LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

[Astrella]

Notice: This is mostly a support thread. There is an LGBTAI+ Q&A Thread (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?535389-LGBTAI-Question-and-Discussion-Thread-IV-Citation-Needed) right here.

The AI is for All-Inclusive because we have only so much space in the title, but everyone, regardless of orientation, direction, letter, acronym or chosen astrological symbol is welcome here!

We do, unfortunately, have a few rules. We are not an anarchist state! Or, we weren't until we voted we were? But shush.

1. We are primarily a support thread.
This means that the primary focus should be in helping people here feel better; about themselves, about their lives, about their problems. We are also an education thread, but when helping someone learn involves not supporting, we will default to support - Mostly. We are only mostly human, after all.

All of the other rules are basically precisions of rule #1.

2. If you want answers to triggering topics, spoiler-box or ask them privately.
Triggering topics are those which are likely to make other people feel bad, in any way whatsoever: for instance, rape, violence, bullying and many others may be triggering to some people. If someone, even just that one individual person, has a problem with a topic because it stirs demons best left in their pit, Do. Not. Bring. It. Up. Publicly. Use a spoiler box and think carefully about whether this is the place to broach the topic at all (see rule #1: "We are primarily a support thread.")

If you have questions or need help on something that involves triggering topics, please use spoiler tags and label your spoilers for trigger warnings. When in doubt, put trigger warnings.

3. Avoid discussing politics or religion.
It doesn't matter how much these two topics intersect with our forum topic, they are verboten. Sometimes, hints are...looked over, such as, "Man, in my country being gay sucks," but detail is right out, and even that could be considered willful disregard. Be careful. As the moderators themselves often say, if you aren't sure, don't.

4. Do not discuss moral justification.
No one here is going to discuss whether or not it's Right" or "Okay" to be LGBTAEIOUsometimesY or anything else. It's not topical, it's not relevant. We are, and we are here to cope with that and with the stresses it causes.
And no, my joking acronym doesn't constitute considering this rule less important.

5. Do not post sexually explicit content.
It's against forum rules, it's against decorum, and it will get us shut down pretty fast. What adults do behind closed doors is cool, and allusion is fine. Anything that could involve a diagram, though? No.

6. Avoid unfriendly debates.
Several topics of conversation have created huge arguments that made several people uncomfortable and defied our goal of being a support thread. This is especially true debates of definition. These do not always end well, and are best avoided.

Fight Club, AKA things we do not talk about.
This thread has a past of traumatic experiences which we would rather not repeat, and some topics which have created (in)famous rows include:
- The precise distinction between bi- and pansexual;
- What is or isn't a polyamorous relationship;
- Whether transgender is more correct than transgendered.
- Whether people who have homosexual sex should be able to give blood.
(Other topics may be added to the list.)
Unless you need support or help about this, please refrain from bringing up these topics.

Also, if a conversation that is not about support runs long, spoiler it if possible, even if it is polite.

Glossary of Common Terms

For reference, here is a list of commonly-used words in our community along with their definitions. Please keep in mind that this vocabulary is constantly evolving and that this list may not be complete. Any contributions to the list are appreciated.
LGBT: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans*

LGBTAI: LGBT+Asexual/Aromantic/Agender+Intersex/All-Inclusive

QUILTBAG:
Q - Queer and Questioning
U - Unidentified
I - Intersex
L - Lesbian
T - Transgender/Transsexual
B - Bisexual
A - Asexual/Aromantic/Agender
G - Gay, Genderqueer

GSRM: Gender, Sexuality, and Romantic Minorities; sometimes only GSM

Where a word below is in italics, that means it has its own entry on the list.

A note on labels: many of these labels are seemingly interchangeable, and for some people they are. However, please do not presume to correct or judge another person's use of a label. Bisexual and pansexual are especially tricky in this regard, as are transgender and transsexual to a lesser degree.
Often the difference in why one person feels one label is appropriate and not another is deeply personal. If you wish to know more it is probably a topic to seek private advice on, from one of the people listed in the next section.

AFAB/AMAB: Assigned Female/Male at Birth.

Agender: Someone who lacks a gender.

Androgyne: Gender Identity with male and female aspects.

Androsexual: A person who is attracted to men.

Asexual: A person who does not feel sexual attraction.

Assignment/Assigned Gender:-The gender which someone is assigned at birth.

Bigender: Someone who identifies as both male and female (or as any two genders) either simultaneously or alternating. See also Genderqueer, Genderfluid

Binary, The: See: Gender Binary.

Bisexual: 1. attracted to two genders; 2. attracted to one's own gender and another gender; 3. attracted to various genders; 4. attracted to people regardless of gender; 5. ask the person who says they're bi what exactly they mean by that. See also Pansexual

Cis: See: Cisgender

Cisgender (CG): Somebody whose gender and sex align.

Demisexual: A person who is sexually attracted to someone only after they have formed an intense emotional relationship with them.

Dysphoria: The etymological opposite of "euphoria." A state of unease or generalized dissatisfaction. In this context, generally referring to the discomfort or dissociation Trans* people feel with their own body.

Male-to-Female (MtF): Someone who was assigned male at birth, but is female. (AKA: trans woman)

Female: See: Woman

Female-to-Male (FtM): Someone who was assigned female at birth, but is male. (AKA: trans man)

FAAB: Female Assigned at Birth.

Feminine: Something generally associated by society with women.

FFS: Facial Feminization Surgery: Surgery to reduce chin/nose/cheekbones. Associated primarily with MAAB Trans people

FtM: See: Female to Male

Gay: See: homosexual.

Gender Binary: The commonly held notion that there are only men and women on two extremes, with nothing in between.

Gender Expression (GE): How one expresses their Gender Identity to society.

Gender Identity (GI): How one feels inside society's idea of "man, woman, or other".

Genderfluid: Someone who fluctuates between different genders.

Genderqueer (GQ): Someone who is not of a binary gender; someone who is neither male nor female.

Gynosexual: A person who is attracted to women.

Heterosexual: A person who is attracted to members of the opposite gender.

Homosexual: A person who is attracted to members of their own gender.

HRT: Hormone replacement therapy. MtF's tend to progesterone, estrogens and androgen blockers, while FtM's take testosterone almost exclusively.

Lesbian: A woman who is attracted to women.

MAAB: Male Assigned at Birth.

Male-to-Female (MtF): Someone who was assigned male at birth, but is female. (AKA: trans woman)

Man/men: A cis man or trans man. Male.

Masculine: Something generally associated by society with men.

Pansexual: A person who is attracted to people regardless of gender. See also Bisexual

Polyamorous: A person who is interested in a relationship with more than one person.

Presenting: Trans* shorthand for appearing as their preferred gender, regardless of any HRT, SRS or other changes.

Trans*: Transsexual and Transgender primarily, with the asterisk denoting that the trans- prefix could be followed by any number of appropriate words. It also includes other labels, and is a catch-all term for people who identify as something other than their biological sex at birth.

Note: While "Trans*" was at one time preferred terminology, of late it has become seen as problematic for various reasons, and is being phased out of use. The preferred term at this time is simply "Trans". You use the term in the definition of dysphoria.
Also, FtM and MtF are sometimes seen as problematic, and i've been seeing a lot more 'Trans man/Trans woman' for target gender, moving on to 'Trans-feminine/Trans-masculine' which describes the direction of change, but does not define an end point.
"Transsexual" is also being phased out as being a bit obsessed with crotch bits and orientation linked either to the cis obsession with genital configuration, or the proven false idea that transgender people are just "super gay".

Transgender: Used in reference to a person whose sex(body) and gender(mind) are at odds or do not match. A transgender person can also identify as genderqueer, transsexual, or may use transgender as their only identity.

Transitioning: The process a Trans* person undergoes to move to their preferred gender. Often includes HRT, SRS, FFS.

Transsexual: In common terms the same as transgender above. In medical terms refers specifically to people who wish to transition from male to female or female to male, not accommodating any other options.

SRS: Sex Reassignment Surgery: Surgery to replace/transform a vagina into a penis, or vice versa. Mastectomies or plastic surgery may be used on breasts.

Sexual Orientation (SO): How one identifies who they are attracted to.

Significant Other(s) (SO): Person(s) you are in a relationship with.

Third-gendered: Someone who fits in a local society's third gender, usually male performing female tasks, occasionally vice versa. Also a person who feels they do not identify with any other gender identity.

Woman: A cis woman or trans woman. Female.

Allies: Heterosexual-Cisgender people who support equality for sexual, gender, and romantic minorities.

Aromantic: a person who does not experience romantic attraction.

Non-Binary: Same as Genderqueer.

Enby: Shortened form of "Non-binary".
Private Consultation.

We have a list of people who are willing and able to discuss topics that may not be thread-appropriate but are still topical. They can be reached by Personal Message (PM), thought they may not respond immediately, or may be on sabbatical.

Don't be afraid to reach out and talk to them.

Many of us on the list are more than willing to listen to your questions or concerns and will not just lash out in hostility or anger.


Name: Especially familiar with the topic(s) of
Absol197: Gender identity issues.
Philemonite: Relationships, depression.
Astrella: GSRM rights, feminism, trans stuff, Skype.
Chess435: Skype.
Eirala: Trans stuff (esp emotional issues), Skype(no voice or video, however).
Eldest: General/basics, bisexuality, polyamory, pansexuality will Skype(voice if needed, no video).
Enrico Dandolo (Caroline): Trans stuff, mental health, feminism, asexuality, hugs, make-up advice. PM first, Skype chat if asked.
Golentan: Mental health, fluid and questioning sexualities, and issues arising from sexual trauma.
HMS Sophia: Trans stuff (esp hormones).
inuyasha: Shoulder on which to cry, someone to listen.
Irish Musician: PM, Rants/Venting.
KenderWizard: General/basics, gender and feminism, bisexuality.
Kesnit: Trans stuff (FtM), legal issues.
Lea Plath: Genderfluidity.
Lentrax: General/basics, depression, bullying.
Lix Lorn: General/basics.
Lycunadari: Genderqueer and agendered.
Metditto: PM/Skype for L, T, GQ, BDSM(Off-thread or Spoiler Triggered), demisexual, feminism, therapy, depression, dissociative identities.
Miraqariftsky: Family issues, transfolk issues, bullying, depression
Musashi: General/basics, asexuality/demisexuality, depression.
Mystic Muse: Skype-y goodness.
noparlpf: General/basics, asexuality, greysexuality, biology, Skype.
Partysan: PM/Skype, polyamory, pansexuality, BDSM(Off-thread or Spoiler Triggered), Rants/Venting.
Socratov: Skype-ness.
TaiLiu: General Transgender information, transphobia.
Warkitty: Academic/technical discussions, Make-up advice.
Wormwood74: Transgender legal issues, transgender outside contacts.

Some people are also willing to talk off-board, through Skype or email or other means; this is especially useful if your question involves board-forbidden topics such as religion or politics. Also, we can't (and ethically shouldn't!) give medical advice. If you need medical advice, please see a professional!

And as a parting note, I will say that even though moderators do not read PMs, they are still part of the forum and still subject to forums rules. Non-allowed topics and discussion should NOT be conducted via PM.


Previous Incarnations

Like the Glorious and Unconquered Sun, we have risen, lived, died, and risen anew, with many faces, many voices, many hearts. In this past, much can be found, both good, and bad, should one be brave or perhaps, foolish, enough to seek it.


LGBT people in the playground

LGBT people in the playground - part II

LGBTitp - part III

LGBTitp 4: We are a family?

LGBTitp - Part Five

LGBTitp - Part Six

LGBTitp - Part Seven

LGBTitp - Part Eight

LGBTitp - Part Nine

LGBTAitp - Part Ten

LGBTAitp - Part Eleven

LGBTAitp - Part Twelve

LGBTAitp - Part Thirteen

LGBTAitp - Part Fourteen

LGBTAitp - Part Fifteen

LGBTAitp - Part Sixteen

LGBTAitp - Part Seventeen

LGBTAitp - Part Eighteen!

LGBTAitp - Part Nineteen

LGBTAitp - Part Twenty - Critical Hit!

LGBTAitp - Part Twenty-One - BLACKJACK!

LGBTAitP Part 22: The Best There Is

LGBTAitP Part 23: Et tu, ~Bianca?

LGBTAitP: Alphabet Soup-with 24 different Vitamins!

LGBTAitP part 25: Doing Away With Subtitles

LGBTAitP 26: No Time For Snappy Titles

LGBTAitP 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax

LGBTAitP #28: Come Taste the Rainbow!

LGBTAitP #29: The Rainbow Outreach Program

LGBTAitP 30: Free Cuddles (Enquire Within)

LGBTAitP #31: Cuddles Are On Back Order. Have Some Snuggles!

LGBTAitp #32: The Great Plushie Invasion!

LGBTAitp #33: The Thread at the End of the Rainbow!

LGTAitP #34: <3!!

LGBTAitp #35: What Midlife Crisis? :3

LGBTAitp #36: May Contain Bites!

LGBTAitP #37: Once upon a time...

LGBTAitP #38: Once More With Feeling!!

LGBTAitP #38: Making Your Way in the World Today....

LGBTAitP #40: Technicolour Partyboat

LGBTAitp #41 - Imprecise Terminology Supercenter

LGBTAitp #42: Better Than Skittles/The Meaning of Life!

LGBTAitp #43 [Insert snappy subtitle here]

LGBTAIitP #44: Quick, We Need To Vote A New Title!

LGBTAIitP #45: Rainbow Anarchy

LGBTAitP #46: I Cast Prismatic Hugs

LGBTAIitp #47: Weather Control Central

LGBTAIitp #48: For a Cuddly Tomorrow!

LGBTAIitp #49: Please check all baggage before boarding the Rainbow Rail Road

LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This Thread Has Exceeded its Maximum Awesome Level

LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!

LGBTAI+ 52: Aces High

LGBTAI+ 53: The Nefarious Rainbow Syndicate

LGBTAI+ 54: A Full Deck

LGBTAI+ 55: AKA The Page We'll Get to if I Don't Make a New One

LGBTAI+ 56: Prismatic Spray

LGBTAI+ 57: I Love You, Always Forever

LGBTAI+ #58 Infinity 2.0: The Darth Arminius Apology Thread




Webcomics that touch on... Well, everything related to the thread.
Venus Envy. (http://www.venusenvycomic.com/) Long dead webcomic. The creator has chosen not to continue it and move forward in life.
Rain. (http://rain.thecomicseries.com/comics/first/) A story of a MtF girl in high school.
Khaos Komix. (http://www.khaoskomix.com/)As the creator puts it(from his site): "A complete GLBTWTFBBQ comic about gender and sexuality. (Trigger warnings for EVERYTHING and nothing is safe for work.)"
Always Raining Here. (http://alwaysraininghere.com/index.php/first-page/) "Adrian is heartsick, Carter is horny. This is a story about their misadventures as awkward teenagers as they fumble through unrequited romances."
Tripping over you. (http://trippingoveryou.com/comic/gmorning-sunshine/)An awkward blind date leads to better options.
Questionable Content. (http://www.questionablecontent.net/) The LGBTA characters are fairly well done, and not stereotypes.
What's normal anyway. (http://whatsnormalanyway.net/?p=93) "What’s Normal Anyway? is a comic that discusses the trans male experience through the story of Mel, who takes the big risk of being himself and transitioning from female to male."
Princess. (http://the-princess.funonthe.net/) A webcomic.
Twokinds. (http://twokinds.keenspot.com/) Keveak: "It generally portrays GRSM matters positively and is quite a nice tale overall."
Misfile (Misfile.com) The Rose Dragon: "Ash is a young boy who, as a result of a screw-up in Heaven, gets stuck in a girl's body in a life he doesn't recognize, and has to deal with the changes and challenges of his new body while trying to get back his old life. Supernatural hijinks and car racing are involved."
Portside Stories (http://portsidestories.tumblr.com/) A cute(and recently started) webcomic.
El Goonish Shive (http://www.egscomics.com/) A long running webcomic, that I've heard often touches on lgbta relevant stuff.
Validation (http://www.validationcomic.com/) A Slice of Life webcomic focusing on Ally, a young transgender woman, just living her life.
Wildflowers (http://wildflowers.smackjeeves.com/comics/1579765/ve-shoutout/) A self proclaimed triggering comic dealing with suicide, depression, dysphoria and more.
Check, Please! (http://checkpleasecomic.com/comic/01-01-01) It’s a story about hockey and friendship and bros and trying to find yourself during the best 4 years of your life.

I know I missed a few webcomics, and if anyone finds more, feel free to PM them to me with a brief description, and I will add them.

And a picture made by the Giant to celebrate gay marriage legalization in America.

http://www.giantitp.com/Images/gitpkick/PrismaticSpray.png

[JNAProductions]

Just here to subscribe and offer well-wishes to everyone!

[Astrella]

Djee, the threads have slowed down a lot though over the years haven't they? We used to go through these superfast in the past.

[golentan]

Djee, the threads have slowed down a lot though over the years haven't they? We used to go through these superfast in the past.

Yeah. On the one hand, I feel pretty good about knowing I'm not missing stuff in the rush to catch up. On the other hand, feels kinda sad.

[Iethloc]

Well, since there's a new thread, I may as well start posting again. It's been months.

I was only able to work for a couple of weeks before I had to stop due to medical issues, namely fatigue. I had a cancer scare, but a couple days ago the tests came back normal. Leukemia would've been an answer to why I'm so tired all the time, though. My primary care physician has started using the term "chronic fatigue syndrome".

The past few months haven't been completely empty, however. I've started going to a support group for trans women, and I'm having lunch with the ladies from that group every week.

I've been thinking about continuing my education, this time for a job that wouldn't require much physical activity (since I can't handle much of that these days). I've been wanting to be an endocrinologist for a while, but I'm thinking of pursuing a degree in counseling instead, since that would be more realistic and I could still help other trans people. There's a school not far from my home that is CACREP accredited, but...it has a problem I can't talk about without violating certain board rules.

