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Thread: The Depression Thread
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2007-06-03, 05:46 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2007
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Re: The Depression Thread
yeah, I know, but its hard for me while trying/keeping a life ya know.
and what are your grades then?
E in Maths (Predicted A)
D in History (Predicted A)
D in English Literature (Predicted A)
A in Psychology (Predicted B)
I have no idea hwo to convert those to your American system, unfortunately. School term ends in... 12 days. I don't have a card so it'd be cash
Anyways, try, y'know... giving up your life for a bit. It'll suck in the short run, but it'll get those grades for you.(^")^ ¬<("v)
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2007-06-03, 07:18 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2007
Re: The Depression Thread
that'd be damn rigt that my american system confuses you, becouse I dont even live in america for starters, I live in europe, in the Netherlands.
we work with numbers here 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10. 1 being the lowest you can get, 10 the highest.....
so I dont use an american system heheh
oh ok, where do you live.....maybe we can set up a little meeting of gitp people..........
edit : i'm not having exams, just a final test week which will count heavy on my final grades.
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2007-06-03, 09:47 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2006
- Location
- Trog's with Ichor Liquor
Re: The Depression Thread
Better than my grades by the end. Two classes were saved by Finals alone, and the rest weren't all that good either. Hoggy, the A, B, C's are Percentile based, find out what your percent is, and round to the nearest ten, then take the tens digit, and I think you have the 1-10 scale.
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2007-06-03, 11:16 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2007
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2007-06-03, 11:23 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Jan 2007
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- North Yorkshire, UK
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Re: The Depression Thread
A = best
B
C
D
E
F = worst
U = Failed (forgotten what it stands for)
So Hoggy's grades (apart from Psychology) are on the lower end of the spectrum (though still not failing)
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2007-06-03, 11:34 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2007
- Location
- behind you with a knife
- Gender
Re: The Depression Thread
Umm for the sake of full disclosure there is something i didn't tell you guys. I think about suicide. A lot. I doubt I'd ever do it but I've thought about it.
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I have a metal blog thing now, check it out
You can't kill the metal, metal will live on! \m/
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2007-06-03, 12:43 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2006
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- Trog's with Ichor Liquor
Re: The Depression Thread
Usually, A+ is 95+ or 10, A or A- or B+ may then be considered a 85+ or 9; B, B-, or C+ may be considered 75+, and therefor a 7, and so on. F is 50 +, and E(in my system, according to Glaive, it could be a "U" as well), is anything < 50 (5), for if you're below 50, you're not going to pass anyways, and therefor not point splitting hairs.
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2007-06-04, 07:19 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2006
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- Not in Trogland
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Re: The Depression Thread
Hi there, it's me again...
Remember my problem? With that girl I love but who seemed to be playing with my feelings?
Well, she's having some troubles right now... her ex has been looking for her lately and she's still moved by him, and she's having some problems with my friend, his boyfriend. They are about to break up, she's tired of him (and there's the ex issue, but that's another tale...) and all I can think right now is why the heck is she still thinking of that jerk... He made her cry so many times and yet she still cares for him... Why can't she think of me either? What makes him better than me?
I'm really frustrated right now about that. Somehow I'm going to make her forget about him. He doesn't deserve someone like her. Perhaps I can't make her love me, but it's not fair that being people that care for her she is still thinking of that idiot.So I herd you liek Mudkipz by Mr. Saturn
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2007-06-04, 08:41 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2007
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- Over thattaway
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Re: The Depression Thread
Hey everyone. I'm not really depressed, just feeling a little bit down. And I know this is going to seem trivial to everyone, just thought I'd say it.
They just put my dog to sleep. So many memories with him. Ah well. He was getting kind of old, and he couldn't walk under his own power, and then came the kidney failure and all that stuff. So I'm feeling a little bit sad.
Starting to feel normal though. That's good.
No need to reply to this.
Avatar and sig-banner by Mr_Saturn.
