don't - that women are merely emasculated men. During sex the penis is taken from one participant to the other, turning the former into a female by virtue of having the penis taken away, and turning the latter into a male by virtue of obtaining a penis. The idea that women are just dickless men is an old one, which, was addressed recently(ish) in that "Transexual FAQ" someone linked to, and this story buys into it - according to the summary here - whole-heartedly.I quite like being female, but I think I'd be okay with being male as well. I'd be able to wee standing up! :D and also get off easier <.<

THIS BROUGHT UP oh hi caps lock....
*ahem*
This brought up a couple of things... One of them being that maybe the author assumes instead of women being penisless men, men are aberrant women? But I've already pondered that dog and dance, and truthfully, I just assumed that both genders had both gonads, and one set or another was quiescent. But I have a history of filling in details for authors without realizing it.

But the white text! It's odd that you'd say that, since on the other end of the fence, doing so is terribly taboo. There's huge social pressure from men and women alike for men to continue for long periods, for no reason other than not doing so = low endurance, which is a 'masculine' trait. So I find it dissonant that you'd list that as a particular perk.

I'm losing focus though, and don't suppose I'll recover that train of thought, so I'll move on before I stick me foot in me mouth, aye?



Whiny stuff
Blech, I've been feeling really dysphoric again these last few days... which made me notice something; I feel sorta detached / foreign to reality. It's like, even when I'm really upset, or angry, or happy, it's still like I'm just watching from the sideline. I've been trying to get back into spriting this last week as a distraction, but it keeps feeling fake.

With luck it's passed by now, but; hang in there? I get the same thing a lot. It's a matter of formulating new goals, I suppose. It was phrased to me that if nothing matters, then all that matters is what you invest meaning in. I take joy in watching all the scurrying human folk make strides and progress, even if it's a touch lonely on the sides...

I suspect from other information you have a much worse case of it than I do, so I hope you've figured something out...


Hell, I love it when ye let me talk about stuff! :smallsmile:

On feminism; I have noticed, in some groups, typically male-dominated ones, there is a beard worship thing going on. It's generally not too much in-your-face, but it can be a bit wearing, and I'd say even more so for naturally non-beardy men. Cracked.com is a good example. Men with beards are automatically assumed to be more manly and probably fight bears. Men with impressive facial hair are lauded, held as an example to all. It's often done in a very funny way and I suppose it's harmless enough, but it's a bit of a drag, especially paired with the constant "He achieved that feat doubtless due to owning massively large testicles". After a while, you're like "Sooooo, the more beard and the larger the testicles I have, the better a person I am? Fan-friggin-tastic." I know they don't mean it in a hurtful way, but it's part of the Big Strong Manly Men Are Great And Mighty And Powerful thing that does so much damage to women, men, transwomen, transmen, and probably every- and anyone else as well. No one ever says "I would never have had the sheer f***ing ovaries to stand up to the boss and then punch out that tiger like you just did!" ... Can we start that, as a thing?

The beard worship is interesting, I'll admit... But folks do refer to ovaries in that fashion. It came up in a recent lab, actually, when discussing deep muscle work. Someone said 'take it like a man' and the response was 'nah, take it like a woman. Men are wimps when it comes to deep pressure.' which is true in my experience, though that's due to skewed sample base.


The last, I've seen around a fair amount. *The only reason it lacks sticking power is because when you stop looking at it as a genderflip, it has zero cultural traction to keep it in peoples minds. *Negative cultural traction, in fact.

How so? It should quite literally have as much traction as the original testicular form. Negative cultural traction... Oh, do you mean people will ignore it because of the assumption that it is only a gender flip?



It's less the name itself, though it does seem pretty jarringly bad as far as such things go in my experience, and more that you felt the need to share the pet name for your genitalia here.

I took it less like an actual pet name and more a humorous reference, myself. I doubt that he actually, internally refers to it as such.


Won't stick. *The social construction is that real femininity is innate ("real women have curves"), while real masculinity has to be constantly earned ("real men know how to take care of a woman"). *Faux femininity/masculinity ("let's hit the showers, ladies") is more a taunt of insufficiency than actual currency as a whatever.

Yeah, that always made me wonder. Why does being masculine require so much effort, despite the most masculine people not caring and putting forth little effort?

I think it stems more from a insecurity and a sense of insufficiency than having anything to do with masculinity proper. When defined as a pecking order where only by taking someone down can you occupy their spot, you tend to get a bunch of people who tear others down instead of building themselves up. And a lot of paranoia.