Regardless of what path I choose, money will also be a problem. Most easy-to-get jobs require more physical activity or more interacting with strangers than I can stand. I've been thinking of reviving an old dream of being a writer to get just a bit of money, but starting out is always hard. I've been considering posting my poetry in these forums as a way to start. Getting the attention of even one or two people would be massively helpful.

[JNAProductions]

Yeah. On the one hand, I feel pretty good about knowing I'm not missing stuff in the rush to catch up. On the other hand, feels kinda sad.

Look at it this way-people are less in need of support, so they post less here. This is, after all, a support thread. When people are happy and content, they don't need support from the forums. (Though they might chime in to offer others support.)

[WarKitty]

As is my personal new thread tradition, here is a rainbow cat:

https://images.fineartamerica.com/images/artworkimages/mediumlarge/1/fluffy-rainbow-cat-nick-gustafson.jpg

[Lentrax]

Shouldn't this be thread 59?

And as for the slower ace, I think some of that also has to do with some of the bigger contributors no longer being on the boards.

[Irish Musician]

It varies still a lit bit cause well, discomfort and I've been having some urinary issues but when no pain, yeah, it's pretty nice. Still a bit odd cause well, something's gone and different, but more in a "huh?" way, than a "oh no" way.
Well, hopefully all those issues will be resolved soon, and the discomfort will go away. But yay being more comfortable with you in general! :smallsmile:


Djee, the threads have slowed down a lot though over the years haven't they? We used to go through these superfast in the past.
Yeah when I first popped in here, years ago, it went at a crazy pace. Two days off and I was reading through 8-10 pages of posts lol

[Asmodean_]

As is my personal new thread tradition, here is a rainbow cat:

https://images.fineartamerica.com/images/artworkimages/mediumlarge/1/fluffy-rainbow-cat-nick-gustafson.jpg

I see your rainbow cat and raise you a rainbow cat fortress

https://i.imgur.com/kXXRDQR.png

anyone remember having these markers?

[Serpentine]

Remember? I still have 'em.

[JNAProductions]

Remember? I still have 'em.

Doooooooork! :P

Serious question though-do you use them, Serpentine? Like, to make awesome art? Because if so, you should definitely share your work! I'm always looking forward to seeing cool things drawn by cool people.

As a side note, both those pictures were adorable.

[AliceLost]

Welp, just hit send on the email to my only blood relatives on this continent, telling them not to contact me again until they're prepared to do so with basic respect instead of disappointment and disgust. Which, knowing my parents, will be never.

It sucks that I can't have them in my life any more because of their toxic prejudices and inability to keep their biases to themselves.

It really sucks that they won't even have the decency to admit that they want to cut me out of their lives because they disapprove of me being gay: they will force me to be the "bad guy" and shun poor innocent them, who have never done a thing in the world to deserve such unfair treatment.

[CWater]

Welp, just hit send on the email to my only blood relatives on this continent, telling them not to contact me again until they're prepared to do so with basic respect instead of disappointment and disgust. Which, knowing my parents, will be never.

It sucks that I can't have them in my life any more because of their toxic prejudices and inability to keep their biases to themselves.

It really sucks that they won't even have the decency to admit that they want to cut me out of their lives because they disapprove of me being gay: they will force me to be the "bad guy" and shun poor innocent them, who have never done a thing in the world to deserve such unfair treatment.

*hugs*:smallfrown: It sucks that this had to happen, but continuing to keep up a toxic relationship is ultimately worse, I think.

[JNAProductions]

Welp, just hit send on the email to my only blood relatives on this continent, telling them not to contact me again until they're prepared to do so with basic respect instead of disappointment and disgust. Which, knowing my parents, will be never.

It sucks that I can't have them in my life any more because of their toxic prejudices and inability to keep their biases to themselves.

It really sucks that they won't even have the decency to admit that they want to cut me out of their lives because they disapprove of me being gay: they will force me to be the "bad guy" and shun poor innocent them, who have never done a thing in the world to deserve such unfair treatment.

*Offers all the hugs*

I'm really sorry that you had to do that. Like CWater said, it's probably for the best, but it sucks that it had to come to this.

If we can help, you just have to ask.

[AliceLost]

i just feel so stuck in terms of outcomes: my friends all express hope that my parents will come around and stop being toxic people, but the hardest parts of the last few years have been the times when they have seemed the most reasonable and I have built up hope that I'll be able to reestablish the positive relationship I had with them when I was a kid and before I came out, only to have that hope dashed when they go back to being ****ty again. The easiest parts have been when I haven't been in contact with them for a month or two. So chances are the more positive their reaction to this, the more difficult and painful it will be in the long term?

But I can't stop hoping that their next reasonable response will be genuine and "stick". My mum replied this morning saying that she wanted time to consider what I had said, but that she wasn't ignoring me and that she still loves me. Which is on the face of it a very mature and reasonable response. I can't help hoping that there will be a positive outcome...but the more I hope the more dashed I become next time it all falls apart...:smallfrown:

[Lentrax]

All the hugs and support for you.

As I've said many times before, I'm always available to talk. And toxic parents are something I can personally understand, having some myself.

[ArlEammon]

I can haz pm now?

http://i.imgur.com/C1yJtcr.jpg?1 (https://imgur.com/C1yJtcr)

I'm feelin kind of sad.

[Amazon]

I can haz pm now?

http://i.imgur.com/C1yJtcr.jpg?1 (https://imgur.com/C1yJtcr)

I'm feelin kind of sad.

I see that you are constantly looking for someone to talk about your issues and insecurities.

Have you ever considered doing therapy? It could really help you out in this aspect, a lot better than strangers in the net with a limited number of PMs could.

[ArlEammon]

I see that you are constantly looking for someone to talk about your issues and insecurities.

Have you ever considered doing therapy? It could really help you out in this aspect, a lot better than strangers in the net with a limited number of PMs could.

I got it. A counselor, but his effectiveness can also only go so far.
I see your point though.

[Ravens_cry]

I am stressed. I am planning a trip to see my long distance boyfriend (who I saw this May at my place) but I don't know if my passport will arrive in time for the planned trip, and I am scared of going out of the country and how people, aside from react to me being me, trans* and out, especially security and such, since I'm pre/non-op.

[JNAProductions]

I am stressed. I am planning a trip to see my long distance boyfriend (who I saw this May at my place) but I don't know if my passport will arrive in time for the planned trip, and I am scared of going out of the country and how people, aside from react to me being me, trans* and out, especially security and such, since I'm pre/non-op.

Can we do anything to help you de-stress? We'd hate for your trip to see your boyfriend get ruined because you're stressed over it.

Also, *offers hugs*.

[Ravens_cry]

Can we do anything to help you de-stress? We'd hate for your trip to see your boyfriend get ruined because you're stressed over it.

Also, *offers hugs*.

*takes and gives hugs gratefully* Just wait for it to happen. It's the anticipatory fears that get me the worst, I find. Once it's happening, I'll mostly be fine.

[JNAProductions]

*takes and gives hugs gratefully* Just wait for it to happen. It's the anticipatory fears that get me the worst, I find. Once it's happening, I'll mostly be fine.

You got this. You'll have a wonderful time with a wonderful guy. Go play some games or something to take your mind off the future, and enjoy it when it becomes the present.

Edit: As a side note, a friend just stood me up on a pre-arranged hanging out. It's not LGBT related, but I'm feeling kinda lonely right now. :(

Hope everyone else is doing better.

[Ravens_cry]

You got this. You'll have a wonderful time with a wonderful guy. Go play some games or something to take your mind off the future, and enjoy it when it becomes the present.

Edit: As a side note, a friend just stood me up on a pre-arranged hanging out. It's not LGBT related, but I'm feeling kinda lonely right now. :(

Hope everyone else is doing better.
Yeah, that happen, and even when there's a reasonable reason for it happening, it still hurts.

[Xihirli]

Still here. Still trans.
That is all.

[Lentrax]

So, I just found out that one of the folks in my game group is transphobic.

Fun times.

Guess he's in for a shock.

[Comrade]

Welp, just hit send on the email to my only blood relatives on this continent, telling them not to contact me again until they're prepared to do so with basic respect instead of disappointment and disgust. Which, knowing my parents, will be never.

It sucks that I can't have them in my life any more because of their toxic prejudices and inability to keep their biases to themselves.

It really sucks that they won't even have the decency to admit that they want to cut me out of their lives because they disapprove of me being gay: they will force me to be the "bad guy" and shun poor innocent them, who have never done a thing in the world to deserve such unfair treatment.
Jeez, I'm so sorry to hear you've had to take that step. For what it's worth, I hope that ultimately their perspective will shift and they'll begin treating you with the respect and dignity you deserve.

[Serpentine]

There's a show on commercial TV here called "This Time Next Year". They bring an Ordinary PersonTM on, ask them what they want to be/do/have/change by This Time Next YearTM, and then through the Magic of TelevisionTM they come back on with their grand transformation.

I'm watching it for the first time ever, and there's a trans woman - what she wants This Time Next YearTM is to be living her life as female. And as far as I can tell, it's handled pretty well, no misgendering or anything that I've noticed so far.

[Xihirli]

So, I just found out that one of the folks in my game group is transphobic.

Fun times.

Guess he's in for a shock.

Literally, right?
No?
That's probably better.

[Cizak]

I need... I dunno, advice? Just someone to read my ramblings?

Up until about two and a half years ago, I considered myself straight. I've always been attracted to girls but at the same time I've never been uncomfortable around boys. I've always liked hugging pretty much everyone and during my late teens me and a male friend made lots of crude sexual jokes (as teens do) about each other. It was in the spirit of "Haha, we can jokingly hit on each other because we so obviously don't mean it", but at the same time it wasn't like I felt it would be a bad thing if it later turned out that I actually could get attracted to guys.

Well, cut to 2½ years ago when I one night kinda realized that, yeah, I could actually see myself with a guy. I still hadn't ever fallen for a guy and my, ahem, browser history was still 99% women but a few men snuck in there "just to see" and I didn't find it half bad. So, while I still had a greater preference for women, I felt that men was a totally viable option as well.

What stopped me from just slapping on a bi or pan label and calling it a day, however, was that I haven't felt romantic attraction for over a decade. Literally, the last time I had romantic feelings was in late 2005. That was also, as it happens, the only person I've had those feelings for, and it lasted for about three years in total. And as I was young and deathly afraid of being embarassed, all that didn't end well. The deatils aren't important, but suffice to say she obviously knew, but none of us ever talked about it because of its awkwardness, and as our friendship faded so did my feelings.

That was the only time I've ever felt romantic attraction. It's not that I don't want to feel that way again; I still remember the warmth and happiness that sprung from it. I often fantisize about having a relationship, but with imaginary people since I can't think that way about anyone I know. I don't get "crushes" and I feel no need or motivation to persuade such things. Sex isn't even interesting, like yeah erotica is fun, but I have no desire or drive to actively try to experience it myself. I'm not against it if the opportunity ever presents itself, but it never has and it's not a bullet on the bucket list. So with all that in mind, a few months ago I sorta considered myself bisexual, biromantic in theory and aromantic in practice. Confusing, and weird, but it calmed my internal debate for most of the time.

Now recently I moved to a new city to study. It's one of the busiest student cities in my country so I decided that I was going to go to a lot of events to try to make new acquaintances. One of these events was a LGBTQ group. So yesterday I went to their breakfast meeting. I had a good time and found a lot of common interests in one guy in particular. We talked for most of the meeting, and in the end we exchanged facebook contacts. We chatted some more the following hours, about board games and whatnot, until he suddenly wrote "Sorry, I'm really bad at flirting". I replied "Were you flirting with me?" because I honestly couldn't tell if he was being serious or not, and he replied "yes".

This freaked me the **** out.

Like I'm talking "immediately closed the chat window, paced around the room and started breathing harder" kind of freaking out. See, while I myself have never chased after sex or romance, neither has anyone ever approached me with it. I have never, in my life, been flirted at. And so I just didn't know how to handle this. In the few hours we'd known each other, I considered this person a new friend, and even though he complimented my looks a few times it never, ever, crossed my mind for even a fraction of a second that he was coming on to me.

So, how did I handle this. Well... poorly, I'd say. I totally ignored him for 24 hours because I just didn't know what to say to him. He wrote me a "Did I overstep a boundry?" message that I only read from my notifications without opening it. I just couldn't think of a single thing to say to him, and I spent all of yesterday evening and most of today trying to figure it out. To be perfectly honest, I felt kind of betrayed. I had thought we were becoming friends, now I'm not so sure. Eventually, like an hour ago, I managed to cobble together some semblance of a reply. I appologized for ignoring him, told him I wasn't looking for anything other than friendship, he replied with a pretty standard "I understand, that's cool" response. I don't really know where things will go from here.

The whole thing made me think, like, can I really call myself anything-romantic if someone lightly flirting with me freaks me out this much? Is it just that I'm not used to it, or am I actually... I don't know what to call it, romantically repulsed? I know sex repulsed asexuals are a thing, but I have no idea if there's an equivalent for romance. At the same time I'm kicking myself for handling the whole thing so poorly and just bailing on the guy. I'd like to think I'm a better person than that, but evidently not. And I'm super bummed that this happened with a person I thought could become a great friend.

So... thoughts? Am I making any sense? Am I just an ***hole? Does anyone know any literature touching on anything like this? If you read all of this, thanks, even if you don't have any answers for me. I don't even know what kind of answers I'm looking for.

[Lentrax]

I need... I dunno, advice? Just someone to read my ramblings?

Up until about two and a half years ago, I considered myself straight. I've always been attracted to girls but at the same time I've never been uncomfortable around boys. I've always liked hugging pretty much everyone and during my late teens me and a male friend made lots of crude sexual jokes (as teens do) about each other. It was in the spirit of "Haha, we can jokingly hit on each other because we so obviously don't mean it", but at the same time it wasn't like I felt it would be a bad thing if it later turned out that I actually could get attracted to guys.

Well, cut to 2½ years ago when I one night kinda realized that, yeah, I could actually see myself with a guy. I still hadn't ever fallen for a guy and my, ahem, browser history was still 99% women but a few men snuck in there "just to see" and I didn't find it half bad. So, while I still had a greater preference for women, I felt that men was a totally viable option as well.

What stopped me from just slapping on a bi or pan label and calling it a day, however, was that I haven't felt romantic attraction for over a decade. Literally, the last time I had romantic feelings was in late 2005. That was also, as it happens, the only person I've had those feelings for, and it lasted for about three years in total. And as I was young and deathly afraid of being embarassed, all that didn't end well. The deatils aren't important, but suffice to say she obviously knew, but none of us ever talked about it because of its awkwardness, and as our friendship faded so did my feelings.

That was the only time I've ever felt romantic attraction. It's not that I don't want to feel that way again; I still remember the warmth and happiness that sprung from it. I often fantisize about having a relationship, but with imaginary people since I can't think that way about anyone I know. I don't get "crushes" and I feel no need or motivation to persuade such things. Sex isn't even interesting, like yeah erotica is fun, but I have no desire or drive to actively try to experience it myself. I'm not against it if the opportunity ever presents itself, but it never has and it's not a bullet on the bucket list. So with all that in mind, a few months ago I sorta considered myself bisexual, biromantic in theory and aromantic in practice. Confusing, and weird, but it calmed my internal debate for most of the time.

Now recently I moved to a new city to study. It's one of the busiest student cities in my country so I decided that I was going to go to a lot of events to try to make new acquaintances. One of these events was a LGBTQ group. So yesterday I went to their breakfast meeting. I had a good time and found a lot of common interests in one guy in particular. We talked for most of the meeting, and in the end we exchanged facebook contacts. We chatted some more the following hours, about board games and whatnot, until he suddenly wrote "Sorry, I'm really bad at flirting". I replied "Were you flirting with me?" because I honestly couldn't tell if he was being serious or not, and he replied "yes".

This freaked me the **** out.

Like I'm talking "immediately closed the chat window, paced around the room and started breathing harder" kind of freaking out. See, while I myself have never chased after sex or romance, neither has anyone ever approached me with it. I have never, in my life, been flirted at. And so I just didn't know how to handle this. In the few hours we'd known each other, I considered this person a new friend, and even though he complimented my looks a few times it never, ever, crossed my mind for even a fraction of a second that he was coming on to me.

So, how did I handle this. Well... poorly, I'd say. I totally ignored him for 24 hours because I just didn't know what to say to him. He wrote me a "Did I overstep a boundry?" message that I only read from my notifications without opening it. I just couldn't think of a single thing to say to him, and I spent all of yesterday evening and most of today trying to figure it out. To be perfectly honest, I felt kind of betrayed. I had thought we were becoming friends, now I'm not so sure. Eventually, like an hour ago, I managed to cobble together some semblance of a reply. I appologized for ignoring him, told him I wasn't looking for anything other than friendship, he replied with a pretty standard "I understand, that's cool" response. I don't really know where things will go from here.

The whole thing made me think, like, can I really call myself anything-romantic if someone lightly flirting with me freaks me out this much? Is it just that I'm not used to it, or am I actually... I don't know what to call it, romantically repulsed? I know sex repulsed asexuals are a thing, but I have no idea if there's an equivalent for romance. At the same time I'm kicking myself for handling the whole thing so poorly and just bailing on the guy. I'd like to think I'm a better person than that, but evidently not. And I'm super bummed that this happened with a person I thought could become a great friend.

So... thoughts? Am I making any sense? Am I just an ***hole? Does anyone know any literature touching on anything like this? If you read all of this, thanks, even if you don't have any answers for me. I don't even know what kind of answers I'm looking for.

I would say that your reaction was probably pretty understandable. Especially for someone who, as you yourself admitted, are unused to people flirting with you.