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2007-06-04, 08:54 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2006
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- Norway
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Re: The Depression Thread
Sorry about your dog vespe. I'm shure it was a good friend that will be deservingly missed.
And remember, no problem, no sadness is to smal to post about here. If it made you feel better to post here, you did the right thing. If it made you feel worse, post again and get the help you need.check out my metal band: http://www.facebook.com/Dreamslain
Wash: "Sweetie, we're crooks. If everything were right, we'd be in jail."
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2007-06-04, 09:06 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2005
- Location
- New South Wales, Australia.
Re: The Depression Thread
I realise this is a fairly simplistic explanation, but I suggest you read up onThe Ladder Theory. I had exactly the same problem you are having a few years ago, and this theory, as cynical as it seems, really made a lot of sense to me when I read it. It's not that he's better than you; he sounds like a bastard. But his bastardness probably only makes him more attractive to the girl in question, not less so. Happy reading.
First the doctor told me the good news - I was going to have a disease named after me...
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2007-06-05, 06:58 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2006
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- B5 and B6
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2007-06-05, 10:54 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2007
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2007-06-05, 11:37 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Jan 2007
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- Over thattaway
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Re: The Depression Thread
*gives cookie*
Better?
Avatar and sig-banner by Mr_Saturn.
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2007-06-05, 12:58 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2006
- Location
- Australia
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Re: The Depression Thread
I couldn't think of an opening sentence...
1:39am over here, and feeling a bit lonely. I'm actually awake because I woke up, drank some water (I keep a bottle next to my bed 'cause I get thirsty alot), choked on the water as I was about to fall asleep again and woke up again. I've been awake for a while now. But that's not what I came here to post about.
Those of you who remember the early days of the old depression thread (or threads, since two were merged) may or may not remember some of my previous posts about lack of social life (I call it that, seems accurate enough). I don't see myself improving with the people I already know but when I get out of school then maybe. That's close to what I came to post about, but not quite there.
The thing that got me depressed this time was planning my birthday. I usually love this sort of thing but its starting to bug me. I wanted to do something but my mum tells me we can't afford it. I get mega-pissed and wonder why she didn't tell me before even though I think she knew what I wanted to do. But maybe she misinterpreted something. She better have. So I can't do what I wanted to do. But there isn't anything else I want to do. This makes me even more pissed.
Then I went to bed (you know that). And woke up (you also know that). I was feeling really lonely. There are no people I want to hang out with, no people I want to invite (the last time I invited non-family was my 13th...). When this goes on for years like it has, it starts to get to me. At times I feel this extreme loneliness and that "why does the world hate me?" feeling. And also confusion as I usually prefer not to talk to others yet I get the other feelings. This makes the other feelings worse.
I turn 16 on Monday. This has been a horrible way to spend my last week of being 15. I don't want it to end like this! I've also not been looking forward to turning 16 for other reasons. I also don't want to feel lonely, so I posted here to try and get rid of a bit of that.
2:08am now... I won't bother looking at how much time I took to post this. Maybe later.Click to view my dragons and help them grow!
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2007-06-05, 01:05 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2006
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- Trog's with Ichor Liquor
Re: The Depression Thread
Birthdays have been really hard on me as well, I haven't had a party in a few years.
Cheer up, at worse comes to worse, just treat it as a normal day. I know I probably won't make a big deal of my next ones.
Find your zen, what you really like to do. What makes you happy? Now do it.
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2007-06-05, 01:37 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Jun 2006
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- Australia
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Re: The Depression Thread
Last edited by DarkLightDragon; 2007-06-05 at 01:38 PM.
Click to view my dragons and help them grow!
Please help my Pokemon!
Avatar-Wayril!
4TH DEGREE!
Winner of the 1st, 7th and 8th rounds of original Ready, Aim, Fire!