This always makes me think of narrowed perception, really. These mindsets are like being in a trench and all you can think about is the trench. But when you go above the trench and climb out, and gain perspective, you see that what was once seemingly so important is really just fueling something terrible - a bunch of people stomping each other into ditches.


In this case, the activity I view as crazy is an issue I have taken active steps to support. So I don't think calling it crazy to the person who I have been helping would set me back particularly, this is in relation to another friend.

Okie doke! In that case, stating your personal view is that they're crazy, but noting it doesn't stop you from supporting should be all you need.



And umm... you're making some assumptions, actually. *At a size 7, I actually have a much smaller pantie size than my wife... *Is it possible to be a transwoman and feel emasculated? *chuckle*

Huh. This was my first thought actually.
As a point of curiosity, what is the correlation between sizes in men's and women's?


It's bound to boggle their minds - if a (male-to-female) transsexual is a gay man*, and straight men* aren't gay men*, then what the hell is a translesbian*? It's like putting a stick in a magnetic motor (nothing breaks, it just keeps dropping the actuator and hitting it against the stick over and over).

Wow, mate. First, I'm sad that I knew what you were getting at even before you started, which sucks because that means the concept makes sense to me.

Second, trying to Ho through what you said step by step gave me an actual, honest to Princess headache from scrunching my face. I find that hilarious and noteworthy.


I don't mean to take away from anybody else having a hard time right now, but I've had a really bad day. :(

Sad story:
I don't know if you all remember me mentioning the date with my wife in which we were going to go shopping, get me some clothes, and then dress up for the first time presenting as a woman. *Well, we finally had some time coming up this weekend for it, so we were making plans.

Last night we got to talking, and she suggested I try using a girl's voice, to practice. *This isn't something I'd done before, so I was quite shy about it...

Anyway, we got to talking about things and the conversation took a pretty sad turn. *I'll spare the details, but it pretty much came down to a very open and honest talk where I realized she was doing the date to be supportive, though she pretty much didn't want to do it at all. *She loves me very much and wants me to be happy. *But essentially it boils down to her wanting to do the date secretly hoping that I would realize I didn't want to go through with the whole transition thing, and I was secretly hoping she would at a minimum realize she could tolerate the date and enjoy herself, and (if a miracle occurred) at a maximum she would realize I'm still me no matter what, and I could go forward with transition.

Well obviously this is a recipe for disaster. *If I were to go out in public, I would be extremely vulnerable emotionally, and if I sensed she was disapproving or uncomfortable during the date, I'm pretty certain I would take it horribly bad. *The potential to damage our marriage is too great, so I called the whole thing off.

So now I'm pretty depressed. *I'm not sure what I'm going to do, or even want to do. *I know that my wife is pretty much all I have in this world outside of my children, and I never want to lose her. *Now she senses my depression and says she only wants me to be happy. *Which, if I know her, means she's going to do something stupid like think she's the cause of my upset and think that leaving me would make it better. :(

Och. I feel for you, mate :smallfrown:
These sorts of situations... I will admit to a narrow view, but there doesn't seem any way for it to resolve without drastic and oft painful shifts. But I am often wrong; I hope so now.



I tell her all the time. I told her today. I'll tell her tonight. *hugs* Thank you, Lix.



Not yet, THAC0. I just got insurance at my new job, and with full time work, full time school, and a family, there's not much time, but I'll find some time.

Ah. I would most definitely see someone qualified to help; it's easy to think that others who have gone through the same thing or similar can provide not only comfort and solace but also advice. In truth however, I doubt many here have training to understand what is best for you in the long run; in truth, the forum rules forbid them from offering you that advice if they did have it.

I know that time crunches suck- I'm currently using that as an excuse to slip up on my own responsibilities. But when you compare the costs - an extra hour each week, to possibly losing all that you hold dear - its not really a hard choice at all.




1: seriously. By the time I'm old enough to actually enjoy getting socks and underwear for holiday gifts, everyone either gets me a card or money.

[Coidzor]

I believe (http://www.ehow.com/how_7484961_convert-womens-jean-sizes-mens.html) the conversion (http://www.ehow.com/how_5174361_convert-mens-clothing-sizes-womens.html) is something like measure the waist line in inches and then subtract 21 inches and you've got the female size. At least, that seems to be google's consensus.