As for what to do, well, probably talk to him. If he is as cool about it as you seem to think he might be, talking might help you become more comfortable with him. Stay with DMing on facebook. if you want to arrange a place to hang out, like a game store or any other kind of definite 'not-a-date' places, then by all means. After all, face to face communication is always so much better than just instant messaging.

[Serpentine]

I need... I dunno, advice? Just someone to read my ramblings?

Up until about two and a half years ago, I considered myself straight. I've always been attracted to girls but at the same time I've never been uncomfortable around boys. I've always liked hugging pretty much everyone and during my late teens me and a male friend made lots of crude sexual jokes (as teens do) about each other. It was in the spirit of "Haha, we can jokingly hit on each other because we so obviously don't mean it", but at the same time it wasn't like I felt it would be a bad thing if it later turned out that I actually could get attracted to guys.

Well, cut to 2½ years ago when I one night kinda realized that, yeah, I could actually see myself with a guy. I still hadn't ever fallen for a guy and my, ahem, browser history was still 99% women but a few men snuck in there "just to see" and I didn't find it half bad. So, while I still had a greater preference for women, I felt that men was a totally viable option as well.

What stopped me from just slapping on a bi or pan label and calling it a day, however, was that I haven't felt romantic attraction for over a decade. Literally, the last time I had romantic feelings was in late 2005. That was also, as it happens, the only person I've had those feelings for, and it lasted for about three years in total. And as I was young and deathly afraid of being embarassed, all that didn't end well. The deatils aren't important, but suffice to say she obviously knew, but none of us ever talked about it because of its awkwardness, and as our friendship faded so did my feelings.

That was the only time I've ever felt romantic attraction. It's not that I don't want to feel that way again; I still remember the warmth and happiness that sprung from it. I often fantisize about having a relationship, but with imaginary people since I can't think that way about anyone I know. I don't get "crushes" and I feel no need or motivation to persuade such things. Sex isn't even interesting, like yeah erotica is fun, but I have no desire or drive to actively try to experience it myself. I'm not against it if the opportunity ever presents itself, but it never has and it's not a bullet on the bucket list. So with all that in mind, a few months ago I sorta considered myself bisexual, biromantic in theory and aromantic in practice. Confusing, and weird, but it calmed my internal debate for most of the time.

Now recently I moved to a new city to study. It's one of the busiest student cities in my country so I decided that I was going to go to a lot of events to try to make new acquaintances. One of these events was a LGBTQ group. So yesterday I went to their breakfast meeting. I had a good time and found a lot of common interests in one guy in particular. We talked for most of the meeting, and in the end we exchanged facebook contacts. We chatted some more the following hours, about board games and whatnot, until he suddenly wrote "Sorry, I'm really bad at flirting". I replied "Were you flirting with me?" because I honestly couldn't tell if he was being serious or not, and he replied "yes".

This freaked me the **** out.

Like I'm talking "immediately closed the chat window, paced around the room and started breathing harder" kind of freaking out. See, while I myself have never chased after sex or romance, neither has anyone ever approached me with it. I have never, in my life, been flirted at. And so I just didn't know how to handle this. In the few hours we'd known each other, I considered this person a new friend, and even though he complimented my looks a few times it never, ever, crossed my mind for even a fraction of a second that he was coming on to me.

So, how did I handle this. Well... poorly, I'd say. I totally ignored him for 24 hours because I just didn't know what to say to him. He wrote me a "Did I overstep a boundry?" message that I only read from my notifications without opening it. I just couldn't think of a single thing to say to him, and I spent all of yesterday evening and most of today trying to figure it out. To be perfectly honest, I felt kind of betrayed. I had thought we were becoming friends, now I'm not so sure. Eventually, like an hour ago, I managed to cobble together some semblance of a reply. I appologized for ignoring him, told him I wasn't looking for anything other than friendship, he replied with a pretty standard "I understand, that's cool" response. I don't really know where things will go from here.

The whole thing made me think, like, can I really call myself anything-romantic if someone lightly flirting with me freaks me out this much? Is it just that I'm not used to it, or am I actually... I don't know what to call it, romantically repulsed? I know sex repulsed asexuals are a thing, but I have no idea if there's an equivalent for romance. At the same time I'm kicking myself for handling the whole thing so poorly and just bailing on the guy. I'd like to think I'm a better person than that, but evidently not. And I'm super bummed that this happened with a person I thought could become a great friend.

So... thoughts? Am I making any sense? Am I just an ***hole? Does anyone know any literature touching on anything like this? If you read all of this, thanks, even if you don't have any answers for me. I don't even know what kind of answers I'm looking for.

Man, the first half of this could basically be describing me, except I'm more sexual.

My quick-description is straight, because that's most of my actual history and I certainly have all the privilege that comes with being straight. My less quick but still pretty quick description is heteroflexible, because I'm mostly straight and I tend to prefer sexual activities that involve penises (but don't mind if they're not attached to men), but I don't object to hooking up with or falling for a woman and don't want any woman who might be interested in me to rule me out as a whole category. My longer, half-tongue in cheek descriptor is... maybe something like bisexual demiheteroromantic.
My long form is thusly: I have only fallen in love once before in my life, and it was a man. I deeply miss being in love, but the idea of trying to force it is bizarre and horrifying to me. There have been a handful of other people who I have felt the potential spark of romance for that never went anywhere, again all men, but there's so few that could just be a statistical anomaly type thing and/or unconscious social pressure. I haven't had any proper crushes for a while, but I do have them and enjoy them immensely. They tend to skew boywards, but I've had a few for girls, too. Despite one or two interesting experiences, I'm a bit shy or hesitant about sex with a vagina-haver, but I feel like that's more a "fear of the unknown" or other psychological barrier rather than a huge sexuality sign.
I develop romantic feelings so rarely, there's no way I'm going run away from it if it happens to turn up with another woman, but statistically I predict that it's less likely (based on my history of one and a few nonstarters).

Your reaction to someone flirting with you, when you didn't even know they were, raises a few questions for me.
- I gather you've never been in a (declared) romantic relationship with anyone?
- Have you had sex before? If so, have you had a sexual relationship sans romantic feelings (e.g. friends with benefits)?
- What was the source of your panic and discomfort? Was it because it was a guy flirting with you, or because it was anyone flirting with you?
- Was it just the flirting alone that caused your reaction, or did you have a suspicion or an expectation that it might - or he intended it to - lead to something romantic and/or sexual? If so, was him being a guy a factor there, or do you believe you have felt the same if he was a woman?
- Were you enjoying your interactions with this guy until it was revealed that flirting was involved?
- What are your feelings towards him now? Think about it calmly and with an open mind. Do you like him, want to be friends? Is there any hint of any non-platonic feelings, physical or romantic attraction?

It's difficult to offer any advice without the answers to those questions. I also, personally, can't really relate to your reaction, because I'm a massive flirt (or I used to be, anyway, but that's an unrelated topic). Flirting is fun. It doesn't have to come with expectations or assumptions, it can just be another way of interacting playfully with others, and maybe giving yourself and others a bit of an ego boost. I do think your reaction to someone flirting with you was excessive, but I can't really say much more about that without knowing where it came from.

With the other guy, you've already apologised, which is good. He might have been totally fine, but I could see that response being quite upsetting and a big blow to his self-esteem.
Particularly if you do still like this guy and want to be friends with him, it might be worth talking to him about this. Basically everything that you've said here. It might be good for both of you.

[Cizak]

@Serpentine

- I gather you've never been in a (declared) romantic relationship with anyone?

Correct, no romantic relationships, declared or undeclared.


- Have you had sex before? If so, have you had a sexual relationship sans romantic feelings (e.g. friends with benefits)?

Nope, virgin. Don't feel a need to change that.


- What was the source of your panic and discomfort? Was it because it was a guy flirting with you, or because it was anyone flirting with you?

I don't know? Since this is 100% of my flirting experience and this is how I felt, it seems like it was the flirting itself, but then again that's not enough to build a statistic on.


- Was it just the flirting alone that caused your reaction, or did you have a suspicion or an expectation that it might - or he intended it to - lead to something romantic and/or sexual? If so, was him being a guy a factor there, or do you believe you have felt the same if he was a woman?

Well as soon as it was revealed he was flirting I thought he wanted more than friendship. Again, I have no clue if I would react to it differently if it was a guy. Before this whole thing, I thought I could see myself in a relationship with anyone. Now I'm not sure if it's guys I have a problem with or relationships themselves.


- Were you enjoying your interactions with this guy until it was revealed that flirting was involved?

Yeah. We shared a lot of common interests and had matured discussions. I was happy to have met someone who had the potential to be a good friend.


- What are your feelings towards him now? Think about it calmly and with an open mind. Do you like him, want to be friends? Is there any hint of any non-platonic feelings, physical or romantic attraction?

I'm honestly a bit turned off from interacting with him any further. I'm not sure I would be comfortable with developing a friendship based on this start. I a weird sense I do feel kinda threatened no that's probably a ***ty way to describe it, but cornered, wary. He's not a bad looking dude, I can state that "objectively", but I have absolutely no feelings or interest in anything non-platonic.


Flirting is fun. It doesn't have to come with expectations or assumptions, it can just be another way of interacting playfully with others, and maybe giving yourself and others a bit of an ego boost.

Substitute "flirting" for just "giving compliments" and I agree. My group of closest friends (all women) thrive on complimenting and telling each other how much we love each other. The difference there, I think, is that we can say those things to each other with the absolute certainty that they are 100% platonic. We are very open with our personal lives (I've shared things with them that I've never told anyone else) and all know that we can trust each other with anything without romance being involved.


With the other guy, you've already apologised, which is good. He might have been totally fine, but I could see that response being quite upsetting and a big blow to his self-esteem.

The last thing he wrote to me was "*Shrug* I'm used to all different kinds of reactions". Again, I have no idea what to respond. It took me 24 hours to come up with the message preceding that.

[EternalMelon]

When I was hired at my last job they put me on front end to "get some male representation at the checkout line"....

Hey look got my checkmark *abandons thread*

[AliceLost]

Welp, had the conversation with my mum. Apparently I'm possessed by Satan.

Not many directions you can go with that one, really.

It's too distressing for my parents to have to see me like this, so they're going to restrict their contact with me to emails, because that's the least upsetting.

Oh, and then not a couple of hours later my dad tried calling me, and emailed to say that this was difficult for me and them, but that they still cared about me and wanted to stay in touch and hear how my day was going and that I was okay, and hopefully he'd hear from me soon.

[Luz]

Welp, had the conversation with my mum. Apparently I'm possessed by Satan.

Not many directions you can go with that one, really.

It's too distressing for my parents to have to see me like this, so they're going to restrict their contact with me to emails, because that's the least upsetting.

Oh, and then not a couple of hours later my dad tried calling me, and emailed to say that this was difficult for me and them, but that they still cared about me and wanted to stay in touch and hear how my day was going and that I was okay, and hopefully he'd hear from me soon.

Good to know he stil cares, maybe give your mom some time? This must be very overwhelming, for her :/ But I belive she still loves you deeply.

[JNAProductions]

Welp, had the conversation with my mum. Apparently I'm possessed by Satan.

Not many directions you can go with that one, really.

It's too distressing for my parents to have to see me like this, so they're going to restrict their contact with me to emails, because that's the least upsetting.

Oh, and then not a couple of hours later my dad tried calling me, and emailed to say that this was difficult for me and them, but that they still cared about me and wanted to stay in touch and hear how my day was going and that I was okay, and hopefully he'd hear from me soon.

*Offers hugs.*

I'm sorry to hear that. Hopefully your parents are able to become more understanding and tolerant over time.

[137beth]

Welp, had the conversation with my mum. Apparently I'm possessed by Satan.

Not many directions you can go with that one, really.

It's too distressing for my parents to have to see me like this, so they're going to restrict their contact with me to emails, because that's the least upsetting.

Oh, and then not a couple of hours later my dad tried calling me, and emailed to say that this was difficult for me and them, but that they still cared about me and wanted to stay in touch and hear how my day was going and that I was okay, and hopefully he'd hear from me soon.

That could mean your dad is at least a little more understanding than your mom. Or, it might not. Hope things get better:smallfrown:

[Heliomance]

Things That Are Great: being able to take a random selfie and not have to worry that i look like a guy in it.

Whether I actually look good in it is an entirely separate matter, but at least the worst case is now a bad photo of a woman.

[Lentrax]

Hey, everybody.

Just thought I would share with everyone that I will be going live on Twitch (twitch.tv/arbiterlentrax) in about 20 minutes.

Love to have everyone stop in and say hi.

Love you all.

Edit: And as always, life steps in to say, "Aww, hell no."

[Luz]

So I have been going to therapy the past few weeks to try to solve my issues, it has been oddly helpful and I never felt this god.

Too bad that good things don't last my therapist claims her type of therapy is a "short one" and if I won't to have a long term one I should seek another therapist... I probably just bored her to hell.

Anyway, she gave me the contact of her friend who does long term therapy and I booked the first session(That is free) for this Wednesday, the fact that I'll have to tell everything again and start the whole process again is so horrible that makes me want to cry.

My mom is still bad and sad, my dad is still a psyco, I still hate my existence and I'm boring and really considering taking Orcus advice and just go out with a prostitute instead of seeking someone who can care about me or understand my feelings.
Good I feel like an edgy teen speaking about my feelings like that, I’m an adult now I should have grown past this “Sad and feelings phase”.

[EternalMelon]

So I have been going to therapy the past few weeks to try to solve my issues, it has been oddly helpful and I never felt this god.

Too bad that good things don't last my therapist claims her type of therapy is a "short one" and if I won't to have a long term one I should seek another therapist... I probably just bored her to hell.

Anyway, she gave me the contact of her friend who does long term therapy and I booked the first session(That is free) for this Wednesday, the fact that I'll have to tell everything again and start the whole process again is so horrible that makes me want to cry.

My mom is still bad and sad, my dad is still a psyco, I still hate my existence and I'm boring and really considering taking Orcus advice and just go out with a prostitute instead of seeking someone who can care about me or understand my feelings.
Good I feel like an edgy teen speaking about my feelings like that, I’m an adult now I should have grown past this “Sad and feelings phase”.
No, you did not bore her. Don't think like that.

Maybe send an email to your former therapist asking if they could forward a description of your situation to your new therapist?

[Irish Musician]

So I have been going to therapy the past few weeks to try to solve my issues, it has been oddly helpful and I never felt this god.

Too bad that good things don't last my therapist claims her type of therapy is a "short one" and if I won't to have a long term one I should seek another therapist... I probably just bored her to hell.

Anyway, she gave me the contact of her friend who does long term therapy and I booked the first session(That is free) for this Wednesday, the fact that I'll have to tell everything again and start the whole process again is so horrible that makes me want to cry.

My mom is still bad and sad, my dad is still a psyco, I still hate my existence and I'm boring and really considering taking Orcus advice and just go out with a prostitute instead of seeking someone who can care about me or understand my feelings.
Good I feel like an edgy teen speaking about my feelings like that, I’m an adult now I should have grown past this “Sad and feelings phase”.

I know talking about bad feelings sucks. I've been there, and it is still hard for me to open up about my depression. I just turned 33 and still have these sad feelings and crap rolling around in my head and have for 20 years now. It sucks and it is something I deal with every day. But something I have figured out over the years. That while it sucks to talk about things over and over again..... talking about things over and over again has helped. I've felt like nothing, like no one cared, like no one wanted to listen, like nothing I did or said mattered. Like my whole life was a lie and all my friends weren't actually my friends. They were just having pity on me because I was such a sad sack of ****. Like nothing about me was ever good enough and if I wasn't here tomorrow nobody would notice.

But going to therapy, talking about it, getting those feelings out in the open and hearing other people talk about the same feelings I was having. All that helped me not feel alone and helped me connect with others that have the same problem as I do. You start to feel more connected and that this world and life isn't as bad as all that. Does it ever go away? Not for me at least. But I've learned to deal with it and handle what this dark shadow throws at me. I may get magical darkness cast on me, but I always have Daylight prepared.

I don't know if these words will help, but I hope they do. All of the hugs and know that we're here for you.

[Ravens_cry]

Well, I got some good news. The passport I was waiting for arrived today. Finally. I was getting sooooo stressed about it. I got other things to be stressed about, but I am glad that's out of the way.

[Luz]

No, you did not bore her. Don't think like that.

Maybe send an email to your former therapist asking if they could forward a description of your situation to your new therapist?

That's.... Actually a great ideia! I don't know why i haven't toiugth about, thanks, you rock!


I know talking about bad feelings sucks. I've been there, and it is still hard for me to open up about my depression. I just turned 33 and still have these sad feelings and crap rolling around in my head and have for 20 years now. It sucks and it is something I deal with every day. But something I have figured out over the years. That while it sucks to talk about things over and over again..... talking about things over and over again has helped. I've felt like nothing, like no one cared, like no one wanted to listen, like nothing I did or said mattered. Like my whole life was a lie and all my friends weren't actually my friends. They were just having pity on me because I was such a sad sack of ****. Like nothing about me was ever good enough and if I wasn't here tomorrow nobody would notice.

But going to therapy, talking about it, getting those feelings out in the open and hearing other people talk about the same feelings I was having. All that helped me not feel alone and helped me connect with others that have the same problem as I do. You start to feel more connected and that this world and life isn't as bad as all that. Does it ever go away? Not for me at least. But I've learned to deal with it and handle what this dark shadow throws at me. I may get magical darkness cast on me, but I always have Daylight prepared.

I don't know if these words will help, but I hope they do. All of the hugs and know that we're here for you.

It does help, I mean thanks to the few times I went to therapy I'm actually comfortable referring myself as "a gay person" and tpo what I have as “being gay” rather than "someone with a problem" and “my problem” that's like a huge step for me to improve myself and better accept who am I.

But overall, I'm just so tired of being constantly tormented by guilt, sadness and pain.