Pokemon X Info:
3DS Code: 3110-5232-7003
Character Name: Gwendolyn
Pokemon for trade: Here
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2007-06-05, 01:44 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2006
- Location
- B5 and B6
Re: The Depression Thread
@DLD
I think I missed your complaints in the previous thread about social life, but here's a few questions that may shape any advice I could give you;
Do you live somewhere where there are a lot of people?
City, town, metropolis, whatever; are there places you can go, or a neighborhood you live in?
If you live in the middle of nowhere, meeting people can be hard, but if you're surrounded by people (or, if you're in school, surrounded by people your own age) there's more of an opportunity.
You know this, if course, so that leads me to a second question; Are there some special circumstances that lead to a lack of social life?If there's nothing out there, then what was that noise?
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2007-06-05, 01:52 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2006
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- Australia
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Re: The Depression Thread
I'll answer these quick, then I'll be going to bed.
Do you live somewhere where there are a lot of people?
City, town, metropolis, whatever; are there places you can go, or a neighborhood you live in?
Are there some special circumstances that lead to a lack of social life?
Hm... night all... I'll make more sense out of things tomorrow if it confuses anyone.Last edited by DarkLightDragon; 2007-06-05 at 01:54 PM.
Click to view my dragons and help them grow!
Please help my Pokemon!
Avatar-Wayril!
4TH DEGREE!
Winner of the 1st, 7th and 8th rounds of original Ready, Aim, Fire!
Pokemon X Info:
3DS Code: 3110-5232-7003
Character Name: Gwendolyn
Pokemon for trade: Here
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2007-06-05, 02:29 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2007
- Location
- Graz oder Wien
Re: The Depression Thread
Wow, it took me long to be able to react on anything. Not good, or maybe it is. Well, I'm sick now. I missed an exam yesterday, but at least I managed to pass one of the main exams last Friday, so I'm pretty positive I'll pass this grade without any trouble, I'd pass anyway, but I don't want to do it that way.
You made me think long of that. All I can say is, you might be correct. After all, I'm a perfectionist. I simply can't do anything under my own expectations, to the point that I rather do not, instead of failing them. That might also be a reason it took me so long to answer this post.
As for help...not really sure...I really doubt the whole "turn off you brain" thing has ever worked for you but try meditation...Really it does work and can get you more complete awarness of your problem.
Another idea is to have to do things well for someone outside yourself....when you are taking the easier route on another behalf it can put off that part of you that wants to take the hard way.
As for the whole happiness thing I'd actually recommend that you start by looking for beauty in normal everyday life. Look around like you would walking into the second to last gallery at an art museum.
And realize its transience is part of its beauty.
You may want to study some Japanese haiku's too as they are really good for the grasping transient beauty theme-they even have a word for it-but I'll be damned if I know it.
And with the whole feeling like you are part of some other kind of being but not. I have zero clue how to help you on that one-I've just gotten to the point I take it as a given in my life and ask "Well I'm here, now what do I do?"
As for the stable loving relationships-Just because something isn't gold doesn't mean it doesn't have value...and for the not wanting that realising you have lost control of your own emotions and someone else does is a terrifying part of being head over heals in love....But you know I still think it's worth it....more terrifying than skydiving but still worth it.
With the anger-try either taking it out with your paints (you may even like the results more) or perhaps martial arts....It is amazing how punching a red leather flap drains you aggression to the world. (Personally I blame neuropeptides)
To Conclude it can be a serious problem, what you are dealing with. I totally bombed my Uni applications years ago because of this. It can get messy. I doubt that anyone here recommending it would get you to see professional help because you realize you have a problem but don't really see yourself as sick (Totally WAGing it here-but the story implies it).
I might recommend travel and trying LOTS and LOTS of new things to see if you can find anything that grabs you hard enough that you want to make it work period...something where failure would not be acceptable no matter what. I won't say you'll ever find that but searching would be something I'd recommend-maybe in Uni.