So a size 7 should be roughly a 28 inch waistline, or the smallest commonly stocked size of blue jeans that they make for teen and adult men and sell in department stores in the U.S.

Someone like me, who has ballooned up to a 38 inch waistline from having been had a 32 inch waistline since the age of 12 or so, well, I'd wear somewhere in the neighbourhood of a size 17, although I believe I might fit into a slightly smaller pair of jeans due to my lack of tuckus.

[Arachu]

I was engaging in a bout of hyperbole, yes. I have, however, had to deal with people who make this a lifestyle and reason for living, so I was venting a touch. I get rather frustrated at such shortsightedness being enforced on others...

*Hug*


But this reminds me of another train of thought, which I have trouble articulating. How divorced are sex and gender? I'm sure it varies... But why are sex and gender divorced in such a way? Does gender exist discretely or is it an accretion of something over time? If so, why would some stick to their mechanical sex while others don't? Conversely, if gender is a construct, then how many people just don't realize there is a difference between sex and gender? Would they switch if they knew it was possible? What would the result be?

This is about as defined as its ever gotten. Usually it's a nebulous blue-purple state of inquiry and confusion in regards to the issue, so if I said anything dumb it was unintentional XD

Perhaps it's an un-construct?

... That sounded really clever when I thought about it, but I just factored in European/American history... I can't fully articulate what I'm thinking at the moment, but it involves the possibility that the social construct is the constraint of gender... :fridgehorror:


THIS BROUGHT UP oh hi caps lock....

:smalltongue:


With luck it's passed by now, but; hang in there? I get the same thing a lot. It's a matter of formulating new goals, I suppose. It was phrased to me that if nothing matters, then all that matters is what you invest meaning in. I take joy in watching all the scurrying human folk make strides and progress, even if it's a touch lonely on the sides...

I suspect from other information you have a much worse case of it than I do, so I hope you've figured something out...

*More hugs*

I had a realization like that a while back - 'if everyone just perceives everything they learn, and they don't always agree on what they perceived, can anything be considered "real"?

... YnEoS - clearly, reality is user-defined'. I'm riding a horse. :roach:


Yeah, that always made me wonder. Why does being masculine require so much effort, despite the most masculine people not caring and putting forth little effort?

Because it's so much easier just to shower and get it over with. :smallsigh:

Also, dried out rough skin is actually more sensitive/easy to damage than smooth, healthy skin - it takes quite a bit of willpower to punch things with chapped knuckles. :shrug:


I think it stems more from a insecurity and a sense of insufficiency than having anything to do with masculinity proper. When defined as a pecking order where only by taking someone down can you occupy their spot, you tend to get a bunch of people who tear others down instead of building themselves up. And a lot of paranoia.

This always makes me think of narrowed perception, really. These mindsets are like being in a trench and all you can think about is the trench. But when you go above the trench and climb out, and gain perspective, you see that what was once seemingly so important is really just fueling something terrible - a bunch of people stomping each other into ditches.

If I was any indication, the whole thing just self-feeds - there's bound to be at least one person capable of looking tougher than you can, so you have to constantly work (often to downright idiotic levels) to be respected.

And If you don't... Well, then you're either lazy (if you're fat) or "gay" (if you aren't). :/


Huh. This was my first thought actually.

I guessed them to be around the same size. My eerily-uncanny predicting knack fails me! :WHYYY!?: :smallbiggrin:


Wow, mate. First, I'm sad that I knew what you were getting at even before you started, which sucks because that means the concept makes sense to me.

Second, trying to Ho through what you said step by step gave me an actual, honest to Princess headache from scrunching my face. I find that hilarious and noteworthy.

I didn't get a headache writing it. :smallconfused:

... 'Course, I already had a pretty bad one, so maybe I just didn't notice... n.n


1: seriously. By the time I'm old enough to actually enjoy getting socks and underwear for holiday gifts, everyone either gets me a card or money.

On that note, I want a freakin' skirt. And panties. But mostly a skirt! :smallfurious:

Someday I'll be able to buy a skirt of my own... :roach:


*hugs*

Sorry about your dad. :(

*Hugs*

Unfortunately, he's the tolerant one...A while back, my parents assumed that I was gay because I'd never had a girlfriend (really I was just asocial and unwilling to be driven to a date by my parents). They let this go for years, occasionally assuming that I was in a relationship with my childhood friend (he was the only person I invited over - he's the Viking I tend to drone on about) and generally being both illogical and creepy.