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b1/Michelangelo_Buonarroti_-_The_Torment_of_Saint_Anthony_-_Google_Art_Project.jpg

[EternalMelon]

That's.... Actually a great ideia! I don't know why i haven't toiugth about, thanks, you rock!
Just here to help. :smallredface:

And if your Therapist can't forward anything, I believe you have an account of your situation typed out somewhere on this forum right? Maybe see if you can email that too.

[Irish Musician]

It does help, I mean thanks to the few times I went to therapy I'm actually comfortable referring myself as "a gay person" and tpo what I have as “being gay” rather than "someone with a problem" and “my problem” that's like a huge step for me to improve myself and better accept who am I.

But overall, I'm just so tired of being constantly tormented by guilt, sadness and pain.

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b1/Michelangelo_Buonarroti_-_The_Torment_of_Saint_Anthony_-_Google_Art_Project.jpg
I am very happy that it is helping you accept who you are. It is a process, even we'd like it to be more of a instant thing. We're always here for a listen.

And that is how it feels for me too, sometimes, that picture. Like you're surrounded, things clawing at you. But you get better at grabbing your bat and beating them off you. :smallsmile:

[Lentrax]

Well, I came out to most of my coworkers. Aside from one moment of confusion where she thought I had gone FtM, it went really well. One of them even offered to help me learn how to apply makeup.

[Irish Musician]

Well, I came out to most of my coworkers. Aside from one moment of confusion where she thought I had gone FtM, it went really well. One of them even offered to help me learn how to apply makeup.


:smallsmile: Yay!! Glad things went well.

[Astrella]

That's great news, Lentrax, I'm glad. :)

Sorry I've barely been around folks; have had to deal with a UTI and just recovery's sapping a lot of energy in general. Been doing better though and everything's going okay recovery wise, so that's good. :)

[JNAProductions]

Well, I came out to most of my coworkers. Aside from one moment of confusion where she thought I had gone FtM, it went really well. One of them even offered to help me learn how to apply makeup.

Glad to hear it went well!

[noparlpf]

Well, I came out to most of my coworkers. Aside from one moment of confusion where she thought I had gone FtM, it went really well. One of them even offered to help me learn how to apply makeup.

Congrats! Glad it went well.


That's great news, Lentrax, I'm glad. :)

Sorry I've barely been around folks; have had to deal with a UTI and just recovery's sapping a lot of energy in general. Been doing better though and everything's going okay recovery wise, so that's good. :)

That sucks. I'd guess that's probably one of the most common complications? I'm glad you're starting to feel better.

[Astrella]

That sucks. I'd guess that's probably one of the most common complications? I'm glad you're starting to feel better.

Yeah, it's a common complication. Was just a tad annoyed cause when I went to my scheduled check up with the surgeon I'd already been having issues with it for 5ish days and they just told me that it was irritation and I should drink more water. (And I was already drinking a liter and a half a day on top of everything else I drink) Didn't get better so I had to go to the GP for it and got antibiotics prescribed after she ran some tests.

[noparlpf]

Yeah, it's a common complication. Was just a tad annoyed cause when I went to my scheduled check up with the surgeon I'd already been having issues with it for 5ish days and they just told me that it was irritation and I should drink more water. (And I was already drinking a liter and a half a day on top of everything else I drink) Didn't get better so I had to go to the GP for it and got antibiotics prescribed after she ran some tests.

Wow, that's just...dumb. You'd think that for a totally foreseeable thing like a UTI they'd at least listen when a patient is showing signs. I'm sorry.

[JusticeZero]

@me opens a bathroom door.
@me encounters somebody who looks male!
. o O (Eek!!)
@me freezes for two seconds in alarm, then realizes the other person looks more likely to be highly gender nonconforming AFAB.
(@me is a transgender woman with passing privilege presenting femme...)
(@me is an activist dealing with a bathroom bill...)
@me spends the next twenty minutes sorting through confused feels about her reaction to the situation.

[ve4grm]

@me opens a bathroom door.
@me encounters somebody who looks male!
. o O (Eek!!)
@me freezes for two seconds in alarm, then realizes the other person looks more likely to be highly gender nonconforming AFAB.
(@me is a transgender woman with passing privilege presenting femme...)
(@me is an activist dealing with a bathroom bill...)
@me spends the next twenty minutes sorting through confused feels about her reaction to the situation.

Is it bad that I chuckled? It feels like a twisted setup from some sitcom about trans folks. :smallsmile:

Honestly, I think this is just a further argument for all-gender bathrooms.

[Dire Moose]

@me opens a bathroom door.
@me encounters somebody who looks male!
. o O (Eek!!)
@me freezes for two seconds in alarm, then realizes the other person looks more likely to be highly gender nonconforming AFAB.
(@me is a transgender woman with passing privilege presenting femme...)
(@me is an activist dealing with a bathroom bill...)
@me spends the next twenty minutes sorting through confused feels about her reaction to the situation.

@me turns out all the lights.
It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a Grue.

[Asmodean_]

So I saw this in The Week magazine... :smallsigh: (https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/73dosh/nothing_like_the_smell_of_straw_man_in_the_morning/)

[Serpentine]

So I saw this in The Week magazine... :smallsigh: (https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/73dosh/nothing_like_the_smell_of_straw_man_in_the_morning/)
I am physically incapable of rolling my eyes hard enough to do it justice.

[Togath]

So... still jittery after last night...
In short, a person at the new place I'm living screamed transphobic hate at me for about an hour last night, calling me a "crossdressing freak" and worse(apparently because they got drunk...).
Thankfully the other people here came to my protection but... my confidence has drastically plunged.:smallfrown:

[CWater]

So... still jittery after last night...
In short, a person at the new place I'm living screamed transphobic hate at me for about an hour last night, calling me a "crossdressing freak" and worse(apparently because they got drunk...).
Thankfully the other people here came to my protection but... my confidence has drastically plunged.:smallfrown:

*all the hugs*

So sorry to hear that. Try to distract yourself from it as much as you can. The jerk doesn't deserve to spoil your mood.

[golentan]

So... still jittery after last night...
In short, a person at the new place I'm living screamed transphobic hate at me for about an hour last night, calling me a "crossdressing freak" and worse(apparently because they got drunk...).
Thankfully the other people here came to my protection but... my confidence has drastically plunged.:smallfrown:

I'm so sorry. Can you talk to the manager or something? You deserve to feel safe in your own home.

[Togath]

No manager, but the owner of the house seems to be on my side at least.
In brighter news... turning 23 today(October 1st). Feels... weird. Time has gone so quickly by.

[Serpentine]

Bighuge hugs for all the trans peeps, especially those in Australia.
The bigot organisations here have started to turn their attention in that direction in earnest, and it's going to get ugly before long :smallannoyed:

[Astrella]

So... still jittery after last night...
In short, a person at the new place I'm living screamed transphobic hate at me for about an hour last night, calling me a "crossdressing freak" and worse(apparently because they got drunk...).
Thankfully the other people here came to my protection but... my confidence has drastically plunged.:smallfrown:

Ugh, that sounds really awful, I'm sorry you had to go through that.

[noparlpf]

So... still jittery after last night...
In short, a person at the new place I'm living screamed transphobic hate at me for about an hour last night, calling me a "crossdressing freak" and worse(apparently because they got drunk...).
Thankfully the other people here came to my protection but... my confidence has drastically plunged.:smallfrown:

Yikes, I'm so sorry that happened.

[EternalMelon]

So... still jittery after last night...
In short, a person at the new place I'm living screamed transphobic hate at me for about an hour last night, calling me a "crossdressing freak" and worse(apparently because they got drunk...).
Thankfully the other people here came to my protection but... my confidence has drastically plunged.:smallfrown:
Im sorry that happened to you. *offers hugs*

No manager, but the owner of the house seems to be on my side at least.
In brighter news... turning 23 today(October 1st). Feels... weird. Time has gone so quickly by.
Hey, you're exactly 2 years and 2 days older than me!

[super dark33]

I had several accidental almost outings today, thankfuly i managed to take control of the situation and no one suspected a thing.

'96 best year

[137beth]

So... still jittery after last night...
In short, a person at the new place I'm living screamed transphobic hate at me for about an hour last night, calling me a "crossdressing freak" and worse(apparently because they got drunk...).
Thankfully the other people here came to my protection but... my confidence has drastically plunged.:smallfrown:

Ouch!

Is it the kind of living environment in which you can complain to the management about harassment, or would that do more harm than good?
Edit: Ah, I missed your next post. That’s hopefully good?

[JusticeZero]

Bighuge hugs for all the trans peeps, especially those in Australia.
The bigot organisations here have started to turn their attention in that direction in earnest, and it's going to get ugly before long :smallannoyed:
And after you finish hugging the people in Australia, aim them this way. I am watching the hate in Australia in growing horror, because MY area gets an open public vote on transphobia in the spring. I'm recruiting and training counselors at this stage, because I can forsee the abuse already.

[Togath]

So despite the rough day a few days ago, my birthday went well.
Went to a local Asian market and bought a bunch of fun noms~
A pomelo and a starfruit, as well as some water caltrops, persimmons, dried dates(the kind without the weird sugar syrup), quinces, as well as some candies and ingredients(ranging from star anise to agar powder to awesome black currant and soda gummies!:smallbiggrin:).
Also found some sort of thing I remember having in bubble tea. Seems to be congealed coconut water that has fruit flavors added.

[JNAProductions]

And after you finish hugging the people in Australia, aim them this way. I am watching the hate in Australia in growing horror, because MY area gets an open public vote on transphobia in the spring. I'm recruiting and training counselors at this stage, because I can forsee the abuse already.

*Offers hugs*

Hopefully sensible and kind heads will prevail. There are always decent people in places-just gotta hope there's more of them than the asshats.


So despite the rough day a few days ago, my birthday went well.
Went to a local Asian market and bought a bunch of fun noms~
A pomelo and a starfruit, as well as some water caltrops, persimmons, dried dates(the kind without the weird sugar syrup), quinces, as well as some candies and ingredients(ranging from star anise to agar powder to awesome black currant and soda gummies!:smallbiggrin:).
Also found some sort of thing I remember having in bubble tea. Seems to be congealed coconut water that has fruit flavors added.

Happy belated birthday! I'm glad it went well!

[Serpentine]

... as well as some water caltrops, Water... caltrops?
Do you mean chestnuts?

[Serpentine]

I suppose the more succinct and direct way of asking my question is this: If I use the word "transsexuality" when referring to concepts or states as opposed to people, am I wrong and/or offensive? If so, what should I say instead?

Wrong thread! Find in The Other Thread if you want to discuss.

[JusticeZero]

I suppose the more succinct and direct way of asking my question is this: If I use the word "transsexuality" when referring to concepts or states as opposed to people, am I wrong and/or offensive? If so, what should I say instead?

The word "Transsexual" has fallen out of favor in favor of "Transgender", although many elder trans people still identify with and prefer "Transsexual". The newer generation considers the term TS to be overly obsessed with genitalia and physical acts. "Transgender" or simply "Trans" is normally used for everything by most people who discuss the subject.

[ArlEammon]

I suppose the more succinct and direct way of asking my question is this: If I use the word "transsexuality" when referring to concepts or states as opposed to people, am I wrong and/or offensive? If so, what should I say instead?

Once Upon A Time ArlEammon had a stroke and died at the computer. He wrote offensive words on the GITP forums. . .

I blame the Black Fairy.

[YossarianLives]

words
Just so you know, the second noun you used is, like, the most offensive slur for a transperson. I would strongly suggest editing it out.

[JNAProductions]

Just so you know, the second noun you used is, like, the most offensive slur for a transperson. I would strongly suggest editing it out.

Are we counting proper nouns?

...

Do pronouns count as proper nouns?

Because technically, the second one used was "I" (and so was the first one). :P

However, I know what you ACTUALLY meant, and never knew that. I'll keep that in mind for the future-thanks for letting me know, YL.

[YossarianLives]

Are we counting proper nouns?

...

Do pronouns count as proper nouns?

Because technically, the second one used was "I" (and so was the first one). :P

However, I know what you ACTUALLY meant, and never knew that. I'll keep that in mind for the future-thanks for letting me know, YL.
Ha, yes. I was trying to figure out a way to refer to the word in question, without actually writing it. (Or saying "The S Word," which brings other, less offensive things, to mind.) Glad I could help.

[ArlEammon]

Just so you know, the second noun you used is, like, the most offensive slur for a transperson. I would strongly suggest editing it out.

I edited it out. Sorry folks.

[Anymage]

See, when I hear the word "transsexual", I think of Transylvania. And this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQRjhZyXJFg).

From what I've seen, and this is probably strongly influenced by the fact that I only hang around with people who assume good faith until proven otherwise, is that at worst it marks you as being unhip and behind on the latest terminology, but it's rare for archaic to be the same as offensive.

You might stumble a bit on issues that fall under the trans umbrella without actually transitioning their gender. (This is where you find your queers, your nonbinaries, and whatever new terms have popped up in the last fifteen minutes.) Again, from my experience, very few people will take offense if you're just unhip and archaic. Note how ArlEammon had his goof pointed out, apologized and corrected himself, and it isn't being held against him.

[Sobol]

See, when I hear the word "transsexual", I think of Transylvania. And this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQRjhZyXJFg).
God, how I love this musical.
There's a good 2015 version with Stephen Fry on YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIPckPtYmXk
Unlike the movie, the actor playing Rocky can sing and act.

[Togath]

Water... caltrops?
Do you mean chestnuts?

Spiky black bat-shaped things. Seems they are sometimes called Water Chesnuts depending on region.:smallsmile:

[Serpentine]

Ack! Sorry all, that was in the wrong thread. I'll move it over to the right spot.

[Lord Joeltion]

Sigh. Recently in my country, two women were arrested for PDA. Inclusive Marriage was sanctioned in my country seven frigging years ago.

Some weeks ago, I was riding the train back home from work. I was standing beside what I thought were school friends (I later realized they were a couple) and on the back of the train, a group of men were drinking and being loud and, well, kind of annoying (yet nothing to really complain about, altho they did smell to alcohol). I noticed people were looking back at me, when (after paying more attention to these two guys) I realized people were making fleeting glances at them. A mother with her kids actually preferred to be near the drinking pals than near these other couple beside me. I think I noticed people moving away from the couple too (but that could just have been my head).

I must admit I am not very into social movements and I'm not even personally affected by these kind of things that go around me (I don't even have any close gay friends), but I have to say... those were depressing days for me. So I guess I'm asking... How do you do it? How do you handle this kind of, dunno, stupidity in the world?

[Sobol]

How do you do it? How do you handle this kind of, dunno, stupidity in the world?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0IagRZBvLtw

Since we started remembering old musicals.

[The Extinguisher]

I have a doctor's appointment to talk about HRT in two weeks and I have never been so simultaneously excited and nervous in my life. :smalleek::smallsmile:

[Lentrax]

I have a doctor's appointment to talk about HRT in two weeks and I have never been so simultaneously excited and nervous in my life. :smalleek::smallsmile:

Good luck! Hope it goes well for you!

I will be callig to make my appointment as soon as I know I have reliable health insurance again. So, basically, who knows.

[137beth]

I have a doctor's appointment to talk about HRT in two weeks and I have never been so simultaneously excited and nervous in my life. :smalleek::smallsmile:

Good luck! IME that sort of appointment usually goes pretty well, but it can get dragged out unnecessarily if the doctor decides they want to drag things out. Here's hoping it works or ya.

[The Extinguisher]

Thanks :)

From what I've heard this doctor is very good, and they're actually only seeing trans patients right now that seems like a good sign.

[The Ari-tificer]

There's a show on commercial TV here called "This Time Next Year". They bring an Ordinary PersonTM on, ask them what they want to be/do/have/change by This Time Next YearTM, and then through the Magic of TelevisionTM they come back on with their grand transformation.

I'm watching it for the first time ever, and there's a trans woman - what she wants This Time Next YearTM is to be living her life as female. And as far as I can tell, it's handled pretty well, no misgendering or anything that I've noticed so far.

That's a lot of TMs.

[Astrella]

Bluh, likely have another UTI. Ran out of sterile lube sunday so I had to use some very old one I still had lying around to dilate with and that might be what caused it; no fun though, seeing doctor tomorrow.

[Mystic Muse]

Anybody have experience with Nair? I want my body as bare as I can manage Saturday.

[Lentrax]

Anybody have experience with Nair? I want my body as bare as I can manage Saturday.

It didn't work for me, but I will also confess that I was using one of the shower products, so it may not have been the best choice for someone with my particular body hair type.

[Mystic Muse]

It didn't work for me, but I will also confess that I was using one of the shower products, so it may not have been the best choice for someone with my particular body hair type.

Alright.

I'll just plan on using my buzzer and razor until I can afford a good epilator, or laser removal.

[Lentrax]

Best of luck, MM. Big plans, I assume?

[Mystic Muse]

Best of luck, MM. Big plans, I assume?

Friend bought me a bikini so that even though I'm not on Hormones, I could have something to wear to feel sexy in. So, not really big plans, just wanting to look as good in it as I can manage right now.

[JNAProductions]

Friend bought me a bikini so that even though I'm not on Hormones, I could have something to wear to feel sexy in. So, not really big plans, just wanting to look as good in it as I can manage right now.

Good luck with the... Um... Waxing? Is that what nair does?

Regardless, you're going to look great. :)

Enjoy yourself!

[golentan]

Friend bought me a bikini so that even though I'm not on Hormones, I could have something to wear to feel sexy in. So, not really big plans, just wanting to look as good in it as I can manage right now.

Just be careful to clean yourself off thoroughly afterwards. As I learned to my regret, you don't want chemical burns, no matter how hairless it makes you.

[JNAProductions]

Just be careful to clean yourself off thoroughly afterwards. As I learned to my regret, you don't want chemical burns, no matter how hairless it makes you.

Wait, what is nair? What does it do?