Well, one thing I have decided, and that is studying in a foreign country. I'm not sure as to where yet, but I don't want to stay here anymore, that much is clear to me.
A boy. A stupidly in love one, but still, just a person. I doubt his intention was to make you cry though.
So I ignored him. I was good at it. He would try to get me to talk to him, but I never said a word. He kept following me around, trying to get me to talk to him, and not spending a ****ing second thinking about how much he'd hurt me.
If he ****ing loved me, why didn't he actually sit down and think about what he could have possibly ****ing told me that would make me get so ****ing pissed off? He seriously hurt me, and couldn't figure out how! He's supposed to be smart! If he'd asked any of our friends, they would have told him that they saw me sitting outside the lybrary, crying so ****ing hard that I couldn't stop!
Then he went all emo. He stopped grooming himself, he stopped talking to me, he couldn't even look at me. If anything, I only felt worse. That's not ****ing fair! He really hurts me, and has no idea how, and then goes and makes me feel horrible!
And he bounced back pretty quick, to. Just a few weeks later, it turns out he was dating one of my other close friends. Oh, I'm still friends with her, but I can't get over what a jerk he is.
Nope sorry, won't do. It's pretty close to impossible destroying it completely. Now, killing all life forms on earth, that's quite easy. But blow up a huge ball of metal and rocks, sorry, won't do.
Memory's strange, isn't it. It's funny how we usually only remember the good things, but not the long time in between. I won't trust anybody saying how earlier all was better, because, well, memory's pretty problematic. As we like to say es is a Hund. (It's a dog, it means it's a scoundrel, it's not completely honest. Bah, that's hard to translate) Now, what do you mean with thoughts of suicide? Do you mean you see yourself dead? In which instance? For example, I see myself dying when I drive in a car quite often. Same when I am on heights, or when I use oil and see a burning person dance in the night. Or do simply think of how you would do it, because that's fairly normal and definitely nothing new to me, surely older than my depression.
Or what I also have, I see loppers and picture myself cutting my biggest left toe off. I then check my left foot for the next fifteen minutes if it's still there. But that's not suicide.
I sense great anger in you... Okay, I'll stop with that. Really, I wonder if you should be so angry about something so minimal. She said you can't afford it, so what? It's not like she forgot it or something. And why should you even care about birthdays? It's not like it's really special. Rather than that it's more or less like any other day. She probably just misinterpreted you, thinking she does hurt you for deliberately sounds a bit paranoid to me. I'm sure it's not her intention to destroy your party.
Then I went to bed (you know that). And woke up (you also know that). I was feeling really lonely. There are no people I want to hang out with, no people I want to invite (the last time I invited non-family was my 13th...). When this goes on for years like it has, it starts to get to me.
At times I feel this extreme loneliness and that "why does the world hate me?" feeling.
I turn 16 on Monday. This has been a horrible way to spend my last week of being 15. I don't want it to end like this! I've also not been looking forward to turning 16 for other reasons. I also don't want to feel lonely, so I posted here to try and get rid of a bit of that.
Wow, either I sound whiny or like a total ass. Neither is my intention, but I lack the middleground. I also feel extremely self-centred now.
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2007-06-05, 02:33 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2006
- Location
- Self-imposed exile
- Gender
Re: The Depression Thread
DLD...This seems like the perfect time for a Bor story.
My friends, when I had friends in the "real" world, were the outcasts of teen social life. And even amongst the outcasts, I was an outcast. I just never really fit. A large portion of that was because my family was monstrously dysfunctional, and theirs were...well, better than mine.
I was the eldest among them, and when my 19th birthday arrived, it was a nightmare. You see, my family actually went out of their way to IGNORE my birthday. They didn't even say the words, "Happy birthday." And after an entire day rolled by, I asked my mother (talk about a wrong choice of person to ask) if anyone had forgotten. That's when I was told, in these exact words, "No, we didn't forget. We ignored it." One expects friends to forget. One can even expect a few family members to forget. But one's parents to actually IGNORE one's birthday?