At some point in high school, though, my dad told me that he wouldn't disown me if I "turned out to be gay" (presumably to get me to come out, though that would be inaccurate considering I'm bi and whatnot).

A few days later, I heard him mumble something about that to my mom (I have better hearing than people think I do) - she responded with a horrified look, like he was 'allowing' it or something.

... The sad part is, I wasn't even surprised enough to feel sad. :/

(... Honestly, I think I'd rather not stay around if/when he does find out - extrapolating from his comments on my hair and other queers, he'd never shut up about it. It would literally reach harassment levels, from both of them. :smallsigh:)

Thanks for listening so much... I've been such a drama queen lately. :tired smile:


Also, I've been wondering... Does anyone have any advice for choosing a name? "Scott" doesn't transcribe like that, and though I like "Trixie" it feels kind of off... I could just browse the list of female names and their meanings, but... Science...:smalltongue:

[Nix Nihila]

Also, I've been wondering... Does anyone have any advice for choosing a name? "Scott" doesn't transcribe like that, and though I like "Trixie" it feels kind of off... I could just browse the list of female names and their meanings, but... Science...:smalltongue:

Test a name out, try asking people to address you with that name online and see how it feels. I went through about five names before I settled on the one I have now (although I'm not sure I'm entirely happy with it).

[Triscuitable]

Also, I've been wondering... Does anyone have any advice for choosing a name? "Scott" doesn't transcribe like that, and though I like "Trixie" it feels kind of off... I could just browse the list of female names and their meanings, but... Science...:smalltongue:

Try a name-a-day. I'm familiar with the naming process, as I've named about thirty different D&D characters. <- IS TERRIBLE WITH METAPHORS AND SIMILES.

Guinevere is a classic name, shortened well into "Gwen". I've found it functions for the more sophisticated types. For those who care more about fun, I suggest an emotion. "Serendipity" is one of my favorite words, meaning one who is liable to make discoveries (and can mean such on accident). However, take that name, some might nickname you "Seren". Pronounce that phonetically, and people suddenly think you took the name of a Mass Effect villian.

[Heliomance]

*Hug*



Perhaps it's an un-construct?

... That sounded really clever when I thought about it, but I just factored in European/American history... I can't fully articulate what I'm thinking at the moment, but it involves the possibility that the social construct is the constraint of gender... :fridgehorror:



:smalltongue:



*More hugs*

I had a realization like that a while back - 'if everyone just perceives everything they learn, and they don't always agree on what they perceived, can anything be considered "real"?

... YnEoS - clearly, reality is user-defined'. I'm riding a horse. :roach:



Because it's so much easier just to shower and get it over with. :smallsigh:

Also, dried out rough skin is actually more sensitive/easy to damage than smooth, healthy skin - it takes quite a bit of willpower to punch things with chapped knuckles. :shrug:



If I was any indication, the whole thing just self-feeds - there's bound to be at least one person capable of looking tougher than you can, so you have to constantly work (often to downright idiotic levels) to be respected.

And If you don't... Well, then you're either lazy (if you're fat) or "gay" (if you aren't). :/



I guessed them to be around the same size. My eerily-uncanny predicting knack fails me! :WHYYY!?: :smallbiggrin:



I didn't get a headache writing it. :smallconfused:

... 'Course, I already had a pretty bad one, so maybe I just didn't notice... n.n



On that note, I want a freakin' skirt. And panties. But mostly a skirt! :smallfurious:

Someday I'll be able to buy a skirt of my own... :roach:



*Hugs*

Unfortunately, he's the tolerant one...A while back, my parents assumed that I was gay because I'd never had a girlfriend (really I was just asocial and unwilling to be driven to a date by my parents). They let this go for years, occasionally assuming that I was in a relationship with my childhood friend (he was the only person I invited over - he's the Viking I tend to drone on about) and generally being both illogical and creepy.

At some point in high school, though, my dad told me that he wouldn't disown me if I "turned out to be gay" (presumably to get me to come out, though that would be inaccurate considering I'm bi and whatnot).

A few days later, I heard him mumble something about that to my mom (I have better hearing than people think I do) - she responded with a horrified look, like he was 'allowing' it or something.