Because it sounds painful. And I never got the beauty=pain people. You can look very good WITHOUT pain, you know. :P

[2D8HP]

Anybody have experience with Nair? I want my body as bare as I can manage Saturday.


I tried it on my face once, it really stung!


Wait, what is nair? What does it do?


It's a chemical that dissolves hair.

I recommend it for unclogging shower drains, rather than draino.


...I never got the beauty=pain people. You can look very good WITHOUT pain, you know. :P


But it's better to wook good than feel good!

And you wook mawvelous!

(Old SNL reference, likely before your time Red)

[JNAProductions]

Eeurgh. That sounds unpleasant. Mystic Muse, I assure you, you're a wonderful person and you do not need to chemically dissolve your hair just to look pretty. If you really want to, I won't say you shouldn't, but you're wonderful regardless of if you're hairy as a Wookie. :P

[Togath]

I tried that stuff a while back. Decently effective, but you really do need to be careful not to leave it on too long.

[Heliomance]

You can get home waxing strips that work really damn well. It very much depends on brand, though - I've used some that were total crap, and I've used some that were excellent - so do some research.

[noparlpf]

Anybody have experience with Nair? I want my body as bare as I can manage Saturday.

I've only ever heard horror stories on the internet so if you decide to try it I'd suggest starting with less than it recommends and washing it off thoroughly earlier than it recommends.

Edit: Most of those horror stories involved the face or genitalia, so you should probably avoid those areas entirely.

[Lissou]

I've used it. It worked well for legs and armpits, but for anything more sensitive, it caused burns and wasn't as effective (possibly because the hairs were more coarse?). It also smells terrible. Honestly, if you have a good razor, I recommend that instead.

[137beth]

I've heard that laser hair removal is supposed to be more effective and safer. But it does take longer to work. No first-hand experience though.

[Heliomance]

Laser is mostly permanent, it's completely different. Nair etc takes the hair off at the skin - it's just like a really close shave. Laser actually fries the hair follicles so the hair stops growing permanently.

[Irish Musician]

I've heard that laser hair removal is supposed to be more effective and safer. But it does take longer to work. No first-hand experience though.

Careful, though. My wife went to do that, but she has blonde leg hair. Doesn't work on that very light and fair-haired hair.

[Lentrax]

Careful, though. My wife went to do that, but she has blonde leg hair. Doesn't work on that very light and fair-haired hair.

Only thing that makes me glad to have coarse dark hair.

Of course then there is the expense...

[Irish Musician]

Only thing that makes me glad to have coarse dark hair.

Of course then there is the expense...

Yeah. She got, like, a gift certificate for it from somewhere for a few sessions (won it or something, I can't remember). Went to go use it.....turns out her hair doesn't qualify. She was quite disappointed as she hates shaving. She likes the smooth legs, but hates actually havin to take the time to shave.

Pish, I don't blame her.

[JNAProductions]

Yeah. She got, like, a gift certificate for it from somewhere for a few sessions (won it or something, I can't remember). Went to go use it.....turns out her hair doesn't qualify. She was quite disappointed as she hates shaving. She likes the smooth legs, but hates actually havin to take the time to shave.

Pish, I don't blame her.

Agreed. I have to shave (face) for work, and I HATE it.

[Lentrax]

I have coarse hair and sensitive skin. It sucks, but I tolerate it.

Of course having had to do it daily in the military helped numb me to it somewhat, but still.

[ve4grm]

Yeah. She got, like, a gift certificate for it from somewhere for a few sessions (won it or something, I can't remember). Went to go use it.....turns out her hair doesn't qualify. She was quite disappointed as she hates shaving. She likes the smooth legs, but hates actually havin to take the time to shave.

Pish, I don't blame her.

Who could? I'm sitting here with 3 weeks growth on my face because I'm too lazy to shave. If I had to shave my legs???

I think my wife bothered once this summer, before a trip to the lake. Maybe twice. And I sure won't force her to do more.


I've used it. It worked well for legs and armpits, but for anything more sensitive, it caused burns and wasn't as effective (possibly because the hairs were more coarse?). It also smells terrible. Honestly, if you have a good razor, I recommend that instead.

Wife uses Nair for unwanted face hair. It works great, but it can be harsh. Make sure you follow the instructions carefully!
It should work fine for arms/legs/chest, though.

For more... sensitive areas, there are depilatory formulations made for that. I think Veet does a good one? They're less strong, but similarly not quite as effective. I don't know if I'd chance it if you're concerned about it, or have never used them before. Maybe try them out another time, when you don't have an event right away.

Speaking of sensitive skin, if you get laser removal, be aware that it can cause what is essentially a moderate sunburn on some people. Again, don't do it right before an event and you should be fine.

[Irish Musician]

Agreed. I have to shave (face) for work, and I HATE it.

Who could? I'm sitting here with 3 weeks growth on my face because I'm too lazy to shave. If I had to shave my legs???

I think my wife bothered once this summer, before a trip to the lake. Maybe twice. And I sure won't force her to do more.

I mean, yeah. Shaving my face is enough of a pain in the butt. I can't imagine what trouble legs are. Why I keep a beard pretty much all the time. I'm just too lazy to shave lol

And agreed, ve4, my wife shaves when she wants. I don't push anything because 1) I don't really care and 2) it's her body anyway.

[dascarletm]

I remember having to shave my legs for the swim team in high-school. After the second year I just kept them shaved because getting the stubble over a year is easier than trying to shave the wookie once a year. :smalltongue: I had a team-mate try nair in his nethers... Would not recommend.

[noparlpf]

Who could? I'm sitting here with 3 weeks growth on my face because I'm too lazy to shave. If I had to shave my legs???

I don't know, I think I'd actually keep up better with shaving my legs if that were something I did. It's something you can do in the shower (and I like to take long showers anyway) whereas I can't use my beard clipper in the shower.

[Togath]

Careful, though. My wife went to do that, but she has blonde leg hair. Doesn't work on that very light and fair-haired hair.

Huh... I suppose that's good to know. My hair is very very light.

[Luz]

Today I went to my second section with the new therapist. Got to say I'm not a big fan of her, I wish I could continue with my old one. :(

[ve4grm]

Huh... I suppose that's good to know. My hair is very very light.

Yeah, the lasers interact with the pigment. It's similar to how black objects get hotter when left in the sun, I think.

There apparently are now lasers for blonde hair. It's fairly recent, though. Worth checking out.

[The Extinguisher]

I've always wondered if those at home "laser" hair removal kits actually work. My gut tells me no, i actually don't have any knowledge in them so I could be way off.

[Anymage]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S20-1_XqVPM

Pointless video on how the process works.

(And even more pointless-but-interesting, since their camera showing the flashes reminded me. Take a TV remote control, point it at your cellphone while it's in camera mode, and watch to see how the phone's camera can see just a little more than your eyes.)

[Mystic Muse]

Bikini pics for anyone curious. I kept them board appropriate. https://imgur.com/a/qSN0v

[Lentrax]

Bikini pics for anyone curious. I kept them board appropriate. https://imgur.com/a/qSN0v

Very cute.

[Ravens_cry]

Bikini pics for anyone curious. I kept them board appropriate. https://imgur.com/a/qSN0v


Very cute.
I agree, super duper cute! :smallbiggrin:

[Lissou]

Ooh, so pretty! I like it :)

[137beth]

Bikini pics for anyone curious. I kept them board appropriate. https://imgur.com/a/qSN0v


Very cute.

I must confess ignorance as to what constitutes cuteness among pictures of human bodies. But...good? Feminine-looking?

[Lentrax]

I happen to find MM cute.

Everyone has thier own tastes.

[Lycunadari]

Can I have a hug? I'm really dysphoric today, my chronic pain is flaring up and I'm stressed from uni (I'm sort of in limbo - I don't actually have anything to do right now, but I can't really relax because I'm waiting to hear back from the professor I'll write my bachelor thesis for and it's possible that once he answers he wants me to start working more or less immediately, and the whole organisational stuff is super stressful, last week I had a full blown panic attack over writing an email to the professor); my whole mental health is kinda ****ty atm.
I think one of the reasons why I'm so dysphoric today was the half-joking question of my sister when I'll become a singer-songwriter - I've written poems, I've written one instrumental song for piano and violin, and I improvise while playing piano all the time, if I bothered to actually write down some of that I could write a ton of songs. So it's not as if her question was completely out there. But I hate hate hate my voice, no matter how well I "pass", as soon as I start speaking I get misgendered immediately. And it sucks, I used to enjoy singing - I sang in choir for 8 years - but now I just can't, I sound like a little girl and it's even worse when recorded. So that absolutely kills any motivation I have for songwriting, and thinking about it makes me upset.

On the bright side, I went to an absolutely fantastic concert two weeks ago - Owen Pallett playing in the Elbphilharmonie in Hamburg - and a few days ago the official recording (https://www.arte.tv/de/videos/078308-000-A/owen-pallett-s-t-a-r-g-a-z-e/) was uploaded, so now I can listen to that on repeat for the next time. :smallbiggrin: I just love Owen Pallett so, so much. His music is so, so beautiful and he's genderqueer, too. I love him.

[Lissou]

*hugs Juniper*

This sounds really hard, I hope things get better soon. In the meantime, I'm sending all the virtual hugs I can your way.

*hugs again*

[Orcus The Vile]

So, my birthday is coming and to celebrate it I’m planning to waste basically all my spare Money on a crazy adventure with sexual undertones.

I want to do this because I’m really sad with my life and I feel that because of my parents, family and other ****ty situations I haven’t lived my life yet, I haven’t done many things for “fun” I haven’t been crazy as a youth and I have never been allowed to act recklessness and without thinking about the future, but doing that never brought me anything, I never felt alive or excited about anything, slowly this depressing almost took the best of me.

So now I plan to just go out on a crazy adventure but because this idea sounds so exciting I can’t see a single problem with it, I want someone to strike me with reality of how this is a bad idea so I can weigh the two possibilities and arrive at a logical conclusion.

The idea, warning kind of sexual:

In all my years of life I have never traveled, the place I went to on my vacations was the beach but still I haven’t left the sate I was born in ever. So my plan is to travel to another state, visit many museums and cultural places. Eat at the best restaurant(And one of the most expensive) of my country and hire two extremely handsome escorts to have a “threesome” I say threesome buy it won’t really be a threesome since I’m don’t really like to engage in sex much and penetration both as a top or a bottom sounds distasteful and unpleasant to be done by me, but still I think the act looks interesting so I plan to hire them for a more voyeuristic experience, while still kissing and touching them I wouldn’t engage in the actual act. It would be as if I was experience fine arts, to watch those two handsome guys have sex to the sound of Eirk Satie, Tchaikovsky Camille Saint Saens and Mozand.

Pros I can think of:

-It will be fun.
-It will be exciting.
-I’ll finally be doing something crazy.
-I’ll be traveling and expanding my horizons.
-I want to do something like this.
-It will be different.
-I won’t have to deal with my toxic family.
-It’s a money I have.
-It will be pleasurable.
-I can finally post photos of other places in my social media.
-I won’t have to deal with the people I know and dislike making comments about me never going out or enjoying life.
-I will finally do something my escort will find exciting, most of them find only kissing, talking and rubbing kind of boring.
-IT’LL BE FUN!
-I won’t have to buy a cake call my family and sing “Happy birthday to you” as they insist in doing and I hate but I have no courage to tell them.
-Maybe I can even catch a movie while there.
-I’ll be seeing many palces I have always wanted to see.
-I’ll be learning new things.
-I’ll stay at a hotel, I have always wanted to stay at a five star hotel.
-My boss planned my vacations to start around my birthday so I can go and be wild for once.
-I feel like I really need to do this.

Cons:
-It will be expensive, and the money I’m going to use was being saved in case of an emergency, never to be used.
-I may end up regretting doing it.
-It may not be as fun as I imagine.
-I’m creating too much expectations and I may be disappointed.
-This goes against my personal philosophy of never trusting my happiness in the hands of others or things I can't control, since that makes me vulnerable and they can let me down

Any other con ideas? Thanks guys.

EDIT: Oh, and the place has natural thermal springs and I looooooove hot water.

[AliceLost]

I'd say it sounds like you could really benefit from the opportunity to travel and do some things that you've wanted to do, give yourself a bit more perspective, and possibly come back home with some more confidence that you can accomplish things and stand up for yourself without others there being overbearing.

It does sound like you might be blowing all your savings on one extravaganza experience, which isn't the most fiscally responsible, but you can do it if you want. What I'd probably suggest is writing out all the exciting ideas that you have, like you did here, organizing them roughly by importance, and then going through and highlighting all of the ones that will be expensive (Five star hotel, fanciest restaurant, escorts will be pricey, going to the movies and a museum will not), and then see if you can cut any of the ideas from the bottom of your list. That way you may be able to end up with 60-80% of your dream vacation, but still have some money left in the bank.

Whatever you do is up to you, just be safe and responsible!

[Heliomance]

Okay, so, bear with me here, this is a little complicated.


I've been chatting to a girl on OKC
We get on really well
She's an experienced larper, I'm a fairly new larper
Most of her friends larp
Weekend before last, I go to a larp event that, by sheer coincidence, a lot of her friends are also at, so I meet them
Last Wednesday, we have a first date, it goes brilliantly, we're both up for meeting again
She invites me along on a group cinema outing she was planning with her friends tonight, all of whom I met for the first time at the weekend


And now I'm unreasonably nervous because I don't know the social mores surrounding whatever tonight is. Does it count as a date? There are 8 people going though. I do know the others, but not very well. I really don't know what to expect and it's worrying me :/

[JusticeZero]

Last Wednesday, we have a first date, it goes brilliantly, we're both up for meeting again
She invites me along on a group cinema outing she was planning with her friends tonight, all of whom I met for the first time at the weekend

And now I'm unreasonably nervous because I don't know the social mores surrounding whatever tonight is. Does it count as a date? There are 8 people going though. I do know the others, but not very well. I really don't know what to expect and it's worrying me :/
Treat it as a group outing. This can be seen as a form of date where you are being introduced to her friends; make a good impression on everyone because her friends are also going to advise her on whether or not she should continue to date her.

[Serpentine]

And now I'm unreasonably nervous because I don't know the social mores surrounding whatever tonight is. Does it count as a date? There are 8 people going though. I do know the others, but not very well. I really don't know what to expect and it's worrying me :/

I'd say not a date, but potential new friend group.
(and could eventually evolve into an opportunity for a date, but for a moment I'd stick to phase getting-to-know-you)

[Chen]

You already went out once and it went well. She now invited you out with her friends. Make a good impression but otherwise treat it as any group activity. I don't think whether its technically a date or not really makes any difference at this point. If this were a first "date" type scenario it'd be more a mixed or confusing message, but fortunately that's not the case here.

[Dire Moose]

Anyone remember how I was having a massive identity crisis a couple years ago and was freaking out over whether I was a cis guy or a trans girl? And how it ultimately kind of evaporated?

Well, it turns out things worked themselves out in a way I wasn't really expecting. No matter how much I tried to hide it, I wasn't truly happy with my decision. I still wanted to be a girl just as I had since I was a teenager, and since I still knew I didn't want to leave being a guy behind forever, I just chose to repress my female side.

Well, arguments kept flaring up, things kept getting worse and worse, but something out of left field started to calm everything down. My wife and I both agreed that I was not exactly 100% guy, but we were both unprepared for what happened next.

We had planned to go to a costume party hosted by a local LGBT gaming group with me dressed as a girl for months beforehand, but she did such a good job that my confidence really built up. We spent the following day out around town with me presenting female and had a blast! The anxiety and frustration were largely gone and I felt happier than I had in a long time. I was much more outgoing, I spent more time enjoying myself and less time worrying about everything. I was just being me in a whole new way and I didn't care what everyone around me felt. Nobody said anything bad; I got a few dirty looks at times but I brushed them off. When I had to use the bathroom, I went straight to the women's room without hesitation and had no problems there. My wife and I got called "ladies" three times. All in all, it was a very exciting and very empowering experience for me.

What freed me up like this wasn't hard to explain. Before I had felt trapped in either one box or another. Guy or girl, can't be both and have to pick one eventually. The slightest step toward the other end of the gender spectrum inevitably means going all the way in time. Except it doesn't have to. I never had wanted to transition all the way from male to female; what I had wanted all along was the freedom to be either one as I desired.

I really have to thank my wife all along for this, she helped me so much with sorting out my feelings and building my confidence, not to mention my appearance was largely her doing.

So here's the conclusion: I'm genderfluid. I'm a guy sometimes and a girl sometimes and I am happy being that way. I'll continue to switch my gender expression as I desire and not worry about what it makes me in the end. As for doing anything medical, I have no need of it. I really prefer keeping my genitals the way they are, so no SRS in the future at all. HRT would be unnecessary as well; my body is pretty naturally androgynous and as such there's little to be gained there.

https://i.imgur.com/XBFmZky.jpg https://I.imgur.com/XBFmZky https://i.imgur.com/6lDVMz7.jpg https://i.imgur.com/MnqCwAE.jpg https://i.imgur.com/YOL2Prd.jpg https://i.imgur.com/PN7sKdC.jpg

[EternalMelon]

Yay for Moose! Self realization and actualization are reasons to celebrate! *party noises*

Secondly a very memey subreddit (https://www.reddit.com/r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns/) I love too much not to share (especially to my trans/enby siblings). Although its sometimes too hyper-feminine for my tastes.

So my friend re-blogged a very pro-trans post on their tumblr. I'm still floored by how good love and support feels especially when it comes out of the blue and especially especially when its coming from someone I care so much about.

Although It reminds me that the same friend tends to post some things I interpret as cries for help. I usually try to do my best to reach out and comfort and support her... As best I can, since I'm so far away. I don't mention seeing her posts, because I don't want her to be embarrassed, especially because of her "I don't want to bother anyone why am I even on earth" type posts... I dunno, I don't want to jeprodise the best way I have of knowing if anythings wrong, but at the same time... I feel like I should ... dunno... sorry to ramble

[Comrade]

Congratulations, Dire Moose.