So I sought my friends, and there was no hiding the depressive slump I was in. I told them what transpired, and they gave me...a blonde! Kathy was 16 and beautiful. Put her in a bikini and a pool, and you can bet that I'd come running...and I did. The others, claiming they wanted to do something indoors for a bit, left us to our own designs. Said designs included much swimming and harmless flirting.
With my eyes on the girl, I completely missed her receiving a signal. She suggested we join the others inside. We stepped through the hourse's back door...and the crowd of outcasts shouted, "SURPRISE!" Yes, they'd used the attractive female to distract me while they ran out to get an ice cream cake and throw an impromptu party for me.
Now, this isn't to say that the people in your life socially will do such a thing. No, the message here is that you sometimes have to look for the good things in life. Sometimes they find you, and you should treasure those moments the most when they do. And the ones you have to find? You treasure those too."Goodnight, Rosebud."
Thanks to Lord Herman for the avatar!
Those who wish access to my blog should reach out to me on FB.
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2007-06-05, 02:38 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2007
- Location
- behind you with a knife
- Gender
Re: The Depression Thread
Alexi Laiho Avatar by Mr._SaturnSpoiler
Sephiroth and Arthuai[CENTER]Sepiroth avatars by Ink
Arthuai by Mr_Saturn
Alexi Laiho by Mr_Saturn
I have a metal blog thing now, check it out
You can't kill the metal, metal will live on! \m/
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2007-06-05, 03:07 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2006
- Location
- Self-imposed exile
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Re: The Depression Thread
Z, I had such recurring thoughts when I was a teen. Have them all the time as an adult, too. This is something that needs to be addressed by those who can actually DO something about it. Talking to us may be theraputic, but we can do little about helping in reality. I recommend finding an adult you trust and telling them about it.
For me, the answer is medication. I still marvel at how a pill helps to reduce a thought. I consider suicide at least once a day, even while on my meds. But I am severely disinclined to take action. When I'm off my meds, it's a different story. I have the will and the way, and I'm usually in such a bad place mentally that I simply don't care who gets hurt by my ending my life. I'm on my meds now, and all is well. But looking back at those moments when I was off them... *shudder* Scary stuff.
I don't know what's right for you in terms of help. I'm not one to point to chemistry and yell, "Do the drugs!" I'm simply explaining what works for me. Talk to an adult you trust, and take it from there. And please note that I said "an adult," because telling your friends will NOT help in the long run.
Set to, young warrior prince! We await word of your victories!"Goodnight, Rosebud."
Thanks to Lord Herman for the avatar!
Those who wish access to my blog should reach out to me on FB.
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2007-06-05, 03:31 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2005
- Location
- Santa Barbara, CA
- Gender
Re: The Depression Thread
Well I'm glad you thought about it. I'd prod you to keep thinking about it...if not what I said then what you would explain it as that's different...but I'm apporox 6K miles from your marked location so the only way to do that is: *poke*
*poke*
Right-avoidence-nah never heard of it. Never done it myself. None no-siree-bob. (heck who do I think I'm kidding)....As for focus leading to suicidal or depressive thoughts I recomend turning any project into a bunch of little ones if you can. It help allot of people (not me but I swear I've seen it work). When you say "learning" do you mean school or learning about the way you do this?
Getting closer to people was a big help for me. Other people can be a pain in the rear but they are also my friends, lovers, loves, foes, nemesises, and all those other things that spice life up so much that I care. Also I found I really LIKE helping people....I am not talking about helping with the homework type stuff but musings on life, dealing with the a teenage agst breakup, the death or divorse of parents, somebody having a bit of a personality crisis, depression or something else about people. Most people are pretty neet if you get up close to them-no matter how hard it can be to see their good sides and easy to fault them from a distance. Your current status as an outsider and objective observer will actuall be a big help in these kind of non-small talk situations. It was by helpping others that I was pulled out of the little isolationist shell I had grown. And your mother may not be the best person to try helpping...Start with your peers....