... The sad part is, I wasn't even surprised enough to feel sad. :/

(... Honestly, I think I'd rather not stay around if/when he does find out - extrapolating from his comments on my hair and other queers, he'd never shut up about it. It would literally reach harassment levels, from both of them. :smallsigh:)

Thanks for listening so much... I've been such a drama queen lately. :tired smile:


Also, I've been wondering... Does anyone have any advice for choosing a name? "Scott" doesn't transcribe like that, and though I like "Trixie" it feels kind of off... I could just browse the list of female names and their meanings, but... Science...:smalltongue:
If you think the conversation won't go horribly wrong, ask your parents what you'd have been called if you were born a girl. I'd have been Naomi, which I really like ^_^

[KenderWizard]

*hugs Qaera*


On another topic:

So, my go to rage song when dealing with my sexuality is "Colors of the Wind." Weird right(well I guess you can go on the rainbow tangent)? Pocahontas show rage? Well I can actually put a lot of pained fury into it. It's full of flipping into my falsetto(because I like the natural octave) fortissimos and subito pianos. I use different lines for different rages. Most of it is at my parents, who are in denial of me being gay, and they think that there must have been a reason that I "think you are this way." I just want to tell them that I am this way because I am. And that as for realizing, almost kissing a guy at a sleep over tends to make someone start to actually acknowledge that one might actually not be a heterosexual. I turned out to be like a 5.98. And the "come run the hidden pine trails... Never wonder what they're worth" is my rage toward my self, specifically how when I grow up and want kids, they can't really be mine. Sure there are surrogates, but I'm not going to be in love with this surrogate mother. And adoption is better, because I won't be able to recognize traits of the biological father but not the other one of us, or see traits that neither of us had as children. And then I'm like "stop whining you stupid b**** and try to be thankful for what you have, you're not even sixteen dammit!"

Gah, I'm such a loser.

In other news, I auditioned for my school's production of Les Miserables. And I ended up a third flat by the end of one phrase, but fixed the melody in a similar line. But the numbers are on my side.

That's awesome. A song doesn't have to be rageful to be good for blowing off steam. It just has to be passionate.

And good luck with Les Mis!


On names: I changed my name, for non-trans-related reasons. (Although recently someone I met said that my original name read as gender-neutral for him, which made me regret it briefly, but then, it's not gender-neutral for anyone Irish, and that's where I live, so...) Anyway, the weird thing about choosing a name is you have a tie to a particular time to your life. I now have a very me-at-16 name. I mean, I'm used to it, but if I was starting again, I'd choose something else. And I bet if I chose something in a few years, it'd be different again.

Pick something you feel comfortable with. Think about what people will shorten it to. You might be cross if you pick, say, Josephine, and people shorten it to Joey, which is more often a male name. If it was part of a transition process for me, I think I'd go with something simple and traditional.

[Coidzor]

Also, I've been wondering... Does anyone have any advice for choosing a name? "Scott" doesn't transcribe like that, and though I like "Trixie" it feels kind of off... I could just browse the list of female names and their meanings, but... Science...:smalltongue:

Likely because Trixie's one of those names that feels like it revels in a constructed nature. It's also got some of the stains of association with the likes of Candi and Bunni.

I don't think I've ever heard of etymology referred to as a science before, I must admit. :smallconfused: I'm not quite sure what that has to do with objecting to steeping yourself in the lore and the established choices before you, especially since knowing your kit would only serve to make going with an iconoclastic choice more likely to roll off the tongue rather than stick in the throat.

[Asta Kask]

Also, I've been wondering... Does anyone have any advice for choosing a name? "Scott" doesn't transcribe like that, and though I like "Trixie" it feels kind of off... I could just browse the list of female names and their meanings, but... Science...:smalltongue:[/COLOR]

You can only use Trixie if you call yourself "Great and Powerful". For lists of historical female names, look here. (http://tekeli.li/onomastikon/) You can have a Visigoth name!

[turkishproverb]

If you think the conversation won't go horribly wrong, ask your parents what you'd have been called if you were born a girl. I'd have been Naomi, which I really like ^_^

Thats...an interesting way to broach the topic, actually.

[SiuiS]

Perhaps it's an un-construct?

... That sounded really clever when I thought about it, but I just factored in European/American history... I can't fully articulate what I'm thinking at the moment, but it involves the possibility that the social construct is the constraint of gender... :fridgehorror:

That gets too messy, methinks. At that point we would tart dissecting what is and is not human nature. There's little profit in it right now... Entirely possible though.