[Heliomance]

Next date on Sunday :3

[ve4grm]

Next date on Sunday :3

Sounds like the group outing went well, then!

[Lycunadari]

My university changed my name, even though I haven't legally changed my name yet! This is so great, uni was one of the main places where I had to use my old name and now that's finally over! :smallbiggrin: Which means that I'll now also be able to write my bachelor thesis under my new name, yay.




So here's the conclusion: I'm genderfluid. I'm a guy sometimes and a girl sometimes and I am happy being that way. I'll continue to switch my gender expression as I desire and not worry about what it makes me in the end. As for doing anything medical, I have no need of it. I really prefer keeping my genitals the way they are, so no SRS in the future at all. HRT would be unnecessary as well; my body is pretty naturally androgynous and as such there's little to be gained there.

https://i.imgur.com/XBFmZky.jpg https://I.imgur.com/XBFmZky https://i.imgur.com/6lDVMz7.jpg https://i.imgur.com/MnqCwAE.jpg https://i.imgur.com/YOL2Prd.jpg https://i.imgur.com/PN7sKdC.jpg

Congrats on figuring yourself out! :smallsmile:



So my friend re-blogged a very pro-trans post on their tumblr. I'm still floored by how good love and support feels especially when it comes out of the blue and especially especially when its coming from someone I care so much about.

Although It reminds me that the same friend tends to post some things I interpret as cries for help. I usually try to do my best to reach out and comfort and support her... As best I can, since I'm so far away. I don't mention seeing her posts, because I don't want her to be embarrassed, especially because of her "I don't want to bother anyone why am I even on earth" type posts... I dunno, I don't want to jeprodise the best way I have of knowing if anythings wrong, but at the same time... I feel like I should ... dunno... sorry to ramble
Supportive friends are great. :smallsmile: I think reaching out to her is a good thing, and I don't think acknowledging that you see her posts would be bad. As someone who tends to make these kind of posts hirself, I'm always glad when someone replies to them (or even just likes them). For me, they are a way to say "Hey, I'm not doing well and I could need some help" without having to actually ask a specific person for help or feeling like I'm bothering someone with my problems. I often don't want to ask people for help because then they might feel obligated to help me and I would feel like I'm manipulating them. But nobody is obligated to reply to tumblr posts, so if someone does reply I don't feel like I manipulated them to do so.


Next date on Sunday :3
Good luck and have fun! :smallsmile:

[137beth]

My university changed my name, even though I haven't legally changed my name yet! This is so great, uni was one of the main places where I had to use my old name and now that's finally over! :smallbiggrin: Which means that I'll now also be able to write my bachelor thesis under my new name, yay.


That's stellar. Does that mean anyone who communicates with you via university email will see your preferred name? (That's how it works with all the university email systems I've used, which can be problematic for people who are enrolled under their deadname).

[Astrella]

That's great news, Juniper. :)

[Dire Moose]

Just came out to my parents today. They took the news well, and said they'd always love me no matter what.

And again, thanks to my wife for helping me along this path. I'm honestly still figuring things out; at the moment genderfluid is what I'm comfortable with but eventually for all I know I may end up making a more complete social transition. It's all up in the air for now.

Also, new pic:
https://i.imgur.com/t7mptMX.jpg

[JNAProductions]

Just came out to my parents today. They took the news well, and said they'd always love me no matter what.

And again, thanks to my wife for helping me along this path. I'm honestly still figuring things out; at the moment genderfluid is what I'm comfortable with but eventually for all I know I may end up making a more complete social transition. It's all up in the air for now.

Also, new pic:
-Snipped for size-

First off, nice pic!

And second off, huzzah! Parental support is a wonderful thing, and I'm glad they support you. :) Good luck with your future endeavors, and may you find your path well!

[Lentrax]

That feeling you get when, because you're trans*, everyone thinks they're being a super ally by talking about trans people on thier favorite reality tv shows.


:smallsigh:

[golentan]

So wasn't sure if I should talk about this, or not, but it's been on my mind.

About a year ago I think, my girlfriend realized she was poly. And we talked about it and set some ground rules, but basically I gave her the green light that yes, I still loved her, and yes, I was okay with her seeing other people.

A couple weeks ago, she introduced me to her new girlfriend. And... the lady is really great. Funny, kind, smart, cute. Aaand I realized I have kind of a crush on her myself. And apparently vice versa.

And I'm just not really sure how to deal with this. This is all outside of my wheelhouse. And sex stuff is scary just in general for me, as I've opined about over the years here.

For the time being, we're being friends and seeing what if anything develops.

[Mystic Muse]

Bought A dress (https://www.ebay.com/itm/50S-60S-ROCKABILLY-DRESS-Vintage-Swing-Pinup-Retro-Housewife-Prom-Party-Dress/272669337898?ssPageName=STRK%3AMEBIDX%3AIT&var=571800584742&_trksid=p2057872.m2749.l2649) on Ebay, and a friend bought me a dozen pairs of panties on there as well, that I'm looking forward to receiving. :smallbiggrin:

[ve4grm]

So wasn't sure if I should talk about this, or not, but it's been on my mind.

About a year ago I think, my girlfriend realized she was poly. And we talked about it and set some ground rules, but basically I gave her the green light that yes, I still loved her, and yes, I was okay with her seeing other people.

A couple weeks ago, she introduced me to her new girlfriend. And... the lady is really great. Funny, kind, smart, cute. Aaand I realized I have kind of a crush on her myself. And apparently vice versa.

And I'm just not really sure how to deal with this. This is all outside of my wheelhouse. And sex stuff is scary just in general for me, as I've opined about over the years here.

For the time being, we're being friends and seeing what if anything develops.

Well, you're over one big hurdle. Being able to be friends with, or at least friendly with and not jealous of, your partner's partners is a big step towards being successfully poly.

Regarding anything else, I have no advice to give. Just make sure that whatever happens, you watch out for each others' feelings. Make sure nothing new that happens hurts anybody in the process. Take it slow and keep talking to each other throughout.

[Lissou]

For the time being, we're being friends and seeing what if anything develops.

I think that's the best way to do it. Take it easy, see how things happen, deal with whatever comes up and communicate a lot. And enjoy the feeling of being around great people and seeing them happy :)


Bought A dress (https://www.ebay.com/itm/50S-60S-ROCKABILLY-DRESS-Vintage-Swing-Pinup-Retro-Housewife-Prom-Party-Dress/272669337898?ssPageName=STRK%3AMEBIDX%3AIT&var=571800584742&_trksid=p2057872.m2749.l2649) on Ebay, and a friend bought me a dozen pairs of panties on there as well, that I'm looking forward to receiving. :smallbiggrin:

This dress looked so nice I ended up ordering one too! Although I went for burgundy. Thanks for sharing the link!

[137beth]

So wasn't sure if I should talk about this, or not, but it's been on my mind.

About a year ago I think, my girlfriend realized she was poly. And we talked about it and set some ground rules, but basically I gave her the green light that yes, I still loved her, and yes, I was okay with her seeing other people.

A couple weeks ago, she introduced me to her new girlfriend. And... the lady is really great. Funny, kind, smart, cute. Aaand I realized I have kind of a crush on her myself. And apparently vice versa.

And I'm just not really sure how to deal with this. This is all outside of my wheelhouse. And sex stuff is scary just in general for me, as I've opined about over the years here.

For the time being, we're being friends and seeing what if anything develops.

One of the advantages of a poly relationship is that if you find "sex stuff is scary," but your partners don't, then they can satisfy each other physically without pushing you somewhere uncomfortable. I know some asexual polyromantic people use it to make relationships with sexual people work.

[Lissou]

One of the advantages of a poly relationship is that if you find "sex stuff is scary," but your partners don't, then they can satisfy each other physically without pushing you somewhere uncomfortable. I know some asexual polyromantic people use it to make relationships with sexual people work.

While it's true that there is less pressure to be sexual when there is no expectation of exclusivity, I think it's good to keep in mind that it's not a miracle solution either. The sexual partner may not be comfortable being non-monogamous, for instance, or may feel that their need for intimacy with a specific person cannot be filled with a different person.

I do agree with you that polyamory can allow for more of a... "let's make our own rules" rather than trying to fit into the established, one-size-fits-all ones though. (This is also true of monogamy, but less obviously so).

[noparlpf]

Yes hello, I think my sexuality is defective. Where can I get a new one?

[ve4grm]

Yes hello, I think my sexuality is defective. Where can I get a new one?

Defective? No, it's just sleeping!
https://media3.giphy.com/media/R7u4wLiVFmIU0/giphy.gif
It's pining for the fjords!

[JusticeZero]

Yes hello, I think my sexuality is defective. Where can I get a new one?
What do you mean by 'defective'? I mean, there's such a huge variety.

[noparlpf]

I'd kind of like to be either properly asexual or properly straight. And like, not have probably CPTSD.

[Dire Moose]

Well I'd maybe prefer to be either a cis guy or an MTF girl rather than this confusing mix of both.

[JNAProductions]

I'd kind of like to be either properly asexual or properly straight. And like, not have probably CPTSD.


Well I'd maybe prefer to be either a cis guy or an MTF girl rather than this confusing mix of both.

*Offers hugs to you both*

Anything we can do to help?

[GilesTheCleric]

Hey all!

I'm new to this thread (I usually stick to the 3e subforum), but I wanted to express my thanks to all of you. Today I came out as a woman to my mother. I had been looking forward to getting my own apartment so that I could be myself, and then a few days before halloween, I followed a link from someone's sig to this thread. Hearing about your stories, and especially those cute pictures of Dire Moose and Mystic Muse I think gave me just enough courage to think that maybe I could do it, too. So I did!

Anyway, I won't bore you all with my life story. I just wanted to thank you all for being here, and being supportive and positive, even for a lurker like me ^^

[EternalMelon]

I'd kind of like to be either properly asexual or properly straight. And like, not have probably CPTSD.

Well I'd maybe prefer to be either a cis guy or an MTF girl rather than this confusing mix of both.
Hugs for Both of you, Internal stuggles suck, I hope you two find a solution that fits for you. Or at least finds peace with not having one.

Hey all!

I'm new to this thread (I usually stick to the 3e subforum), but I wanted to express my thanks to all of you. Today I came out as a woman to my mother. I had been looking forward to getting my own apartment so that I could be myself, and then a few days before halloween, I followed a link from someone's sig to this thread. Hearing about your stories, and especially those cute pictures of Dire Moose and Mystic Muse I think gave me just enough courage to think that maybe I could do it, too. So I did!

Anyway, I won't bore you all with my life story. I just wanted to thank you all for being here, and being supportive and positive, even for a lurker like me ^^
Congrats! Feel free to stick around :D

[137beth]

I'd kind of like to be either properly asexual or properly straight. And like, not have probably CPTSD.
I feel ya, internal struggles are hard. Hugs all around.

Hey all!

I'm new to this thread (I usually stick to the 3e subforum), but I wanted to express my thanks to all of you. Today I came out as a woman to my mother. I had been looking forward to getting my own apartment so that I could be myself, and then a few days before halloween, I followed a link from someone's sig to this thread. Hearing about your stories, and especially those cute pictures of Dire Moose and Mystic Muse I think gave me just enough courage to think that maybe I could do it, too. So I did!

Anyway, I won't bore you all with my life story. I just wanted to thank you all for being here, and being supportive and positive, even for a lurker like me ^^

Congratulations!

[JusticeZero]

A page I track had an actually really interesting explanation of childbirth involving a balloon and a ping pong ball. Which was pretty interesting up to the point where I had a twinge of jealousy and bang, instant waterworks and wailing and gnashing of teeth. uuugh.

also, I wish I could post pictures, but I don't have any of the sorts of accounts anywhere that I would be able to do that, since I need to post stuff like that so very rarely. sigh.

[GilesTheCleric]

Thank you, EternalMelon and 137ben!


also, I wish I could post pictures, but I don't have any of the sorts of accounts anywhere that I would be able to do that, since I need to post stuff like that so very rarely. sigh.

I moved to PostImage (https://postimages.org/) from photobucket, after the latter removed the ability to direct link to images. I believe PostImage doesn't require an account to post things if you don't want to make one.

Here's (https://s6.postimg.org/qnzmj6w75/2015-06-19_19.59.39.jpg) one of me from a few years back. I was trying out one of my friend's wigs before going to a club.

[137beth]

A page I track had an actually really interesting explanation of childbirth involving a balloon and a ping pong ball. Which was pretty interesting up to the point where I had a twinge of jealousy and bang, instant waterworks and wailing and gnashing of teeth. uuugh.

also, I wish I could post pictures, but I don't have any of the sorts of accounts anywhere that I would be able to do that, since I need to post stuff like that so very rarely. sigh.

imgur (imgur.com) does not require an account to upload pictures.

[Dire Moose]

Hey all!

I'm new to this thread (I usually stick to the 3e subforum), but I wanted to express my thanks to all of you. Today I came out as a woman to my mother. I had been looking forward to getting my own apartment so that I could be myself, and then a few days before halloween, I followed a link from someone's sig to this thread. Hearing about your stories, and especially those cute pictures of Dire Moose and Mystic Muse I think gave me just enough courage to think that maybe I could do it, too. So I did!

Anyway, I won't bore you all with my life story. I just wanted to thank you all for being here, and being supportive and positive, even for a lurker like me ^^

Thank you, and glad we could help. :)

[JusticeZero]

https://postimg.org/image/7be6nryf8b/22f581d1/
Nifty. Have a picture. I'm about to go out on a date, so maybe I will get another one tonight sometime. This one is more an experiment.

[GilesTheCleric]

https://postimg.org/image/7be6nryf8b/22f581d1/
Nifty. Have a picture. I'm about to go out on a date, so maybe I will get another one tonight sometime. This one is more an experiment.

Good luck on your date! I'm jealous of your hair. I used to have long hair, but made a terrible decision to cut it.

Which leads me to ask: what should I do about wigs? I've got two, a brunette one and a fun purple one, but I'd really prefer to have long blonde hair again. Should I try to pick just one wig to wear all the time? I like having the flexibility to match my hair with my outfit without fussing with dye all the time (plus all the blue, green, and purple dyes I like never keep their colour very long), but folks would clearly notice if I'm changing my hair like that.

[golentan]

While it's true that there is less pressure to be sexual when there is no expectation of exclusivity, I think it's good to keep in mind that it's not a miracle solution either. The sexual partner may not be comfortable being non-monogamous, for instance, or may feel that their need for intimacy with a specific person cannot be filled with a different person.

I do agree with you that polyamory can allow for more of a... "let's make our own rules" rather than trying to fit into the established, one-size-fits-all ones though. (This is also true of monogamy, but less obviously so).

Yeah. And I don't wanna give up on being a sexual being. I just have a lot of trauma around that whole... mess of issues.

In part, I'm just confused because... I feel really comfortable around the new lady. But this is a new experience on all fronts and I'm not at my best around new experiences and emotions. I was pretty sure that whatever Mira did, I'd be strictly monogamous. But now I'm not sure, and I'm sorting through a whole host of confusion and doubts.

That said, her oscillating between total openness and total shyness kind of works well, since we usually have an outbreak of the shys at around the same time and retreat to hide under blankets and make cocoa.

[Dire Moose]

Well, it had to be done:

https://i.imgur.com/khdYXBZ.jpg?1

[GilesTheCleric]

Justice, how did your date go, if I may ask?


Well, it had to be done:
-snip-

So is the moose or t-rex your spirit animal? And, was that outdoors? And if so, how are you not freezing? I've been wearing about three layers plus a jacket to stay warm.

[Dire Moose]

I live in Phoenix, so November is actually very comfortable here. Even our winters are fairly mild; it's the summer heat that will really kill you in the desert.

I've been a dinosaur but since I was a little kid, so the T. rex is closer. Moose started out as a silly running gag and that was pretty much it.

My favorite animal however is actually the Stegosaurus.
https://i.imgur.com/crF8Pin.jpg

And just as a reminder, I'm genderfluid, which means I still like being a boy too. Like this Halloween for example:

https://i.imgur.com/hrMdq3Z.jpg

My wife is totally fine with me being either way, mind you:

https://i.imgur.com/cFoWnWJ.jpg

[JusticeZero]

Date night went fine. We have been together for nine years, married eight and a half, but sometimes we just have to go out and spend time together. I dressed up nice, he threw something clean on and whined that I was overdressed compared to him, we went to see Hitman's Bodyguard (recommend) and dinner.

Yesterday was vaguely odd. To me, anyways. I'm not used to trying to figure out if social situations are charged, and I had an elderly client ask me to take him to lunch, acted unusually chivalrous, talked about his separation from his wife. I went to the bathroom, came back and he wasn't there, nothing odd, then he came back and said that I had been in the bathroom so long he went looking for me. I paused to put makeup on again, but I didn't take THAT long... O... Kay? That added to the strange behavior of the gas attendant in the morning who had raced out to give me my receipt unasked, babbled out a brief and hurried pleasantry that misgendered me twice ('man' and 'dude'), and fled back into the station before I could even react. Weird, ambiguous, less than appropriate reactions that I just can't quite puzzle out.
https://s1.postimg.org/9kpu4qp173/20171104_185054.jpg (https://postimages.org/)

[JusticeZero]

Aaaand my husband just got fired because he had to take time out too many times to bail out our daughter and her lack of preparation....

[GilesTheCleric]

I live in Phoenix, so November is actually very comfortable here. Even our winters are fairly mild; it's the summer heat that will really kill you in the desert.

I've been a dinosaur but since I was a little kid, so the T. rex is closer. Moose started out as a silly running gag and that was pretty much it.