Why are the seasons sad? Each season is a little different really...Not really sure exactly what you are getting at with this one....Know of too many things it could be....Is it seeing the negative in general...both in nature and everything else? A stuck feeling that such things as the seasons remind you of?
When I say to see its beauty as more FOR its transience I'm trying to get you to see its greater value in the idea that it is sometthing more rare and the experience is more special for that.(Edits out 4th dimention explination)..Something that will soon disappear is something that also MUST be enjoyed now in this moment and this life...it is also not something that you can just get used to or come to take for granted beacause by the time you do-it will be gone. In
And yeah, Russian lit-yeah it works that way...There is really no way around it except to learn every language on the planet that has writen something down you want to learn from. This may be a place to leave your perfectionism at the door. Instead of learning everything possible by one source (by learning the language) try learning as much as you can from several sources. I still got much enjoyment, and new ways of thinking, from Yegevny Zamutin's "We" eventhough it was the book which made me actually want to learn Russian due to the whole "what does the translation leave out?" issue.
Very true gold is just about worthless in a practical sence (except as a highly stable plating for drinking vessels and being able to see gold ornamented things easier in the dark-(pre industrial revolution uses that is)). As for getting caught in its brillience I might point out that a surprizing amount of love is based in the lower brain-it requires both the head and the heart to fall. As for finding someone to risk that much for....All I can recomend is time, being out there for people to meet and actually get to know, being active in exposing yourself to new people and places (not to mention you get to pick up new friends, stories, info, and often places to crash on the other side of the globe-it's fun).
One thing about martial arts....They are repeditive for along time....at least a year of regular practice....but then something else happens. The basic moves are internalised in your mind and start to "just happen". Like when you write in cursive; a complicated muscle command is compleated with little to no active thought. This helps with all sorts of mental issues-it promotes mental and emotional discipline while still giving a vent port to aggressivness. Builds confidence and it makes you much harder to intimidate. Also you get all the benefits of exercise on your body and mind.
As for the paint have you tried painting from the emotion first instead of the mental picture? This again needs years of skill building to work right because once you are good enough technically the emotions you blast onto the paper actually carry your emotions onto other people when they view it.-Keep trying there is always hope in this avenue.
I have to admit never liking professional help, even the very idea of it. Part of it is that they do have an interest, even a subconcious one, in saying I'm sick and need to come back regularly for treatment. Maybe I have have my own pride issues with this sort of thing (okay I do but that's a different story-let's just say I relate to your mother on this one) but I'd say go for whatever works. I know that trying a bunch of different ones until you "click" has been important for several of my friends. And see if you can find ones that are comfortable talking about other things besides getting you to just "open up" right away-they can be few and far between depending on the local caseload but if you have trouble opening up may be worth the effort of searching.
I'm not talking about things you do well at. Doing well at just about everything is another kind of curse that most western culture doesn't know how to deal with it. The fact that everybody else tells you about it all the time just makes you feel worse because finding limits nowhere is about as guiding as finding limits everywhere but saying it makes you feel like crap and a spoilsport for having tons of talent. That is not what I'm talking about-I am talking about something that grabs you and says you REALLY want to do THIS. A passion not a talent.
Kudos! Good luck with that!Last edited by sktarq; 2007-06-05 at 06:42 PM.
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2007-06-06, 12:50 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2006
- Location
- Not in Trogland
- Gender
Re: The Depression Thread
So I herd you liek Mudkipz by Mr. Saturn
Spoiler
Many thanks to both Mr Saturn and B-Man for their avatars!! Antiform Sora, Haloween Sora, Majora's Mask Link, Wolf Link & Midna, KH Sora and Christmas in July Sora
I was a Custom Title ITP!