*More hugs*

I had a realization like that a while back - 'if everyone just perceives everything they learn, and they don't always agree on what they perceived, can anything be considered "real"?

... YnEoS - clearly, reality is user-defined'. I'm riding a horse. :roach:

I don't think it's quite a matter of subjective reality, but then, I wouldn't, would I? I would have to assume that I am different, rather than reality is what I make of it. Hm.




Because it's so much easier just to shower and get it over with. :smallsigh:

Also, dried out rough skin is actually more sensitive/easy to damage than smooth, healthy skin - it takes quite a bit of willpower to punch things with chapped knuckles. :shrug:

I love bathing, myself! That's the problem, I take so long...

And funny; I find not punching things to be an act of willpower sometimes >>;
:smalltongue:



If I was any indication, the whole thing just self-feeds - there's bound to be at least one person capable of looking tougher than you can, so you have to constantly work (often to downright idiotic levels) to be respected.

And If you don't... Well, then you're either lazy (if you're fat) or "gay" (if you aren't). :/

Exactly! But when your choices are being a big shot in a world of paranoia and fear, or just relaxing... I am honestly surprised T the number of folks who don't choose relaxation. There will always be a point where someone can make you look bad, because you cannot 100% protect yourself. And in the end, that slow, life destroying terror isn't worth it.



I didn't get a headache writing it. :smallconfused:

... 'Course, I already had a pretty bad one, so maybe I just didn't notice... n.n

Apologies. Didn't mean for that to sound offensive; but the convolution of the logic is terrible.



On that note, I want a freakin' skirt. And panties. But mostly a skirt! :smallfurious:

Someday I'll be able to buy a skirt of my own... :roach:

Might I suggest the ever-manly kilt?
That is to say, without some research the difference between being a scotsman and a catholic schoolgirl is whether or not you wax your whiskers :smallbiggrin:



*Hugs*

Unfortunately, he's the tolerant one...A while back, my parents assumed that I was gay because I'd never had a girlfriend (really I was just asocial and unwilling to be driven to a date by my parents). They let this go for years, occasionally assuming that I was in a relationship with my childhood friend (he was the only person I invited over - he's the Viking I tend to drone on about) and generally being both illogical and creepy.

At some point in high school, though, my dad told me that he wouldn't disown me if I "turned out to be gay" (presumably to get me to come out, though that would be inaccurate considering I'm bi and whatnot).

A few days later, I heard him mumble something about that to my mom (I have better hearing than people think I do) - she responded with a horrified look, like he was 'allowing' it or something.

... The sad part is, I wasn't even surprised enough to feel sad. :/

(... Honestly, I think I'd rather not stay around if/when he does find out - extrapolating from his comments on my hair and other queers, he'd never shut up about it. It would literally reach harassment levels, from both of them. :smallsigh:)

Thanks for listening so much... I've been such a drama queen lately. :tired smile:

My, that's terrible. At least mine own family's prejudice is of the understandable variety (good natured if mean-sounding disparaging anyone different from themselves). Still prejudiced about a lot of things, but rather reasonable about it.

This though... Terrible, especially given your situation. I can only imagine how it must feel to look at your parents and realize they just aren't very nice people :smalleek:



Also, I've been wondering... Does anyone have any advice for choosing a name? "Scott" doesn't transcribe like that, and though I like "Trixie" it feels kind of off... I could just browse the list of female names and their meanings, but... Science...:smalltongue:

I would suggest looking into what building blocks of your current name you value. Think a board reset ate my thing about names (and then things got heavy and I felt of of place being so flippant about a different topic...) but names are important. They are foundational.

What parts of Arachu appeal to you? Why? How could they be modified?
My names, given and chosen, all reflect things important to me. Integrity, sincerity, valor, defense of those who need it, accepting responsibility, the wonders of the world, the notion that things aren't that bad, that I will leave the world a better place than I found it, and I will leave it with the taste of wonder will on my lips.

A good title, when not self-applied out of vanity, is less like a constraint and more like a guide, such as one would tie a young sapling to. Something to help you grow the way you want to. Decide based not off of Internet suggestions, but on what thoughts it evokes, what emotions it stirs, and how it feels on the tongue.

...

And now we wait the remaining seven minutes until the board backup is done >_<

There we are! The preview looks nice. I think I like talking to you if only for the interplay of blue and green~ XD