My favorite animal however is actually the Stegosaurus.
-snip-

And just as a reminder, I'm genderfluid, which means I still like being a boy too. Like this Halloween for example:
-snip-

My wife is totally fine with me being either way, mind you:
-snip-

I used to live in NM, but in the winters and at night it was always very cold. Maybe I just have a low tolerance for weather >>

Looks like you went as Luke from Return?


Date night went fine. We have been together for nine years, married eight and a half, but sometimes we just have to go out and spend time together. I dressed up nice, he threw something clean on and whined that I was overdressed compared to him, we went to see Hitman's Bodyguard (recommend) and dinner.

Yesterday was vaguely odd. To me, anyways. I'm not used to trying to figure out if social situations are charged, and I had an elderly client ask me to take him to lunch, acted unusually chivalrous, talked about his separation from his wife. I went to the bathroom, came back and he wasn't there, nothing odd, then he came back and said that I had been in the bathroom so long he went looking for me. I paused to put makeup on again, but I didn't take THAT long... O... Kay? That added to the strange behavior of the gas attendant in the morning who had raced out to give me my receipt unasked, babbled out a brief and hurried pleasantry that misgendered me twice ('man' and 'dude'), and fled back into the station before I could even react. Weird, ambiguous, less than appropriate reactions that I just can't quite puzzle out.
https://s1.postimg.org/9kpu4qp173/20171104_185054.jpg (https://postimages.org/)

Oh, I had never considered married folks going on a date. That's a clever idea.

People are strange, as Jim Morrison will attest.


Aaaand my husband just got fired because he had to take time out too many times to bail out our daughter and her lack of preparation....

Oh no! That's really abrupt and sad :smallfrown: I don't understand why the bosses didn't understand that.

[Lycunadari]

The Federal Constitutional Court just decided that it is unconstitutional to force intersex people to pick either male or female or leave the gender marker blank (which was only possible for intersex children born after 2013, as far as I know), which means Germany will get an official third gender marker (probably “inter” or “divers”).

I’m really happy for intersex people, I just really, really hope this gender marker will not be limited to intersex people but also available to non intersex nonbinary and genderqueer people.

(I’m also really proud of the intersex person who sued for this; they didn’t give up when their lawsuit failed in every instance up to the Federal Court of Justice and who then took it to the Federal Constitutional Court who finally decided that they are right. Sometimes the determination of a single person is what is needed to get things to change.)

[GilesTheCleric]

The Federal Constitutional Court just decided that it is unconstitutional to force intersex people to pick either male or female or leave the gender marker blank (which was only possible for intersex children born after 2013, as far as I know), which means Germany will get an official third gender marker (probably “inter” or “divers”).

I’m really happy for intersex people, I just really, really hope this gender marker will not be limited to intersex people but also available to non intersex nonbinary and genderqueer people.

(I’m also really proud of the intersex person who sued for this; they didn’t give up when their lawsuit failed in every instance up to the Federal Court of Justice and who then took it to the Federal Constitutional Court who finally decided that they are right. Sometimes the determination of a single person is what is needed to get things to change.)

Yay for Germany! Maybe someday within our lifetime, all of society will finally reject the gender binary, and people will be able to just be themselves.

[edit: self-scrubbed]

[Mystic Muse]

Yay for Germany! Maybe someday within our lifetime, all of society will finally reject the gender binary, and people will be able to just be themselves.

On a sadder, mostly-unrelated note, I was talking to my boss today. He suggested that I apply for a concealed carry permit (in the USA, it's pretty easy to get), because there's scary intolerant folks here (Indiana). I don't know if I want to have a gun, though. It seems more dangerous to have one than to not have one. What do you all think?

I actually live in Indiana too. This is probably not board appropriate thought. You could add me on Skype if you want to discuss it?

[Asmodean_]

Oh my god this is amazing (http://www.dazeddigital.com/life-culture/article/37070/1/anti-same-sex-marriage-group-accidentally-copy-bisexual-flag)

[TaiLiu]

Hey all!

I'm new to this thread (I usually stick to the 3e subforum), but I wanted to express my thanks to all of you. Today I came out as a woman to my mother. I had been looking forward to getting my own apartment so that I could be myself, and then a few days before halloween, I followed a link from someone's sig to this thread. Hearing about your stories, and especially those cute pictures of Dire Moose and Mystic Muse I think gave me just enough courage to think that maybe I could do it, too. So I did!

Anyway, I won't bore you all with my life story. I just wanted to thank you all for being here, and being supportive and positive, even for a lurker like me ^^
I'm not around this thread anymore, but I wanted to congratulate you on your coming out! :smallsmile:

[GilesTheCleric]

Oh my god this is amazing (http://www.dazeddigital.com/life-culture/article/37070/1/anti-same-sex-marriage-group-accidentally-copy-bisexual-flag)

My aussie friend said that they should have results from the vote on Weds (so Tues on the freedom-calendar).


I'm not around this thread anymore, but I wanted to congratulate you on your coming out! :smallsmile:

Thank you! I'm so glad that all of you are here, even if you're not posting regularly. Coming out was one of the best choices I've made in life. Everything is so much better now. Plus, one of my friends was able to come out when he heard that I did, too (incidentally, he's an aussie)! We all help each other out ^^

[Heliomance]

I haVE A GIRLFRIEND NOW :smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbi ggrin::smallbiggrin:

[Lentrax]

I haVE A GIRLFRIEND NOW :smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbi ggrin::smallbiggrin:

Huzzah!

Congrats, Tamsin!

[JNAProductions]

I haVE A GIRLFRIEND NOW :smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbi ggrin::smallbiggrin:

Ooh! Yay!

Is she cute? Is she awesome? Does she play D&D?

[Dire Moose]

Yay Heliomance!!!!

In other news, my parents will be visiting in about a month for an early Christmas get-together, and while they have been supportive via phone and Facebook, this will be the first time the'll be seeing me as female in person. I have heard from one person in my local trans support group that her family didn't react well in person even though they had been supportive from a distance, so I'm wondering how to approach this situation.

I know that since I'm genderfluid I could present as male the whole time they're here if I have to, but that would just be avoiding the issue and I'd rather be able to be female while they're here, so any advice?

[The Extinguisher]

Good news: I'm starting HRT I've been on spiro for a week now and should be starting estrogen at the end of the month. And I know that it isn't enough time for anything to really be affected and it's probably just placebo at this point but I'm feeling really happy genderwise this whole week

Bad news: now that gender has let up crushing down my happiness a little, other things have started filling in the gaps. I've been feeling real lonely and unlovable lately.

[Heliomance]

Ooh! Yay!

Is she cute? Is she awesome? Does she play D&D?
She is both cute and awesome, and does indeed play D&D, though I will try and graduate her onto better RPGs :p

[JNAProductions]

She is both cute and awesome, and does indeed play D&D, though I will try and graduate her onto better RPGs :p

Awesomesauce. We're all happy for you. :)

[EternalMelon]

I had to ask for a restroom key when I was out in boymode yesterday. They didn't know which one I needed so I had to grab it myself. Rode that high all day long :D

[Dire Moose]

I posted an excessively long coming out video today.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NZ7dQhNi43k&feature=youtu.be

[137beth]

I posted an excessively long coming out video today.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NZ7dQhNi43k&feature=youtu.be

I wouldn't say it's "excessively long," just long.

[Dire Moose]

And another pic.

https://i.imgur.com/dii27Zz.jpg?1

[Filraen]

Hello lovely humans,

I am brand new to this thread, although I have lurked on and off the forums a tiny bit over the past couple of years. I confess to being one of those lonesome queers in a mostly straight/cis D&D world, or at least I thought so until I stumbled on this thread. I just wanted to say how happy reading this made me. I'm currently in a state of being astonishingly broken up by the unforeseen ending of my most recent group, where I was playing a character that was really helping me work through a variety of my trans issues. But it's just really nice to know that y'all are out there, and I'm sending lots of loving vibes to everyone. So much respect to the years of continuity and community here.

Background music while I typed this: the soundtrack to the lovely campy gay movie "Were the World Mine."

[AuthorGirl]

*pauses in doorway*

Hi . . .

I was at church camp and somewhat accidentally came out to my cabin-mates as . . . whatever. Not straight. Liking girls.

Turned out it was the lesbian cabin (well, not technically, but we all like girls.) They were super accepting and casual, although this bit was a little awkward:

"So who do ya like?"

"Um . . ."

"Don't worry about it, everyone falls in love at camp."

"Uh well, sorry to be awkward, but . . . you."



So anyway, I guess I'm out of the closet (sort of, to strangers who I may or may not see again next year). Felt pretty good to not quietly pretend to be straight.

I'll be lurking the thread now :smallsmile:

[GilesTheCleric]

http://tags.news.com.au/prod/newskey/generator.html?origin=http%3a%2f%2fwww.dailytelegr aph.com.au%2fnews%2fsamesex-marriage-vote-australia-says-yes-to-marriage-equality%2fnews-story%2f142661eb28f61149c36dcef34d8aecab&1510706844163591045

Yay Australia!


Hello lovely humans,

I am brand new to this thread, although I have lurked on and off the forums a tiny bit over the past couple of years. I confess to being one of those lonesome queers in a mostly straight/cis D&D world, or at least I thought so until I stumbled on this thread. I just wanted to say how happy reading this made me. I'm currently in a state of being astonishingly broken up by the unforeseen ending of my most recent group, where I was playing a character that was really helping me work through a variety of my trans issues. But it's just really nice to know that y'all are out there, and I'm sending lots of loving vibes to everyone. So much respect to the years of continuity and community here.

Background music while I typed this: the soundtrack to the lovely campy gay movie "Were the World Mine."

Welcome, welcome! Feel free to jump in at any time. Only Dire Moose bites, and only then if you're food.


*pauses in doorway*

Hi . . .

I was at church camp and somewhat accidentally came out to my cabin-mates as . . . whatever. Not straight. Liking girls.

Turned out it was the lesbian cabin (well, not technically, but we all like girls.) They were super accepting and casual, although this bit was a little awkward:

"So who do ya like?"

"Um . . ."

"Don't worry about it, everyone falls in love at camp."

"Uh well, sorry to be awkward, but . . . you."



So anyway, I guess I'm out of the closet (sort of, to strangers who I may or may not see again next year). Felt pretty good to not quietly pretend to be straight.

I'll be lurking the thread now :smallsmile:

Congratulations, and welcome! Hopefully your experience at camp will give you the confidence to be more open with those who have known you longer. I was lucky enough to have a similar experience, though I was on the staff side of things. And, why not have a romance at camp? It's a time for making memories.

[Astrella]

*pauses in doorway*

Hi . . .

I was at church camp and somewhat accidentally came out to my cabin-mates as . . . whatever. Not straight. Liking girls.

Turned out it was the lesbian cabin (well, not technically, but we all like girls.) They were super accepting and casual, although this bit was a little awkward:

"So who do ya like?"

"Um . . ."

"Don't worry about it, everyone falls in love at camp."

"Uh well, sorry to be awkward, but . . . you."



So anyway, I guess I'm out of the closet (sort of, to strangers who I may or may not see again next year). Felt pretty good to not quietly pretend to be straight.

I'll be lurking the thread now :smallsmile:

That's a cute happening. :) And yeah, not having to pretend is really nice. :)

[YossarianLives]

As part of a workshop I was starting today, we did a bunch of getting-to-know-each-other exercises. One of which involved splitting off into pairs and telling your partner a bunch of fun facts about yourself. They would then introduce you to the group, reciting as many facts as they could remember. When it came to my turn, I casually dropped that I use they/them/theirs pronouns.

When my partner got up in front of the group to introduce me, he started off with "This is YossarianLives, he prefers they/them pronouns!"

I want to be mad or upset but it's just too funny. You can't make this stuff up. :smalltongue:

[Filraen]

As part of a workshop I was starting today, we did a bunch of getting-to-know-each-other exercises. One of which involved splitting off into pairs and telling your partner a bunch of fun facts about yourself. They would then introduce you to the group, reciting as many facts as they could remember. When it came to my turn, I casually dropped that I use they/them/theirs pronouns.

When my partner got up in front of the group to introduce me, he started off with "This is YossarianLives, he prefers they/them pronouns!"

I want to be mad or upset but it's just too funny. You can't make this stuff up. :smalltongue:

Ahahaha, this exact thing has happened to me, multiple times. All the feels on this!

And all happiness to you, AuthorGirl! I am glad you found that space at camp. :)

[luna the cat]

hello i didn't realize there was a 'friendly banter' forum and have been lurking out parts of the forums for like 5 years

[TaiLiu]

Only Dire Moose bites, and only then if you're food.
Ha! I didn't know Dire Moose was stealing Lea Plath's shtick! :smalltongue:

[Sobol]

Filraen, hi.

Were the World Mine is very good. I think it even captures the essence of the Shakespeare's original play well: the magic of young love.

[WarKitty]

...I think I just accidentally made a transgender character.

You know how for some of us, characters just kind of show up and tell you who they are? That happened. I don't think Darren would know terms like "gender identity" or "transgender," but he'd say something like "I guess I've been dressing like a boy all my life. It's just me, you know? I'm just Darren. It's safer on the streets to be a boy in any case." If someone introduced him to the idea that transgender was a thing, he'd probably agree that he was a trans guy, but for a street rat in medieval high fantasy that's not likely to be a thing.

[Dire Moose]

So, um... I know I said I wasn't going to do this, but I was feeling really bad about my appearance as a girl and hit a really bad depressed spot. My wife had some stuff from when she had been transitioning before SRS so...

Yeah, I had my first dose of estrogen last night.

[JusticeZero]

Interesting. Don't waffle on that stuff, some people say that when people start and stop a few times, they build up a resistance of some kind. See how you are feeling after a couple days. I had huge amounts of relief from depression within the first week.

[Recherché]

So over the past 7 or 8 years I've noticed that my sexuality has kind of flipped itself around. A decade ago almost 80% of the people I was attracted to were women or very femmy. Nowadays almost 2/3rds of the people I'm interested in are men. On one hand the change itself doesn't really disturb me. It just feels natural. On the other hand it kind of feels like I'm losing a community and an identity a little bit. And this is probably paranoid of me but I'm worried that I'm somehow going to turn completely straight and that I'll lose a part of myself that way.

[Dire Moose]

Interesting. Don't waffle on that stuff, some people say that when people start and stop a few times, they build up a resistance of some kind. See how you are feeling after a couple days. I had huge amounts of relief from depression within the first week.

Well then, I guess it's hello second puberty for me!

[JusticeZero]

Yeah. Take lots of notes.
You are presumably going to want to try to get under actual care by a doctor who knows how to do this stuff. The first definitely does not imply the second, so do your own research too! I basically had to do half the legwork of researching HRT for my medical team, and if I hadn't gotten a lucky break with a leading person in my area it would have been much closer to 100%.

If you keep track of what you have already done, it helps to figure out what doses and such they can put you on. I personally am a huge fan of injectables, and I do not use blockers at all, but YMMV. It's actually pretty affordable that way.

Which is actually a second point of mine - my T level is plummeting dangerously low WITHOUT blockers, and I still have the relevant anatomical pieces equipped. It confused my doctors a bit. So, soon I get to go get some genetic testing to see if I get to add a lavender and gold circle flag to the ones I get to fly for Pride. To say I have mixed feelings on this is an understatement, though at least one of them was really, really irrational.. something along the lines of..

"Hey, cool, that means we can get surgery paid for easier! Awesome!"
"Well yeah, but don't I have to worry about a bunch of other stuff that way? And then my mom gets to be all weird and awkward with me explaining things AGAIN..."
"Waaah, that would mean I'm infertile and I can't have a baaabyy! There was a pregnant girl at the register and she made me sad!"
"...W... What. The... You stupid lizard, we never had a uterus in the first place! What the heck are you on about.. UGH, I can not BELIEVE you today.. *flails*"So.. yeah. Still processing that. And the fact that I might have to start taking low dose testosterone, pre-op.

[Jormengand]

I always try to make something for TDoR. This time it's a poem.

Two hundred ninety-five poor souls set free,
Burning in fires of nineteen thirty-three,
What made men cut them down with twisted glee?
A mind whose nuance you can't clearly see.
But some are so bold as to disagree,
That their existence was more than a plea,
And still they say I was not meant to be,
But even so, you have forgotten me.

[Nemirthel]

I found out yesterday that my mom wants me to not do anything transition related until after I finish my PhD and get a job- which is at least 2 years away and probably 3 or 4. And probably 2 or 3 years as a postdoc after that. So, probably about 6 years. And somehow I think that if I waited (which I'm not going to) she'd find something else that I should wait for.

I was hoping that since coming out to her went ok it would only be my proudly transphobic relatives who'd try to keep me from transitioning. So much for that idea.

Hopefully she'll come around eventually. I'll still be seeing a therapist starting in January and hopefully hormones sometime next year, and I don't need financial support from any of my family, but having someone who said they'd be supportive decide not to be still hurts.

[137beth]

I found out yesterday that my mom wants me to not do anything transition related until after I finish my PhD and get a job- which is at least 2 years away and probably 3 or 4. And probably 2 or 3 years as a postdoc after that. So, probably about 6 years. And somehow I think that if I waited (which I'm not going to) she'd find something else that I should wait for.

I was hoping that since coming out to her went ok it would only be my proudly transphobic relatives who'd try to keep me from transitioning. So much for that idea.

Hopefully she'll come around eventually. I'll still be seeing a therapist starting in January and hopefully hormones sometime next year, and I don't need financial support from any of my family, but having someone who said they'd be supportive decide not to be still hurts.

If she's asking you to wait several years for something you really need, she'll always be able to come up with another thing to wait for. It's good that you are still able to go through with it even without her support.

It took my mom a few years before she was comfortable with who I told her I am. But she did come around eventually, so don't lose hope that your mom might, too. However, it is far from guaranteed, so don't count on her coming around, either.