Lucky "Guess the Number" quote:
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2007-06-06, 05:07 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2007
- Location
- North Yorkshire, UK
- Gender
Re: The Depression Thread
Hey guys and girls. I'm feeling a little down at the moment, so I thought I'd come and vent in here. See if it makes me feel better. I'm not expecting help from this, since it's all mainly in the past, but...well, anyway
I was reading some letters from a friend just about 5 minutes ago. About this time last summer [really, not that long ago, it feels like years] we started writing to each other, since it was our easiest way of keeping in touch.
The main problem I suppose is that from before this [yes, I keep going backwards, I know] we'd been to a party, and (under the influence of alcohol) toyed with the idea of having a relationship. It was decided, in the morning, that we didn't want one [not both of us, anyway ] Anyway, in the first letter she sent me, she eluded to the party, and I thought she was maybe reconsidering the relationship idea. Things happened, it failed, and we ended up growing apart for a while. Not important to this [I believe I've talked about it all in the previous Depression thread]
Anyway, the main problem [the other one] is, looking back at the first few letters, we were really close friends. It seemed like she really wanted to and enjoyed talking to me. As time went on, the letters got shorter, and further apart, as things happened, and in the end they stopped altogether. We haven't written to each other for nearly a year now.
Ugh, I am getting to the point, honest. I suppose it's just that, when I see how we used to be such good friends, and I look at our position today, still seemingly good friends, I feel so sad for the amount of friendship we've lost. I rarely talk to her much any more, and I know next to nothing about her life.
Like I said, I'm not really looking for advice, I'm just venting. But if you were going to give some, it would be how to approach this subject with her, without making her scared that I'm going to try and ask her out again. That's what scared her away from me before, and now I really regret it
Anyway, that's it. I feel sad, and unfortunately venting hasn't helped me at all. But I hate wasting work more than I hate wasting other peoples' time, so I'm going to post this anyway
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2007-06-06, 11:03 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2007
- Location
- Johnson City, TN
- Gender
Re: The Depression Thread
hello everyone, my name is phantomhermit
*hello phantomhermit*
*sits down and takes a sip of coffee*
i have been to too many of those and i am feeling down tonight because of an indirect insult given to me on these forums. it amounted to "useless damn bastard" and, like most things, i thought about each word individually before putting them together. now i know that next to no one knows me on here, and those who do dont know me that well, but i am going to go ahead and spill my guts. in a very general sense. i have severe mental illnesses that keep me from doing pretty much anything more than sleeping all day from the effects of my meds. there is the useless part. the only thing i contribute to my family is in the form of a modified form of wellfare and all of that is spent on my meds. useless, except for my exceptional wit and charm i guess. pah! i can stare down a pit bull with its teeth bared but i cant load the dishwasher. odd thing that. i will get back to that in a second. now to "damn." with all the dealings i have had with the dark powers that be, i am not sure as to my status amongst the forces that decide what happens to me when i die. i am an odd mix of religion and philosophy. i am taoist/pagan/christian. to put it bluntly, i believe in inner balance and harmony, the sanctity of nature, and jesus as the means of "cleansing" all the "bad stuff" from my record. but how far can you go on one side of the fence until you cannot go back to the other? perhaps that is why i do not know myself- because i dont will myself to step further away from the wall than i ever have before. perhaps i am weak. and perhaps i am just depressed. it is late and my head is swimming and i feel faint, but i need to hack this out before i go to bed. honestly i know that pretty much everyone gives a **** about me, but not enough to actually read this thing, so if you have made it this far, i applaud you. i have a girlfriend. we are planning on getting married once she is out of college, and i cant support a family. the current plan is to get a job at the local liquor store here in town and try to stay there long enough to make seven dollars and hour. and i am going to take some online college courses. i want to be a computer programmer. i want to be normal and messed up just like everyone else; not like this *puts head in hands* no one understands