[ve4grm]

I found out yesterday that my mom wants me to not do anything transition related until after I finish my PhD and get a job- which is at least 2 years away and probably 3 or 4. And probably 2 or 3 years as a postdoc after that. So, probably about 6 years. And somehow I think that if I waited (which I'm not going to) she'd find something else that I should wait for.

I was hoping that since coming out to her went ok it would only be my proudly transphobic relatives who'd try to keep me from transitioning. So much for that idea.

Hopefully she'll come around eventually. I'll still be seeing a therapist starting in January and hopefully hormones sometime next year, and I don't need financial support from any of my family, but having someone who said they'd be supportive decide not to be still hurts.

It may be that she doesn't quite realize how far away it is?

If she's anything like my own mother, she may just be "trying to help" to save you the strain of transitioning while also doing all these other things. She may not realize that it actually hurts. I know a lot of people who don't have experience with trans folks don't understand that it's something you actually need, and think it can be delayed without issue.

Hopefully you can make her realize that this won't happen, and hopefully she's ok with it and just misunderstood the issue.

[Nemirthel]

It may be that she doesn't quite realize how far away it is?

If she's anything like my own mother, she may just be "trying to help" to save you the strain of transitioning while also doing all these other things. She may not realize that it actually hurts. I know a lot of people who don't have experience with trans folks don't understand that it's something you actually need, and think it can be delayed without issue.

Hopefully you can make her realize that this won't happen, and hopefully she's ok with it and just misunderstood the issue.

This is probably what it is. I don't think she quite gets that while transitioning is hard, not transitioning is a lot harder. Hopefully I'll be able to get her to understand that.

I'll have a chance to talk to her later this week before I see her over Christmas, so hopefully things will go better.

[JNAProductions]

This is probably what it is. I don't think she quite gets that while transitioning is hard, not transitioning is a lot harder. Hopefully I'll be able to get her to understand that.

I'll have a chance to talk to her later this week before I see her over Christmas, so hopefully things will go better.

Good luck! I really hope that it is just a misunderstanding.

[ArlEammon]

God. . . It sucks to be like this at 34, and still be in a place like Arizona.

This feels like it's 1997, not 2017. People are just ass holes.

[Dire Moose]

By the way, I am using the intersex symbol to indicate my nature as both male and female, not that I was actually born with ambiguous body parts or whatever.

[Astrella]

Dunno if anyone here likes those humans as aliens discussions on tumblr, but I stumbled across a nice relevant one (http://spaceoutthere.tumblr.com/post/167817505534/ts-porter-ts-porter-ts-porter) earlier.

[noparlpf]

Dunno if anyone here likes those humans as aliens discussions on tumblr, but I stumbled across a nice relevant one (http://spaceoutthere.tumblr.com/post/167817505534/ts-porter-ts-porter-ts-porter) earlier.

These are always fun. Would it be weird if I followed you?

[137beth]

Dunno if anyone here likes those humans as aliens discussions on tumblr, but I stumbled across a nice relevant one (http://spaceoutthere.tumblr.com/post/167817505534/ts-porter-ts-porter-ts-porter) earlier.
I don't think I'm familiar with the "humans as aliens" discussions. Lemme see what you linked to...


I...what did I just read? :smallconfused:

[Heliomance]

Dunno if anyone here likes those humans as aliens discussions on tumblr, but I stumbled across a nice relevant one (http://spaceoutthere.tumblr.com/post/167817505534/ts-porter-ts-porter-ts-porter) earlier.

I'd seen the first two parts before, but that last one is new to me. Very cool!

[Astrella]

These are always fun. Would it be weird if I followed you?

No, not at all. :)


I don't think I'm familiar with the "humans as aliens" discussions. Lemme see what you linked to...


I...what did I just read? :smallconfused:

It's like, you know how in most sci-fi humans are portrayed as the default, or the averageman species etc... it's basically just some writing prompts that try to reverse that and try and have a look at what would make humans look "alien" from another species perspective. Like, we're super durable and have really good healing ability compared to other animals on Earth. We adopt like everything as pets, etc...


I'd seen the first two parts before, but that last one is new to me. Very cool!

Yeah, I really like these and it was a nice surprise at the end, didn't even see it coming.

[Grytorm]

Tend to enjoy naturally occurring pesticides as seasoning.

[JNAProductions]

By the way, Astrella, I find your avatar really cool. What exactly is it, other than a purple lady?

[Astrella]

By the way, Astrella, I find your avatar really cool. What exactly is it, other than a purple lady?

It's Angel! From Borderlands 2; I liked her a lot, both how she looked and like, story / character wise. Here's the original (https://red-vanilla19.deviantart.com/art/oh-angel-438448278).

[Lissou]

That story was a little bit odd for me to read because "zizi" is the word kids used to refer to genitals in French, but it was a really nice story otherwise.

[AuthorGirl]

I just came out to a very close friend.

He already knew :smalltongue: and promised not to tell anyone.

Feels so weird and so nice just to have it out there!!

[JNAProductions]

I just came out to a very close friend.

He already knew :smalltongue: and promised not to tell anyone.

Feels so weird and so nice just to have it out there!!

I'm not 100% sure what you came out as, but awesome! I'm glad you have at least one supportive friend-and may the rest of the people you tell be just as good to you.

[AuthorGirl]

I'm not 100% sure what you came out as, but awesome! I'm glad you have at least one supportive friend-and may the rest of the people you tell be just as good to you.

Bisexual. Probably should have made that clear :smalltongue:

[137beth]

Congratulations and glad to hear they took it well!

[JNAProductions]

Bisexual. Probably should have made that clear :smalltongue:

Lucky! Sometimes I wish I was bi-it'd open up a lot of people to date who are currently... Well, not off-limits, but not in my pool of dating, I guess?

Regardless, still awesome that you're getting good support. :)

[JusticeZero]

I am so jealous of you kids with your full dictionaries of easily searchable terms for all the orientations and such. *sad*
Both me and my husband are muddling through trying to figure out how to start our lives in our 40's. So many metaphorical bridges are cold piles of ash from the other side already.

[AuthorGirl]

I am so jealous of you kids with your full dictionaries of easily searchable terms for all the orientations and such. *sad*
Both me and my husband are muddling through trying to figure out how to start our lives in our 40's. So many metaphorical bridges are cold piles of ash from the other side already.

The vague idea that I didn't have to be totally gay to like girls is something I am thankful for having access to, yes.

Google is the other thing I'm thankful for.

[137beth]

I am so jealous of you kids with your full dictionaries of easily searchable terms for all the orientations and such. *sad*
Both me and my husband are muddling through trying to figure out how to start our lives in our 40's. So many metaphorical bridges are cold piles of ash from the other side already.

There's a lot of information, yea, but it's not always easy to find. To Google a particular term, you have to know what you are looking for. there's no search engine that lets you describe your feelings and spits out the appropriate terminology. Even though I had Google for most of my life, for a long time I never imagined that there were other people like me. What's really helpful though is having access to a friendly, welcoming, and knowledgeable community. The internet does make those easier to find, though.

[Dire Moose]

Currently waiting at my doctor's office to see about officially getting on hormones. Will probably have my levels checked, which means I should finally know what the extent of my hormone imbalance is.

Fingers crossed...

EDIT:

RAAAAAWWWWRRR!!!

He told me that due to me being genderfluid and my identity still evolving, he didn't want to put me on anything that could cause permanent changes until he had a letter from a therapist.

Now, I have been attempting to set up something with a therapist he'd recommended for weeks now, but her schedule has been so busy that's it's been nearly impossible and I only managed to get the first appointment with her set up on December 16th. Meanwhile, he told me to not take estrogen as I have been because it's unsafe and should be done only under proper medical supervision. Which I completely agree with, except that he won't let me take it under proper medical supervision either. So I'm not allowed to do it either way, and the only way I can depends on someone with an insanely difficult schedule being convinced that I should be allowed to have it. Which could take months. Bleccccch.

[TaiLiu]

By the way, I am using the intersex symbol to indicate my nature as both male and female, not that I was actually born with ambiguous body parts or whatever.
I think most of us with the "intersex" symbol on these forums aren't intersex. I don't know why the moderators and administrators decided to name it "intersex" in the first place.

RAAAAAWWWWRRR!!!

He told me that due to me being genderfluid and my identity still evolving, he didn't want to put me on anything that could cause permanent changes until he had a letter from a therapist.

Now, I have been attempting to set up something with a therapist he'd recommended for weeks now, but her schedule has been so busy that's it's been nearly impossible and I only managed to get the first appointment with her set up on December 16th. Meanwhile, he told me to not take estrogen as I have been because it's unsafe and should be done only under proper medical supervision. Which I completely agree with, except that he won't let me take it under proper medical supervision either. So I'm not allowed to do it either way, and the only way I can depends on someone with an insanely difficult schedule being convinced that I should be allowed to have it. Which could take months. Bleccccch.
You've my condolences for the gatekeeping you've been subject to. There are a few ways around this, and you've already probably thought of some: go find another doctor, go find an informed consent clinic, and take estrogen without "proper medical supervision," whatever that means.

I would actually politely disagree with the claim that estradiol can't be safely taken without medical superivision. As long as you don't have an allergy to the hormone, and as long as you're not, like, drinking it, you won't need anything but the occasional blood test to make sure that your hormone levels are good.

[137beth]

Good luck dealing with gatekeepers, Dire. I've had enough trouble dealing with doctors about other issues that I'd be terrified if I needed to get someone's approval for hormones.


I think most of us with the "intersex" symbol on these forums aren't intersex. I don't know why the moderators and administrators decided to name it "intersex" in the first place.

There's a thread now asking them to adjust the intersex and nonbinary options (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?543994-Suggestion-switch-quot-intersex-quot-to-quot-nonbinary-quot-under-about-me&p=22639588#post22639588).

[Haven]

Yeah, I made that thread because seeing that gender option reminded me of coming out to my mom a few months ago:

"Well, I'm not a girl, but I'm not a boy either, so-"
"Oh! You're intersex!"
"..."

It actually went really well after that, it was just a funny little moment.

[Heliomance]

Relationship update: Reached the point where all the love songs start making sense :smallredface:

[EternalMelon]

Relationship update: Reached the point where all the love songs start making sense :smallredface:
A truly great time indeed, congrats!

[The Extinguisher]

I've been on estrogen for almost a week now it's very exciting.

here's (http://memory-blossom.tumblr.com/image/168128468642) a picture I took in for celebration/comparison

I'm in a slightly weird spot right now though. I haven't come out to my parents yet, so I both want to see physical changes as fast as possible, and also don't want things to move too quickly they start asking questions before I tell them. I plan to do it soon but I really don't want "so you're a girl now" to be the theme of all my conversations over the holidays
:smallsigh:

[TaiLiu]

There's a thread now asking them to adjust the intersex and nonbinary options (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?543994-Suggestion-switch-quot-intersex-quot-to-quot-nonbinary-quot-under-about-me&p=22639588#post22639588).
Aye. I didn't expect anything from it, since the Playground moderators seem ill-inclined to change the website based on user feedback. I can't blame them, I suppose - they're volunteers, and the only compensation they get is annual OOTS gear and the satisfaction of keeping the forums in order.

Oh, well. The only reason I even have a gender icon is to keep myself from being misgendered, and it's mostly worked out so far.

[Dire Moose]

In other news, my breasts are starting to give off a lot of aches with shooting pains happening more often lately. I'm feeling rather excited.

[137beth]

Yeah, I made that thread because seeing that gender option reminded me of coming out to my mom a few months ago:

"Well, I'm not a girl, but I'm not a boy either, so-"
"Oh! You're intersex!"
"..."

It actually went really well after that, it was just a funny little moment.
And unfortunately they rejected your suggestion to change it.


I've been on estrogen for almost a week now it's very exciting.

here's (http://memory-blossom.tumblr.com/image/168128468642) a picture I took in for celebration/comparison

I'm in a slightly weird spot right now though. I haven't come out to my parents yet, so I both want to see physical changes as fast as possible, and also don't want things to move too quickly they start asking questions before I tell them. I plan to do it soon but I really don't want "so you're a girl now" to be the theme of all my conversations over the holidays
:smallsigh:


In other news, my breasts are starting to give off a lot of aches with shooting pains happening more often lately. I'm feeling rather excited.

Congratulations to both of ya!

[Jormengand]

The fact that they called the nonbinary marker the intersex marker (because apparently, intersex is now a gender?) is pretty much entirely the reason I'm not using it. I used to have text in my signature explaining my gender but then I realised that no-one read it anyway.

[Serpentine]

Strayaa!
The official stuff happening here has been going better than expected, though Certain Quarters are still sooking it up, so I'm still getting into fights on the internet.
But then, when am I not?

[Astrella]

I've been on estrogen for almost a week now it's very exciting.

here's (http://memory-blossom.tumblr.com/image/168128468642) a picture I took in for celebration/comparison

I'm in a slightly weird spot right now though. I haven't come out to my parents yet, so I both want to see physical changes as fast as possible, and also don't want things to move too quickly they start asking questions before I tell them. I plan to do it soon but I really don't want "so you're a girl now" to be the theme of all my conversations over the holidays
:smallsigh:

Oooh, I love your haircut and make-up, you look very cute!

It's a rough spot to be in; on one hand it'd be a good way to get all the conversations out of the way with relatives when you see them. Or you could just do it after the holidays, your choice. People are going to ask anyone, it's sadly the nature of society that most people don't know enough about it yet to go "Oh, you're a girl now, cool, thanks for letting me know :)".

[Heliomance]

Aaaaand my relationship is on indefinite hiatus, narrowly avoiding complete break-up, due to her deciding that her mental health isn't currently good enough to cope with a relationship.

I was so happy, and then it fell apart.

[JNAProductions]

Aaaaand my relationship is on indefinite hiatus, narrowly avoiding complete break-up, due to her deciding that her mental health isn't currently good enough to cope with a relationship.

I was so happy, and then it fell apart.

*Offers hugs, cookies, and a warm blanket*

That really sucks. It's not your fault, but even then, it still hurts. Anything we can do to help?

[JusticeZero]

I haven't come out to my parents yet, so I both want to see physical changes as fast as possible, and also don't want things to move too quickly they start asking questions before I tell them. I plan to do it soon but I really don't want "so you're a girl now" to be the theme of all my conversations over the holidays
:smallsigh:
Solution: Stay on E. Dress masculine when visiting your parents. Take pictures away when you find them. Visit OFTEN.
One of the things that happens a lot is change blindness. As long as they don't see any big differences, they will not notice any changes because their memory will just retroactively update. Tell them you are growing your hair out for some fashion reason that makes sense, don't give them any reason to look at pictures from the last few years, and they might be totally unaware that you are on estrogen even if you hit DDD cups, laser off your body hair, voice train into the extreme high end of the androgynous range (higher than most girls need by the way) and 100% passing features.

[Heliomance]

Not directly related to LGBT stuff, but here's a series of poems I've written over the past decade of so - the latest one I wrote this morning, thus why I'm posting them now. I think it's quite an interesting insight into how my personality has developed, and my journey from being a White Knight.


I want to take it all away
To roll it up and say it'll all be fine
I want to save you from the world
The insults that are hurled and hurt you deep
I want to hug you close to me
And say no matter what you see you'll come out on top

My instincts scream protection
My morals say I must
A friend that's sunk in torment needs my help
But I'm too far away
I do not have the right
To help in every way I think I could

So I'm standing on the sidelines
Staring at your pain
Knowing that there's little I can do
Please, won't you let me in?
It hurts to see you so
But I will not - cannot - move unless you ask.


I live my life
I see your life
The pain you find each day
I reach to help
But pull away
I know not what to say

You hurt, I know
I see the scars
Inflicted day by day
I want to be
Your mail, your shield
And save you from harm's way

But I'm not there
It's not for me
To be your guarding knight
With all my heart
I wish to help
I simply have no right

Deep in your heart
I cannot go
A new friend lately met
Your private pain
I should not know
I cannot lift it yet

And so I stand
And helplessly
I watch you there, wishing
That I was closer
But for now
I'm outside, looking in.


Feeling helpless
Watching, hearing
The bitter flow of tears.
You are my friend
I feel your pain
But I'm too far away.

These things in life
Are yours to bear
But not to bear alone.
Please, let us in
So we can help
And stand with you 'gainst pain.

Your friends all stand
Arrayed around
To help, to hear, to hold.
Those bitter tears
Of broken heart
We long to wash away.

You're not alone
You're never lost
We stand, and will remain
So let us listen
Let us help
In any way we may.


I see you cry and I react
I charge to save the day
A white knight on a noble steed
To bear the pain away

Such arrogance! to think that I
Could shoulder all your cares
And such insensitivity to try
I am no knight
And you are not a damsel in distress
Though well-meant, I strip you of yourself.

You are not broken, I no smith -
And yet I only see the flaws.
What makes me think I have the right
To dare to try and fix you?
Defining you by nothing but your scars

You are a person, first and last
An equal, and my friend
I see at last how I have done you wrong.
I saw your tears, and saw no more
I graciously deigned to help
My actions said no equal, but a child.

I did not treat you as a person
Did not let you stand yourself
I needed you to need me, so I "helped".
I see it now, that I was wrong
And yet, I don't know how to change
Please, help me be a friend, and not a knight?


Sometimes things don’t work out
Sometimes it’s no-one’s fault
Sometimes things just fall apart
Sometimes the support that someone needs
Isn’t the support I want to give
Sometimes what they need is a friend
Not a rescuer, not a lover
When I want to help, I need to stop and ask
“Am I doing this for them, or for me?”
If I help with any thought of reward, it’s no help
If I help in the hope they will love me for it, it’s no help
If I care for them, if I want to help, I must help in the way that they need
Let my only reward be that they are happier

It’s okay to not be able to help
I must care for myself as well
Sometimes the wounds are too raw
Sometimes I cannot be what is needed
But if I want to help then I must be honest
Am I dressing their wounds, or my own?
Because the two are not the same
And I cannot do both at once
Let my help be selfless, or none.