me because of my mental illness and it isnt like i can explain it that well either. and i know this is just some crap-shoot full of self-pity, but i really am hurting and i dont know how to make it go away. i have tried god, jesus, religion, alcohol, drugs, sex, video games . . . . the only time i feel at home is when i am playing dnd with my friend peguinsushi. he is only a little older than me, but i view him as a father figure. o yeah, my father died in my arms when i was twelve. forgot to mention that. i cant quite seem to forget it fully though. well anyway, here is a tribute! i raise my water glass to you dnd people. without you, life would be empty- even with all that i may ever possess, your friendship means more to me than anything else in this world. you guys understand me. you guys love me. and the odd thing is this was all started by a flame by Koda. i know it shouldnt hurt, but when anyone calls me something like a "useless damn bastard" it really irks me. in person anyone who challenges my father's honor gets to deal with three hundred pounds of mean. and in person i would probably just let it slide. but when it is written, it is etched in stone. a very great banker once said "think alot; speak little; write nothing." i know i should put this on a freaking blog or something, but no one reads those, and this forum is the closest thing to home that i have except when i am gaming, and i am just a pixie for thor's sake. funny that. gotta think about that. cheers, drink up, and smoke em if you got em- and if you have any advice, send me a pm. i havnt gotten one yet and it will make my day. trust me.
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2007-06-07, 07:25 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2006
- Location
- At the bottom of a keg.
- Gender
Re: The Depression Thread
Ok... um. This post is going to seem somewhat rushed, because I haven't read the thread in a while, and there appears to be a LOT of movement. If I overlook someones post or some content, please forgive me and send me a PM. I'd be happy to talk with each and every one of you.
Disclaimer: Yes I am a therapist. No I'm not going to get into a long "therapy" relationship with you, since the effect would be GREATLY diminished over the internet.
Glug: You brother has been cutting? Likely it has been intentional cutting? You should talk to him. Talk to him soon. He will want to avoid it, or minimize it. They call suicide the "silent epidemic" because nobody wants to talk about it. If you feel comfortable with him, talk to him. If he is cutting himself, he probably has a reason. If he gets angry about being confronted, you have the following thought to rely on for being ok with his anger... "Him being angry with you for talking to him about suicide is much easier to handle than the alternative..."
Zeratul: If you've been having thoughts about suicide, you should talk to someone. The compelling urge to commit suicide is very scary, and you should not handle it alone. Find someone you trust and talk with them. Be open and honest about why you are thinking about this.
phantomhermit: I'm sorry to hear about things going so poorly for you. Living with a mental illness makes it difficult for others to understand you. It also makes it difficult to understand others. Enjoy your happiness with your gaming group (which PS has repeatedly invited me to join). DnD buddies will always be there for you... unless they're planning to loot your character.Unofficial Brew-Meister in the playground. Just ask!
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2007-06-07, 08:15 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2006
- Location
- Not in Trogland
- Gender
Re: The Depression Thread
Hi again... Sorry if sometimes I'm not here to help somebody else, but I think nobody with problems of his own can possibly help ano other...
It's just a little doubt about that ladder theory... What happened between her and I means that I'm on the right ladder? I mean, we got to be closer than closer... There was a strong atraction between her and I, and it was only my own indecision which made me lose her, and then there are those who are on the right ladder, but only higher than myself. Isn't it right? Please tell me I'm right, so I can begin working on a plan or something...So I herd you liek Mudkipz by Mr. Saturn
Spoiler
Many thanks to both Mr Saturn and B-Man for their avatars!! Antiform Sora, Haloween Sora, Majora's Mask Link, Wolf Link & Midna, KH Sora and Christmas in July Sora
I was a Custom Title ITP!
Lucky "Guess the Number" quote:
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2007-06-07, 08:19 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2006
- Location
- Trog's with Ichor Liquor
Re: The Depression Thread
All men are on the ladder. That "Not if you were the last man on earth" deal-y is a lie. Now what you have to do is kill everybody above you. Then she'll have to love you.